废柴舅舅（2014）

**Oh, darling, how we hate to go...*
*噢 亲爱的 我们如此厌恶
Oh!
喔
That last note always fucks me.
最后这个音真是要我的命
No, no, no, it's nice, it's nice. It sounds, er... It's human.
不 不 不 还好 挺不错的 听起来 呃 很真实
Marsh is going to love this. You all right?
Marsh会喜欢的 你还好吗
Feeling a bit parched, actually.
其实 我有点口渴
**He says that I'm a sight to make eyes sore, darling.*
*他说我的出现让人眼睛酸痛 亲爱的
I've never drunk Prosecco out of a mug before.
我还从来没有用马克杯喝过起泡酒呢
I find it really brings out the earthy tones.
我认为这种杯子更好地呈现出酒里的自然芬芳
Mm, mm.
嗯 嗯
Has anybody ever told you that you're the perfect woman?
有没有人告诉过你 你是个完美的女人
You're only saying that so I'll hire you for my album.
你这么说只是为了让我聘请你来负责我的专辑吧
I'm serious.
我是认真的
You can do my album if you answer one question.
回答我一个问题 我的专辑就交给你了
Why do your eyes look so sad?
为什么你的眼神看起来如此悲伤
It's just, you know, life.
不过是 生而为人嘛
Now let me be the T Bone Burnett to your Diana Krall.
如果你是Diana Krall 让我当你的T Bone Burnett
I always fancied getting T Boned.
我为T Bone饥渴很久了
What's say you and I go out and celebrate properly, Mr Producer?
我们出去稍微庆祝一下怎么样 制♥作♥人先生
A little fairy dust to get the night swirling.
一点儿仙尘就能让这个夜晚如梦似幻
I shouldn't, I'm trying to cut down.
可能不行 我在努力戒掉这些
What are you afraid of, old man?
你在害怕什么 老男人
Old man?! Nothing.
老男人 我什么也不怕
Go on, then.
那就来试试
Yeah, I mean, sure, why not? I do this all the time.
好啊 有何不可呢 我一直都这样
I'm alive.
我还活着
Uncle Andy? Uncle Andy?
Andy舅舅 Andy舅舅
Is she dead? Did you kill her?
她死了吗 你杀了她吗
I don't approve but I'll help you hide the body.
这是不对的 但我会帮你一起把尸体藏好
Oh, thank Christ for that. Who is she?
噢谢天谢地 没死 她是谁啊
Jasmine. I was helping produce a demo for her last night.
Jasmine 昨天晚上我在帮她制♥作♥样片
Now, what do you want? More porn?
好了你过来是想要什么 色情杂♥志♥吗
No, I'm visiting potential schools for sixth form,
不是 我正准备去参观几所好的预科学校
but I want them to think I'm hip. Do you have any suggestions?
但是我想让他们认为我很时髦 有什么建议吗
Don't say hip. Look at this place.
不要说时髦这个词 看看这个地方
I can't believe you live like this.
我真不敢相信你住在这种环境里
Have you been sleeping all day?
你是睡了一整天吗
And what's that on your face?
还有你脸上那是什么东西
Is that flour or is that caster sugar?
面粉还是细白砂糖
That's not flour or sugar, is it?
那不是面粉也不是糖 对不对
I can't believe you brought class A drugs into our house.
我简直不敢相信你竟然把A级毒品带进我们家
It was just one night! I don't have a drugs problem.
就一晚上 我又没有上瘾
I don't.
真没有
I realise this is a lot to take in.
我知道这很难接受
Do you have any more questions?
你还有什么问题吗
Well, if you think of anything, call me.
好的 如果你有任何问题 给我打电♥话♥
I hope you'll consider us, Errol.
希望你能考虑下我们 Errol
We only take exceptional candidates
我们只录取极其优秀的申请人
and your mock GCSE results were...
你的模拟初中会考分数是
Oh, um, about my results, can we keep that between us?
噢 关于我的成绩 能不能帮我保密
You might find this hard to believe
你可能看不太出来
but I've been bullied quite a lot.
但是我遭受过很严重的校园霸凌
We're not like other schools.
我们和其他学校不一样
Students who show academic excellence are top of the pecking order here,
在这里 学业优异的学生位于食物链的顶端
the cool kids.
是最酷的孩子
Oh you're...you're not joking.
哦 你 你没在开玩笑啊
Ah, Emma.
啊 Emma
Errol, Emma's one of our star pupils
Errol Emma是我们的最优秀的学生之一
and quite the harpist.
而且竖琴弹得很好
She's volunteered to show you around today.
今天她自愿带你去参观校园
Niels Bohr's atomic model. Love the retro design,
玻尔的原子模型啊 我喜欢这种复古的设计
even if his particle configuration was wildly inaccurate.
虽然他的粒子排列非常不准确
Down there's the physics lab,
下面是物理实验室
we've just got an electron microscope.
我们前不久才有了电子显微镜
Oh, wow, really? Mm...
哇哦 真的吗 呃
Pfft, whatever.
切 随便啦
You're right, it's not top of the line.
没错 那不是最好的电子显微镜
Enquiry - are you named after Errol Flynn, the rakish screen actor
询问 你的名字是来自Errol Flynn 那位潇洒的荧幕演员
or Errol Morris the documentarian?
