极品基老伴（2013）

谁曾想到
Whoever thought?
你我竟要完婚了
You and I getting married.
你想过你能撑到这一天吗
Did you ever think you'd live to see the day?
我都没想到能撑到今早刷牙
I wasn't even sure I'd live to brush my teeth this morning.
那你刷牙了吗
Did you brush them?
朕自会拨冗为之
I'll get around to it.
我还有好多要打算的
I've still got so much planning to do.
食物 酒水
Food, drinks.
-典礼 -别太忘乎所以了 斯图尔特
- The ceremony. - Now don't get carried away, Stuart.
记住 我们的预算
Remember, we're only spending
只能从我的"老年尿不湿"广♥告♥费里出
that money from my incontinent-pad commercial.
可你明天不还有场试镜吗
But don't you have that audition tomorrow?
那部犯罪大戏
The big crime drama?
我们也可以用那笔钱
We could use that money, too.
话虽如此 但我毕竟还没拿下
Yes, but I haven't got the part yet.
不过这角色能演整整六集呢
But it is for six episodes.
我演一个书店老板
I play the owner of a book shop,
他被一个熊孩子拿撬棍袭击了
who is attacked by teenagers with a crowbar.
这么解气 正合我意
I know that's something I'd like to see.
谢谢
Thank you.
而且我保证不会忘乎所以的
And I promise I won't get too carried away.
我们一切从简 请我们爱的人参加就好了...
We'll keep it a simple celebration with all the people we love.
对 和我们爱的人共度才重要
Yes, spending time with the people we love is the most important thing.
看呐 那是维奥莱特
Oh, look. There's Violet.
赶紧 藏起来
Quick, hide.
希望她没发现我们
I hope she didn't see us,
我可不想让她觉得咱们不待见她
I don't want her to think we're terrible people.
我想她早有这个觉悟了
I think she already knows that.
我邀请她一会来喝茶 可以好好聊聊
I've invited her over for tea later. We can have a proper chat.
行 或者给她发个邮件就行
Yes, or we can send her an email.
你好啊 维奥莱特
Oh, hello, Violet.
我们刚才还在说你
We were just talking about you.
准没好话
Oh, that's never good.
你好 小维 我本想起来亲你的
Hello, Vi. I'd get up and give you a kiss,
但是鞭长莫及啊
but you're all the way over there.
邪了门了
It seems so odd,
可我发誓刚才在街上看见你俩了
but I could have sworn I saw you both on the street just now.
不可能
No.
我们整个上午都宅在家里
No, we've been in all morning, I'm afraid.
但你穿着外套呢
But you're wearing your coat.
-你是说我们糊弄你吗 -不是啊 对不起
- Are you calling us liars? - No. I'm sorry.
我是有多不可理喻
How horrid of me.
竟然在自己家里被指责撒谎
To be accused of lying and in our own home!
别搓火 弗雷迪
Don't push it, Freddie.
那么 婚礼策划得怎么样了
So, how are the wedding plans coming?
跟本宫详细唠唠
Tell me everything.
你还记得你的婚礼吗
Do you remember your wedding?
当然啊
Yes, of course.
我们会搞得截然相反
Well, just think the opposite of that.
但我的婚礼很美好啊
But my wedding was lovely.
只是后面的画面太美我不敢看
It was just everything that followed that was so unpleasant.
我的婚礼不美吗 弗雷迪
Wasn't my wedding lovely, Freddie?
恶心成翔
It was shit.
但人家打扮得还是很动人的 对吧
But I looked fabulous, didn't I?
你还是别问了 亲爱的
Maybe don't ask any more questions, dear.
你好 艾什 还好吗
Oh hello, Ash, how are you feeling?
并不好
Not so great.
我大概要花点时间
I guess it will take a while
从被真爱甩了的阴影里走出来
to get over being dumped by the love of my life.
你当然需要时间 艾什
Well, of course it will take a while, Ash.
朕再宽限你一个小时吧
I'll give you...one more hour.
既然如此 艾什
So, here we are, Ash,
我们都刚刚落单
both of us newly single.
你觉得命运在向我们暗示什么
What do you suppose fate is trying to tell us?
暗示你应该把腿合上
That you should close your legs.
我觉得我们又可以策马奔腾了 不是吗
I think we should both start dating again, don't you?
