瑞恩·汉森破案秀（2017）

Ryan Hansen Solves Crimes on Television S01E03

Part 1 March 28, 2022, 11:48 a.m.

大家最近怎么样啊
What's crackalackin', fam?
别的先不说
Straight out the gate
房♥间里的大象指显而易见的事情
我就是想提一下房♥间里的大象
I just want to address the elephant in the room
或者我应该说
or should I say,
屏幕上的企鹅
the penguin on the screen.
我们上集的收视率不怎么高
Look, our numbers took a little dip last ep,
所以电视台的那帮高层
so the big wigs at the network --
或者叫制片公♥司♥还是网站好像都行
or the...studio or...URL
觉得我们应该尝试着挺进
thought we should try to break into
能赚大钱的中国市场
the lucrative Chinese market.
所以我现在直播
So I'm broadcasting live
用的是中国最酷的社交软件腾讯QQ
on China's illest social-media app, Tencent QQ.
所以呢对于所有新来的汉森粉森
So, to all you new Hansen-fansens out there,
我想说一句你好
I just want to say -- Ni hao!
你♥他♥妈♥是在逗我吧
Are you kidding me with that shit?
什
Wha--
我他妈的是长滩来的你个歧视鬼
I'm from fucking Long Beach, you bigot.
喔不哥们我刚才不是对着你讲中文的
Oh, no, dude, I wasn't speaking Chinese to you
我也没有想当然地以为你是亚裔
because I thought you were...Asian?
我是在QQ上直播呢
Um, I'm streaming live on QQ.
这是中国最棒的社交软件
It's the top social-media app in China.
哦是吗 - 没错
Oh, word? - Yeah!
好吗 - 没问题
Okay? - Okay！
真棒哥们谢谢你了
Nice, dude. Sweet! Thanks, bro.
哦不好意思
Oh, excuse me.
嘿怎么样啊
Hey, how's it going?
您有预约吗
Hey. Do you have a reservation?
呃我是瑞恩·汉森
Uh, I'm Ryan Hansen.
好吧
Okay.
呃
Um...
我没看到你名字啊
I'm not seeing anything.
我可是瑞恩·汉森
I'm Ryan Hansen.
瑞恩·菲利普美国演员及导演瑞茜·威瑟斯彭的前夫
你把你的名字说得像瑞恩·菲利普
You're saying it like it's "Phillippe"
瑞恩·洛赫特美国游泳运动员奥♥运♥会金牌得主
和瑞恩·洛赫特一样
or "Lochte."
我可以加上你的预约
I could put you down on the list.
不会等超过一个半小时的
It wouldn't take longer than an hour and a half.
菲利普你认真的吗
Phillippe? Seriously?
再见了哥们 - 傻♥逼♥
Later, bro. - Dumbass
就像我之前说的因为一些未知原因
Like I was saying, for some unknown reason,
我们的收视没有呃
our numbers haven't been, you know
像预期那么火爆
as killer as expected,
所以YouTube Red那些大人物
so the head honchos at YTR
想对这个节目做些调整
wanted to make some changes to the show --
你们懂的重新选下演员
you know, do a little recasting.
虽然Mathers是个好搭档
Look, Mathers was a great partner.
我从她那学到很多
I learned a lot from her.
我会想她的但是这个圈子就这样
She'll be missed, but it is all part of the biz.
你得向前看
You got to move on.
所以我要去见新搭档啦超兴奋的
So, hey, I am so stoked to meet my new partner.
呼呼
Hoo-hoo!
我不是个裁判但是这三个人嘛
I'm no referee, but for these three...
可以说是"比赛结束"了
it's "Game over."
哇哦你真的好了解警♥察♥的工作
Wow. You really know your police work.
哦天哪饶了我吧
Oh, come on! Give me a break!
怎么我是那个被重新选角的人
How am I the one recast?
你干嘛呢你不应该来这的
What are you doing? You're not supposed to be here.
呃实际上我应该来
Uh, actually, I am.
我经纪人谈好的合同
My agents negot'd a deal
让我每集都能出现
that I get to appear in every episode
不管我什么角色
regardless of my role.
他们不是第一次这么干了
This ain't their first rodeo.
意思是你之前就被重新选角过
Meaning you've been recast before?
什么没有什
What? No. What --
随便啦别说了
Whatever. Stop.
看看我巡警一号♥
Look at me -- beat cop number 1?
这简直是浪费我的才华你不觉得吗
This is kind of a waste of my talents, don't you think?
看看这裤子啊
Look at these pants.
一点都不修身更别说紧身了
They're not even slim, let alone skinny.
就好像是那种小喇叭裤似的
