荒凉百宝店（2011）

荒凉百宝店 第一季第1集
绳子拴的鲜鱼 绳子拴的鲜鱼呦
Fish on a string! Fish on a string!
小孩看见欢喜 小猫看见着迷
Delight the children, hypnotise the cat.
绳子拴的鲜鱼 绳子拴的鲜鱼呦
Fish on a string! Fish on a string!
小家伙看见心花怒放 小猫咪看见一头雾水
Delight the kiddies, confuse the kitties.
这是我们的最新产品 钢琴沙发
It is our newest product. The Piano Sofa.
弹起来真让人兴奋啊
So exhilarating to play!
停下来又这么安逸
And so comfortable when you stop!
看看我们的狂野大草原自助餐吧?
Can I interest you in our safari buffet?
有长颈鹿杂碎 蟒蛇面条
There's giraffe giblets, snake-etti,
罐头虎肉 或者斑马甜饮
tinned tiger or zebra cordial.
还有各种熏肉哦 小到老鼠
And we stock all the bacons from mouse
大到大象
to elephant.
这个保证你侄子喜欢 先生
And I'm sure your nephew would enjoy reading this, sir.
然后转动这个把手
And then you turn this handle
通过这套女王定位系统 又称QPS
and by the queenie position system or QPS,
不管天涯海角 女王陛下都能被你找到
it locates out glorious monarch wherever she is in the world.
真是便携式的爱国心啊
So patriotic and so portable.
我买♥♥了 我付双倍钱
I'll take it and I'll pay twice the asking price.
那就送您这台自动鄙视法国机
Then I shall throw in this mechanical French hater!
这种东西还是别卖♥♥吧 太粗俗了
I do wish we didn't stock that. So crude.
可是卖♥♥得很好啊
But it sells so well.
英国人的反法情结是我们的摇钱树
Britain's France haty-ness is our financial gain.
亲爱的 让你 维克多和维多利亚
Oh, dearest, I'm sorry that you, Victor and Victoria,
帮忙生计 我真过意不去
have to sully your hands with work!
可我们乐在其中 是不是啊孩子们?
But we enjoy it. Don't we children?
乐意至极 爸爸
Very indeed, Papa.
可我是有雄心抱负的 我要赚足够的钱
But I have ambitions, to earn enough money
让家人摆脱辛苦劳作
to spare my family from toil,
然后我们就可以共享人世繁华
so we may lead a life of luxury and loveliness.
我们已经很知足了 数数你拥有的吧
We are happy as we are. Count your blessings.
我有啊亲爱的 每天都数 现在我有七样宝贝
I do, my dear, every day. Currently, I have seven.
不过有时我想八个或十九个会更好
It's just sometimes I think I would like eight or 19.
傻瓜 小可爱 野心家贾灵顿
Dear silly, lovely, ambitious Jedrington.
有康瑟多娃·莫再提夫人的信
Letter for Mrs Conceptiva Secret-Past!
您要买♥♥些什么?
Can I help you?
我要买♥♥这些 谢谢
I'll take these, please.
您刚才在偷听吗?
Were you eavesdropping?
我可能听见了一些
I may have heard something.
您还是快走吧
I think you should leave.
要是我告诉你 我是个大富商
What if I told you I'm a rich businessman
正在找年轻合伙人 帮他们发大财呢?
looking for younger partners who'll become rich themselves?
您可千万别走啊
I think you should stay.
可惜 我和财阀联合会有约在先
Alas, I have to rush to a meeting of the Plutocrat Society.
不过...来找我吧 明天
But... call on me, tomorrow.
夫人
madame
没什么事吧 亲爱的?
Everything all right, dear?
没事 没什么
Yes, of course.
我寻找年轻合伙人有段时日了
I have been seeking a young partner for some time.
我考虑过找几个候选人
I did consider having multiple candidates,
逼他们每周做几件丢人现眼的苦力活
forcing them to do a series of demeaning weekly tasks
骗他们说这是商业考验
masquerading as business challenges
然后一个一个开掉
and then firing them one by one.
可那样就太可笑了
But that just seemed ludicrous.
那是演滑稽剧 哪里像做生意的态度
More like music hall larks than business sense.
没错 你看 我们思想已经同步了
Yes, you see, we think alike already.
其实 你让我想起我像你这么大的时候
In fact, you remind me of myself when I was your age.
真的吗? 是的
Really? Yes
你瞧 我像你这么大的时候
For you see when I was your age,
我的年龄跟你现在一模一样
I was the same age as you are now.
