舞台剧

你有没有过这种感觉
Do you never get, like,
就好像你被自己的思绪支配了 感觉它们要闷死你
you're at the mercy of your thoughts, like they're going to smother you?
没有过
No.
你会冥想吗
Do you meditate?
从来不需要
Never needed to.
舞台剧
大卫·田纳特 麦克·辛
我是个非常平静的人
I'm a very tranquil person.
你从没受过良心的折磨吗
Never plagued with conscience?
没有
Nope.
-这点会让人忧心吗 -我也说不好
- Is that troubling? - I don't know.
你做过什么坏事吗
Have you ever done anything bad?
当然有了 我一直在干坏事
Fuck, yes, all the time.
那确实有点让人忧心
Well, then, yes, it is a little troubling. Yeah.
纽约之旅有进展了吗
Any progress on New York?
我想问问玛丽 看她能不能帮上忙
I'm thinking of asking Mary if she can help out with it.
是吗 她能帮上什么忙
Oh, yeah? What could she do?
她有人脉
She's got connections.
意大利怎么样了
How's Italy looking?
现在换到罗马尼亚了
Romania.
这事你跟我说过吗
Did I know it was Romania?
我不知道
Oh, I don't know.
他们简直是往地球仪上扔飞镖 插到哪算哪
I mean, you know, chuck a dart at a globe, it's just...
-那罗马尼亚怎么样了 -我不知道
- How's Romania looking? - I don't know.
通常会有人帮我打点好一切
I mean, I usually have someone who sorts all these things out for me.
-乔治娅说我可以开车去 -你会开车吗
- Georgia says I could drive! - Can you drive?
这件事一般也有人帮我做
I usually have someone who does that for me, too.
乔治娅·田纳特
安娜·伦德伯格露西·伊顿
客串演出
乌比·戈德堡
以及
本·施瓦茨
你知道有传言说玛丽
You know there's a rumour that Mary
用金球奖杯杀了她的一个客户吗
killed one of her clients with their own Golden Globe?
这也太离谱了
Oh, that's ridiculous!
你刚刚才说她神通广大
You said she's got connections!
那是在航♥空♥行业
In air travel.
-你听起来疑神疑鬼的 -我一直没睡
- You are sounding paranoid. - I did not sleep.
那就快去睡一觉啊
Then go and have a nap!
-她可能会炒了我们 -不会的
- She could fire us! - No!
-不会吗 -至少不会同时拒绝我们俩
- No? - Not both of us.
你是要出♥卖♥♥♥我保全你自己吗
Oh, are you going to throw me under the bus?
-什么 -是不是 回答我
- What? - Are you? Answer the question.
你是不是要弃我而去了
Are you going to throw me under the bus?
搞破坏确实是你的主意
I mean, it was your idea.
-你要告诉她这件事吗 -八成不会
- Are you going to tell her that?! - Probably not!
"八成不会"是什么意思
What does "probably not" mean?!
我八成不会告诉她这件事
I probably won't tell her that
因为她八成不会为这件事生气
because she probably won't even be angry!
对 但假如她真生气了
Yes, but if she is angry.
-那我只能把你供出来了 -她会炒掉我的
- Well, it was your idea. - She will fire me!
不 她不会的
No, she won't!
我不能没有经纪人 尤其是此时此刻
I can't be agent-less, not right now.
我♥操♥ 我♥操♥
Oh, fuck! Fuck!
尼克·弗罗斯特和西蒙·佩吉是不是也是她的客户
Are Nick Frost and Simon Pegg, are they her clients?!
-不是 -我♥操♥
- No. - Fuck!
他们不是
They're not!
-她会把我的脸撕烂的 -他们不是
- She's going to rip my fucking face off! - They're not.
-你确定吗 你怎么知道 -绝对不是
- Are you...? You know that? - Absolutely!
我得回去工作了
I've got to get back to work.
这事我们一起面对 咱俩有难同当
We are in this together.
你发誓
You promise?
我发誓
I promise.
用童子军的方式起誓怎样
Scout's honour?
幼儿版的可以吗
Will a cub do?
可以 就用幼年版的
Yeah. Cub's honour.
努努力 加加油
Dib-dib, dob-dob.