They might even be boot-cut.
呃天哪
Ugh! God.
简直是扯淡
Oh! This is bullshit.
乔尔·麦克哈尔美国演员主要作品有<废柴联盟><告密者>
<和乔尔·麦克哈尔一起破案> 天哪
"Solving Crimes with Joel McHale"? Ooh!
就好像那更能吸引人似的得了吧
Like that's a bigger draw? Please.
喔不是的他不是演乔尔·麦克哈尔
Oh, uh, no, he's not playing Joel McHale.
他是演 - 瑞恩
He's playing-- - Ryan.
我给你带了甜甜圈
I got you a doughnut, too.
谢谢兄弟
Thank you, dude.
今天刚刚变成了我的临时放纵日
This has become an emergency cheat day.
嘿这些是给我的哥们
Hey. Those are for me, bro.
不这些是给我的哥们
No, they're for me, bro.
这些是给他的
They're for...him.
Frank 你可说的是"瑞恩"
Frank, you said "Ryan."
是啊那是我的名字瑞恩·汉森
Yeah. That's my name -- Ryan Hansen.
但是你大概已经知道了吧
But you probably already know that.
等一下他要演我这完全没道理啊
Wait -- he's playing me? This makes no sense.
观众们会知道乔尔·麦克哈尔不是瑞恩·汉森的
Audiences will know that Joel McHale is not Ryan Hansen.
不会的没人知道瑞恩·汉森是谁
No. Nobody knows who Ryan Hansen is.
是我啊我是瑞恩·汉森
I'm Ryan Hansen.
方法派一种表演技巧演员将角色行为模式内化至日常生活中
他是用方法派表演的
He's going method.
杰昆·菲尼克斯演员方法派表演的十足信奉及实践者
行了兄弟你不是杰昆·菲尼克斯好吗
Knock it off, dude. You are not Joaquin Phoenix, 'kay?
哦兄弟我很抱歉
Oh. Dude, I'm so sorry.
我只是想好好表现出你的才华横溢
I-I just want to do your talents justice.
刚才那镜头你没感觉到吗
Were you not feeling that last take?
我在和我内心的汉森沟通
I was trying to channel my inner Hansen.
我研究了你所有的作品
I've studied all your work.
我看了一堆短命的
I have watched a ton of the short-lived
<坏老师> 瑞恩·汉森出演的CBS电视剧只有一季十三集仅播出三集被砍
<坏老师>电视剧
"Bad Teacher" TV series
<坏法官> 瑞恩·汉森出演的NBC电视剧只有一季十三集仅播出一个月被砍
和短命的<坏法官>电视剧
and the short-lived "Bad Judge" TV series.
等下你演过一个叫<坏老师>的剧
Wait -- you were in a show called "Bad Teacher"
和一个叫<坏法官>的剧
and one called "Bad Judge"?
<圣诞坏公公>2 美国圣诞黑色喜剧电影差评一片票房♥超低都不到前一部的三分之一
还有<圣诞坏公公>第二部
And "Bad Santa 2."
还演过<圣诞坏公公>
And "Bad Santa" also?
不是是<圣诞坏公公>第二部续集啦
No, "Bad Santa 2," the sequel.
和第一部差不多但是更坏
It's just like the first one, only badder.
多么无畏又真诚的表演
Such fearless and honest performances.
好了我想听听你的建议
Now, I would love to hear your notes
如果我没抓住汉森精髓的话
if I'm not capturing an authentic Hansen.
妈的我没建议你演得太棒了
Damn it! I got no notes! You killed it, man.
天啊我面前站着的是个真正的汉森粉森
Man. That's a true Hansen fansen right there.
或者直接叫"粉森" 那样是不是更上口
Or is it just "fansen"? Is that catchier?
哦对了
Ooh. Uh...look.
现在只有他可以直接对着摄像头说话
He's the only one allowed to talk directly to camera now.
我真的很抱歉你懂的吧
Look, I am sorry, okay?
我我知道这很难接受但是我也做不了什么
I-I know this is hard, but it's out of my hands.
这是电视台呃我是说网站的决定
It was the network's -- I mean, website's call.
哥们我很乐意和你分享我的那些待遇
Dude, I am happy to share my perks with you --
直接和摄像头说话啊我的拖车啊我的Vitamix破壁料理机啊
my fourth-wall breaking, my trailer, my Vitamix.
你竟然有辆拖车
You got a trailer?!
我的天啊
Oh, my God!
我得在我助理的越野车后面着急忙慌地换服装
I've been doing a quick change in the back of a PA's Rav4.
他们说经费太少不够单独分我一辆
They said I couldn't have one for budget.
他们因为经费砍了好多东西
They cut a lot for budget.
但是挺奇怪的因为YouTube是谷歌♥旗下的
It's weird, though, because YouTube's owned by Google,
所以你就会理所当然地认为他们有好多钱
so you'd figure they'd have a lot more money.
嘿那个什么是Vitamix
Hey, um... what's a Vitamix?
她从克利夫兰来的