瑞恩·汉森破案秀（2017）

呦呦呦 汉森的粉丝们
Yo, yo, yo Han-Fans!
汉森本人正为你现场直播
It's the Han-Man coming to you live and direct.
我的经纪人Nate刚刚结束了与Susanne
My agent, Nate, just got off a conference call with Susanne,
Virginia Derek Dustin Danny Z
Virginia, Derek, Dustin, Danny Z.,
Andrea Angel 和Tiffany在YouTube Red的电♥话♥会议
Andrea, Angel, and Tiffany at YouTube Red,
猜猜谁拿到了再次重分配的角色
and guess who just got re-re-cast
作为他自己节目的主角
as the lead of his own show?!
没错 就是我
That's right! This guy!
不得不接受减薪
Had to take a bit of a salary cut,
名义制片人 通常对作品的制♥作♥及发行毫无作用 仅依附于该作品的影响力为自己争取更多项目
但作为他们说的"名义制片人"
but as what they call "a producer in name only",
我可能会承担一大堆更多的责任
I'll probably have a ton more responsibilities.
尽管我老是被幕后人员坑蒙拐骗
And even though I'm getting way screwed on the back end,
作为一名艺术家 我认为我们在这儿打造着特别的作品
as an artist, I think we're making something special here.
或者我应该说是 一些特别的
Or should I say, something special...
"兔耳"
hare?
明白了吗 兔子耳 并且这儿有些最新消息
Get it? Hare? And here's some breaking news.
实际并没有第二部
我刚刚定下<亡命驾驶2 无证驾驶>的试镜
I just landed an audition for "Drive 2: Unlicensed".
我喜欢原著 很显然 所以这真的十分荣幸
Love the original, obvi, so this is a real honor
<亡命驾驶>是由尼古拉斯·温丁·雷弗恩执导 瑞恩·高斯林主演的剧情电影
即使 你知道的 瑞恩·高斯林和尼古拉斯·温丁·雷弗恩
even though, you know, neither Gosling nor Refn
都不在续集里出现
are involved in the sequel.
但是依旧 我生来就是演深沉型的
But still...I was born to play the silent brooding type.
对吧
Am I right?
我当然是完"犬"正确了 汪汪
Doggone right I'm right! Ow-owww!
<冲锋九号♥>中主角的搭档是一只德国牧羊犬
别称"冲锋九号♥警"犬的书面语为canine简称K-9 代表工作犬
喔 怎么都没人来重制<冲锋九号♥>
Whoa, how come nobody's ever done a reboot of "K-9"?
说实在的 我应该跟Nate讲一下这个
Seriously, I got to talk to Nate about that.
Hansen Hansen - 啥事
Hansen, Hansen! - What?
你个傻♥逼♥刚刚穿过了犯罪现场
Your stupid ass just ran through the crime scene!
噢 哎呀
Oh. Whoopsies.
你为什么滑着滑板转悠
Why are you riding around on a skateboard?
<洛杉矶无人行走>是2016年上映的一部爱情片
呃 因为<洛杉矶无人行走>
Uh, because nobody walks in L.A.
除非是一场放映会结束后走到后续派对上去
unless it's from a screening to an after party.
并且仅供参考 这不是滑板好吗
And FYI, this is not a skateboard, okay?
这是平衡车 更加酷炫
It's a hoverboard. It's way cooler.
除了 你知道的 有时候他们会爆♥炸♥
Except, you know, sometimes they explode.
好吧 仅供参考 你站在上面就他妈的像一个熊孩子
Well, FYI, you look like a goddamn child on that thing.
侦探狗麦克格拉夫 是一个虚拟的卡♥通♥猎犬形象 由美国国家犯罪预防委员会制♥作♥ 以便儿童建立预防犯罪的意识
好吧 你看起来像侦探狗麦克格拉夫
Well, you look like McGruff the Crime Dog.
很可爱 我的心被击中了
So cute. Take a bite out of my heart.
