詹姆斯·梅：人在（2020）

- ospizio. - Yes.
这就是我“学习成功了”的表情
That's my "successfully learned" face.
伙伴们
Ragazzi.
既然我已经装扮成了路西法的圣诞松糕, 那就该热热身了
Now that I look like Lucifer's Christmas trifle, it's time for the warm-up.
有点没必要 因为我们马上就要下地狱了
Bit unnecessary since we're all about to go to hell.
或者也许我们现在就在地狱里？
Or maybe we're already there.
实际上 这给人一种释放的感觉
This is quite liberating, actually.
如果之后外星人不登陆地球, 我会感到惊讶
If aliens don't land after that, I'll be amazed.
距演出开始还有15分钟, 我们在60米深的石灰岩地洞里
With 15 minutes to go, we assume our positions,
各就各位
down a 200-foot-deep limestone abyss.
这个洞穴太棒了
The cave is fantastic.
我明白自己不会在这次演出中出彩
I mean, I appreciate I'm not gonna be brilliant in this.
显然我不是演员
Obviously, I'm not an actor,
但我不想辜负他们的辛勤工作
but I don't want to cock up all their hard work
因为他们显然非常重视这次演出
'cause they obviously take this very seriously.
我觉得可能有另一组制♥造♥噪音的活动
Oh, I think there might be another group noisemaking activity.
稍等一下
Hold on.
我现在开始担心, 我们其实是在召唤邪恶实体
I now begin to worry that we're actually invoking evil entities,
所以我试着直接和其中一个邪恶实体对话
so I try speaking to one directly.
汤姆惠特在哪儿？
Where the fuck is Tom Whitter?
汤姆！-在呢
Tom! - Yes, here
汤姆！
Tom?
你让我参加的到底是什么？
What the bloody hell have you got me into?
我不知道
I-I don't know.
我不知道 但我宣布与撒旦断绝关系, 并放弃我所有的世俗财富
I don't know, but I renounce Satan and all my worldly goods.
祝你好运
Good luck.
谢谢 我要上去吗？
Thanks. Do I go up here?
到了大声说出那些令人忧郁的屁话的时候了！
Time to shout blue merde.
可怜的观众们穿行走过一系列场景
The poor audience walks through a series of scenes
它们代表九层地狱
representing the nine circles of hell.
演员们则扮演那些因为在世时的罪过, 而永世受折磨的灵魂
The actors are souls eternally tormented for their sins on Earth.
这是惩戒愤怒之罪的公用庭院, 还有惩戒懒惰的
There's your common or garden sins of wrath and sloth.
以及一些鲜为人知的罪恶
And some of the lesser-known sins.
新娘肠胃胀气
Bridal flatulence,
过度悬挂式滑翔运动
excessive hang gliding...
以及在窗帘上擦屁♥股♥
...and wiping your bum on the curtains.
最后 观众们来到色♥欲♥之罪这里
Finally, the audience arrives at the sin of lust.
我来饰演米诺萨
Starring me, Minosa,
驾乘着我由那些死去的性变♥态♥们拉着的战车
with my chariot pulled by dead perverts.
我不知道你是否能听到我的声音, 但这很变♥态♥
I don't know if you can hear me but it's quite kinky.
我觉得他们有点开始享受仪式性的鞭打了
I think they're all getting off on the ritualistic whipping a bit.
他们对自身事业的投入令人鼓舞
Their commitment to the cause is inspiring.
所以当在地狱里时…
So, when in hell...
你来到这个
O you who come to this...
还有一句是什么来着？
What's the other word?
苦痛之屋…
House of pain.
米诺萨！
一个强有力的开始, 直到我忘记台词 开始喊自己的名字
A strong start, until I forget my lines and start shouting my own name.
米诺萨
Minosa.
米诺萨
Minosa.
我想或许可以这样蒙混过关
I think I might be getting away with it.
我吃一个苹果
I eat an apple.
苹果在哪里？
Where is an apple?
我的熊猫在哪里？
Where is my Panda?
显然 导演不同意, 他派保罗送剧本过来
Apparently, the director disagrees and dispatches Paolo with the script.
谢谢，先生
Grazie, signore.
小心你是怎么进来的 还有你信任的人
Beware how you enter and whom you trust.
别让这个大厅入口把你唬住了
Do not let this grand entrance deceive you.
是的
Yes.
表演成功
Nailed.
观众们喜欢
Well, they liked it.
令人惊讶的是 我也喜欢
And surprisingly, so did I.
你一开始很放不开
You started really shy.
是的 我知道 老实说
Yeah, I know. Well, to be honest,
一开始看着像是齐柏林飞艇乐队的专辑封面
at first, it just looked like a Led Zeppelin album cover,
接着变得有点奇怪 可我想
and then it got a bit weird, and I thought,
“汤姆到底让我♥干♥了什么？”
"What has Tom actually got me into?"