还是纪录片导演Errol Morris
His film about Robert McNamara
他拍的那部Robert McNamara的纪录片
really made me rethink the military industrial complex.
真的让我深思军队和军♥火♥产业间的关系
I'm actually named after my mother's childhood cat,
其实我是因为我妈妈童年时期的一只猫得名的
which is ironic because I'm actually allergic to cats...
这挺讽刺的 因为我其实对猫过敏
Disclosure - I'm not that good a harpist,
坦白 我的竖琴并不是弹得特别好
I only came in third at the nationals.
我在全国比赛里只拿了第三名
Do you play any instruments?
你会什么乐器吗
Yeah, piano, guitar, keyboard, a bit of drums.
当然 钢琴 吉他 键盘 还会敲点儿鼓
I also play in an indie band. We were up for a label.
我还是一个独♥立♥乐队的成员 已经签了唱片公♥司♥
Cool. We're not even allowed to use dry ice at school productions
酷 我们学校甚至都不允许使用干冰
gives too many students asthma.
太多学生得了哮喘
Asthma?
哮喘
Losers.
废物
Look, Errol, what I lack in social nuance
听着 Errol 我用十分的坦率真诚
I make up for in blunt honesty.
去弥补社交能力的不足
You fascinate me.
你使我着迷
Cool. If you're amenable, I think you should invite me over later
酷 如果你也有意的话 我认为你待会儿应该邀请我
to continue my research on human behaviour.
去继续我关于人类行为的调查
Who knows where it might lead? Some place warm and inviting.
谁知道接下来我们会在哪儿 某个温暖又好客的地方
That reminds me,
这倒是提醒我了
let me show you our heated, Olympic-size swimming pool.
去看看我们这儿可加热的奥♥运♥规模的游泳池
This way.
这边走
Crazy, right? I'm on cloud 11.
很疯狂 对吧 我简直嗨翻天了
Goddamn, this is strong weed.
天杀的 这个大♥麻♥劲儿太大了
Here, say hi.
来 打个招呼
Um, hi.
呃 嗨
Sexy voice, right? I'll call you later, slut!
嗓音很性感对不对 我过会儿再打给你 小婊砸
Who was that?
那是谁啊
My mum.
我妈
Mm, last night was one for the ages.
哎 昨晚真是一生难忘
I'll never question your partying skills again.
我再也不会质疑你派对的能力了
I'm a bit fuzzy - what happened, er, exactly?
我记不太清了 到底发生了什么
Well, after you sang the Adele catalogue to the whole pub,
你对着整个酒吧的人 唱了Adele的所有歌♥之后
you got down on one knee and popped the Q.
忽然单膝跪下 向我求婚
But you didn't have a rock,
但是你又没有钻石
so that's how my toe ring ended up on your finger, fiance.
所以我的脚趾环就这样被戴上了你的手指 未婚夫
Aren't you going to say something?
你不准备说些什么吗
That is strong weed.
这大♥麻♥劲儿可真大
Got formaldehyde in it.
里面加了甲醛水溶液
What's say we spend the rest of the afternoon snuggling
我们接下来整个下午都依偎在一起
and planning weds with a little help from these guys?
加上这些家伙的帮助 来计划计划婚礼 怎么样
Des champignons de magique, as Serge Gainsbourg would say.
迷幻蘑菇 Serge Gainsbourg会这么说
That sounds amazing.
听起来棒呆了
Um, but you wait right here and I will be back.
呃 你稍等片刻 我马上回来
There you are. Did you get my text? Why didn't you answer?
你在这儿啊 你收到我的短♥信♥了吗 为什么不回信
Do you know what's been going on? Andy, we need to talk.
你知道发生了什么吗 Andy 我们需要谈谈
You're not kidding.
可不得谈谈吗
I produced a track for a beautiful train wreck last night,
昨晚我给一个漂亮又糟糕的人写歌♥
then we went out, got absolutely blitzed,
然后我们出门 毫无悬念地烂醉如泥
yadi yadi yada, I'm engaged, what do I do?
省略几千字 我莫名其妙订婚了 现在要怎么办
Andy, I love you,
Andy我爱你
but I can't deal with your typical shit storm right now.
但是我现在没有办法处理你典型的烂摊子
Typical?! In what way is this typical?
典型 这哪里典型了
Hey, guys. What are those bags for?
嘿 伙计们 买♥♥这么几大袋东西来干嘛
Dinner with mum and Luca, remember?
记得吗 和妈妈还有Luca约好一起吃晚餐
Tiff's meeting them at the station.
Tiff去车站接他们了
I'm making my famous chilli con carne.
我要做我擅长的墨西哥辣味牛肉酱
What's up, Andy? I got accidentally engaged.
Andy怎么啦 我意外订婚了
Good one. I was day dreaming the other day on the Piccadilly Line,
干得好 几天前我在皮卡迪里地铁线上做白日梦
ended up in Cockfosters.
一直到卡克福斯特站才醒
Speaking of cocks.... How was your school visit, Roly?
说到卡克(鸡♥巴♥) 你学校参观的怎么样 Roly