皮特的糟糕生活（2010）

coming around and seeing me once in a while?
时不时顺道过来看看我怎么样
We'd love to pop round. And now I must just pop to the...
可以啊 我先去上个厕所
toilet.
找厕所了
I must say, Peter, your
我必须说 Peter
mum's absolutely delighted to be back in touch with Margaret.
你妈妈很高兴能和Margaret恢复联♥系♥
Well done, mate. Thank you.
干得好 伙计 谢谢你
Actually... there's something I'd quite like to get off my chest.
其实 有些事情我也是不吐不快
Back in the early '80s, when I was still at BT,
当时还是80年代 那时我还在英国电♥信♥工作
there was this office party.
有一次举♥行♥员工派对
There was this female colleague of mine, Mary...
我有一个同事也在 名字叫Mary
It's all right, Dad.
没关系的 老爸
And we were working very closely together...
工作上我们密切合作
Seriously, it's all right.
真的 真的没关系
No, no, it's important.
不 这非常重要
She took me
她把我带到了
into the disabled toilet...
残障人卫生间
and performed a sex act on me.
然后和我发生了性关系
There she is.
这就是她啦
Looks a bit frumpy, but I
看上去打扮有点过时
expect 27 years ago, that wasn't the case.
不过我想27年前她肯定不是这个样子
No, Colin, that is her 27 years ago.
不 Colin 那就是她27年前的样子
Oof! Back after these.
哦 马上回来
Welcome back and Pete's big day finally here.
欢迎回来 Peter的大喜日子终于来到了
There they are, Pete and Kurt,
这就是他们 Pete和Kurt
and Kurt in a specially chosen suit, Terry.
Kurt穿着精心选择的服装哟 Terry
Yeah, taken from the colours of the national flag of Zimbabwe.
是的 启发于津巴布韦国旗的颜色
What a lot of colours to choose from.
津巴布韦国旗可有好多颜色可选
Going to have to stop you there. Things are happening.
看样子必须让你闭嘴了 仪式马上开始
Well, there she is,
好吧 她来了
also resplendent in the colours of the national flag.
穿的也是华丽丽的津巴布韦国旗颜色
Doesn't she look beautiful? Well, you can't see her face.
她看起来是不是很漂亮 好吧 你又看不到她的脸
Gliding in smoothly like a red Dalek.
像一个红色的Dalek平稳的滑行过来了
All right?
好吧
You look... er...
你看起来 呃
Shall we get on?
我们可以开始了吗
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen,
欢迎 先生们 女士们
to the wedding of Peter and Minikin.
来参加Peter和Minikin的婚礼
The moment when a couple decide to formalise
在一对情侣决定走向婚姻的时刻
the bond of their love is always very special.
他们的结合总是非常特别的
I believe you've written some personal vows?
我想你们已经写好了爱的誓言吧
No. Well, actually,
没有 哦 实际上
I've written something for you.
我已经帮你写好了誓言
Oh.
哦
"Minikin, my love for you suffocates me,
Minikin 我对你的爱让我窒息
and yet I crave it like oxygen.
但是我渴望它就像渴望氧气一样
"When we are in union celebrating our love physically,
当我们水乳♥交♥融在一起来庆祝我们的爱情时
"I don't know where you end and I begin. We are as one.
我不知道你我之间从哪开始在何结束 我们已合为一体
"My love..."
我的爱
That's enough, innit?
真是够了
Minikin?
Minikin你呢
Your staff is like a mighty oak that guides me through the dark,
你的巨根一如参天大树 是我在黑暗可依靠的支柱
but from the inside.
但与此同时
I'm the mother ship, and you are the probe.
我就像一艘母舰 而你是我的指南针
You return, emptying your precious cargo
你归港 清空你那堆积了一整周
that you've been building up during the week...
珍贵而沉重的宝物
I think this is going to take a bit of time,
她的宣誓词应该还要再说一会儿
so while we're waiting,
所以趁着等她还没说完
let's give you some background on Minikin.
我来给你科普一下Minikin的背景
Minikin is of course from Zimbabwe,
她也是来自津巴布韦
although her family now live in South Africa,
但是她家人现居南非
where her father runs a baboon sanctuary.
她的父亲在那儿建了一个狒狒避难所
Baboon numbers sadly have been diminishing for the past 50 years.
在过去的五十年里 狒狒的数量急剧下降
Well, I'm very surprised to hear that.
你说真的还是假的
I would have thought baboons could look after themselves
自从上次狒狒在沃本野生动物园差点把我的汽车砸了
after what they did to my Jag at Woburn Safari Park.
我一直以为狒狒可能自力更生呢
They ripped the wipers off, man.
我的天 它们可把我的雨刷都扯掉了
Going to have to stop you there, Terry. Things are happening.
我得打断你一下 重要关头来了
I now pronounce you man and wife.
现在 我宣布你们结为夫妻
You may kiss the bride.