我也有一颗饥渴的野心 渴望一尝成功馅饼
And I too had a hungry ambition, that longed to taste of success pie
和金钱浓汤的滋味
and money gravy.
听起来真美味
They sound delicious.
没错
They are.
只要签下这份合约 你就天天能尝到了
And you shall dine on them daily as soon as you sign this contract.
嗯...
Well...
如果你是在担心你会得到什么
If you're worried about what you get from the deal,
这张图表能说明一切
this chart explains everything.
当然对你这样的青年才俊 这都一目了然
I'm sure I don't have to tell a man, such as yourself,
不消细说了吧
what all this means.
不...当然不用
No...of course not.
还是细说一下吧
Maybe a bit.
很显然 你会得到最大化的收益利润率
Obviously, there will be maximal profitisation
将产能推至顶点
of throughput outcomes
大肆凸显于产业收益的实体具象化
in the positively extruded asset yield actualisation.
明摆着...
Obviously...
你集♥合♥重组后的股份额度 就相当于
Your mutualised share-tranche, is the equivalent
一名支公薪的啰啰喂所获之主动累算利益
of an actimised accrual on a stipendiary roo ha ha,
外加短平快附属抵押比率高达94%
with collateral umbification of 94%.
简言之 你会拿到...
In short, you'll get...
你先考虑着 我们来喝一杯
Let us have a drink while you consider.
来杯扫莉酒还是白硬地?
Maybe a shorry or a brindy?
我没听说过扫莉酒和白硬地
I have never heard of shorry or brindy.
是特制酒酿
They are special drinks...
专供富人享用
for the rich.
这只是你即将拥有的...
Part of a world...
冰山一角
that you will soon enjoy.
那我就来杯白硬地 初尝美好未来
Then I shall have a brindy. Little taste of your future.
哦 好烈的酒
Ooh, strong.
富人的感觉 签了它你也能拥有
Like the rich. Like you if you sign.
真的是很烈啊 哦 我已经醉了
It really is strung! Ooh! I'm already dronk!
这才能作出人生重大决择呀 快签吧
The only way to be for any massive life decision. Now, come on, sign.
那还用说 虽然这一切来得...
Oh! Why not! For though this seems...
...如意得可疑
..suspiciously easy,
签了又能有什么危害?
what possible harm could come of it?
绝对没有
None whatsoever!
限制性规定实行后
Terms and conditions apply,
危害等级只增不减
levels of harm will go up rather than down,
合同中可能含有微量邪恶
contract may contain traces of evil.
嗯?
Hmm?
没什么 我就...清了清嗓子
Nothing, I was just... clearing my throat.
现在...签吧
Now...sign.
签吧
Sign.
签吧签吧签吧签吧
Signy-sign, signy-sign, sign, sign.
哦 管他呢
Oh, what the heck!
上钩了
(Get in!)
你一开始应该不会后悔 贾灵顿
You will quite possibly not regret it at first, Jedrington.
我肯定不会后悔的
I'm sure I shall not.
哦 我真的醉了
Ooh, I really am quite dronk.
翻页
And turn.
哈 我们公♥司♥的股价
Ha! The shares in our company
已经涨到要加一页纸来显示了
have risen so fast they have had to append a new bit of paper.
消失
Whoosh.
饮酒吗 老爷?
Drink, sir?
哦 "窝士忌" 好喝
Ah, whosky, delicious.
有仆人真好 他们什么都替你做
I love having servants. They do so much for you.
饮酒吗 夫人?
Drink, madam?
我自己会倒 谢了
I can make my own drink, thank you.
我还是不明白 我们怎么发的横财
I still do not see how we have become so rich so quickly.
说起来靠的就是"举债经营"啊
It all involves words such as "leveraging",
"债务抵押"啊 "扁形动物"之类的词
"collateralisation" and "platyhelminth".
扁形动物不是指一种扁平形状的无节虫吗?
Is a platyhelminth not a type of flat, unsegmented worm?
你看看
That just goes to show
你对生意真是一窍不通啊 宝贝
how little you understand of business, dearest.
可是你听
But listen...
又有人送钱来了 相信我没错的
THE SOUND OF More money being delivered. Do not question it.
我相信你 爸爸 我现在不用干活
I question it not, Papa, for instead of working,
还能享受果酱泡澡呢
I enjoy such luxuries as bathing in jam!
我刚泡了今天第5个澡
I have just had my fifth bath of the day.
你没好好擦干啊 小宝贝
And you forgot to dry yourself properly, dearest.
我也相信你