这个傻瓜（2022）

比赛
孕育
希望
说过 你做的那个纪录片
Well, yeah. The documentary you made
讲贫民区一年一度的乒乓球锦标赛的
about the annual ping-pong tournament on skid row.
不是
No.
我是说我以前在银行工作时
I'm talking about when I worked for a bank
没收别人房♥子的事
foreclosing on people's homes.
你不喜欢我的纪录片吗
You didn't like my doc?
不不不 我喜欢
No, no, no, no, no. I like it.
我觉得它很哀伤
I thought it was really sad,
所以我知道它是个好片子
and that's how I knew it was good.
不管怎样 你刚刚说银行什么来着
But anyway, what were you saying about the bank?
我为自己的所作所为感到羞愧
Well, I was so ashamed at what I was doing
所以我辞掉那份高薪工作
that I quit my lucrative job
只身一人搬到了委内瑞拉的一个偏远村庄
and I moved by myself to a remote village in Venezuela
这个村子被泥石流重创
that had been devastated by mudslides.
我花了六个月时间帮助人们重建家园
I spent six months rebuilding people's homes.
双手满是水泡
My hands are covered in blisters,
浑身淤青
my body was full of bruises.
我感染了肠道寄生虫 可能至今未愈
I caught this intestinal parasite that I think is still with me.
但我从未如此开心过
But I never felt so happy.
也从未如此满足
I never felt so fulfilled.
然后有一天 我建的每一栋房♥子都塌了
And then one day, every single house that I built fell down.
因为我根本不会建房♥子
Because I had no idea how to build houses.
但我知道怎么做披萨
But I knew how to make pizza.
我做了很多披萨 人们都叫我披萨哥
I made so much pizza, they called me Hombre Pizza.
但很不幸 村子里的每个人
Unfortunately, it turned out that everybody in the village
都有乳糖不耐症 所以
was lactose intolerant, so, um--
大家要求我离开
I was asked to leave.
所以你从来没帮到他们是吗
So you never got to help them, huh?
是的 但我学到了宝贵的一课
No, but I learned something very important.
我有个坏习惯
You see, I have a bad habit
总是关注别人的问题 却忽略自己的问题
of focusing on other people's problems while ignoring my own.
我觉得你可能也是这样
And I think you might have that same problem.
我想说
You know... just to say it,
我觉得纪录片哪哪都好
I think the only issue I had with the doc
就是配乐不好
was the soundtrack.
里面用到了太多长笛伴奏
Yeah, it had way more flute than I'm used to.
但你知道吗
But you know what?
有些我超爱的电影 第一次看也很讨厌
Some of my favorite movies, I hated the first time.
滚出去 去和你表哥道歉
Get the hell outta here and go apologize to your cousin.
-你说得对 -我喜欢长笛
- You're right. - I like flute.
-好的 -你厉害你去拍电影啊
- Okay. - You try making a fuckin' movie.
抱歉
Sorry.
顺便说一句 不用客气
You're welcome, by the way.
我不用客气 你才是那个该道谢的人
I'm welcome? You're the one who should be fuckin' welcome.
这是我的车
This is my car.
我们在后座搞过 这算是我们的车
We've had sex in the backseat. It's our car.
我得开个众筹来帮你买♥♥辆新的尼桑天籁
Imma start a GoFundMe to buy you a new Nissan Altima.
-快把钥匙还我 -行行行
- I want my key back. - Okay, okay, okay.
我道歉还不行吗
Jeez, I'm sorry.
但也许我借你的车是有理由的
But maybe the reason I borrowed your car was--
你偷了我的车 这可是重罪 真的
Stole my car, committed a felony, really.
我只是想找个借口和你一起出来玩
I wanted a reason to hang out with you.
我们俩已经很久没一起出来了
You never hang out with me anymore.
-因为我们分手了 -都几个月前的事情了 别想了
- We broke up! - Yeah, like months ago. Get over it.
你只有在有求于我的时候才会来找我
You only wanna hang out when you want something from me.
你不也只有想上♥床♥的时候才会来找我
Like how you only wanna hang out when you wanna smash?
是啊 一点没错
Yup, exactly like that.
不过我说真的 你要下次再这样
But for real, if you pull this shit again,
圣诞节你就别过来了
I'm not letting you come over for Christmas.