童子军口号♥
是Do Your Best和Do Our Best的缩写
这是孩童时期的庄重誓言 你放尊重点
It's a solemn tryst you make as a child - do not mock it.
此时此刻 我向你发誓...
I make to thee, at this moment-th...
用威尔士语说
Say it in Welsh.
[威尔士语]
庄重誓言...
solemn tryst...
[威尔士语]
阿门
Amen.
刚刚你是不是用威尔士语说了一堆屁话
Was that just a load of old bollocks in Welsh?
是的
Yeah.
第四集
哎哟不错哦 大卫
西蒙不会写女性角色
Simon can't write women.
是的
No.
他真的不会
He just can't.
抱歉 露西
Sorry, Lucy.
没事 他确实不会
No, no, he really can't.
我从没喊过别人"美妞"
I have never called anyone "chiquitas".
他是不是不懂女人
Does he not understand women?
我觉得他一头雾水
I think he's confused.
但他现在有女朋友了啊
But he has a girlfriend now.
是啊 可不是嘛
Yeah, I know!
所以他也许会长进的
Yeah, so maybe he'll improve.
嗯 但我现在就需要这个剧本
Yeah, but I need this scene now,
-所以我没办法等他慢慢成熟了 -也对
- so I can't really afford to wait for him to mature. - Yeah.
要不我们先读一遍
Should we just read it through?
好 我们可以边读边改 总不至于那么糟吧
Yeah. Look, we can fix it as we go. It can't be that bad.
"你们好呀 美妞们"
"Hey, chiquitas!"
你让他干什么了
What did you ask him to do?
我要去主持一个慈善活动
Oh, like, I'm presenting this, this charity thing
然后我就想
and I thought, like,
一个《舞台剧》风格的小喜剧会是个不错的开场
a Staged-style skit might be quite a nice way to open it.
嗯 挺好的
Yeah, great.
然后我就想 "我知道了"
So I thought, "Oh, I know."
"我让《舞台剧》的编剧来帮我们写点东西好了"
"I'll ask the writer of Staged to write us something."
而这就是他为我们 为我 写出来的东西
And this is what he's written for us, for me.
我觉得我过不去"美妞"这个坎了
So I don't think I can get past "Chiquitas".
等下还有"亲爱的"
Well, there's a "honey" later,
然后是"小婊砸"
then "bitches",
然后是"宝贝"
and then "baby".
现在没人会喊别人"宝贝"了
OK, nobody calls each other baby.
-麦克会这么喊莱拉 -那他得记住她的名字
- Michael says it to Lyra. - Well, he should just learn her name.
西蒙缺乏...
Simon just lacks...
对女性的理解
understanding.
他可是你弟弟诶
He's your brother!
这跟基因又没关系
It's not genetic.
-而且他还不算是最糟的 -还真不是
- and he's not the worst! - Oh, God, no.
我曾经去试镜过一个角色
I read for a character once
她被描述为有着一对"快乐的乳♥房♥♥"
who was described as having happy breasts.
我见过一个舞台指示 上面写着
I had a stage direction once that said,
"她捂住了自己受到惊吓的臀部"
"She covers her startled buttocks."
这要怎么演出来
How did you do that?
我当时提议用记号♥笔给屁屁画上惊恐的大眼睛
Well, I offered to draw some sort of big, wide eyes on them with a Sharpie.
你画了吗
And did you?
没有 这段被剪掉了
No, I did not. It got cut.
我们继续往下读吧 也许后面会好点呢
Let's carry on reading. It might get better.
你们好呀 美妞们
Hey, chiquitas!
很高兴再见面 姐♥妹♥们♥
Great to see you again, gals!
你们好呀 小婊砸
Hi, bitches!
我的天 太可怕了
Fck me, it's awful.
能不能让我试着改改看
Shall I...shall I make some changes?
不如我们演原剧的段落好了 那样会好很多
Can't we just do the original? It was much better then.
-让我看看吧 -你有时间吗
- Let me have a look. - Have you got time?
也没多难吧 毕竟连西蒙都会写剧本
I mean, it can't be that difficult - Simon does it.
宝贝 这个房♥间能给我用20分钟吗
Hey, baby, can I have this room in about 20 minutes?
什么 不行
What? No.
我需要用这间
I need it.
为什么
Why?