废柴舅舅（2014）

Hello?
有人吗
Uncle Andy?
Andy舅舅
Errol?
Errol
What happened? Did you overdose?
怎么了 你嗑药过量了吗
I've got the flu. How'd you get in?
我得了流感 你怎么进来的
I used the spare key under the mat.
我用了门口地毯下面的备用钥匙
What spare key under the mat?
什么地毯下面的备用钥匙
The one I had made.
我自己配了放那的
Why aren't you running for your life?
你怎么还不赶紧逃生啊
Oh, I've had the flu jab. I'm invincible.
噢 我打了流感疫苗 百毒不侵
Oh. What do you want?
哦 你来干啥的
You came all this way to give me a piece of paper?
你大老远过来就为了给我这张纸
It's a song competition.
这是个歌♥曲比赛
I'll go and make a cup of tea and you can read the details.
我去泡杯茶 你可以仔细看看
Is Roly there?
Roly在你那儿吗
I'm not sure. He could be a hallucination.
我不确定 他也可能是个幻觉
I've just drank a tonne of cough syrup.
我刚喝了很多止咳糖浆
Ooh, are you robo-tripping? I used to love doing that.
噢 糖浆致幻法 我以前可爱这么干了
No, I've got the flu.
不是 我得了流感
Oh. You should've got the jab.
哦 谁让你不打疫苗的
Listen, did Roly tell you we had a fight?
听着 Roly有没有告诉你我们吵架了
He just stormed out. He's been horrible lately.
他摔门而出 他最近真是太糟糕了
It's just puberty.
青春期而已
Ugh, God, I hope not.
啊 天啊 我希望不是
I tired to go on a date the other night,
我昨晚想去约会
but Roly hid my car keys.
但是Roly把我的车钥匙藏了起来
And then when we were playing Scrabble, he spelled, "Traitor."
然后我们玩拼字游戏的时候 他拼了"叛徒"
So? What's the big deal?
那又怎样 这有什么大不了
Three times in one game.
一盘游戏里拼了三次
Oh, shit. Scrabble messages? That's how Fred West got started.
噢我去 拼字暗示 Fred West就是这么开始的
So who's this bloke you've been seeing?
那你要见的那家伙是谁
Oh, just someone I met at a sex trauma workshop.
喔 就是我在性创伤讲习班上认识的一个人
Sexy. Oh, speaking of...
真性感 喔 说到这个
If someone texts you, "What are you wearing?"
如果有人发短♥信♥问你"你现在穿着什么"
but all you're wearing is a shitty dressing gown,
但是你穿的是一件很怂的睡衣
then what would you say?
你应该回什么
Are you really asking your brother for sext advice?
你确定是在问你弟弟怎么发性♥爱♥短♥信♥吗
It's not a sext! It's a foreplext.
才不是性♥爱♥短♥信♥ 是前戏短♥信♥
Just write "A strap-on and an open mind."
就回"一个假鸡♥巴♥和一颗奔放的心"
Really? That would do it for you?
真的吗 你会被这种话挑起兴致
Hypothetically. Now let me die in peace.
理论上是的 现在让我安静地死一死
I'm not fighting with Mum. And I didn't hide her keys.
我没和我妈吵架 也没藏她的钥匙
She's just always losing them.
是她自己经常弄丢钥匙
Have you just listened to our entire conversation?
我们的对话你从头听到尾了吗
Did she say who she's been texting?
她说了她在和谁发短♥信♥吗
No. What do you care?
没有 你那么关心干什么
Well, if I knew his name, I could do a CRB check on him.
如果我知道他的名字 就能查查他的过往犯罪记录
Andy? Who's that?
Andy 谁在叫你
You're rent's past due again. Two weeks late.
你的房♥租又逾期了 已经超了两周了
Andy?
Andy
Ugh, I think I just got some of your body salt in my mouth.
呕 我觉得我嘴里都是你身体分泌的盐分
Why haven't you paid your rent?
你为什么不交房♥租
Because I'm out of severance with Carpet Brothers,
因为地毯兄弟的遣散费用完了
and my job seekers hasn't come in yet and I'm si-I-I-ick.
我还没找到新工作 而且我还病着呢
Which is why we need to write this song. The deadline's tomorrow.
所以我们更得写这首歌♥了 明天是截止日期
The only thing I'm going to do today
我今天唯一要做的
is watch Game of Thrones and hate people on Facebook.
就是看<权力的游戏>和讨厌Facebook上的人
What have you got to lose?
你还有什么可失去的
My dignity.
我的尊严
You're wearing a onesie.
你连连体衣都穿了
It's a jumpsuit.
这是连身裤
But this could be The Bear Maximum's big comeback. It'll be fun.
但是这可能是最大熊值的盛大回归 肯定很有趣的
No. You can't come back in a band after trying to go solo.
不 你不能在试着单飞之后再回到乐队
That's like Japan not being allowed weapons after the war.
就像战后的日本不准拥有武器
Fine. Well, first prize is only 20,000.