把这个给我
Give me that.
所以 现在这里老套的杀人案是什么情况
So, what's the haps on the ol' homicide here?
噢 让我猜猜 常驻角色
Oh! Let me guess -- series regular.
血色婚礼在<权利的游戏>第三季第9集 该集有许多常驻角色死亡
令人震惊 这是"血色婚礼"的翻版
Total shocker. It's "Red Wedding" all over again!
噢 死的是Jackson警监吗
Oh! Is it Captain Jackson?
这就是我们所说的"噱头"
Talk about a water-cooler moment.
不好意思 该说一句"剧透预警"
Sorry. Should've said "spoiler alert".
看上去像是对立的俩黑帮在交易着什么东西
Looks like rival gangs tried to make a deal on some product
却突生变故
and something went bad.
逃走的车从他们四个人身上辗了过去
Getaway car flattened all four of them.
为什么这么说
What makes you say that?
好吧 你看到地上这些轮胎痕迹了吗
Well, you see these tire marks on the ground
直指着尸体堆
leading up to the bodies?
还有这些逐渐远离尸体堆的相同痕迹
And those same tire marks going away from the bodies?
这就说明了一些事实 不是吗
Kind of tells a story, doesn't it?
传统的三段式结构 大多好莱坞电影编剧剧本常遵循三段式结构叙事
我希望我的推理有着传统的三段式结构
I like my stories to have a more traditional three-act structure.
好吧 这是开端 中段 和结尾
Okay, here's the beginning, middle, and end.
通过这个人颈部的纹身可以判断
Judging from the tattoo on this guy's neck,
这四个人来自于砍街帮
these four are from Calle Dos
一个因供应着洛杉矶地区一半的可♥卡♥因♥
a Salvadorian gang known for supplying L.A.
而为人所知的萨尔瓦多黑帮
with half of its coke.
有人想要他们的藏货并且为了那些东西压死了他们
Someone wanted their stash and they ran over them to get it.
并且做这事的人一定是
And whoever did that must have made off
在拿到足够的货后才逃走的去
with enough of their supply to --
马尔蒙庄园酒店 位于洛杉矶日落大道 是众多好莱坞明星经常光顾的酒店
喔 去马尔蒙庄园酒店嗨一个月吗
Ooh! To power the Chateau Marmont for a month?
布莱特·拉特纳 美国知名导演 代表作<尖峰时刻> 在韦恩斯坦性骚扰事件后也被指控
去注满布莱特·拉特纳的热水浴池吗
To fill Brett Ratner's hot tub?
兰迪·奎德 美国演员 曾出演电影<断背山>
他和妻子声称好莱坞存在一个邪教组织在追杀他们 且认为是该组织杀死希斯·莱杰
噢 去杀掉兰迪·奎德吗
Oh! To kill Randy Quaid?
我是想说"去大捞一笔"
I was gonna say "to make a lot of money".
是的 好吧 这真是一场悲剧
Right. Well, this is all real tragic.
确实是 但是这些人都不像是演员
It is, but none of these guys look like actors.
他们是毒贩 除非你认识那么一个演员
They're drug dealers. Unless you know an actor
喉咙上纹有刺铁丝网的纹身
with barbed wire tattooed on his throat.
杰瑞德·莱托 在<自杀小队>中饰演小丑joker身上有很多纹身
可能是杰瑞德·莱托
Could be Jared Leto.
并不是杰瑞德·莱托
It's not Jared Leto.
好吧 所以 他们又不是演员
Okay. So, they're not actors.
那我们还需要破案吗
Do we still have to solve the case?
要破 这就是警♥察♥的作用
Yes, that would be the role of the police,
一般而言
Traditionally speaking.
好吧
Fine.
行 那有目击证人吗
All right. Any witnesses?
就是在咖啡店的每个人
Just everyone at this coffee shop.
但显然他们都很忙
But apparently they were too busy
忙于他们的电影剧本啥都没看到
working on their screenplays to notice shit.
