弗兰奇·博伊尔：曲马朵之夜（2010）

So, Glasgow's got the Commonwealth Games.
还得感谢德里（印度城市）把标准降那么低 我们才能赢
Good to see Delhi setting the bar nice and low for us.
大松一口气啊
What a relief that is.
英联邦 当然指的是当年的大英帝国
The Commonwealth, of course,was the old British Empire.
英联邦运动会本来是叫帝国运动会的
The Commonwealth Games was originally called the Empire Games.
一般来说都是由大型奴隶赛跑开场的
Basically it started out as a huge slave race.
William 看来我的黑鬼比你的跑得快啊
"William, I think my niggers are quicker than yours."
现在他们以枪声开始比赛简直就是讽刺啊
It's ironic they start those races with a gunshot,
原先都是以这个结束的
cos that's how they used to finish.
这种热烈拥护苏格兰的态度该省省了
We should stop all this boosterism for Scotland, man.
就承认了吧 这就是个破地方 狗窝一样
Just admit it's a shit place, it's a rubbish place.
罗马人♥大♥老远从世界另一头跑过来
There's a reason the Romans came across the world,
征服 文明化 再征服 再文明化 继续征服 继续文明化
conquer and civilise, and conquer and civilise, and conquer and civilise.
到了苏格兰 "额 还是建堵墙吧"
Got to Scotland and said, "Er, build a wall."
怎么能让邓迪（苏格兰城市）来的妞怀上?
How do you get a lassie from Dundee pregnant?
射到阴沟里 接下来苍蝇会帮你的忙的
Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work.
你最近去过苏格兰的海滩没?
Have you been to a Scottish beach recently?
到处都是垃圾 屎尿横流 套套遍地
Rubbish everywhere, shit all over the place, condoms.
（Amy以蜂窝发型著称）
就像是去艾米酒窖大妈头上那包里度假一样
It's like taking a holiday in Amy Winehouse's muff.
酒窖大妈现在看起来脏兮兮的是吧
Winehouse looks filthy now, doesn't she?
我估计艾滋都担心别不当心染上了她
I reckon Aids is worried about catching her.
多合体（浪子乐队）貌似是和她同居去了
Apparently Pete Doherty's moving in with her.
他们住一公♥寓♥ 听着像是肥皂剧的节奏啊
They're going to share a flat. It's like a sitcom, isn't it?
我给他们的肥皂剧起了几个名字
I've thought of a few prospective sitcom titles for them.
两脚进棺材了（One Foot in the Grave）
Both Feet In The Grave.
一呆一马（Only Fools and Horses是说酒窖大妈脸长?）
Only Fool And Horse.
还有我最喜欢的
Or my favourite,
（Allo! Allo!主角之一是爱唱歌♥的音盲）
喂喂喂 你两有人听得到不?
Allo, Allo... Allo? Can Either Of You Hear Me?
天 Sarge 叫救护车 这个没气了
Christ, Sarge, Call An Ambulance. This One Isn't Breathing.
想过几百年后的生活是怎样的没有?
Ever wondered how life will be hundreds of years from now?
McMenemy一家同意过上一年
The McMenemy family agreed to spend a year of their life
2050年的生活
living in the year 2050.
McMenemy先生再也不用去工作了
Mr McMenemy doesn't have to go to work any more.
在家就能办公
The office comes to him.
节省的时间都能花在兴趣爱好上 比如网球
Leaving him more time for hobbies, like tennis.
和高尔夫
And golf.
McMenemy家孩子能在家学习
The McMenemy children will be educated at home
老师是未来的自己
by their own future selves.
医学和哲学的进展
Medication and philosophical advances
使得我们再也不用体会负面情绪了
will mean that we no longer experience negative emotions.
好久没见了 Bill
I haven't seen you in a while, Bill.
那是因为你强♥奸♥了我 Fred
That's because you raped me, Fred.
是你先强♥奸♥我的
Only because you raped me.
我要再来一次了
I'm going to do it again.
哎呦 这是怎么了
Oops, what's happened here?
看来是大家没带上身份认证的帽子就想出门
Looks like everyone's been shot dead on the doorstep for trying to go out
全被打死在门口了
without their identity hats.
呦 你看起来像是瘦了几斤啊 看着不错
Hey, you look like you dropped a few pounds. You look great.
谢谢
Thanks.
现在一定感觉倍儿好吧?
You must be feeling pretty good, right?
完全木有啊
No, not at all.
* 人们就是这么注意到自己得了艾滋 那是 *
* That's how people notice that they've got Aids, yeah *
* 人们就是这么注意到自己得了艾滋 *
* That's how they notice that they've got Aids *
* 人们就是这么注意到自己得了艾滋 大家伙儿 *
* That's how people notice that they've got Aids, y'all *
* 艾滋 艾滋 艾滋 艾滋 艾滋 艾滋 *
* Aids, Aids, Aids, Aids, Aids Aids. *
蝙蝠侠 你不能扶正她做罗宾!
Batman, you can't make her Robin!
我还是罗宾呢 蝙蝠侠!
I'm still Robin, Batman!
她就是个冒牌儿货啊 蝙蝠侠!
She's just a fucking impostor, Batman!
我还是那个神奇小子!
I'm still the Boy Wonder!
蝙蝠侠 你看 我能把手伸到胃里!
Batman, I can put my hand inside my own stomach!
好像是超能力捏 蝙蝠侠!
Just like a super power, Batman!
蝙蝠侠 这是俺们的主题曲啊亲
Batman, that's our tune, baby.
一起来 一二三
Come on, one, two, three...
我觉得对女士们来说 很重要的一点是
不要让男人告诉你们什么叫性感
I think it's important for women, don't let men tell you what's sexy
因为男人们根本不懂
because men don't know, do they?