新郎可以亲吻新娘了
Well, not exactly the wedding of Prince Charles and Lady Di.
好吧 当然是比不过查尔斯王子和戴安娜王妃的婚礼了
But let's not forget, it was a sham marriage.
但别忘了 这只是一场假婚姻
You mean Pete and Minikin or Charles and Diana?
你是说他们俩 还是查尔斯王子和戴安娜王妃
Oh, good point, Terry!
这嘲讽开的 哈哈
Do you remember where you where
你还记得
when you heard the terrible news about Diana?
当你听到戴安娜王妃死讯的时候你在哪吗
Yeah, I do, Colin.
当然记得 Colin
I was in a sauna in Camden, and the manageress came in.
我当时在卡姆登镇(伦敦北部)蒸桑拿 一个女经理走进来
She was very distraught. She was an Oriental lady,
她是东方人 看起来忧心如焚的样子
so forgive the accent, but she simply went,
撇开口音不说 她过来就是一句
"Lady Di dead! Lady Di dead!"
"戴安娜夫人死了 她死了"
So there was no happy ending for anyone that night.
那一夜人人都不能不悲伤起来
No indeed, Terry.
确实是这样啊 Terry
I was... just putting a few things around the place, you know,
我就是把家里布置一下放点东西 你懂的
make it look convincing.
让这婚姻显得更真实一点
What are you talking about?
你在讲什么啊
We've got to make it look good.
我们得让这假婚姻看起来真一点
Immigration Office will be visiting in the next two weeks.
接下来的两周 移♥民♥局的人会来拜访
Why?
为什么
To check up on us.
来做个确认
Really?
有必要吗
You can get in a lot of trouble marrying to obtain citizenship.
为了拿国籍操办假婚姻是犯法的
Oh, you didn't bloody mention that before, did you? Thank you very much That's fantastic
你特么之前怎么不说清楚 太棒了 我谢了你了
Sorry.
对不起
And you didn't tell me you were shagging her either.
而且你也没跟我说过你跟她有一腿
Hello, Minikin.
你好啊 Minikin
heard that, you racist pig. I'm not a racist.
我听到你说什么了 你这种族歧视的垃圾 我没有种族歧视
And if the gloves are coming off, any sign of my thousand quid?
如果这婚事儿没过关 我那一千块怎么办
Don't worry, you'll get your pound of flesh.
别担心 你会拿到你的钱(那一磅肉)
Like Shylock, who was in fact Jewish.
就跟莎翁笔下那个犹太奸商夏洛克一样
So who's racist now?
现在到底是谁种族歧视呀
Wow, things certainly going very well with Jenny, Pete's nurse.
哇哦 Pete现在可真是和护士小姐Jenny真是打得火热啊
I understand if you... don't want to go any further.
如果你不想继续下去 我可以理解的
Oh, no, no, it's fine. Why?
不不不 很好 怎么了
You must be feeling terrible about Barry.
因为Barry的事情 你心情肯定还不好吧
No, he's going to be all right, isn't he?
不会的 他在好转啊 不是吗
Oh, you haven't heard, have you?
你还不知道吗
He's had another heart attack today. What?
他今天心脏病又犯了 什么
Somebody gave him a "Get well soon" Card.
有人给他送了一张卡片 写着"祝早日康复"
And it was a musical one and it played Fuck Tha Police by NWA.
一打开卡片 就能听见NWA的那首<去你♥妈♥的♥警♥察♥>
Argh!
完了
Oh, my God.
我的天呐
Yes, Pete bought a batch
没错 Pete之前在车尾箱甩卖♥♥会上
of cards very cheaply at a car-boot sale.
低价买♥♥入一堆这种卡片
They were seconds from a gift card company,
都是一家礼物卡公♥司♥的同一批货
where a disgruntled employee
有一个员工对公♥司♥不满
had put unsuitable musical chips into their products.
就把这首不合时宜歌♥放到音乐芯片里了
You see, that's still what's great about Britain, Colin.
Colin 你看 这可是咱们英国的一个优点啊
If that was in America,
要是在美国 就没这么简单了
he'd have gone in with a
员工对公♥司♥不满
semi-automatic weapon and shot all his colleagues.
他肯定会扛把半自动武器对着同事大开杀戒
It was touch and go for a while,
他一度命悬一线
but they're pretty sure he'll be fine.
但医生们确定他会好起来的
Oh, thank God for that.
我的天呐 感谢上帝
Wow, it's really affected you, hasn't it?
哇 这对你影响一定很大吧
Yeah, I... Oh...
是啊
Yeah...
唉
Sometimes I feel like I
有时候
might be missing a layer of skin or something.
我总觉得自己少了点什么似的
Look at her eyes. He's cracked it and he knows it.
看看她的眼睛 Pete知道自己已经成功攻陷她了
And that's a very nice snake-like shimmy up the bed.
他就这么往上移到床头 这招不错