好吧 反正一等奖才两万镑
The Bear Maximum is go!
最大熊值 出发
No. This is a solo project.
不行 这是我个人演出
I'm doing this for myself by myself.
我要一个人为自己参赛
Besides, I need the money more than you.
再说 我比你更需要钱
But I was the one who told you about the contest!
但是是我告诉你有这个比赛的
And for that, I am eternally grateful, little buddy.
对于这一点 我永远感激不尽 小朋友
If you're so broke, how are you going to pay for a studio?
如果你真的穷成这样 那你拿什么租录音棚
A friend owes me a favour.
有个朋友欠我人情
For what?
为什么
Let's just say that when the pigs raided his house party,
这样说吧 当警♥察♥突袭了他的派对的时候
his incriminating stash magically disappeared.
他的非法藏品都神奇地消失了
I couldn't crap straight for a week.
我连续一周都大便不通
Andy.
Andy
Hugo, this is my nephew, Errol.
Hugo 这是我外甥 Errol
Please don't tell anyone about this because if my boss Jerry finds out,
请不要告诉别人 因为如果被我老板Jerry发现的话
he'll literally cut my head off, put it on a pike
他真的会把我的头割下来插在长矛上
or cut my nuts off and put 'em in my mouth.
或者把我的蛋蛋割掉放在我嘴里
Cut my feet off, make 'em into hands.
把我的脚割掉做成手
Relax, we get the picture.
别紧张 我们能想象得到
Then he'll sack me.
然后他会解雇我
Would I get you the sack?
我会害你被解雇吗
Probably.
很可能
Here she is. Remember you've only got until two, guys.
到了 记住你们只能用到两点 兄弟们
There's another band in afterwards so...
等下还有一个乐队 所以
Oh, we're not a band. This is a solo thing.
噢 我们不是乐队 是个人独唱
You're producing for the kid? Nice one, brother.
你是为这个孩子创作的吗 不错啊 哥们
Oh, and if you need any engineering help,
噢 如果你需要技术援助
I'm trying to get my 10,000 hours. Only got 9,958 to go.
我在往一万小时努力 现在只需9958个小时了
Not necessary. It's only a quick job.
不用了 我们很快就好
In and out...
分分钟的事
Ooh, someone's had a boozy night? Got the DTs?
噢 有人纵酒一夜啊 得了震颤性谵妄吗
I've got the flu.
我得了流感
Should've got the jab. Keep it down. Jerry's got bat ears.
你应该打疫苗的 小声点 Jerry听力像蝙蝠一样
Nice onesie, by the way. Where'd you get it from?
对了 连体衣不错 哪儿买♥♥的
OK! See you in a bit, then!
好吧 待会儿见噢
*Last place hero*
*末路英雄*
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait, Last Place Hero
喔喔喔 等等 <末路英雄>
is one of our unrecorded songs. I wrote the lyrics.
是咱们没录的歌♥里的 是我写的词
And I wrote the melody, so if I change the lyrics,
我谱的曲 所以如果我把词换一下
then it's a new song.
就是一首新歌♥
**There's a way to win And a way to lose*
*一路向赢 一路向输
**If you're a hero Just like Nero*
*若你是个英雄 如同尼禄一样
Hold on, hold on
等等 等等
Emperor Nero burned
尼禄皇帝在他的花♥园♥里
Christians in his garden as a source of light.
火烧基♥督♥徒来照明
Well, maybe I mean the band Nero.
那 也许我说的是尼禄乐队
And if you've got any questions from now on, raise your hand.
现在开始如果你有任何问题 先举手
**Last place hero*
*末路英雄
**Fun like Robert De Niro*
*风趣如同德尼罗
What?! Robert De Niro is not fun.
什么 罗伯特·德尼罗才不风趣
Clearly you've never seen Midnight Run.
很显然你从来没看过<午夜狂奔>
The film set in the Turkish prison?
那部设定在土耳其监狱的电影吗
That's Midnight Express! Do you know nothing?!
那是<午夜快车> 你真是啥也不懂
Now, here I am just trying to write something that's a little bit profound.
好了 我正在试着写点深奥的东西
What do you want?
你想怎样
You want me to write something, what, that's important?
你想让我写什么 很重要吗
What like a song about recycling?
你想要一首关于回收利用的歌♥吗
**Recycling, recycling It is so exciting*
*回收利用 回收利用 让人激动
**If you want a way to earn some cash*
*若要赚钱 回收利用
**Why not go return your trash*
*把你垃圾 重新使用
Whoa! Is that what you want?
喔 那就是你想要的吗
Wait a minute that's a blatant lie.
等一下 这是个彻头彻尾的谎言
You can't make cash from recycling.
回收利用是赚不到钱的
All right, now don't touch anything. Just push record on three.
好吧 别碰任何东西 我数三下你就按录音键
So, you don't want me to touch anything but you want me to press record?
所以你是说 让我在不碰任何东西的前提下按下录音键