废柴舅舅（2014）

Look, Bruce is teaching me how to shave.
看 Bruce在教我刮胡子呢
I could've taught you how to shave.
你应该让我来教
What does Bruce know about shaving? He's got a beard.
Bruce懂什么啊 他自己都留着胡子
So do you, Andy. Oh, yeah.
你不也是吗 也对
Now, wash that custard pie off your face and put your shoes on.
去把你的脸洗干净 然后穿上鞋
We're going out to buy me a new car.
我们要去买♥♥辆新车
But me and Bruce were just about to go droning.
可是Bruce和我要去玩无人机
I'll get my shoes.
我马上去穿鞋
Don't you think this looks a little bit upmarket for you?
你不觉得这里的车对你来说太高档了吗
Only if you've got a down-market 'tude.
除非你把自己看得很低档
Oh, shit, it's Alfie. We need to go somewhere else.
糟了 是Alfie 我们还是去别的地方吧
No way. This is like that scene in Pretty Woman
不行 这就好像<风月俏佳人>里的场景
when Julia Roberts goes into that shop and makes all the staff feel like shit
茱莉亚罗伯茨走进店里 给所有店员颜色看
because they made her feel like shit
是因为店员们先对她摆脸子
when they thought that she was just a poor prozzie.
他们以为她只是个穷婊♥子♥
Yeah, but she was just a poor prozzie.
可是她本来就是一个穷婊♥子♥啊
And the proper term is "Sex worker".
而且正确说法应该是"性工作者"
Well, well! What are you two queefs doing here?
瞧一瞧看一看呐 哪来的两个阴吹傻♥逼♥啊
Get lost on the way to your bikini wax?
去比基尼蜜蜡脱毛的路上迷路了吗
Speedo wax, actually. And no.
正确说法是男性脱毛 但我们没要去
Nice hat, Alfie. Does a good job of hiding those horns.
帽子不错嘛 Alfie 两个角藏得挺好啊
Dad!
老爸
Well, well.
看看
If it isn't Baloo and Mowgli.
这不是巴鲁和毛克利嘛
You need to update your refs, Tom.
Tom 你能不能引用几个当代的人物
You of all people, Baloo,
要说起来 巴鲁
should know they've just made a live-action Jungle Book,
你最应该知道<奇幻森林>刚拍了电影版
so who's the muppet now?
现在谁才是蠢蛋呢
You've got a lot of nerve showing up here, after what you did.
搞了那个恶作剧后还敢来见我 你挺有勇气啊
Don't know what you're talking about. Yeah?
不明白你在说些什么 是吗
Who etched a cock on my Benters?
是谁在我的宾利车上刻了一个大屌♥
Haven't the foggiest.
一点印象都没有
And you should know, Tom, a lot's changed since last we met.
你也应该知道 自从上次见面之后我变了很多
My band is currently on a European tour.
我的乐队目前正在进行欧洲巡演
The Edinburgh show was rated three stars in the Scotsman,
爱丁堡站巡演在苏格兰的评分网站上得到三星
which is the equivalent of six English stars.
相当于英格兰评分系统的六星
Yeah? What's your band's name?
是吗 那你们的乐队叫什么名字
It's Bear. What's that? I can't hear you.
熊 什么 我没听清
Bear! We're called Bear!
熊 乐队名字叫熊
That's a perfect band name, Baloo.
巴鲁 这真是一个完美的乐队名字
I forgot how funny you were!
我都忘了你原来这么搞笑
He's not here to make jokes, he's here to buy a car.
他没有开玩笑 他是来买♥♥车的
You can't afford any of these!
你一辆也买♥♥不起的
Not a problem. We could cut a deal.
这都不是事 我们做个交易
My services for a discount.
用我的服务换取折扣
What would you have to offer, Baloo?
你能提供什么呢 巴鲁
I wrote a jingle for Carpet Brothers,
我为地毯兄弟写了一首广♥告♥歌♥
and their sales went up by 30%.
带动他们的销量上涨了30%
Actually, forget it.
算了 算了
I can see we're not dealing with serious businessmen.
我看得出来 这两人根本不会做生意
Errol, come.
Errol 我们走
Wait.
等下
**Leyton Luxury Cars, Leyton Luxury Cars,*
*雷顿豪车 雷顿豪车
**Leyton Luxury Cars, Leyton Luxury Cars*
*雷顿豪车 雷顿豪车
**Oh, Leyton car dealership is here to stay*
*行不更名 坐不改姓
**If you don't like it, get out the way*
*如果你不爱 那就快滚开
**Whether you're from Leyton or you're from Mars*
*不管你是本地人 还是火星人
**Leyton is the best at dealing cars*
*雷顿经销商是这最棒的商人
**The interiors are leather and sometimes vinyl*
*座椅全真皮 有时是塑料
**Smells like a car, not a urinal*
*真正的香车 没有便池味
**Come to fucking Leyton car dealership*
*快他妈来雷顿豪车
**It'll make you cool, it'll make you hip*
*让你酷得无与伦比
**Everybody's gonna think you have a massive dick*
*每个人见到 都知你大屌♥
**It's Leyton Luxury Dealership*
*雷顿豪车经销商
**W-W-Word!*
*千真万确
Not bad, Baloo. You've earned your discount.
