极品基老伴（2013）

-我们去吃冻酸奶吧 -不要 多谢进言
- Let's have some frozen yoghurt! - No, thank you.
我才不会上这种鬼当
I'm not falling for that scam.
你可以回家吸溜冰块去
You can suck a piece of ice when we get home.
不然买♥♥票去看"妈妈咪呀"[音乐剧]
What about getting tickets for Mamma Mia!?
听说会分分钟看上瘾
I've heard they force you to like it.
那我宁愿下油锅"煎熬"
I'd rather be lowered into a vat of boiling oil.
你什么都不肯陪人家
You never want to do anything with me!
我受够宅在家里看你日渐枯萎
I'm sick of staying at home all the time watching you decompose.
就像和挂着两颗老牙的一滩死皮过日子
It's like living with a puddle of skin and two teeth.
小维 你又一次不请自来 我俩高兴得牙痒痒
We're so glad you stopped by again without calling first, Vi.
还没有你男人的音讯吗
Still nothing from your husband?
贾斯珀消息全无
No word from Jasper.
不过我倒是和他的前妻们聊了聊
But I did talk to some of his ex-wives
显而易见 他没事就会玩失踪
and apparently, he disappears quite frequently.
所以这消息也让我倍感欣慰
So that's a bit of encouraging news!
小维 那他有多少位前妻呢
And how many ex-wives does he have, Vi?
-几个才算多呢 -两个以上
- How many would you think is a lot? - More than two.
那你再乘个三吧
Well, multiply that by three.
再加个一
And add one.
等他回来咱再开口吧
Let's not talk till he gets back.
-嗨 -嗨
- Hi! - Hi!
你好呀 艾什 你好 杰茜
Hello, Ash! Hello, Jess!
小两口过得怎么样啊
And how are the lovebirds?
棒极了 同居真是太赞了
Great! Living together is amazing.
而且我俩做了超多有趣的事情
And we've been doing loads of fun things.
噢 我好奇怎么个趣法
Oh! I wonder what that's like.
我俩也逗趣啊 就昨天
We have fun. Just yesterday,
我才用指甲钳把你脖子修短了
I cut that growth of your neck with the nail clippers.
你们可真是我见过的最萌的小两口了
Aren't you the most adorable couple I've ever seen?
我正式决定爱上你们俩啦
It's official, I'm in love with the two of you!
-杰茜 亲爱的 能不能给我递张纸巾 -噢 好呀
- Jess, darling, would you mind grabbing me a tissue? - Oh, sure!
你看她 又粘人又饥渴 绝对不适合你
She seems clingy and desperate and not right for you at all.
回头细说
We'll talk later.
多谢啦 亲爱的
Thank you, darling!
其实我们打算一起去学交际舞
We're actually going to be taking a ballroom dance class together.
噢 我爱死交际舞了
Oh, I've been dying to do that!
弗雷迪 我是不是爱死交际舞了
Haven't I been dying to do that, Freddie?
反正你是要死要活好多年了 至于其他的 我就不发表意见了
Well, I know you've been dying. I can't speak to the rest of it.
要不你俩和我们一起呗
Well, why don't you come with us?
-交际舞 -跟这货吗 绝不
- Ballroom dancing? - With that? No!
饶了我吧
I'll pass.
-人家想去啦 弗雷迪 -那带着维奥莱特去呗
- I want to go, Freddie! - Then, go with Violet.
反正她也无事可做
She doesn't have anything else to do.
好呀 斯图 肯定很好玩
Oh, yes, Stu, it'll be such fun.
人家不想跟维奥莱特一起去啊
I don't want to go with Violet!
又被嫌弃了
Oh, all right.
别这样嘛 弗雷迪
Come on, Freddie!
我妈妈在监狱学交际舞呢 她可是爱得不得了
My mother's learning ballroom dancing in prison and she loves it!
我以为你说你♥爸♥在监狱啊
I thought you said your father was in prison.
是啊 是啊 他俩都在号♥子里
Oh, yeah, yeah, they're both in prison.
别一脸吃惊 没什么好诡异的
Don't look so surprised! It's not that weird!
诡异吗
Is it?
这他妈的不能再诡异了
It's really fucking weird.
算了 我就屈尊一次吧 千万别跟人挑明我俩是一对
Fine! I'll do it. Just don't tell people we're a couple.
我还不想让人知道我名草有主
I don't want everyone to know that I've settled.
真好 我们都齐活了
Great! We're all set!
棒极了
Wonderful!
那我是去呢还是去呢
So, am I going or not?
