克里斯·洛克：铃鼓（2018）

各位先生女士 欢迎克里斯洛克
[woman] Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Rock.
好耶
Yeah.
好了 都坐下吧
Oh, sit down.
都坐下来吧
Sit yo asses down.
让我为演出掀开序幕
Please let me get on with the show.
很高兴来到这里
It's nice to be here.
布鲁克林
Brooklyn.
我有个问题
Here's my question.
你们以为…
You would think...
你们以为…
You would think...
你们以为警♥察♥有时朝白人开枪
You would think the cops would occasionally shoot a white kid...
好让局面不那么难看
just to make it look good.
你们以为他们每隔几个月 就会对着黑人死者清单说…
You would think that every couple of months
they'd look at their dead nigga calender and go...
“天啊 我们已经杀了将近16个黑鬼
"Oh, my God, we're up to 16.
得赶紧杀个白鬼”
We gotta shoot a white kid quick."
“该杀哪个？” “最前端唱着Cardi B的歌♥的人”
"Uh, which one?" "The first one you see singing Cardi B."
没错 说句实话 我希望能生活在一个…
That's right. I mean, honestly, I wanna live in a world...
真正公平的世界中
with real equality.
我希望能生活在一个…
I wanna live in a world...
白鬼子和黑鬼子 每月被射杀的人数同等的世界
where an equal amount of white kids are shot every month.
一个公平的世界
An equal world.
我希望看见一个白人母亲 在电视上哭泣
I wanna see white mothers on TV crying.
身边站着阿尔夏普顿
Standing next to Al Sharpton.
她哭喊： “我们需要为查特寻求公义
Talking about, "We need justice for Chad.
我们需要为查特寻求公义
We need justice for Chad.
他在壁球训练结束后 回家路上被杀了”
He was just coming home from racquetball practice."
我知道有人会说：“克里斯 别这样嘛
I know some people like, "Come on, Chris, man.
你把警♥察♥形容得太夸张了
You go too hard on the cops, man.
你是个明星
You're a celebrity.
他们一定会放过你并善待你 毕竟你是个明星”
I'm sure they let you go. I'm sure they're nice to you, man. You a celebrity."
没错 我是名人
Yeah, I'm famous, you know.
但我的名气不如迈克尔杰克逊
But I'm not, like, Michael Jackson, famous.
我在偏远的地方没有名气
I'm not famous from miles away.
我的名气只在这个地方生效
Like, my fame kicks in right about here.
如果警♥察♥在路上遇上我 他们就会一副：“黑鬼…
You know? When the cops see me walking down the street,
they're like, "Nigga, nigga, nigga, nigga, nigga...
慢着 那是克里斯洛克
Hey, that's Chris Rock!
天啊 你真搞笑 我非常喜欢《嘻哈奇侠》”
Man, you are funny, man. I love Pootie Tang, man."
天啊 怪怪的…
It's weird, man. It's weird.
黑人和警♥察♥的互动总是怪怪的
You know, this whole thing with the cops, man, 'cause...
作为一个黑人 尤其是个成年的黑人
You know, as a black man, especially a grown black man,
我和警♥察♥之间存有某种不寻常的关系
I have a weird relationship with the cops, man.
作为一个黑人 我讨厌警♥察♥
Like, on one hand I'm a black man so I'm like, "Fuck the police."
但另一方面 我有自己的房♥子
And on the other hand, I own property.
万一有人破屋行窃 我不可能叫混混过来
You know, if somebody comes and breaks in my house, I'm not calling the crips.
“哟 混混
Uh, yo, crips...
可以叫小杰过来一趟吗？
can you send Lil' JJ down?
什么？他已经到了？”
Oh, he's here already.
是我的错…我们来谈谈警♥察♥
My bad. My bad." I mean, here's the thing with the cops, though,
当警♥察♥不容易 是非常苦难的工作
I mean, being a cop is a hard job, man. It's a hard fucking job, man.
坦白说 我认为政♥府♥ 支付给警♥察♥的酬劳太少
I mean, honestly, I don't think they pay cops enough.
我认为政♥府♥支付给警♥察♥的酬劳太少
-I don't think they pay police enough. -[scattered clapping]
毕竟一分耕耘一分收获
And you get what you pay for.
重点是每当警♥察♥射死无辜的黑人时
Here's the thing, man. Whenever the cops gun down an innocent black man...
他们总会说同一句话…
they always say the same things, man. They always say the same thing.
并非指所有警♥察♥ 只是有几颗烂苹果
It's like, "Well, it's not most cops. It's just a few bad apples."
只是有几颗烂苹果
It's just a few bad apples.
“烂苹果”？
Bad apple?
好一个用来形容杀人凶手的代名词
That's a lovely name for murderer.
他们是怎么想到的？ “烂苹果”听起来挺不错的
It's like, how'd they get that one? "Bad apple?" That almost sounds nice.
我吃过烂苹果
I mean, I've had a bad apple.
我吃的是苹果塔
It was tart.
但我可没被噎死
But it didn't choke me out.