也许我能唤起他们的记忆
Maybe I can jog their memory.
波士顿的"波士顿"
"Boston's 'Boston:'
由波士顿制♥作♥的"波士顿"专辑
The Making of the Album 'Boston' by Boston"?
黑名单 是好莱坞一份关于年度最受欢迎未摄制剧本的调查 自2005年起每年在12月的第二个周五揭晓
喔 汉森致"黑名单"组委会
Whoa. Hansen to Blacklist.
我看我们找到了获奖者 - 啥玩意
I think we got a winner here. - What's that?
那是一个关于年度最佳未摄制剧本的名单
Well, it's an annual list of the best unproduced screenplays.
我觉得它变得有点政♥治♥色彩了
I think it's getting a little political,
但是去年的获奖者
but last year's winner,
弗莱迪·克鲁格 电影<猛鬼街>中的恐怖凶残的鬼王角色 他的母亲有着惨绝人寰的经历
<不幸的修女:弗莱迪·克鲁格的母亲不为人知的故事>
"Unfortunate Nun:The Untold Story of Freddy Krueger's Mother",
确实让我陷入沉思 - 我是说 这是啥
really got me thinking. - I mean, what's that?
看上去像个碎掉的智能手♥机♥
Looks like some sort of broken smartphone.
大号♥8Plus 256GB
Oversized 8-Plus, 256 gigs,
据我观测这难道不是用航♥空♥级材料
and do I detect a custom titanium case
锻造而成的定制钛壳吗
forged from aircraft-grade material?
所以这是特殊外壳吗
So this case is special?
瑞凡·菲尼克斯 被誉为90年代最杰出的天才演员并与23岁英年早逝 代表作<不羁的天空>
瑞凡·菲尼克斯不特殊吗
Was River Phoenix special
他是否过早地离开了我们呢 是的
and was he taken from us too soon? Yes.
这种手♥机♥不应该就这样躺在街上
A phone like that doesn't just sit out there in the street.
所有的受害者都带着一次性预付费手♥机♥
All the victims had burners.
<火线>是一部美国剧情类电视剧 讲述了马里兰州巴尔的摩市警♥察♥与犯罪团伙间交锋的故事
很好 就像<火线>里面的那种是吗 很酷
Oh, nice. Like "The Wire", right? So cool.
你知道的 我曾为角色Prop Joe试镜
You know, I auditioned for Prop Joe,
但是他们并没有用我
but they went a different direction.
这会不会是凶手的手♥机♥
What if that's the killer's phone?
你这个推断也太跳跃了
That's a pretty big leap to make.
好吧 但是为什么要在本集开头埋下线索
Yeah, but why plant a clue this early in the episode
要是这个线索并没有作用呢
if it's not gonna pay off?
剧情入门 一种统筹学习戏剧的发展历史及制♥作♥流程的相关课程
我是说 就像"剧情入门"里面的 对吧
I mean, that's, like, Drama 101, right?
我确实刚刚在网上学了这门课程
And I literally just took that class online.
好吧 这是我们目前最好的线索了
Okay, it's the best lead we have for now.
不妨把它送到实验室
Might as well take it to the lab,
看看我们能不能从外壳上提取到指纹
see if we can get any prints off the case.
好
Nice.
嗨 这都第四集了 能不能让我来开车
Hey. Since it's episode 4, how about I drive?
为我<亡命驾驶2 无证驾驶>的试镜做些研究
Got to do a little research for my audition for "Drive 2: Unlicensed".
哦 我的驾照是在克利夫兰警♥察♥局拿到的
Well, the license I have is from the Cleveland PD
是为了去完成国家那些需要顶级精准驾驶的任务
for completing one of the top precision-driving programs in the country
所以安心呆在副驾吧
so get comfy in that passenger seat.
噢 真的吗 有什么建议吗
Oh, for real? Any tips?
只有一个 系好安全带
Just one. Buckle up.
好嘞
Nice.
这他妈什么情况