憨豆警局（1995）

I can tell when you fancy someone, your nose twitches.
我不能整天等着，雷蒙德，我还有镇子要管呢。
Can't wait around all day, Raymond, I've got a town to run.
是的，当然，克丽丝女士。
Yes, of course, dame Chrissy.
请坐。
Please, take a seat.
我为中士的迟到道歉。
I do apologize for my sergeant's tardiness.
有什么事吗，中士?
Was there something, sergeant?
茶点，中士，随手把门关上。
Tea, sergeant, close the door behind you.
我就开门见山了，雷蒙德，情况很严重。
I'll come straight to the point, Raymond- serious situation.
我可爱的小derrière在你手里。
My cute little derrière is in your hands.
加斯福斯在窝藏一名非法寻求庇护者。
Gasforth is harboring an illegal asylum seeker.
他的时间在这周末就用完了
His time runs out at the end of the week
你会被要求逮捕他并驱逐出境。
And you'll be required to arrest him for deportation.
问题是有一个观察者
The problem is that there is an observer
来自欧洲议会的消息。
From the European parliament in town as well.
这不关我的事。我侍奉女王陛下，
Well that's no concern of mine. I serve her majesty,
不是湿漉漉的抱子甘蓝。
Not some soggy Brussels sprout.
问题是最近有很多报道
The point is that there have been so many reports recently
关于警♥察♥中的谋杀和种族主义，
About thuggery and racism in the police,
公♥关♥方面，我们很脆弱。
That P.R.-Wise, we're vulnerable.
你得努力塑造你的形象。
You have to work on your image.
当你抓住这个哭哭啼啼的外星人，
When you nick this sniveling alien,
我想让那个欧洲混♥蛋♥见识见识
I want to be able to show that greasy euro-bastard
我们是多么的宽容和平衡。
Just how tolerant and balanced we are.
福勒;种族歧视，性别歧视，
Fowler; so- racism, sexism,
Homoeroticaphobia……
Homoeroticaphobia...
.．.主义和警♥察♥。
...Ism, and the police.
谁想开始讨论?-我会的，先生。
- Who would like to start the discussion? - I would, sir.
你真让我吃惊，哈比卜警官。
You astonish me, constable Habib.
如果我的帽子变成了一只巨大的刺猬，我也不会更惊讶了。
I could not be more surprised if my hat had turned into a giant hedgehog.
我想谈谈保罗·康登爵士的报告
I'd like to talk about sir Paul Condon's report
关于治安和种族问题，长官。
About policing and race, sir.
听起来是个好主意。
Ah, well that sounds like a good idea.
你想讨论报告的哪一部分?
Which part of the report would you like to discuss?
我说的是他决定公开此事
I'm talking about his decision to make public
统计数据显示首都的街头犯罪和抢劫
The statistic that street crime and mugging in the capital
都是黑人青年犯下的。
Are disproportionately committed by young black men.
你不同意这种说法吗?
And you disapprove of this statement?
是的，我认为他是一个
Yes, I think he's being a-
-什么事，哈比卜?-我一直都很友善，先生。
- Yes, Habib? - Well I always try to be nice, sir.
我就说，跟卡车油罐车押韵吧。
So I'll just say, it rhymes with trucking tanker.
请克制你的诗歌♥，哈比卜。
Kindly restrain your poetry, Habib.
我注意到他没有加上那个年轻的黑人
I notice he didn't add that young black blokes
发现找工作越来越难了。
Find it much more difficult to get a job.
先有鸡还是先有蛋?
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
-我知道，我知道-真的吗，古迪?
- I know, I know. - You do, Goody?
-那么答案是什么?-因为它想去另一边。
- So what is the answer? - Because it wanted to get to the other side.
安静点，古迪!
Be quiet, Goody!
警♥察♥局长只能报告事实，哈比卜。
The chief constable can only report facts, Habib.
他没有义务进行社会政♥治♥分♥析♥
It is not his duty to enter into socio-political analysis
至于为什么会出现这些事实。
As to why those facts have come about.
-给狗起坏名声…我们给我们的狗起了个坏名字
- Give a dog a bad name... - We gave our dog a bad name-
科林。
Colin.
可怕的名字。
Terrible name.
你不知道有多少人叫科林。
You have no idea how many people are called Colin.
我们一起去公园，我会喊:“科林，过来，”
We'd go to the park, I'd shout, "come here, Colin,"
15个人转过身来。
And 15 people would turn round.
还有大块头，先生。
And big people too, sir.
我是说，不知道为什么，大个子才会被叫做科林。
I mean, for some reason, it's the big lads that get called Colin.
我是说，我会大喊，科林，你是个坏孩子。
I mean, I'd shout, "Colin, you're a bad boy.
我刚看到你跳了个卡卡
I just saw you do a kaka
现在我要让你难堪。”
And now I'm going to rub your nose in it."
然后我就在救护车里醒来了。
The next thing I knew, I'd wake up in an ambulance.
是，是，是，抱歉，先生，
Yes, yes, yes, yes, excuse me, sir,
但我们不是离题了吗?
But aren't we wandering from the point?
是的，我们确实是。干得好，古迪。
Yes indeed we are. Well done, Goody.
是的，因为我们说的是鸡，不是狗。
Yes, because we were talking about chickens, not dogs.
不，重点是——哦——啊……
No the point is- oh- ah...
