弗兰奇·博伊尔：曲马朵之夜（2010）

大家好
Hello!
能在一个基本属于儿童台的电视频道
I can't tell you what a pleasure it is to be appearing
穿得像个老叫花子
on what is basically a children's TV channel
我真是他妈太开心了!
looking like an old fucking tramp.
你们过得咋样?
How you all doing?
(铁人28号♥漫画角色 可说是近代第一个巨大机器人形)
你好嘛 铁人28 说你呢 大个子!
How you doing, Gigantor? How you doing, big man?
我嘞个去 你的手下败将都比我彪悍就算了
Fucking hell, you've not just fought bigger men than me,
你拉出的屎估计都比我个大 你好吗
you've shat bigger things than me. How you doing, big fella?
你这头 看着就绝非善类啊
That's a sinister fucking head you've got there.
你的照片能上报纸的唯一方式就是
The only way your picture's ever going to appear in the paper
底下粗体写着"警方认为嫌犯比这个人体型还庞大"
is above the caption "Police suspect the real figure may be much higher."
和你一起来的这几位
Are these people with you,
还是被你硬拉来的?
or have they just been drawn into your orbit?
你好吗 说说你的事儿吧?
How are you doing, man? What's your story?
你这肢体语言看起来很消极啊
You've got very negative body language.
你刚刚一耸肩 看起来就像"我也不知道自己有啥故事
You just did a sort of shrug of, "I don't know what my story is.
"实话说Frankie 我几小时前才醒过来
"To be honest, Frankie, I only came to a couple of hours ago
"连内♥裤♥都被扒了
"In a skip with no trousers,
"身上有七种不同的精♥液♥"
covered in seven different types of semen."
你好啊 你是他女朋友吗?
How you doing? Are you his girlfriend?
不是
No.
不是很坚决啊
No. No. A very definite no, there.
你认识他吗?
Do you know him?
认识
Yeah.
外展社工? 出来给他做辅♥导♥工作的?
Ah. Outreach worker?
这发型怎么回事?
What's happened with the hair here?
怎么了?
What?
我不是想吐槽你啊
Again, I don't mean it to sound horrible,
(80年代男扮女装的流行偶像)
但好像Boy George化疗后带的假发啊
but it's like Boy George in a chemotherapy wig.
不好意思 怎么听都像是吐槽
Sorry, there was no way that wasn't going to sound horrible.
问题是 这货太值得吐槽了
Because it was horrible, that's what went wrong there.
你知道英国半数实施肉毒杆菌注射的人
Do you know that half the people in Britain who give Botox injections
完全不具备行医资格吗?
aren't qualified in any way?
现在这些蒙古大夫的受害者
Now, the people that have been victims of these guys
感到既震惊又恐慌
are shocked and horrified -
但你光看他们表情 是看不出来的
although you wouldn't know it to look at them.
话说回来 女士们 你们不想要皱纹 可以增肥啊
Actually, women, if you don't want to have wrinkles, put on weight.
胖个几公斤 褶子就撑起来了
Put on a couple of stone, that will take up the slack.
能做葡萄为啥非当葡萄干啊!
Why be a raisin when you could be a grape?
我本人的G点是皮革
What I'm into myself, sexually, is leather.
皮革是委婉语 其实是说老女人
I say leather, I mean older women.
腐国年纪最大的孕妇最近产子了 63岁高龄
Britain's oldest woman to give birth gave birth recently, she was 63.
我肯定那就是奇迹降临一般
I'm sure that was actually a magical moment.
(吐槽年龄大 羊水变羊灰)
我很乐意观摩她羊灰破裂的一瞬间
I'd have loved to have been there when her dust broke.
对于63岁的人来说 大半夜起床
Can't be easy getting up in the middle of the night
换脏尿布真是太不容易了
aged 63 to change a soiled nappy.
尤其是她现在还有宝宝要照顾
Especially now she's got a baby.
不管怎么说 母乳喂养都值得提倡
Still, it must be nice being able to breastfeed it
(年纪大胸下垂)
特别是她现在都不用把孩子从摇篮里抱出来了
without having to lift it out of the cot.
我可没法和年纪那么大的人上♥床♥ 死亡风险太大
I couldn't have sex with someone that old, because they might die.
做到一半也许就死了
They might die during sex.
我不知道那种情况下 我能不能停下来
And I don't know that I could trust myself to stop.
值此圣诞节 让我们跟格拉斯哥的四个孩子
'This Christmas, meet four children from Glasgow...
和他们一起走入魔法小Hing的世界
'And join them in their discovery of a magic wee hing.'
(magic wee hing又是自创词 hing=hang
在这里就指树桩上那个小东西)
欢迎啊 孩子们
Welcome, children.
这他妈的是啥?
What the fuck is that?
孩子们 孩子们 你们有什么愿望吗? 圣诞愿望?
Children, children, what do you ask of me? A Christmas wish?
你能实现愿望?
You do wishes?
是的 年轻人
Young sir, I do.
说出你的心愿 只要一缕月光
Name your heart's desire and with a sprinkle of moonbeams
我就能实现你们最大的愿望
I shall make your fondest dream come true.
让我邻居生个黑人孩子
Make our next-door neighbour have a black baby.
我押了钱在凯尔特队上 把流浪者队的人全整瞎
I've got money on Celtic for the Cup, make Rangers fucking blind.
