废柴舅舅（2014）

**You're so sweet and saccharine I hardly can believe*
*你甜蜜又多情 让人难以相信
**That when I see you coming I can feel you in my teeth*
*每当我见到你 牙齿不禁战栗
**Racing through my senses Candy in my brain*
*颤栗传遍所有感官 只留甜蜜心间永藏
**Rotting everything inside You give me sugar pain*
*侵蚀内心所有角落 给我这甜蜜的负担
**Sugar in my blood making my heart flood*
*流淌血液的糖 浸透我的心脏
**Pumping through my arteries*
*在动脉中流动
**You hit me with a thud.*
*砰砰作响
OK, thoughts. Josh.
怎么样 Josh
It's...all right.
呃 还行吧
Just all right?
只是还行吗
It's just the "Sugar in my blood, making my heart flood",
我就是觉得"流淌血液的糖 浸透我的心脏"这句
kind of sounds like diabetes.
听起来像是糖尿病
Huh... It's a metaphor.
这是一个比喻
But if sugar's a problem, I can always change it to honey.
不过要是糖不行的话 我也可以把它改成蜂蜜
It's not just the lyrics. It's the Father John Misty thing.
不仅仅是歌♥词 整个感觉像Father John Misty
You know, it's all a bit hipster, faux hippy, fake folk vibe.
那种做作的嬉皮士 伪民谣风的气质
It's just not right for our debut LP.
不太适合我们的专辑风格
We could change the arrangement.
我们可以再改嘛
It also has no sex appeal.
而且这首歌♥完全没有性吸引力
Just given you a semi, eh?
只能让你半勃起 对吧
More like a soft sauna dick.
更像是蒸桑拿时软软的状态
You know, I'm not shrinking, but I'm not hard.
它既不是完全缩着 但也没有硬
Trust me, put a ginger Baker-style drum arrangement on the back of it
相信我 在背景放一轨Ginger Baker那种风格的鼓点
and it'll get nun's pregnant.
修女听了都会怀孕
Who's Ginger Baker?
Ginger Baker是谁
He's the drummer for The Graham Bond Organization,
他是The Graham Bond Organisation乐队的鼓手
and, more importantly, Cream.
更重要的 他还是Cream乐队的鼓手
He's cool, but again, it's not our sound.
他挺酷的 不过这不是我们想要的音乐
Look at FKA Twigs, Disclosure, Years & Years
看看 FKA Twigs Disclosure Years & Years这些人
we need to be in that, you know, neo-soul, deep-house space,
我们得走那种深邃的新灵魂乐路线
but you know, boyband.
不过你懂得 本质上还是少年乐队
Cool...I'll work on it.
好 我会继续努力的
OK, thanks for coming in, blokes.
好了 谢谢你们过来
Now, fuck off, I'll see you later at the showcase.
你们可以滚了 我们发布会现场再见
Rest those golden pipes, the two of you who can actually sing.
养好金嗓子 你们其中的两位也算唱将的
Unbelievable.
不敢相信
I know, right? Ungrateful little brats.
是吧 这几个不知感恩的小混♥蛋♥
You never go against the talent.
你绝不能跟天才唱反调
But they work for you, and you said you liked the song.
可你是他们的老板啊 而且你也说喜欢这首歌♥
If Josh isn't happy, I can't be happy.
如果Josh不满意 我也开心不起来
Are you firing me?
你是要炒了我吗
Don't be ridiculous, I'm offering you an opportunity.
别傻了 我是在给你提供一个机会
You do well at this stuff,
你做得不错
and it'll be very good for your potential...solo...
这对你以后的单飞之类的 也有好处
all that.
之类的
I'm going to put you with Alex, OK? The producer of their EP.
我让他们的专辑制♥作♥人Alex跟你合作
And if you two can't come up with a hit by the end of the day...
如果你们俩今天结束之前还弄不出大热新单的话
then I'll fire you.
那时候我才会炒了你
**Ooh, yeah, baby*
*噢耶 宝贝
**Got diabetes...*
*得了糖尿病
Hmm...
嗯
I'm dying. Is it cancer?
我快死了 是癌症吗
No, worse.
不 比那更糟糕
Roly caught you wanking again? I caught him.
Roly又撞见你自♥慰♥了吗 我抓到他了
Waste baskets full of tissues, a whole house out of hand lotion.
垃圾桶里全是纸巾 整个房♥子的润手霜都没了
All of the towels crack like plasterboard.
所有的毛巾都硬的像石膏板一样
Can you talk to him?
你能跟他谈谈吗
Why? It sounds like he's got a grip on the situation.
为什么 听起来他已经是老司机了
Just tell him that it's normal and it's nothing to be ashamed of
就告诉他这很正常 不需要感到羞愧
and make sure he's not getting distorted ideas about sex
然后确保他不要被媒体和黄♥片♥这些东西
from the media and porn and stuff like that,
扭曲对于性的想法
and that women are equal.
还有男女平等
Why don't YOU tell him?
你怎么不自己跟他说
He won't listen to me. I'm a woman.
他不会听我的 我是女的
I'll talk to him. I'm sure something will...rub off.
