废柴舅舅（2014）

**Time's running out at a rate that's alarming*
*时间飞速流逝 心情愈发慌张
**You're my fairytale princess, I'm your Prince Fucking Charming*
*你是童话里的公主 妈的我是白马王子
**Round, round, round, goes the spin of the bottle*
*一圈一圈一圈 瓶子不停地转
**Better slow down, don't give it full throttle*
*请你速度放缓 让我喘息正常
**I like, like you so hard, I like, like you to bits*
*我喜喜喜欢你 我超超超爱你
**You look like an angel, an angel with tits*
*你就像是天使 带着胸部降临
**I've helped you with homework for terms and terms*
*我曾年复一年 帮你完成作业
**I wanted to kiss you, to hell with the germs*
*我就是想吻你 细菌都不在意
**Want to take you heaven till you're begging for more*
*想引你直上云霄 直到你说还想要
**I got seven whole minutes but I'll only need four*
*我有整整七分 四分就已足够
**I don't know why you wouldn't want this to be anything that it could be*
*我不懂你为何 不愿顺其自然
**I don't know why you would want this to end*
*请告诉我你为何 偏要结束这一切
**Seven minutes in heaven*
*天堂里的七分钟
**Oh, oh, yeah*
*噢 噢 没错
**Seven minutes in heaven*
*天堂里的七分钟
**Oh, oh, yeah*
*噢 噢 没错
**Seven minutes in heaven*
*天堂里的七分钟
**Oh, oh, yeah*
*噢 噢 没错
**Seven minutes in heaven*
*天堂里的七分钟
**Oh, oh, yeah*
*噢 噢 没错
Spin again. No!
再转一次 不
You made the rules, Alfie.
你定的规矩 Alfie
Come on, Errol.
走吧 Errol
Melodie?
Melodie
Tiff?
Tiff
So, er, how long have you been with Errol's mum?
呃 你跟Errol的妈妈在一起多久了
Wow, wow, who says I'm with Errol's mum?
哇哦 谁说我和Errol的妈在一起了
Come on, it doesn't take a rocket scientist.
拜托 又不难发现
Plus, I saw you guys coming out of the broom cupboard together.
再加上我看到你们一起从储物间出来了
Please don't tell my ex.
拜托别告诉我前妻
Relax, it's none of my business.
放松 这又不是我的事
Out of curiosity though, as a formerly married man,
不过出于好奇 作为一个结过婚的男人
how did you, um, propose?
你是怎么 求婚的
Claire proposed to me, actually.
其实是Claire向我求婚的
Half-time at the Fulham-Stoke match.
富勒姆对斯托克城的中场
Projected on the big screen in front of 20,000 fans.
投射在两万名观众面前的大屏幕上
It must've been a great day.
那肯定是超美好的一天
Yeah, it was. We won 2-0.
是的 我们二比零赢了
Tiff?!
Tiff
Love a good closet.
我喜欢好的衣柜
It's like being in a lift
这就像在电梯里
but without all of the hydraulic risk factors.
但是没有那些液压风险因素
I can't kiss you, Errol.
我不能吻你 Errol
No, definitely, no. I'd, er, recommend against.
不 当然不 我也不推荐
Just to be clear though, why aren't we kissing?
只是想搞清楚一下 为什么我们不能接吻
I just want to be on the same page.
我只是想确认一下现状
Is there another boy you fancy?
你是有另外喜欢的男生了吗
No. It's Tiffany.
不 是Tiffany
You fancy Tiffany?
你喜欢Tiffany
Wow, OK. I didn't see that coming.
哇 好吧 这我倒是没料到
Now I see how the One direction thing was just an overcompensation.
现在我明白了你喜欢单向乐队只是一种过度补偿而已
No, Tiffany fancies you and I'm afraid she'll beat me up.
不 Tiffany喜欢你 我怕她会打我
No, that's crazy.
不 不可能
Rubes? Is Air-hole's breath knocking you out already?
Rubes E傻的口臭已经把你熏倒了吗
Go away, Alfie!
走开 Alfie
Look, if Tiffany didn't have a crush on you,
听着 如果Tiffany没有喜欢上你的话
why does she follow you everywhere?
为什么她一直跟着你
She's my bodyguard.
她是我的保镖
I've seen the way she looks at you in class.
我在课上看见过她看你的样子
She's just keeping an eye out for snipers.
她只是在留意有没有狙击手
Look, if we kiss, we don't have to tell anyone.
听着 如果我们接吻了 我们不用告诉任何人
Are you angry with me?
你在生我的气吗
No.