胡里奥·米格尔·博尼法西奥·洛佩兹·德拉里瓦
Julio Miguel Bonifacio Lopez De La Riva,
如果你不让我去你家
if you take your family away from me
逼得我不得不回我家
and make me go back to mine,
我一定会打死你
I will beat your ass!
我一定会从烟囱里钻进去
I'm gonna slide down the chimney
然后狠狠地掐住你
and I'm gonna choke you out so hard
让你眼珠子都爆出来
you're gonna come out your eyes.
天哪 你有病吧
Jesus Christ! What's wrong with you?
你才有病吧
What's wrong with you?
你明明就喜欢这样
You like it.
靠边停
Yo, pull over.
你都开始跟踪我了吗
So you're stalking me now?
你懂的 找找乐子嘛
You know it. Give me some chon-chon.
其实吧 也挺好玩的
You know, it's funny.
有一次 就在那边
One time right over there,
我和兄弟们抢劫了几个傻♥逼♥
me and the homies robbed these nerdy-ass rocker fools.
你抢的是我和我朋友
That was me and my friends.
是啊 真是回不去的好时光
Yeah. Those were good times.
操
Fuck.
我之前是骗你的 你的纸杯蛋糕好吃到爆
I was lying about your cupcakes. They were bomb.
我也不该说那些关于你妈妈的事
And I shouldn't have said what I said about your mom.
我也很想她
I miss her too.
不不不 没事的 好吗 没事的
Nah, nah, nah, it's cool, alright? It's cool.
我们当时都在气头上
We were throwing down.
我被枪打中过三次
I've been shot three times,
但你说的话比那三枪伤我更深
it hurt less than the shit you said.
我被你的智商损得体无完肤
You throw punches with your sick-ass mind.
我也不知道 我冲你发火
I don't know, I guess I've been pissed at you
是因为你也一直在嘲讽我
'cause you just keep capping on me.
对不起 兄弟
Alright, I'm sorry, homie.
我道歉 好吗 真是的
I'm sorry, alright? Damn.
但其实吧
It's just, you know,
说你是基佬 是唯一一件事情
calling you gay was the only thing
能让我觉得一切都还是原样
that's made me feel like shit's back to normal.
但很多事都变了 傻瓜
But shit's changed, fool.
我已经是个成年人了
I'm a grown-ass man.
我甚至买♥♥了牙科保险
I even got dental insurance.
是 但你还是住在你妈妈的房♥子里 好吗
Yeah, but you still live at your mom's pad, alright?
跟我住一起 兄弟
Same place as me, homie.
是啊 但是
Yeah, but--
算了 我认了
No, yeah.
而且你的牙齿一团糟
And your teeth are pretty fucked up.
因为我疗程还没做完啊
I still got more appointments!
上车吧 失败者们
Get in the car, losers.
抱歉啦 贱♥人♥副驾位只有一个
Sorry, there's only one bitch seat.
我还以为你会又胖又丑
Damn, I thought for sure you'd be a torta.
老弟 给我俩牵个线呗
Hey, fool, hook me up.
路易斯
Hey, Luis,
闭上你的臭嘴 当心老娘揍死你
shut the fuck up before I fuck you up.
我可不是胡里奥 你也不是我亲戚
I'm not Julio. You ain't my family.
你们都不行
Hey, y'all ain't got nothing.
我比你们厉害多了 你们菜死了
You don't got me. You ain't got nothin', man.
乖乖等着输钱吧
You gotta get your money from me, boy.
我还有二十呢
Yo, I got $20.
他妈的
Goddamn it.
你想让我去搞定这些小混混吗
You want me to talk to these busters?
不用 我来就行
No. I got this.
行吧 傻弟弟 我们就在车里等你
Alright, then, fool, we'll wait in the car.
有好戏看了 我要拍下来
Ooh, ooh, ooh. I'm gonna film this.
请你们把车挪开
Hey! I'm gonna need you fellas to move your car.
不巧 兄弟 我们正在比赛呢
Damn, bruh, but we're kinda racing right now.
上次是黑人对战墨西哥人
Last time it was Blacks versus the Mexicans,
这次是墨西哥人对战黑人
this time it's Mexicans versus Blacks.
兄弟 我是萨尔瓦多人
Dawg, I'm Salvadoran.
我都跟你说过多少遍了
Man, we talked about this.
把你们的破车给老子挪开
Move your fucking car!
兄弟
Whoa, bro.
注意语气啊
Watch your tone.
我们可不吃这套
We don't play like that.
你想死吗 哥们