瑞恩·汉森破案秀（2017）

Ryan Hansen Solves Crimes on Television S01E08

Part 2 March 28, 2022, 11:49 a.m.

I just had the same exact posters in my place
那是我第一次来这里打拼
when I first came out here
<恋爱时代> 1998年开播的青春偶像电视剧
给<恋爱时代>自录试镜视频的时候
to self-tape for Dawson's Creek .
噢我都不知道我们还有一样独特的好品味
Oh. I didn't know we had the same uniquely cool taste.
你知道什么才是不可思议的吗
You know what's crazy
那是我这辈子的第一个试镜
about this is that my first audition ever --
我预约了那次试镜我表演了
I booked it -- I did the...
我表演了一段<疤面煞星>里的独白
I did the monologue from .
没错
Yeah.
"在这个世界上"
"All I have in this world..."
"我所拥有的只是我的蛋蛋和我的誓言"
"is my balls and my word."
"而我不会为任何人打破它们的"
"And I don't break 'em for nobody."
哇
Wow.
我表演了一模一样的独白
I did that exact same monologue.
我要吐了
I'm gonna be sick.
你知道吗汉森
You know what, Hansen...
你能行的
you got this.
我相信你该死的
I believe in you, God damn it.
来抱抱
Bring it in.
哇谢了老兄
Wow. Thanks, buddy.
抱住我
Hold it.
什么
What?
抱住我
Hold it.
嗯
Mm.
嗯
Mm.
噢你真好闻
Oh, you smell good.
嗯
Mm.
黑色达卡淡香水吗
Drakkar Noir?
就是黑色达卡
Drakkar Noir.
再抱一个吗
Another one?
好啊再来一个来吧
Yeah, one more. Come on.
临别一抱
One for the road.
好啦谢谢你兄弟
All right, thank you, man.
嗯
Mmm!
最好的兄弟
The best.
我只是希望他们也给Marty Deeks
I just hope they give an arc to
一个这么有料的故事线
Marty Deeks this juicy.
哇
Wow.
McConnell
McConnell.
我表演个Joe Pesci在<好家伙里>里的片段
I do a Joe Pesci from .
"噢小丑啊我就是个小丑"
"Oh, the clown, I'm a clown"
该死的 McConnell 快点上车
God damn it, McConnell! Get in the car.
多好的人啊
What a guy.
噢操
Oh, shit.
我还以为书柜后面可能会有什么东西呢
Thought there might be something behind the bookcase.
我可能想到了密室逃脱游戏那一集
I guess the escape room got to my head.
等等
Wait!
<七♥宗♥罪♥> 1995年上映的惊悚悬疑片由布拉德·皮特饰演年轻警官摩根·弗里曼饰演富有经验的老警官片中凶手也会在墙上留言
这个杀手完全是在抄袭<七♥宗♥罪♥>
The killer is totally ripping off Se7en;
这也就说得通了
which makes sense,
因为我有布拉德·皮特年轻时的那种闷骚气质
because I have the smoldering intensity of a young Brad Pitt
而且你就像摩根·弗里曼
and you're like Morgan Freeman.
怎么了因为你是那个更老道的警官很明显
Wh-- Because you're the more seasoned police officer, obvi.
瞧好莱坞的七♥宗♥罪♥是什么
Look, what are the seven deadly sins of Hollywood?
我们为什么不直接问受害者呢
Well, why don't we just go ask the victims?
让我们来看看这里
Let's see here.
呃用电脑的
Um...using a PC.
不收养流浪狗的
Not adopting a shelter dog.
给共和党投票的
Voting Republican.
整容失败的
Bad plastic surgery.
衰老的
Aging.
还有
And...
在周末去格罗夫商场
Going to the Grove on a weekend.
还有吃麸质食物
And eating gluten.
等一下你是怎么知道这些的
Wait, you -- how do you know this?
所有在好莱坞的人都知道这些
Everybody in Hollywood knows that.
喔还有把自己的工作放在第二位
Oh, and putting your career second,
但这更像是一个大忌
but that's more of a cardinal sin.
我想知道他们从哪弄来的这么多隐形墨水
I wonder where they got this much invisible ink.
那是精♥液♥
That's semen.
就是告诉你们一声我一点都不恐同
And just so you know I'm not homophobic at all.
我不在意我手上有精♥液♥
I don't care if there's semen on my hands
或者随便哪里都没关系的