动手啊 你个傻♥逼♥
Just do it, you fucking wee dick.
打瘸你的腿!
Dead leg!
你把我的屁♥股♥打坏了
You've shattered my hip.
哦 哦 神啊
Oh! Oh, God.
求求你们别打了 我能让你的玩具活过来一晚上
Please, no. I can make your toys come to life for an evening.
不要 来草这只兔子
No, shag this rabbit.
孩子们...孩子们...孩子们...不要啊...
Oh, children... Children... Oh, children... Please...
对不起 兔子夫人
My apologies, Mrs Rabbit.
表
Oh, no.
耻辱啊!
Oh, the shame!
孩子们 求你们了 表! 孩子们! 表!
Children, please, no! No, please, children, no!
好了
There, there.
谢谢你 Lucy 你真善良
Thank you, Lucy, you're very kind.
只想你能早点好起来
Just trying to make sure you're better.
我把压岁钱全压你身上了 赌你打赢那条狗
I bet my Christmas money you'll be able to fight off this dog.
我滴上帝啊!
Jesus Christ!
卧♥槽♥!
Oh, shit!
抓住那货!
Get the fucker!
快放开 表 表 我的脸 我的脸!
Get off me! No! No! My face! My face!
值此圣诞节 与魔法小Hing一起踏上奇幻旅程吧~
'This Christmas, experience the wonder of The Magic Wee Hing.'
我正在制♥作♥一部电影叫 黑到未来(回到未来)
I'm making a movie called Black To The Future.
Will Smith回到五十年代的高中舞会上
Will Smith travels back to a high-school prom in the 1950s,
去端盘子
where he serves drinks.
他强♥奸♥了舞会皇后 不成想
He rapes the prom queen, and in the process
成了奥巴马的祖父
becomes the grandfather of Barack Obama.
我也在做碟中谍4 一部两个半小时影片中
I'm also making Mission Impossible 4, a two-and-a-half-hour movie
眼睁睁看着阿汤哥想方设法地上他老婆
where we watch Tom Cruise try to fuck his own wife.
另一个正在制♥作♥的电影 是激动人心的
Another project I'm very excited about is a movie
曼森家族的纪录片(美国邪教家庭)
that I'm making that's a biopic of the Manson Family,
每个角色都是由Eddie Murphy来出演
where Eddie Murphy plays all the roles.
(不知道是吐槽他当年的脱口秀:神经错乱, 还是吐槽他总演丑角)
名字叫杀掉猪头 去死猪头:怪医杜立德
It's called Kill Pig, Die Pig: Dr Dolittle 3.
(可能是指他07年演的烂片超级肥妻
台词有Come on, pig in 啊blanket)
我得抓紧了 要不芭蕾课要去迟了
I must hurry or I'll be late for ballet class.
Blazac小姐呢?
Where's Miss Blazac?
孩子们 别管我
Oh, never mind what happened to me, children.
你们要为汇报演出勤加练习
You need to practise for the recital.
Elaina 从你那一段开始
Elaina, let's take it from your part of the performance.
嫩死那货!
Get the fucker!
哎呦喂 我好像一不小心生了几百个瞎了的小宝宝
Oh, my! I seem to be giving birth to hundreds of tiny blind babies.
芭蕾舞者索菲亚
喂 你这穿的是裘皮啊
Hey, you're wearing a fur coat.
又没那么冷 你是纯显摆吧?
It's not that fucking cold, so you are a show off. Eh?
你好啊 你是做啥的?
How are you doing? What do you do?
学时尚的学生
I'm a fashion student.
学时尚的学生? 说句实话 你还真不是
You're a fashion student?! Let me tell you, you are not.
Lady Gaga去MTV颁奖典礼的时候
Did you see Lady Gaga turn up at the MTV Awards
穿了件生肉裙 见了吗?
in a dress made from meat? See that?
那之后她可是雄霸头条啊
She got headlines all over the world.
这是要是换成苏珊大妈
If Susan Boyle had done that,
估计结局是脖子上中一针麻醉剂
all she'd have got would have been a tranquilliser dart in the neck
然后这辈子她都别想近身超♥市♥熟食柜了
and a lifetime ban from the deli counter at Lidl.
你们知道我的笑点在哪儿吗?
You know what I love?
苏珊大妈宣城自己从没被吻过
I love the way Susan Boyle always says that she's never been kissed.
就这一点来看
On that evidence alone,
苏格兰人♥民♥的酗酒问题 显然没那么严重啊
Scotland's alcohol problems are not as bad as we thought.
从没被吻过 但她又是苏格兰人
She's never been kissed, but she is Scottish,
所以八成在春游的路上被指奸过
she will have been fingered on a school trip to Largs.
木有亲亲 只有深邃互视来着
No kissing, just some really intense eye contact.
我一不当心 伸了四根指头
I went for four there, for some reason.
保龄手法
The bowler's grip.
大拇指扣住肚脐 就是传说中的保龄手法
Thumb in the belly button, the bowler's grip.
* 我做过一个梦... * 草泥马!
* I dreamed a dream... * Fuck you!
他们老是强调 "苏珊大妈还是个处呢"
I love the way they always go, "Still a virgin, Susan Boyle."
还是个处呢 搞得好像有一天
Still a virgin. Like that's going to change