听好了 我知道当警♥察♥不容易
Here's the thing. Here's the thing.  I know it's hard being a cop.
我了解当警♥察♥不容易 而且非常危险
I know it's hard. I know that shit's dangerous.
我了解 懂吗？
I know it is, ok?
但某些行业不容许烂苹果的存在
But some jobs can't have bad apples.
知道吗？从事某些行业的人 必须无可挑剔
Ok? Some jobs, everybody gotta be good.
比如飞行员
Like... pilots.
你们懂吧？
You know?
美国航♥空♥公♥司♥总不能说： “旗下飞行员喜欢着陆多过起飞
American Airlines can't be like, "Most of our pilots like to land.
那只是几颗烂苹果…
We just got a few bad apples...
他们喜欢开飞机撞山
that like to crash into mountains.
请大家多多包涵”
Please bear with us."
天啊 美国疯了
America's insane, man.
警♥察♥胡乱杀人
Cops shooting motherfuckers, man.
我们的警♥察♥有纪律问题
You know, we got cop problems.
也面对控枪法案问题 控枪法案至今还没有任何头绪
We got the gun problems. This gun shit ain't going nowhere, ok?
美国不可能会实行控枪法案
It's like, "Gun control." There ain't never gonna be no gun control, ok?
再讨论下去 小心被枪毙
You talk about it too long and you will get shot.
他们会开枪打爆你的屁♥眼♥
They will shoot yo ass, ok?
美国政♥府♥永远不可能修改控枪法律
That's right. They never, ever changing the gun laws.
毕竟美国人需要打猎的权利
Because Americans need the right to hunt.
美国人需要打猎过活 真的吗？
They need to hunt. It's like, "Really?"
打猎真的那么重要？
Hunting's that fucking important? I mean...
我有打猎的习惯…
I've been hunting. I've been hunting.
我小时候曾经和爷爷 在南卡罗来纳州打猎
I used to hunt with my grandfather as a kid in South Carolina.
有回我和爷爷结伴去打猎 射中了一只兔子
Went hunting with my grandfather. Uh, I shot a rabbit.
结果我哭了
I cried.
我爷爷骂我是妖孽
He called me a faggot.
他还是个传教士
And he's a preacher.
这种人会到拉斯维加斯 射死100个人 懂吗？
They will shoot 100 people in Vegas, ok?
然后有人会出现在镜头前
And somebody will come on TV.
说类似的话…
You know, and they'll just talk like...
“枪不会杀人 杀人的是人
"Hey, you know, guns don't kill people. People kill people.
事实上 如果枪手当时握着一把刀
As a matter of fact, if the gunman would've had a knife...
他也有可能刺死100个人”
he could've stabbed 100 people to death.
也有可能刺死100个人？
Could've stabbed 100 people?
大家听好…
Yo, check this out. Check this out.
假如有100个人
If 100 people ever got stabbed,
在同一个时间
at the same time,
于同一个地点被同一个人刺死
in the same place by the same person,
你们知道这表示什么吗？
you know what that would mean?
表示那97个人该死
Ninety-seven people deserved to die.
难不成我们会 眼睁睁看着事情发生吗？
What? You just watching this shit?
“天啊 有人被刺伤了
"Oh shit, somebody got stabbed.
Oh, they stabbed somebody else.
天啊 又有人被刺伤了
天啊 又有人被刺伤了
Oh, he stabbed somebody else.
他越来越靠近我了
Oh, he getting closer.
糟了 我被他刺中了
Oh, he stabbed me.
没想到他会跑过来刺伤我
I didn't see that coming.
天啊 他又刺向我身后那位女士
Oh, he stabbed the lady behind me.
他是个持刀随机杀人的疯子
He's a stabbin' fool.
所以大家才叫他“持刀随机杀人魔”
Guess that's why they call him Stabby."
很高兴能来到这个舞台上
Yo, it is so good to be here right now.
很高兴能回到舞台上 有件事挺奇怪的
Glad to be back. Here's the weird thing.
我最近非常忙碌 我很忙
I've been so busy, man. I've been busy.
人们问我：“你最近去了哪？” “我在忙着管教小孩”
People like, "Where you been? Been busy, trying to raise some kids.
那是一份糟糕的工作
That shit's a job.
我的大女儿刚上高中
Now, my oldest daughter just started high school.
萝拉刚上高中
Just started high school. Lola just started high school.
没错 避免她沦为脱衣舞娘
And, uh, yep, kept her off the pole.
对
And, uh...
避免她沦为脱衣舞娘 你们懂的
Kept her off the pole, you know.
她听Migos的歌♥会跳得异常起劲 我们在极力阻止她
She danced a little too hard to Migos, but we're working on it.
她刚上高中 我必须陪同她去参加新生会
She just started high school and I had to take her to freshman orientation.
你们参加过新生会吗？ 那是最无聊的…
You ever go to freshman orientation? It's the most boring thing
亲子活动
you will ever do with your kids.
家长会坐在一个 类似这种规模的礼堂里
You know, 'cause you sit in an auditorium quite like this.
席上包括几千个小朋友
With, you know, a couple thousand kids.