or any --or everywhere. It doesn't matter.
话题是"爱就是爱"
#LoveIsLove.
对
Right.
我已经告诉法医室
I told the medical examiner's office
把精♥液♥中的DNA和数据库里的交叉对比一下
to run the DNA from the semen through the database,
如果你觉得可行的话警探
if that's okay with you... Detective.
嘿我知道你很难过
Hey, I know you're upset.
但是你不应该扔掉你的背心
But you shouldn't have thrown away your vest.
再说了我来当负责人还是有些好处的对吧
Plus, there are some perks to me being in charge, right?
能开着我的新坐骑
Get to ride in my new sweet whip.
别说"坐骑"
Don't say "whip."
别人说你的车贷
They say your car payment
不应该比你的月收入多但是嘛
shouldn't be more than your monthly income, but...
我感觉别人没这么说过
I don't think they say that.
我合计着我应得点奖赏
I figured I deserve to treat myself.
再说 Donald给我了不错的折扣
Plus, Donald gave me a sweet deal, you know,
因为我在电视剧里提了一嘴他的工作窗口
'cause I shot out his window.
我不能相信他们真的给了你一把枪
I cannot believe they actually gave you a gun.
我经常打枪的
I shoot guns all the time.
在电脑游戏里吧
In video games.
所以我瞄的很准还对暴♥力♥麻木不仁
So I have great aim, and I am desensitized to violence.
真是双重好处啊
It is a win-win.
但是这枪有点怼到我屁♥股♥了
But it is kind of digging into my hip.
嘿你这是在干什么
Whoa, hey! What -- what are you doing?
没事的
Oh, it's cool.
这辆车有自动驾驶功能
This car has autopilot.
这是未来科技你看看
It's from the future. Watch, check it out.
看见了吗挺酷的对不对
See that? Pretty cool, right?
并且它不会轧到任何人除非你想让它轧
And it won't run over anyone unless you want it to.
我都能在我的智能手表上控制它
I can even control it from my smart watch.
这到底是什么车啊
What kind of car is this?
我要告诉你个小秘密
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
好莱坞的顶级明星能接触到
Hollywood A-listers get access to
这无敌限♥量♥款的原型
the super-limited-edition prototypes --
比如说詹姆斯·邦德或者像是饰演他的演员
kind of like James Bond, or actors who play James Bond.
这辆是个三重混血
This one's a triple hybrid.
三重混血是什么意思
What's a triple hybrid?
一半混合动力一半电力一半素食主义
Half hybrid, half electric, half vegan.
应该说三分之一吧
That's three halves.
我不是很清楚这到底是怎么运作的
I don't really know how it works,
但我知道一共就生产了不到一百辆
but I know that there was less than a hundred of them made,
这其中只有二十三辆电池爆了所以说
and only 23 of them had batteries that exploded, so...
不用谢我
you are welcome.
来自法医Priya的电♥话♥
Call from Medical Examiner Priya.
接听
Answer.
汉森警探
Detective Hansen,
我们找到了匹配的精♥液♥样本
we've got a hit on the semen.
它来自一个名叫Ronald Whitmore的私人教练
It belongs to a personal trainer named Ronald Whitmore.
喔天啊 Ronnie
Oh, shit -- Ronnie?
等下你认识他
Wait, you know him?
是啊他之前是我的私人教练和邻居
Yeah, he used to be my personal trainer and my neighbor
在我住在卢斯费利斯的时候
when I lived in Los Feliz.
车去卢斯费利斯
Car, go to Los Feliz.
你是认真的吗
Are you serious?
<霹雳游侠>中和主人公一起打击犯罪
的是一辆智能车基特外观为庞蒂亚克火鸟内部搭载先进人工智能及先进技术
它可不是<霹雳游侠>里的基特
It's not K.I.T.T. From "Knight Rider."
我重新调试了它的名字所以如果你想让它听话可以说
I reprogrammed its name so you get its attention by saying,
"好了雪球"
"Okay, Snowball."
怎么了瑞恩