不错嘛 巴鲁 我可以给你折扣
On one condition.
不过有一个条件
I can live with that.
我觉得没什么
Hi, this is Errol, future Prime Minister.
嗨 我是Errol 未来的首相
Leave a message after the beep.
请在哔的一声后留言
Hey, it's your cool Uncle Andy here.
嘿 我是你的酷炫老舅Andy
Er, I'm in Stuttgart, but my flight's been cancelled.
呃 我现在在斯图加特 但是我的航♥班♥取消了
Bloody climate change!
都怪气候变化
So I guess I'll have to see you next month.
我可能要到下个月才能见你了
Sorry about that, mate.
抱歉了 哥们
Oh, PS - you're a nerd.
顺便提一句 你是个书呆子
Well, Uncle Andy's not coming back this weekend.
Andy舅舅这周末不会回来了
What am I going to do?
我该去干嘛啊
Spend time with friends your own age?
和你的同龄人一起玩啊
I haven't got any friends my own age.
我在同龄人中没有朋友
Who's that?
那是谁
That's Ian from school. He keeps wanting to hang out.
我的同学Ian 他总是想叫我出去玩
He's a nice chap, but he's into symphonic metal.
小伙子不错 可惜喜欢交响金属乐
Hey!
嘿
Oh, wow, that looks really good.
哇哦 看起来好赞啊
Yeah. It's what happens when you finally ask
对啊 这就是有个艺术家老弟
your professional-artist brother for help.
可以求助的好处
Ooh, speaking of collabs,
喔 说到两人合作
I spoke with the oncologist today, and, erm,
我今天咨♥询♥了肿瘤专家
she says if - sorry, no, when - I get the all clear,
她说如果 抱歉 是当我的病完全好了
she recommends that we wait for two more years before trying for a baby again,
她建议我们再等两年然后再要孩子
in case of a relapse.
为了防止病情复发
Well, I've been waiting 13 years for the new Postal Service album,
我等Postal Service的新专辑都等了13年
Postal Service 美国独♥立♥乐队 已解散
so two years is a cinch.
两年简直小菜一碟
The road warrior's here!
公路战士回来了
Witness me!
见证我吧
Guess who, motherfucker?
猜猜谁来了 傻♥逼♥
Oh. Hey, Andy. Oh?
噢 嘿 Andy 哦
Who are these people, and what are they doing in my flat?
这些人是谁 他们在我的房♥间里干嘛
We're Ophelia Nightshade. I'm Ian.
我们是奥菲莉亚龙葵 我是Ian
Sorry. It just seemed like a nice place to jam.
抱歉 只是感觉这个房♥间比较适合搞音乐
"Jam"? Are you a band?!
搞音乐 你们是一个乐队吗
Roly! Is that a bass?
Roly 你手上那是贝斯吗
The bass was just a one-time thing. I was just experimenting.
贝斯我只打算用这么一次 就是想体验一下
This isn't a band, it's just a school project.
这才不是乐队 只是一个学校的音乐项目
They're not even my mates, they're just co-workers.
他们连朋友都算不上 最多是同事
Trust me, no fun was being had.
相信我 一点乐趣都没有
I saw the bowl of Starmix.
我看到一碗水果软糖
It was just oranges and yellows.
只有柠檬和橘子味的
What...? What are those magazines?
那 那是什么杂♥志♥
Someone's written an article about me.
有人写了一篇关于我的文章
Oh, wow! Can I see?
噢 我能看看吗
Maybe when you've finished with your co-workers.
或许等你和你的同事工作结束了吧
If you want some company, there's always Tiff.
如果你想找个说话的伴儿 可以找Tiff
You'd be doing me a big favour.
也算是帮我一个大忙了
She keeps on flirting with Ian and showing him her jujitsu moves.
她一直在和Ian调情 展示她那些柔道动作
I don't need company! I've just performed a sell-out concert
我不需要伴儿 我刚刚结束一场爆满的演唱会
in front of 3,000 adoring fans.
现场足足有3000名狂热的粉丝
And seriously, "Ophelia Nightshade"?
而且讲真 奥菲利亚龙葵是什么玩意儿
Have you gone all symphonic metal on me?
难道我身上交响金属乐的基因都传给你了
You paid them to write this, right?
你倒贴钱让人家写的吧
No. Why would you think that?
当然不是 干嘛这么想啊
It says that you're handsome and charismatic.
上面说你帅气且有魅力
If I gave a shit I'd be really proud of you.
如果我在乎的话 我会为你感到骄傲的
Thank you.
谢谢
Listen, Andy, can I, er...
听好了 Andy 我能不能
ask your advice about something?
问问你关于某些事的建议
You want my advice?
你想听我的建议
Yeah. It's a new low.
没错 又一次刷新了我的底线
I just feel weird talking to Gwen about this.