不是
Yes.
是
People look at me and all they see some innocent little...
人们看到我都觉得我是什么无辜的小
Pollyanna.
波丽安娜
Well, the costume's not helping.
穿上这衣服更像了
I know you think you're this tortured artist, Andy,
我知道你觉得自己是怀才不遇的受难艺术家 Andy
but I'm no angel.
我也不是什么圣人
I've slept with a married man.
我睡过已婚男人
I've slept with a married woman.
我睡过已婚女人
Now you're just turning me on.
你现在只是挑起了我的性致而已
I was sectioned once.
我被关进过一次疯人院
OK, that's less sexy. Go on.
好吧性致减了 继续
I had food issues... Have, I have food issues.
我有过进食问题 有 现在还有
Couldn't keep a meal down for five years.
有五年无法♥正♥常进食
I ate 30 Crunchie bars in an hour, once,
有一次我在一小时内吃了三十个巧克力条
and I still can't see one without breaking a sweat.
我现在看到它们还是会不能克制地流汗
Bulimia with self-harm was the official diagnosis.
官方诊断是自残性暴食症
Does Ryan know all this?
Ryan知道这些吗
I don't want to pull him down into the darkness.
我不想把他拉进这个烂摊子里
But you and me, we already live there, Andy.
但你和我 我们已经身处其中了 Andy
So you're not protecting me from the big bad wolf.
所以你并不是在保护我不被大灰狼伤害
I was ruining my own life long before I met you.
在遇见你之前我就早已毁了自己的生活了
Were they fun size Crunchies or the regular ones?
是超大装巧克力条还是普通装
Tiff?!
Tiff
Roly?!
Roly
Sam, can I ask you something?
Sam 我能问你点事吗
Is it the lines on my forehead? Yeah, I know I should get Botox.
是我额头上的皱纹吗 我知道我应该去打肉毒杆菌
But I'm just, I hate needles.
但我就是 我讨厌针头
That's why I never mainlined heroin.
所以我从不静脉注射海♥洛♥因♥
It's not the lines but I can get you a good price on those.
不是皱纹的事 但是我可以给你弄到优♥惠♥
As a therapist, anything I say is confidential, right?
作为一个心理医生 我说的一切都是保密的 对吧
Yeah, yeah. Absolutely, yeah.
对 对 当然 对
Do you think I'm scary?
你觉得我可怕吗
You?
你吗
No.
不
No? It's just that sometimes
不吗 只是有时候
I think things ended with me and Bruce
我觉得我和Bruce结束
because I was overpowering.
是因为我太强势了
I thought they ended because you cheated on him?
我以为是因为你出轨了
We could be all night figuring out who's to blame,
我们可以花整晚来讨论应该怪谁
it's just that there's something different about him.
只是他身上有些不一样的东西
A glow. If I didn't know any better...
闪光点 如果我之前不懂
Claire, I just want to say... I think he wants me back.
Clair 我只想说 我觉得他想和我复合
Pardon? It's obvious.
什么 很明显
And I know Tiff hates living between two houses.
而且我知道Tiff不喜欢两个房♥子换着住
I mean, look how it's damaged your boy. What do you think?
看看你儿子现在的样子 你觉得呢
Should we give it another go?
我们应该再试一次吗
Erm... There you two are!
呃 你们俩在这儿呢
I think I know where the children might be.
我觉得我知道孩子们可能在哪儿了
You've got a minute left.
你们还剩一分钟
Maybe we should just come out early.
或许我们应该提前出去
There's valour in defeat.
也算是败得有勇气
Wait. 'That's it. I'm coming in.'
等等 够了 我要进来了
Leave them alone, Alfie.
别打扰他们 Alfie
Don't you mind your boyfriend's in there with the
你不介意你男朋友和学校最漂亮的
prettiest girl in school?
女生一起在那里面吗
Shut up, you're just jealous. Get off me, Tuffanny!
闭嘴 你只是嫉妒了 放开我 T胖
What's that...
这湿湿的感觉
.. wet feeling?
是什么
It's not me, I swear!
不是我 我发誓
Oh, no.
噢不
I think I just got my first...
我觉得我刚迎来了我的第一次
.. Pharaoh's curse.
法老的诅咒
Wait, your first? You mean you've... You've never...
等等 你的第一次 你是说你 你从没
So you've, er, had your first period.
所以你 迎来了第一次月经
Erm, congratulations.
呃 恭喜
You're a woman. Don't freak out.
你是个女人了 别慌
It, er, happens late for some girls.
这 有些女生就会来的比较晚