弗兰奇·博伊尔：曲马朵之夜（2010）

Music.
此处音乐
Music.
角色1扮演者: 二号♥演员
角色2扮演者: 三号♥演员
此处音乐
Music.
角色3扮演者: 四号♥演员
文字
伊朗版 女人放轻松
(这节目基本是一群大妈唠唠家常、房♥事啥的所以...)
轻松一下气氛 说个短笑话
To lighten things up a bit, a wee jokey joke.
大家都喜欢短笑话不是 走起
Everyone likes a wee jokey joke, don't they? Here we go.
在我还是个小孩的时候
When I was a wee boy,
有次做梦梦到 自己在啃一巨大的蘑菇
I had a dream that I was eating a giant marshmallow,
醒来发现自己被性侵了(太黄暴了)
and when I woke up I was being sexually abused.
日本人管他们自己的屁♥眼♥(Jap's Eye)叫啥?
What do Japanese people call their Jap's Eye?
我的眼?
My eye?
英国是刑讯行为的同谋
Britain's been complicit in torture.
我一直不能理解基♥地♥组♥织♥为什么
I've never understood why Al-Qaeda don't just
不招募SM爱好者
employ sado-masochistic perverts.
先生 我们试着拔他的指甲 但是哥们高♥潮♥了
"We, eh, we tried pulling his finger nails out sir, but he came!"
你试过给他的蛋蛋上夹子了没?
"Have you tried the ball clamp on him?"
试了 他自备了夹子
"Yeah, he brought his own!"
谣言说下一步自杀性爆♥炸♥者们会把炸♥药♥装裤子里
Scaremongering. We are we supposed to be scared of the pants bomber,
我们是该害怕这哥们吗?
supposed to be scared of that guy,
在裤子里装上炸♥药♥
tried to set off a bomb in his pants.
我倒希望他真的试试 这样我就知道
I wish he'd done it just so I could know that he was
他上了天堂 得到了七十二个处♥女♥ 但是鸡鸡已经被炸飞了
up in heaven with 72 virgins but had blown his cock off!
他该在爱尔兰瑞安航♥空♥上进行自爆的
He should have done it on Ryanair,
飞机上的人宁可选择被炸死
everyone would have been delighted to get blown up,
而且最后的落地点也离目的地近一点
and actually land closer to their fuckin' destination.
爱尔兰瑞安航♥空♥新出了规定说
Ryanair have a thing now where they're going to charge people
一个行李箱要收八十磅 上一次厕所要一磅
80 for a suitcase, and 1 to use the toilet.
我有个解决办法 到了飞机上直接买♥♥行李箱
I've got a solution, buy your suitcase
机上打折 五块一个 然后拉在行李箱里
its on sale on the plane for a fiver, and then take a shit in it!
你有一个能够无条件信任的朋友吗?
Do you have a friend you could trust no matter what?
把我藏起来!
把我藏起来!
我杀了个娃!
如果你能在告诉他你杀了个孩子的情况下
You could win 10,000 if you've got a friend you could convince
说服朋友把你藏起来 就能赢一万英镑
to hide you after telling them you've killed a kid!
发生了些事情 Joe 我 呃...
Something happened, Joe, I just, eh...
我不当心 杀了隔壁的Davie
I just ended up killing, eh, little Davie next door,
你知道的 就是邻居家那小孩
you know, the kid next door.
我不当心弄死了他 我得 我...
I ended up fuckin' killing him, I think I...
我拜托你了 快把我藏起来吧哥们!
what I want you to do, is you've got to hide me, man!
滚! 你♥他♥妈♥把你脏的手拿开!
Get lost! Get your fuckin' hands off me!
滚出去!
Get out!
欢迎回来 现在在我旁边的是
Welcome back, and joining me in the studio
未命名街道这部剧的二号♥演员
is Actor 2 from Untitled Street.
二号♥演员 欢迎你的到来
Actor 2, thanks for coming in.
出演英国收视率第一的肥皂剧感觉怎么样?
And how does it feel to be in Britain's number one soap?
另外 你染上可♥卡♥因♥是真的吗?
And is it true you've developed a cocaine problem?
是他妈真的!
Fuck yeah!
George Michael版高速公路驾驶守则
George Michael's Highway Code.
(英国歌♥星乔治·迈克尔由于2010年7月吸毒后驾车酿成交通事故 9月15日被法庭判处入狱8周 缴纳罚款1250英镑 并被吊销驾驶执照5年 而且他是同性恋)
镜子
Mirror.
转向灯
Signal.,
撸管
Wank.
睡着
Sleep.
撞车
Crash.
撸管
Wank.
遇上环形交叉路口时 除非标志指向不一致
When reaching the roundabout, follow road markings
否则一律按路标指向驾驶
and unless directed otherwise,
右侧行驶的车辆有先行权
give priority to traffic approaching from your right.
Jeremy Kyle 我都看不下去啊
Jeremy Kyle, that gets me, man.
