这个傻瓜（2022）

胡里奥
Julio!
你帮我把蓝色油布铺在屋顶吧 免得漏水
看起来不像是要下雨的样子
It doesn't look like it's gonna rain.
暴风雨要来了
我的骨头感受到了
胡里奥
Julio!
铺得离屋檐近一些
太陡了 我害怕
从底下看着不陡啊
-胡里奥 -妈♥个♥蛋
- Julio! - Chinga su madre.
别忘了今天去接你表哥
别迟到了 你的姐♥妹♥们♥今晚要来聚餐呢
我知道
I know.
加油 就这样 没错 哥们
Come on now. Right there. Right there, man.
不错 哥们
Yeah, man.
你能赢他
You got him.
不好意思打断一下 请问你们能移一下车吗
My bad to interrupt but do you fools mind moving your car?
我上班快迟到了
I'm a little late for work.
现在不方便 这场比赛很重要
Bad timing. We're in the middle of an important race right now.
没错 黑人对阵墨西哥人
Yeah, it's Black versus Mexicans.
我是萨尔瓦多人
Hey, I'm Salvadorian.
不是吧 这么玻璃心
Damn, all sensitive.
没事 我应该出得去
You know what? I think I got room.
我做过泊车小弟
I used to valet.
靠
Fuck!
我没当过泊车小弟
I wasn't a valet.
我为什么要那么说
Why the fuck did I say that?
我可以的
I got this.
你可以的 没问题 没问题 没问题
You got it, you got it, you got it. You got it.
这样吧 我还是绕过去吧 就不倒车了
You know what? I'll just go around.
他在搞什么鬼
What the fuck is he doing?
他压倒了那些白篱笆
He got the little white fence!
搞什么
What the fuck?
天呐
Oh, shit.
多谢各位担待了 朋友们
Hey, good lookin' out, fellas.
这个傻瓜
第一季 第一集
在"要抱不要暴" 你将有一次新的机会
At Hugs Not Thugs, you get a second chance
决定自己想成为怎样的人
to decide who you want to be.
不管你以前是帮派成员
Whether you're a former gang member
还是坐过牢
or previously incarcerated,
我们都能提供资源 让你改变人生
we offer the resources you need to transform your life.
这个社会或许抛下了你 但我们会伸出援手
The system may have left you behind, but we're here for you.
我们可以骄傲地说 在洛杉矶洗纹身的数量
And we're proud to say we remove more tattoos
我们称第二 没人敢称第一
than anyone else in Los Angeles.
朋友 我们能洗掉那个眼泪纹身的 没问题
Hey, big dawg, we can wipe away that teardrop tattoo, no problem.
听着 我们提供免费的法律咨♥询♥服务
Look, check it out, we offer free legal counseling,
太阳能电池板安装课程
solar panel installation classes.
这位是我们的创始人
Oh, and here's the founder.
你好 佩恩部长
Hey, Minister Payne.
这是法比安 他在考虑加入我们的项目
This is Fabian. He's thinking about joining the program.
你好吗 兄弟
What's up, big dawg?
我们刚得知理查德·布兰森爵士
"What's up" is we just found out Sir Richard Branson
慷慨地给我们捐了一万美元
is making a generous donation in the amount of $10,000.
真好
Oh, good.
这个混♥蛋♥铁公鸡能花数十亿美元
Cheapskate motherfucker spends billions of dollars
就为了上太空
going up into space,
但是给我们的钱还不够付房♥租
barely gives us enough money for making rent.
理查德 拜托
Richard, please,
从对流层再给我们多扔两毛钱吧
throw down a few more pennies from the troposphere.
你这个混♥蛋♥宇航员
Astronaut son of a bitch!
很高兴见到你 法比安
Very nice to meet you, Fabian.
欢迎
Welcome.
混♥蛋♥太空爵士
Space Knight motherfucker!
这货是个部长吗
That fool's a minister?
他信普救一神教
He's a Unitarian Universalist.
那些家伙像是愤怒版的嬉皮士
Those fools are like hippies but angry.
对了 我竟然忘了说这个
Oh, yeah, can't believe I forgot to mention.
怀恨者作恶
有爱者拥抱
但不管怎样
这就是个
马克杯
作为入会福利
As a bonus for signing up,
所有新会员能领一个免费的马克杯
all new Huggers get a free mug.
