瑞恩·汉森破案秀（2017）

Ryan Hansen Solves Crimes on Television S01E01

Part 1 March 28, 2022, 11:48 a.m.

嗨大家好
Hey. Hi!
先别急着关掉或者换台
Now, before you turn this off or change the channel
或者点开其他东西先听我说好吗
or click on something else, just gimme a second, okay?
这是我们的试播集所以有些东西我们还没想好
This is just our pilot, so we're still figuring some stuff out --
语调啊角色啊形式啊我觉得最终肯定还不错
tone, character, format. But I think it's gonna be good.
长远看来我还是很乐观的
Long term, I am optimistic.
这头开的不错对吧
Pretty decent start, right?
呼语
对一个人(通常是不在场)
或一个人格化的物发出的称呼
打破第四道墙
指角色对观众直接说话或致意
展示其意识到自己身在虚拟作品中
的戏剧化技巧
呼语啊打破第四道墙啊
Direct address. Breaking the fourth wall.
死侍那种场景哦北鼻
That Deadpool shit, baby!
我现在用手♥机♥录像也颇有千禧一代的风格
Pretty millennial how I'm doing it on my phone, too.
但是别担心
But don't worry.
<科洛弗档案> 2008年上映的末世灾难片
不会一直像<科洛弗档案>那样压抑的
It's not gonna be all "Cloverfield" The whole time.
最后我是瑞恩·汉
By the way, I'm Ryan Han--
啊啊
Oh! Oh!
看来不是在地上打盹的好日子
Bad day for a dirt nap.
你♥他♥妈♥从尸体旁边滚开混♥蛋♥
Get the fuck away from the body, asshole.
有何贵干
Can I help you?
我是瑞恩·汉森
I'm Ryan Hansen.
我真的一点也不在乎
That literally means nothing to me.
损得好我是你的新搭档
Good one. I'm your new partner.
你♥他♥妈♥开玩笑吧什么什么情况
Are you fuckin' serious? What's -- What's going on?
哦不不不别看镜头
Oh, no, no, no. No, don't look at the camera.
会破坏我们节目的整体风格
It just breaks the vibe of the show.
看着我关注现在的情况
Just stay with me, stay in the moment.
你认真的吗酷头哥
Seriously, haircut?
你这么瞎掺和不会有好下场的
This is about to end badly for you.
不不不我有证的人
No, no, no, I'm legit.
你看市长指派的我
Look, the mayor deputized me and everything.
你看看
Check it out.
这玩意儿是你自己做的吧
Did you make that yourself?
很酷对吧
Cool, right?
上面那是什么妆后照
What is that, a glamour shot?
不是我的大头照怎么你不喜欢
No, it's my headshot. What, you don't like it?
我原来想用另外一张
See, I was gonna go with this other one
看着比较阴沉的
that was a little more moody
但是我觉得这一张有一种隐藏的危险感
But I figure this one had a little more dangerous smolder to it.
戴夫·纳瓦罗美国歌♥手演员主持一档关于纹身的真人秀
总的来说就是要一种戴夫·纳瓦罗带着枪的感觉
Full deets -- going for a Dave Navarro with a gun vibe,
但是我比他高多了
but I'll be a lot taller.
而且我也没有枪
And, you know, also, I don't have a gun.
幸亏你没有
Thank God for that.
说完了躲开
Now move.
制♥作♥方说我极其不合格
Production said I was dangerously unqualified.
是因为保险或者其他的破事
It's some insurance thing or something.
总之我经纪公♥司♥在处理这事儿了
Anyway, my agents are on the issue.
可能是为第二集造声势所以不要有压力
Probably be slingin' heat by Ep. 2, so zero stress.
那把枪是道具吗
Is that a prop gun?
要不我给你一枪试试真假
How about I shoot you, and you tell me?
你这人不听指挥我行我素的我喜欢
You're a total loose cannon. I love it!
行了傻♥逼♥
Okay, dipshit
要么你告诉我你为什么你在破坏犯罪现场
Either you tell me why you're contaminating my crime scene,
要么我逮捕你把你扔进号♥子
or I'm gonna arrest you and toss your ass in County.
好吧你看这样
Okay. Here's the deal-io.
市中心的大人物 (西语)市长大人
The big cheese downtown, El Mayoro,
想要控制一下
wanted to get a handle on
好莱坞地区日渐严重的犯罪行为
the recent uptick in crime in the Hollywood area.
所以他指派了十几个受瞩目的名流
So, he deputized a dozen or so high-profile celebrities,
斯科特·凯恩 <天堂执法者>主演
艾瑞克·克里斯蒂安·奥森出演<海军罪案调查处:洛杉矶>
像我啊斯科特·凯恩啊艾瑞克·克里斯蒂安·奥森啊
like me, Scotty Caan, Eric Christian Olsen,
但是我觉得艾瑞克不适合这份工作你说呢