再后来 奇怪的是 我发现自己很享受
But then, weirdly, I found that I was quite enjoying
永世被诅咒
being damned for all eternity.
没错 有啤酒吗？
Right. Shall we have a beer?
♪ ♪
第二天早上 洗净罪恶和油彩
Next morning, cleansed of sin and greasepaint,
我们向东前往普利亚崎岖的农田
we head east into the rugged farmlands of Puglia,
路上学习了一下意大利关于守时的定义
with a lesson in Italian timekeeping.
如果你说演出9点开始
If you say that the show starts at 9:00,
并不是说它真的是9点开始
you don't mean that it starts at 9:00.
你绝不会在9点开始并想着
You would never start it at 9:00 and think,
“好吧 有十个人还没到, 是他们运气不好 表演开始”
"Well, ten people haven't turned up. Tough luck. It's starting."
你要等那十个迟到的人
You'd wait for the ten people who are late.
没错
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
那是…那样很刻薄
That's-that's... that would be mean.
我的意思是 我们不是…
I mean, we're not...
你们不是野蛮人
You're not savages.
普利亚是意大利的粮仓
Now, Puglia is Italy's breadbasket
蔬菜篮子
and veg basket
也是肉酒篮子
and meat and wine basket.
好吧 它是意大利的购物车
Okay, it's Italy's trolley.
“狗”
到目前为止 食物一直是个小问题
So far, food has been a little bit of a problem
因为经常 在我们的拍摄过程中
because, quite often, we'll be in the middle of filming something,
我们会受到意大利午餐的伏击
and we will become victims of the Italian lunch ambush.
例如 你正在看一个废弃的小镇
For example, you're looking at an abandoned town,
一座城♥堡♥ 一位当地政要会出现欢迎我们
a castle, a local dignitary will turn up to welcome us--
非常友善 然后他会说 “该吃午餐了”
all very nice-- and then he will say, "And now the lunch,"
那顿午餐可以吃上三个小时
and the lunch can go on for three hours.
所以解决这个问题的方法是自己做午餐
So, the way to get around this is to make our own lunch,
并且用那些中的一只来做
and you do that with one of those.
没错 我该做什么？
Right. What do I do?
请教山羊专家
Ask the goat expert.
不幸的是 我不知道这些山羊中哪一只是专家
Unfortunately, I don't know which of these goats is the expert.
停下来！
Ow. Stop it.
山羊是混♥蛋♥…
Goats are bastards.
真是不假 停下来
In truth. Stop it. Ow!
我放弃了向山羊请教
I give up trying to ask the goat for instructions
转而跟身为人类的安东内拉咨♥询♥
and try a human instead, Antonella.
它张♥开♥双♥腿♥
She opens it. She spreads out her legs.
它现在准备好了
And now she's ready.
安东内拉是工艺奶酪制♥造♥商
Antonella is an artisan cheesemaker.
她会教我如何从贝蒂娜身上挤奶
She's going to show me how to squeeze milk from Bettina here
好给大家做午饭
so I can make everyone lunch.
把你的手给我
Give him... give her your hand.
是的 挤出奶了 我想
Yes, milk is coming out, I think, huh?
挤出来了 我挤出来了
Ah, there you go. I'm doing it.
看看那个
Oh, look at that one. - Wow.
很好
Bene.
非常好 - 非常好
Benissimo. - Benissimo.
山羊是非常友好的动物
Goats are quite friendly animals.
几乎可以把它们当宠物养, 它们生性好奇
You could almost have them as pets. They're quite inquisitive.
很可爱 叫声很好听
Um, they're cute. They make a nice noise.
它们常常…
They tend to r... Oh.
我这样做时 我能感觉到山羊的解脱
I can feel the relief in the goat when I do that.
它非常温暖 这样很不错
And she's very warm, which is quite nice.
不知道这会儿谁更开心 是他还是羊
I don't know who's happier among the two of them.
感觉挺亲密的
It feels quite intimate.
我和这只山羊之间有一种信任的纽带
There's a bond of trust between me and this goat.
我在挤压它的乳♥房♥♥ 也就是说
I'm squeezing her udder, which is, you know,
我不会让他人来挤 我知道这没什么关系
I wouldn't let somebody-- I know they're not related--
但我不会让别人挤我的
but I wouldn't let somebody squeeze my...
我的侠义之举获得了回报
My chivalrous approach has been rewarded.
够做一个小奶酪的吗？
Is it enough to make a small cheese?
好的 我们会设法做出点什么
Okay, something... we'll manage to make it.
谢谢 贝蒂娜 来自于你的恩赐
Grazie, Bettina, for your bounty.