你觉得怎么样 老兄
So what do you say, big dawg?
准备好开创新生活了吗
Ready to make a better life for yourself?
我说老实话
Imma be honest with you.
我觉得这里不适合我
I don't think this shit's for me, bro.
我懂你 朋友
Listen, I get it, big dawg.
我知道帮派生活是什么样的
I know what the street life is like.
你能懂什么帮派生活
What you know about street life?
你看起来是那种会买♥♥迪士尼季票的人
You look like you got a season pass to Disneyland.
才不是呢老兄 我从小在街头长大
Nah, fool, I grew up in these streets.
相信我 我见得多了
And believe me, I've seen some shit.
我当时正踩着新轮滑鞋在街上闲逛
I was cruising through the neighborhood on my new wheels,
我逛到一半 突然一辆车在我面前停了下来
just chillin', when all of a sudden this car pulled up.
但我没有惊慌
But I didn't panic.
我凭着本能躲了起来
I instinctively maneuvered out of the way.
我的朋友布莱恩也在场
My homie Brian was there.
所以我问他 "出了什么事"
So I asked him, "What's going on?"
然后他告诉我 "你表哥的毒品交易出问题了"
And he tells me, "Your cousin's drug deal went awry."
天呐 胡里奥
Oh, shit, Julio?
你还好吗
What's crackin'?
你好吗 路易斯 我就逛逛
'Sup, Luis? Just chillin'.
但还是有点被吓到
Kinda scared.
你♥他♥妈♥在滑轮滑吗
Are you fucking roller skating?
这其实是极限直排轮
Well, it's actually aggressive roller blading.
妈的 小子 这听起来更基了
Damn, fool, somehow that sounds even gayer.
帮我向我的阿姨问好
Hey, say hi to my tía for me, alright?
别给她惹麻烦 不然我揍死你
And don't give her any problems or I'll beat your ass.
好 我不会惹麻烦的
Okay, I won't.
然后我说 "感谢你没有开枪打我"
And then I said, "Thanks for not shooting me!"
无意冒犯 朋友
Hey, no offense, my boy,
但你在这个故事里像个弱鸡
but you come off like a punk-ass bitch in that story.
我想说的就是这个
That's my point.
我表哥过去八年都在坐牢
My cousin spent the last eight years in prison.
与此同时 我在外面过着我的美好生活
Meanwhile, I'm out here living my best life.
我甚至买♥♥了牙科保险
I even got dental insurance.
看看我的牙
Look. Check it out.
靠近点
Get in here.
但你的牙齿看起来还是很烂
Man, your teeth still look pretty fucked up, though.
对 但是你猜怎么着
Yeah, but guess what?
它们之前更烂
They used to be even more fucked up.
听着 你做什么我管不了
Look, you're gonna do what you're gonna do.
但是研究表明 帮派成员的预期寿命
But studies show that the life expectancy of a gangster,
平均只有24岁
on average, 24 years old.
但是弱鸡的预期寿命呢
But the life expectancy of a punk-ass bitch?
76岁
76 years old.
爱 同情 理解
要抱不要暴
明天十点培训
Orientation is at 10:00 tomorrow.
别迟到
Don't be late.
到时候还会有橙汁哦
There's gonna be orange juice.
玛姬
Maggie?
胡里奥 怎么了 有什么事吗
Oh, hey, Julio, what's up? You need something?
你是不是刚刚偷走了我的车
Did you just steal my car?
你说什么
Excuse me?
咱俩之间的事怎么能算偷
Don't use that word with me.
我的车坏了 所以我借你的车去跑腿
My car broke down, so I borrowed yours to run errands.
我今晚会还给你的 伙计
I'll bring it back tonight, beggar.
我什么时候同意把车借给你了
When did I say you could borrow my car?
你还记得你有一次不小心
Remember when you left your spare key at my house
-把备用车钥匙落在我家了吗 -所以呢
- that one time on accident? - Yeah?
所以我就有车钥匙了啊 傻♥逼♥
Then do the math, bitch.
对了 你的发动机故障灯亮了
Oh, by the way, your check engine light is on.
胡里奥 这很危险 我才应该生气
Julio, that's dangerous. I should be the one who is mad.
但我还想问问你
You know what, actually?
你♥他♥妈♥怎么敢的 你让我身处危险之中