我在网上相中了一个
I've already met somebody online,
估计我会掏心窝子去处的
who I think I can get really serious with.
你了解他吗
Do you know anything about him?
我知道他有台电脑
I know he owns a computer.
就目前来看足矣
At this point, that's enough.
我恐怕累觉不爱了
I don't think I'll be ready to date again for a long time.
我有件事能让你打起精神来 艾什
Well, I have some news that might cheer you up, Ash.
你想当我的伴郎吗
How would you like to be my best man?
-乐意之极啊 弗雷迪 -是吗 没看出来
- I'd love to, Freddie. - Oh, would you? I couldn't tell,
你都没说你有多荣幸
because you didn't say how honoured you were.
况且朕本可以选别人 但偏偏钦点了你
And that I could have picked anyone, but I chose YOU.
荣幸之至
I'm really honoured.
那就表现出来
Well, then, act like it.
我会给你办一个销魂单身派对
I'm gonna throw you a wicked stag do.
就在我的公♥寓♥开
We can have it in my flat.
麻雀虽小 五脏还俱全啊
It's a little small. I hope that's OK?
没问题 那都不是事儿 不过要确保
Yes, anything's fine, just make certain
那一夜让我觉得这辈子没白活
it's one of the best nights of my life.
单身派对我俩都能去 是吗艾什
The stag do is for both of us, right, Ash?
我还以为...
I just thought...
-你以为什么 -以为你是新娘子
- You just thought what? - That you were the woman.
那你肯定有求于我吧 斯图尔特
And I suppose you have something to ask me, Stuart?
你是说问你"为什么
Do you mean, 'Why do you
早上十点就浑身酒气吗"
smell of alcohol at ten o'clock in the morning?'
我能做你的伴娘吗
'Would I be your maid of honour?'
我想 可以吧
Well, I suppose so.
你盛情邀请让我感激涕零啊 亲爱的
I'm really touched that you would ask me, darling.
明明是你自说自话
You actually asked you.
我觉得"大娘"更适合你 亲爱的
I believe it's 'matron' of honour, dear.
或者要是有再老一点的称呼
Or if there's anything older than 'matron',
那就是它了
then it would be that.
妈呀 我需要有人帮我策划婚礼了
Well, my, I shall need some help planning this wedding.
我听说我前任克洛伊在做活动策划
I heard my ex-girlfriend Chloe is an event planner now.
也许我跟她说说 她能给你们打个折呢
Maybe I can talk to her and she'll give you a discount.
那就太好了
That would be wonderful!
目前为止 我们的预算从弗雷迪
So far, all the money we have to spend is from
做成人尿不湿广♥告♥的钱里扣
Freddie's adult nappy commercial.
我在我孙子的生日聚会上尿了
I wet myself at my grandson's birthday party.
我刚刚用的是体验派技法
I went method on that one.
就没有别的角色空缺吗
Aren't there any other acting jobs coming in?
恩 如果走运的话
Well, if we're lucky,
弗雷迪将会被撬棍击中
Freddie is going to get attacked with a crowbar.
祝我好运
Fingers crossed.
弗雷迪
Freddie!
你是不是该去试镜了
Shouldn't you be leaving for your audition?
你真得拿到那角色才行
We really need you to get that job.
行 行
Yes, all right, all right.
我刚在吊嗓子呢 没想到一颗牙蹦出来了
I was doing my vocal exercises and a tooth came out.
我在那儿塞了一颗薄荷糖 看得出来吗
I've shoved a peppermint in there instead. Can you tell?
浑然天成
Not at all.
比你那口老牙更好
It actually looks better.
你该把你的牙全换了
You should do them all like that.
嗨 还记得克罗伊吗
Hi. You remember Chloe?
当然
Of course.
亲爱的 你好吗
Yes. How are you, dear?
上次一别之后
I'm on three types of medication
我用着三种药呢 所以感觉棒棒哒
since the last time you saw me, so I'm really fantastic.
太好了 你之前可病得不轻
Good, because you were a real arsehole.
那么 恭喜啦
So, congratulations.
我听说你们打算聘一位婚礼策划
I hear you're in the market for a wedding planner.
你看什么呢
What are you staring at?
没什么
Nothing.
只是我不曾记得你如此动人
I just forgot how pretty you are.
我也忘记了你如此英俊
And I forgot how handsome you are.