你们好 美人儿们
Hello, all you gorgeous people!
我是安东尼奥·圣·亚力克西斯 你们的舞术指导
I'm Antonio Saint Alexis and I'll be your instructor.
现在 你们准备好大跳一场了吗
Now, are you ready to dance?
我说
I said,
你们准备好翩翩起舞了吗
are you ready to dance?
是的 开始吧
Yes, please.
我得先看看你们够不够妖娆
I need to see how you all move.
-到前面来 你叫什么 小伙子 -去 快去
- Come up here. What's your name, young man? - Go! Go!
-艾什 -不 我是说他
- Ash. - No. I was talking to him.
噢 我吗
Oh, me?
我是斯图尔特
Oh, I'm Stuart.
艾什 边上去 别那么中二
Move over, Ash. Not everything's about you.
介意我把手放在你的臀上吗
Do you mind if I put my hands on your hips?
臀那么宽 手那么短
Can they reach that wide?
现在 我要你跟着节拍律动
Now, I want you to sway to the beat.
介意我下一个来吗
Do you mind if I have a go next?
当然不介意 上前来 美女
Of course not. Get up here, gorgeous.
千万别出什么幺蛾子
Don't do anything too bizarre.
我能把手放在你臀上吗
Is it all right if I put my hands on your hips?
我就明说了 爱放什么放什么 爱放哪放哪
Let me save you some time. You can put anything anywhere.
看见我销魂的舞姿了吗
Did you see me?
没 我肯定错过了
No. I must've missed it.
我正忙着把眼珠子抠出来
I was too busy trying to claw my eyes out.
我不确定体♥位♥对不对
I'm not sure I'm getting it.
像这样
Like this?
他们是在啪啪啪吗
Are they having sex?
我不确定
I'm not certain.
但幸好没有儿童在场
But I'm glad there are no children present.
话说你们俩为啥来了
Why are you both here, anyway?
斯图尔特邀请的
Stuart invited us.
他一来电♥话♥就瞎吵吵着要死要活的
He phoned and started talking about suicide again.
我竟无言以对
I didn't know what else to say.
谢谢你 亲爱的
Thank you, darling.
下面 来看看你们和舞伴配合得怎么样
Now, let's see how you all dance with your partners.
你来怎么样
What about you?
-没错 就是你 -噢 到我了
-Yes, you. -Oh, now me!
还有 跟你一起的那个尤物是谁啊
And, er, who's that gorgeous creature with you?
那是我女票杰茜
That's my girlfriend Jess.
敢碰她剥了你
Don't touch her.
嗨 别理他
Hi! Don't listen to him.
我们一点也不觉得你惊悚
We totally don't think you're creepy.
让我瞧瞧你们这对性感小蜜人能跳出什么花来
Let's see what you sexy little gumdrops can do!
-杰茜 -什么事
-Jess. -Yes?
-我一直想告诉你一件事 -说吧
-There's something I've been wanting to tell you. -Yes?
-我真的感觉我... -哦 该死
- I really feel like I'm falling... - Oh! Shit!
对不起
Sorry.
你...这脚跺太狠了
You... stood on it really hard!
你怎么跟没断奶一样娇气
You're kind of being a baby.
我鞋里都渗出血来了
There's blood coming through my shoe!
-你哭了 -没有
-Are you crying? -No!
好吧 下一个谁来
All right, who's next?
我很想下一个上 要不就是我已经上过了
I'd love to go next! Unless I've already gone,
这样的话
in which case,
我表现得怎么样
how did I do?
都怪你
This is all your fault.
来吧 亲爱的
Come on, dear.
你跳得很好嘛 佩内洛普
You're very good, Penelope.
谢谢 你也是 罗伯特
Thank you. And so are you, Robert.
-罗伯特 -但我们的舞步一直很搭调
-Robert? -But we've always danced wonderfully together.
还记得我们的婚礼吗 罗伯特
Do you remember our wedding, Robert?
记得
Yes.
当然记得
Yes, I do.
美轮美奂
It was so beautiful.
当然
It was.
好了 你们俩 差不多行了
All right, you two, wrap it up!
该你们显身手了 老小伙们
OK, show us what you've got, boys.
你当女的
You be the woman.
好像你有得挑似的
As if that needed saying.
你就是个表脸的小婊砸
And you be the nasty bitch.
-额的神啊 你跳错了 -不 我没错
-Oh, God! You're doing it wrong! -No, I'm not!
好吧 我得打断你们了
All right, I'm going to stop you.
-你跳错了 -我就说吧
- You're doing it wrong. - Yes, I told you.