-有什么意义?——保罗·康登(Paul Condon)妖魔化移♥民♥子女。
- What was the point? - Paul Condon demonizing the children of immigrants.
没错，不，不是的。
Exactly- no, no it is not.
保罗·康登爵士掌握了一些事实。
Sir Paul Condon was in possession of certain facts.
他要因为不喜欢这些事实而隐瞒这些事实吗?
Is he to withhold those facts because he doesn't like them?
他隐瞒了很多，先生。
He withholds plenty, sir.
我想他应该知道局里有多少铜板，
I expect he's got an idea how many bent coppers there are in the met,
有多少共济会会员，但他认为公众不需要知道这些。
How many freemasons, but he doesn't think the public need to know about that.
我们在讨论种族问题，哈比卜。
We are discussing the problems of race, Habib.
保罗·康登爵士不能
Sir Paul Condon can not-
小子，你笑什么?
Why are you sniggering, boy?
-我没有偷笑先生-你在偷笑
- I'm not sniggering, sir. - You are sniggering.
我是说拜托，先生，那家伙叫康登。
Well, I mean come on, sir. The bloke's name is Condon.
我看不出这有什么好笑的，古迪。
I don't see anything remotely amusing about that, Goody.
哦，来吧，先生，我想你知道了。
Oh come now, sir, I think you do.
不，我没有，古迪。
No I don't, Goody.
但是先生，听起来就像"避孕套"
But sir, it sounds exactly like "condom."
你可以在新闻上看到，先生
You can see them on the news, sir-
"大都会警♥察♥局长，保罗·康登爵士…"
"the metropolitan police chief, sir Paul Condon..."
你知道那个新闻播音员在想，
And you know that newsreader's thinking,
“我希望我不说‘安全套’，我希望我不说‘安全套’……”
"I hope I don't say 'condom' I hope I don't say 'condom'..."
安静点，你这个笨蛋。
Be quiet, you imbecile.
-我们在讨论种族主义。-我知道种族歧视的事，先生
- We are discussing racism. - Ooh, I know all about racism, sir.
我母亲让我做好了准备。
My mother prepared me for it.
她向你解释了非理性仇恨的可悲真♥相♥。
Ah, she explained to you the sad truth of irrational hatred.
不，她打我，还骂我。
No, she beat me and called me names.
是的，谢谢你跟我们分享，格莱斯顿。
Yes, thank you for sharing that with us, Gladstone.
听他们说。
Listen to 'em.
正好贴在我的咪♥咪♥上。
It gets right on my raving titties.
我的意思是我不是种族主义者，我不介意人们来这里，
I mean I'm no racist, I don't mind people coming over here,
但当他们这样做的时候，他们应该像我们一样。
But when they do, they should be like us.
人们不想要一大堆奇怪的习俗和滑稽的衣服。
People don't want a load of weird customs and funny clothes.
好吧，我戴上了引擎盖。
Right, I put the hood on, see.
我把头夹在两腿之间吻火鸡。
And I kiss the turkey with my head between my legs.
我给你看，我蹲在桌子上方便点。
I'll show you, I'll squat on the desk to make it easier.
现在，我需要一个兜帽。我要用我带鸟进来的袋子。
Now, I need a hood. I'll use the bag I brought the bird in.
这是从蒂娜的冰箱里拿的冷冻的。
It's a frozen one from tina's freezer.
好吧……
Okay...
你把鸡排好……
You line up the fowl...
如果我是你，我就不会亲它，先生。
Well, I wouldn't kiss it if I were you, sir.
还是有点冷，你的嘴唇可能会粘在它的屁♥股♥上。
It's still a bit chilly, your lips might stick to its bum.
嗯，先对着它呼吸。
Well, breathe on it first.
你们在看什么?
What are you lot staring at?
我们只是在庆祝丰富的多样性
We were just celebrating the rich diversity
我们的文化。
Of culture in our station.
我承认我没想到会看到它
I confess I had not expected to see it
非常生动的说明。
Quite so graphically illustrated.
是啊，我不喜欢文化。
Oh yeah, well I don't like culture.
-你说什么?-该死的芭蕾舞和歌♥剧
- I beg your pardon? - Bleedin' ballet and opera,
尤其是他们把彩票钱花在上面的时候。
Especially when they spend lottery money on it.
浪费工人的赌注
Wasting the working man's bet
用意大利来的又胖又旧的袋子
On fat screeching old bags from Italy
唱得像长了痔疮
Singing like they got piles,
或者一群穿芭蕾舞裙的瘦骨嶙峋的姑娘
Or some bunch of scrawny bints in tutus
叫达西和蒂尔达，
Called Darcy and Tilda,
对着一堆淫♥荡♥的变♥态♥炫耀。
Flashing their gussets at a lot of horny perverts.
艺术吗?文化吗?盯着漂亮鸟儿的内♥裤♥，
Art? Culture? Staring at posh birds' knickers,
这就是"天鹅流血湖"的全部意义。
That's all "swan bleeding lake" boils down to.
他们应该用完所有的钱
They should use all the money
有不治之症的孩子
For kiddies with incurable diseases.
我和蒂娜买♥♥彩票的时候
When me and my Tina buy our lottery ticket
出于我们善良的心-
Out of the goodness of our heart-
希望能赢得2000万英镑。
And in the hope of winning £20 million.
是的，我们想通过赢得2000万英镑来证明这一点
Yes, and we want to know that by winning £20 million
我们会帮助小孩子。