but I don't think Eric's right for the role, do you?
你喜欢他吗
Are you a fan?
反正不重要
Anyway, doesn't matter.
我和其他那些一线明星
Me and the other A-listers
应该算是洛杉矶警署的好莱坞联络人
are supposed to be like Hollywood liaisons for the LAPD.
帮助警♥察♥破案利用我们业内的关系
Help 'em solve crimes by using our industry connections,
感官记忆技巧还有联♥系♥角色内心的天赋
sense-memory techniques, our gift of channeling characters.
我们就好比是通灵师但是更真实而且长得好看的多
We're like psychics, but realer, and, like, way better looking.
你逗我啊
Seriously?
这节目是这么设定的
That's the premise of this show?
对这节目叫<名流缉恶队>
Yeah, we're calling it "Celebrity Vice Squad."
CVS 美国第二大连锁药店
简称CVS吗
CVS?
很牛逼对吧
Dope, right?
确实我的卫生棉条都在那儿买♥♥的
Yeah, I get all my tampons there.
等等你是说这些东西会在电视上播出
Wait, so you're telling me this is actually gonna be on TV?
呃其实现在只算是个网络剧集
Well, it's more of an Internet webisode thing at the moment.
会在YouTube Red上播放
It's gonna be on YouTube Red.
等等那个色♥情♥网♥站♥
Wait, the porn site?
不不不
No, no, no,
你说的那个是RedTube或者是YouPorn
you're thinking of RedTube or YouPorn.
很奇怪是吧
Weird, right?
因为这两个都是
'Cause those are both, like,
很出名的线上色♥情♥网♥站♥
super popular online pornography sites.
貌似有人应该注意一下这个问题
Seems like somebody should have checked on that.
你猜怎么着
Well, you know what?
闲话说的不少了我们有正事要做
Enough jaw jackin'. We got some work to do.
所以这具尸体有什么故事
So, what's this dead body's story?
有人杀了他
Someone killed him.
或者可能只是这具尸体想让我们这么认为
Maybe, or maybe that's just what this body wants us to think.
你读过马尔科姆·格拉德威尔的<决断两秒间>吗
You ever read "Blink," Malcolm Gladwell?
写的可好了我要用薄片法一点一点分♥析♥
Genius. I'm gonna thin slice this.
没人杀了他
Nobody killed him.
他自己跳下来的
He jumped.
真的你确定
Really, you sure?
嗯我相信我的手段
Mm-hmm. I trust my instrument.
噢
Oh!
所以你觉得他是在跳之前还是跳之后给了自己一枪
So, you think he shot himself before or after he jumped?
之前吧
Before?
身上没有身份真名我们在查他的指纹
No ID. We're running his prints now.
只要电脑查出这个无名氏的身份
As soon as the computer spits out J.D.'s name here,
我们就能查出他的住♥宅♥或者工作地址然后由此调查下去
we can get a home or work address and go from there.
我可以告诉你他现在在哪工作
Well, I can tell you where he worked right now --
就在罗斯福酒店
At the Roosevelt.
你看他衣服上的标志
Got the logo on his shirt right there.
罗斯福酒店是什么东西
What's the Roosevelt?
你开玩笑呢吧
You're joking, right?
我不是当地人我六个周之前调过来的
I'm not from here. I transferred in six weeks ago.
从哪调的
Oh, from where?
克利夫兰
Cleveland.
讲真的你到底是哪儿人
No, seriously, where are you from?
克利夫兰
Cleveland.
噢天呐恶心死了
Oh, God, gross.
罗斯福酒店是好莱坞一个十足的顶级老式俱乐部
Well, the Roosevelt is full-on, old-school Hollywood class.
凯莉·詹娜还在那儿吐过
Kylie Jenner puked there once.
那好吧我去那儿看看
All right. I'll pay 'em a visit.
哦不行你没有会员身份证明进不去的
Oh, nah. They won't let you in without a rezzie.
我跟你去他们认得我
I'll roll with. They know me.
你♥他♥妈♥别跟死人自♥拍♥行吗
Hey, don't take a fuckin' selfie with a dead body, please.
好好好
Whoa, fine.
你这样一点都不酷
That's, like, zero chill, though.
我给警监打过电♥话♥
I called the captain.
不可思议你傻了吧唧的
Unbelievably, your idiotic
好莱坞谋杀联络人的故事竟然是真的
Hollywood Homicide Liaison story checked out.
显然这次行动真的是市长授权的
Apparently, it really did come down from the mayor himself.
我还能怎么说呢
Hey, what can I say?
瑞恩·汉森在<美眉校探>中扮演Dick Casablancas
市长是<美眉校探>的忠实粉丝
The mayor's a big "V. Mars" Fan.
天呐这是Slade