制♥作♥组朝冷冻半成品里打了镇定剂 麻翻的拖节目上做观众
They round up the audience for that show by firing tranquilliser darts into Farmfoods.
节目上都是些二♥逼♥不是? 从来没有一集♥会♥叫做
It's always scumbags, isn't it? there's never an episode called
"我想去托斯卡纳 你个无赖"
"I wanted to go to Tuscany, you swine!"
我很期待他有一天拿着DNA检测报告说
I'd like to see him come back wi' the DNA test results and go,
我手上是你的DNA检测结果 结果证明你都不是人类
"I've got your DNA test results here, you're not actually human.
其实你♥他♥妈♥是一种很稀有的卷心菜
"Turns out you're a rare breed of fuckin' cabbage."
电视节目 还能更没有下线一点吗?
TV, man, how low is it gonnae sink?
我预见在几年之后 打开电视
I fully expect to switch on the telly in a couple o' years,
就会看到 我叫John Leslie 这是一条维京式的长船
see someone going, "My name's John Leslie, this is a Viking longship,
您正在收看的是 强♥奸♥的故事(又是北欧海盗的梗)
"and you're watching The Story of Rape."
ITV现在都有植入性广♥告♥了 我觉着他们
They have product placements in ITV now. I think they should
应该勒索公♥司♥ 不给钱就做负面的植入性广♥告♥
blackmail companies by threatening to do negative product placements.
警官 我们逮到了一个恋童癖
"Sarge, we caught a paedophile."
是吗 当时他在干什么?
"Really, what was he doing?"
正在吃沃克牌薯片
"Eating Walkers Crisps."
前两天我看到了个节目
I saw a show the other night,
他们剖开了一些大型动物 就在那儿...
they're cutting open these giant animals. They were...
啊 看看这只长颈鹿 它颈椎骨节的数量真是多啊
"Oh, look at this giraffe, it has an incredible number of neck vertebrae."
颈椎骨节的数量当然多啊 它他妈就是只长颈鹿啊!
Of course it's got an incredible number of neck vertebrae, it's a fuckin' giraffe!
你觉得剖开还能找到什么 一匹马举着一个潜望镜吗?
What are you expecting to find inside it, a horse with a periscope?
你还是鸡鸡酸痛吗 老大?
You still got a sore penis, boss?
你说什么呢 John?
What are you talking about, John?
你嘘嘘的时候 下面是不是还有酸痛的感觉 老大?
When you pee-pee. Is your bell-end still sore, boss?
是啊 John
Yes, John.
你怎么知道的?
How did you know?
过来点 老大
C'mere, boss.
你都做了什么John?!
What are you doing, John?!
嘘 老大
Shhh, boss.
你做了什么?
What did you do?
俺上了你 老大 俺把你身上的浊气都上出来了
I fucked you, boss. I fucked the bad out of you.
这真是奇迹啊 感觉好多了
It's a miracle. Feels much better.
但是后面现在有点酸痛啊
Asshole's kinda sore, though.
你是谁 你想干什么?!
Who is this? What do you want?!
John 你能治好她吗?
Can you fix her, John?
是的老大
I can, boss.
我现在已经是一柱擎天啊
I got a swinging erection right now.
他要对她做什么?
What is he going to do to her?
这是干嘛?
What is this?
俺只是要上了她 俺要把俺的鸡鸡放到她呼呼里
I's gon' fuck her, is all. I's gon' put my dick in her.
我的妻子?!
In my wife?!
我?
In me?
让他试试吧 头儿 拜托了
Let him, Chief. Please.
让他办了她
Let him mount her.
我很害怕!
I'm scared!
哦 上帝啊!
Oh, Jesus!
需要多久完事?
How long will this take?
就几个小时而已
Just a couple of hours.
她看起来好多了!
She's lookin' better!
没! 没
No! No.
我还没好
I'm not better yet.
我还是觉得有点不舒服
I still feel a bit sickly... Oooh.
俺会继续的
I's a keep going.
求你了 继续吧!
Yeah, keep going!
别停! 你丫不许停!
Don't stop! Don't you stop!
John你确定要这么做吗? 我能放你出去的
Are you sure you want this, John? I could let you go.
看你能逃多远
See how far you can run.
不用了 老大
No, boss.
俺已经累咧
I's tired.
每个人都上了 已经厌了
I's tired of fuckin' everybody.
我做不到啊 John
I can't do this, John.
死一次都不够啊!
Kill him twice!
他本可以救下我可怜的孩子的 但是他拒绝上他
He could have saved my little boy, but he refused to fuck him!
你下地狱去吧!
You're gonna fry, boy!
对不起
I's sorry.
俺就是站不起来
I couldn't get it up.
俺让你给他喷点香水啥的
I told you to put some perfume on him or somethin'.
俺昨天做了个梦
I had me a dream last night.
梦里有你 有Jack狱警 还有头儿
You was in it. And Warden Jack. And the Chief.
俺把你们都上了
And I was fuckin' all of y'all.
然后俺们排成一溜 互相都上了
We had us a big train goin'. We was all fuckin' each other.
不要 老大