我会跟他说的 我保证会教他新"知识"
Eurgh! Oh, I need you guys out of the house all afternoon
恶心 对了 今天下午你们俩都别呆在家里
cos my fertility app is showing three eggs.
因为我的备孕应用显示了三个卵子
Oh, no, not three eggs.
噢 别显示三个卵子啊
That is peak ovulation!
这表示我到了排卵的顶峰
Me and Bruce are going to be at it like teenagers.
我和Bruce要像青少年一样大干一场
What, fumbling around in the back of his dad's Volvo
怎么 在他爸爸的沃尔沃汽车后座笨手笨脚地亲热
before he comes all over your shoes?
结果被他射到脚上吗
Don't make me laugh. My tits are really sore.
别逗我笑 我的乳♥头♥正疼着呢
Are you sure you're not already, you know...?
你确定你不会已经
Don't jinx it!
别触我霉头
Just get Roly out of here and don't forget the talk.
把Roly弄出房♥子 别忘了跟他谈谈
What talk? See you later, bye.
谈什么 一会儿见了 拜
Ah... Take a seat.
啊 坐吧
Roly... Is it about me walking the dog?
Roly 是关于我"遛鸟"的事吗
Maybe now she'll finally learn to knock.
也许现在她终于会记得敲门了
I hate hormones. When does it end?
我恨荷尔蒙 这什么时候才是个头啊
When I find out, I'll let you know.
等我知道了 我会告诉你的
The sneaking around is the worst.
最讨厌藏藏掖掖了
It's like I'm cheating on myself... with myself.
就像我自己对自己出轨了
I was hoping I was going
我一直希望我将来
to fall somewhere on the asexual spectrum
能成为那种没有性♥欲♥的人
but I don't think that's going to pan out.
但现在估计没戏了
I hate to admit this, Uncle Andy,
我不想承认这个 Andy舅舅
but I think I need a girlfriend.
但我觉得我得找个女朋友了
What about, um, Ruby?
嗯 Ruby怎么样
That ship has sailed. She's dating a sixth-former now.
她已经名花有主了 她在和一个六年级男生约会
Tiffany?
Tiffany呢
My soon-to-be stepsister?
那个我未来名义上的妹妹吗
Fair point.
也是
But you're never going to land anyone in those clothes.
不过你穿这种衣服是谁也泡不到的
What? It's the speed of light in metres per second.
什么 这可是米每秒的光速啊
Roly, there comes a point in every skinny androgynous boy's life when
Roly 在每一个瘦弱女气的男孩生命中 都会有一个瞬间
he realises that the
他终于意识到
children's-show-host-with-a-heart-condition look
那种"患有心脏病的儿童节目主持人"的风格
isn't working out
是无法吸引女孩的
and his only chance of getting laid will be to go full vampire.
他破处的唯一机会 就是变成真的吸血鬼
What's this? My old band Tshirts.
这是什么 我以前的乐队T恤
I used to be skinny like you once,
我也曾像你这么瘦
but don't worry,
不过别担心
you'll fill into your full manly shape eventually.
你最终会长成一个强壮的男人的
How did the song go?
单曲的事怎么样了
they said I didn't have enough sex appeal.
他们说我的歌♥没有性吸引力
Those pricks wouldn't understand sex appeal
小混♥蛋♥根本感受不到性吸引
if it bent them over a chair.
即使把他们压倒在椅子上
And unless I work with some useless producer,
而且我还得和一个没用的制♥作♥人合作
I'm going to get fired.
否则我就会被开除
Oh, dearie me, good luck with that. Whoa!
哦天呐 那祝你好运 慢着
Why don't you come with me? I could use the support.
要不你跟我一起去吧 我需要你的支持
I'd love to, but I've got reading.
我很乐意 不过我有书要读
Any more of your "Reading" And you'll go blind.
你再"读"下去的话 你就要瞎了
That's a myth. Trust me, I googled it.
那是谣言 相信我 我上网查过
Look, if you help me,
听着 如果你帮我的话
I'll give you a box of Uncle Frank's '80s porn mags, yeah?
我把Frank舅舅的一箱80年代色情杂♥志♥都给你
It's got long nails, tan lines, full bush, the works.
纤长指甲 身体晒出的分界线 茂盛的阴毛 应有尽有
Trust me, those things are like gold dust now.
相信我 这些东西现在可是弥足金贵
Well, I suppose I could use some fresh air.
转念一想 出去呼吸点新鲜空气也不错
Remember, you've got to back me up all the way,
记住 你一定要挺我到底
otherwise this idiot's going to walk all over us.
要不然 这些白♥痴♥会看不起我们俩的
You've got it.
没问题
What are you doing? Highfive.
你在干嘛 击掌啊
That looks like a Sieg Heil. Put it away.
看起来像行纳粹礼 快放下
Look at him, standing around like a douche
看看他 混♥蛋♥似的站在那儿
while everyone else does the heavy lifting. Huh!
完全不管别的人都在忙着搬重物 哼
Hi. Andy King.
你好 我是Andy King
Um...
呃