脐环完全就不性感啊 男人觉得它性感
Belly-button piercings aren't sexy, men just think they are
不过是因为让他们想到了黄色杂♥志♥上的订书针而已
because it reminds them of the staple in a porno mag.
男人有时会说 "我不喜欢女人穿月经内♥裤♥
Stuff men say, "I don't like it when women wear their big period
"就是她们经期穿的那种巨大 灰色的内♥裤♥"
"knickers. Big, grey knickers when they've got their period".
她们来了月经你还想看她们穿性感内♥裤♥?
You want them to wear sexy knickers when they've got their period?
就好比在屠宰场上升一面彩旗啊
That'd be like hanging bunting in an abattoir!
都说到了 就提一下 没有裆部的那种内♥裤♥
While we're at it, for crotchless knickers you really need
不是你下面长成什么样都能穿的
the right sort of the vagina.
下边不适合的 穿着这种无裆内♥裤♥
The wrong sort of vagina in crotchless knickers looks like
看起来基本就是食人族的圣诞装饰
a cannibal's Christmas decoration.
还有比基尼区脱毛也就算了吧
Let's get rid of Brazilians as well,
70年代那种毛茸茸有什么不好的
what was wrong with those big 1970s hairy bushes?
那时候的妞看起来都像是正在
分娩Emmanuel Adebayor一样（球员 头发多?）
Women who looked like they were giving birth to Emmanuel Adebayor?
男人们在性事上的悲剧是 我们明明知道
The tragedy of male sexuality is that we should be attracted
应该找坚强自信的女人 这样日子能过的更开心 但是我们也知道
to strong, confident women that make us happier and instead we know that
绝望 看破红尘的妞 其实上了床更淫♥荡♥
broken, disillusioned women are going to be dirtier in bed.
要是第一次约会的对象说
If you go out on a first date with someone and they go,
"我和我爸爸关系不错" 你会默默念一句"擦!"
"I had a great relationship with my dad," inside you're going, "Damn!"
"但是我的继父吧..." 还有戏啊喂!
"My stepfather, on the other hand..." Back in the game!
（遭父亲禁锢虐奸24年的奥地利女子）
要是约会的对象是Elisabeth Fritzl 晚上一定睡的到
If you get a date with Elisabeth Fritzl, you're fucking that night.
做到一半为了增加情趣还能说 "叫爸爸"
You could spice it up by in the middle going, "Who's your daddy?"
还记得Benny Hill被追着跑的样子（著名喜剧演员）?
Remember Benny Hill getting chased about?
啥玩意儿配上他那段音乐 都会更滑稽是不?
Everything sounds a lot funnier with the Benny Hill music, doesn't it?
不管多掉节操 看起来都好得多
He could've got away with a lot more heinous shit.
需要我帮忙吗 是在等公交?
Can I give you a hand? Waiting for the bus?
不是
No!
这边走 一点不麻烦啊
It's this way. It's no trouble at all.
好了 拜拜
OK, bye-bye!
您这是在找您的夫人? 她上了公交了
You looking for your missus? She's on the bus.
就在这儿
There you go.
DIGNITAS 车上载的是自主选择被送去安乐死的
（Yakety Sax就是Benny Hill视频使用的音乐）
不好意思啊 哥们 纹身不...
Begging your pardon, mate. Nice tatt...
梦露被纹成了Myra Hindley
（1963年至196♥4♥年期间在沼泽凶杀中杀害4名小童而被定罪）
卧♥槽♥
Fuck!
卧♥槽♥! 借基♥督♥之力将你驱逐!
Fuck! The power of Christ compels you!
借基♥督♥之力将你驱逐!
The power of Christ compels you!
借基♥督♥之力将你驱逐!
The power of Christ compels you!
（左边: 《虐杀3D》 右边: 《史莱克3D》）
我只是...
Just taking...
乱♥伦♥幸存者讨论会
表 求放过
No, don't!
我恨死了那帮小伙子成天追着乐队巡演了
Man, I hate the way the boys are always touring with the band.
我懂 妹子
I hear you, sister.
这对话谁写的? 是两个白人说的吧
Who wrote this dialogue? Was it two white guys or something?
我觉着他们还在学咱说话
I think they're trying to do our voices.
绝壁的
Fo' sure.
是啊哥们
Yeah, man.
话说 他们天天不着家
Anyway, they're on the road so much,
当年还不如不要嫁呢
it's like we might as well not be married.
我们不如就下下海呗 至少还有床单能滚
We might as well be on the game, at least we'd get laid some time.
这么一说 也有道理啊
In fact, you've got a point.
我们看着还不错 说不定能有几个进帐
We're all still looking good, maybe we could make a few dollars!
* 咱就是这么得了艾滋的 液 *
* That's how we got AIDS, yeah *
* 咱就是这么得了艾滋的 *
* That's how we got AIDS *
* 额滴个神 咱就是这么得了艾滋的 大伙儿 *
* Oh, God, that's how we got her AIDS, y'all *
* 艾滋 艾滋 艾滋 艾滋 艾滋 *
* AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS *
* 哦液 艾滋 *
* Oh, yeah, AIDS. *
这就是我一个个剁了你们的办法
And that is how I would slaughter you all individually.
好了 我们这一集学到了什么
Now, what did we learn from tonight's episode?
我们学到了 牛排加起司 夹在黑妹子的屁♥股♥里
We learned that steak and cheese in a black woman's ass
叫做屁屁卷
is called an ass taco.
我发现这句台词可能冒犯到了部分观众
I realise I may have offended some people with that line,
不过实话实说 加沙拉真心不行的
but to be honest with you, salad just won't do,
必须是牛排（鸡鸡）
it has to be steak every time.