非常病患

这上面有好多混♥蛋♥
There are a lot of assholes on here.
摘下你的面具
你好 我们什么时候能约出来见面
妈妈
Mom!
在演《后窗》吗
Rear Window.
该片讲述了主角为了消磨时间 监视自己的邻居
偷♥窥♥他们的生活 并由此识破一起杀妻分尸案的故事
你在那儿干什么
What are you doing over there?
邻里监督委员会
The Neighborhood Watch Committee
刚刚发布了隔壁会新搬来一个家伙
posted this thing about the new guy next door.
你不要再参与邻里监督的事了
You have to stop with this Neighborhood Watch journey.
它像是老年人的高中自助餐厅
It's like a high school cafeteria for old people.
你说得对
You're right.
我们出去走走
All right, let's get out of here.
你想去农贸市场吗
You want to go to the farmers' market?
我想去 但我要和金去参加奥莉维亚的生日派对
I would, but I'm going to Olivia's birthday party with Kim.
你已经和老板玩在一起了吗
Oh, you are already hanging out with the boss.
很牛吧
Chic, right?
但我们都是一起去农贸市场的
Well, the farmers' market's kind of our thing.
我想我还是待在家里 看看书吧
I guess I'll stay here and catch up on some reading.
你的文章写完了吗
Did you finish that article already?
还没有 写完告诉你
Oh, no, not yet. But I'll let you know.
我为你能写自己脑瘫的故事感到骄傲
I am so proud of you for writing about your cerebral palsy.
你真勇敢
You are so brave.
第二章 深渊
你好 金
Hey, Kim.
你好 我是莱恩
Oh, hi. I'm Ryan.
不用管他 他是我的滴滴乘客
Oh, don't worry about him, he's my Roadsy passenger.
你开滴滴专车啊
Oh, you drive for Roadsy.
蛋蛋觉醒给你的薪水不够吗 还是...
Does Eggwoke not pay you enough, or...?
我是为了收集故事素材
Oh, I just do it for the stories.
上周 两个姑娘在我后座做♥爱♥
Last week, two girls legit fucked in my backseat.
太火♥辣♥了
It was hot.
这里好像是郊外了
Yikes. This is like straight-up suburbs out here.
你不是应该住在市区吗
Shouldn't you be, like, living it up in the city?
以前是 只是...
Oh, I was. I mean, I just, um...
车祸以后
you know, moved back in
就搬回来和我妈妈住一阵子
with my mom for a second after my accident,
她放心不下我 所以...
You know, she's obsessed with me, so...
同志儿子和他们的妈妈就是这样 我懂的
Yeah. Gay sons and their moms, it's a thing, I get it.
那你怎么约
But, like, how do you hook up?
你知道的
Oh, well, you know.
当有欲望的时候 总会有同志的办法
When there's a will, there's a gay way.
-你跟谁约 -没有人
- Who are you hooking up with? - No one.
直男都是垃圾 真的
Straight men are literal trash. Seriously.
奥莉维亚家应该来点帅哥的
There should be some hotties at Olivia's.
-我能去吗 -天啊
- Can I come? - Jesus!
这真的是你真实的声音吗
Is that seriously your real voice?
好吧 老色鬼
Okay, Daddy.
我已经醉了
I'm already drunk.
因为我没吃东西
It's 'cause I haven't had anything to eat.
派对很棒 朋友们
Great party, you guys.
谢谢光临 这是我的派对
Thanks for coming. It's my party.
是我的
It's mine.
实习生在这里干什么
What is the intern doing here?
他是我的伴
He's my plus-one.
离他远点 生日恶魔
Back off, birthday demon.
我可以走
I can-- I can just go.
不 你留下来
Uh, no, you're staying.
奥莉维亚 现在吃片安定药冷静一下
Olivia, take the Valium I know you have stashed
我知道你藏在泳衣里了
in your swimsuit right now and chill.
那是草莓味氯硝西泮制剂片
It's a strawberry Klonopin wafer,
我已经吃了 正在怒火中烧
I already took it and I'm radiating with rage,
所以他得走
so he's gotta go.
好吧
Fine.
但如果我在作者板块发生意外事故
But if I develop a sudden case of writer's block
无法在下周的工作中制♥造♥热点
and can't produce any hits at work next week,
别惊讶
don't be surprised.
好吧 别让他靠近游泳池
Fine. Just keep him away from the pool.
上周有人死在里面了
Some guy died in there last week
我不想再惹上官司了
and I don't need another lawsuit.
走吧 各位
Come on, guys.
抱歉 我还以为她能稍微冷静一点
Sorry. I thought she'd be, like, ten percent more chill.
没事 其实我可以离开
It's okay. I can really just go.
不 会很好玩的 相信我
No, it's gonna be fun, trust me.
那里有吧台
Look, there's an open bar
还有个绝对不会有人碰的超棒的蛋糕
and an amazing cake I guarantee no one's gonna eat.
咱们去换衣服吧
Let's go change.
你真漂亮
You look fantastic.
我知道
I know, right? xa0
等等 你这有个小标签
Wait,xa0 you got a little price tag moment.
我来
I got it.xa0
永远都是魅力的化身
Always the epitome of glamour.
你的泳衣呢
Um... where's your suit?
我不是喜欢玩水的小孩 我是待在岸上的大人
Oh, I'm not really a water baby, I'm more of like a land adult.
你不想在那么多身材火♥辣♥的人面前
You don't want to take your shirt off
把衣服脱掉 我懂
in front of all those hot people. Got it.
不 不是这样
No, that's not it.
莱恩 相信我 我也经历过
Ryan, trust me, I have been here before
我知道你该怎么做
and I know what you need to do.
把衣服都脱掉
Take off all your clothes and
告诉我你都喜欢身体的哪个部位
tell me everything you love about your body.
算了吧
That's a pass.
别啊
Come on!
我喜欢我的胸
I love my boobs.
很有弹性也好玩
They're bouncy and playful,
我的乳♥头♥有很强的女性观赏性
and my nipples have a very strong female POV.
它们都可以去拍网飞特别节目了
Like, they could basically have their own Netflix special.
现在到你了
Now your turn.
你会感觉好一点的 我保证
You'll feel better, I promise.
好吧
Okay.
-这实在是太无礼了 -我知道
- This is really rude, by the way. - I know.
好了
Okay.
我也喜欢自己的乳♥头♥
I guess I like my nipples, too.
因为它们是乳♥头♥
Because they're nipples and
每个人身上的基本都一样
they pretty much look the same on everyone.
不错
Great.
对称性
Symmetry is in.
我喜欢我的脚 他们的尺码从没变过
I love my feet. They always stay the same size.
我讨厌我的脚
I hate my feet.
不许说自己的不好
Hey, no talking shit on yourself.
继续
Go on.
好了
Okay.
我喜欢我的腿
I guess I like my legs.
这些伤疤除外
I mean, except for my scars.
跟了我一辈子了 但是还是能让我很郁闷
I've had them forever, but they still dark me out.
现在你可有点夸张了
Okay, now you're just being a drama queen.
你不是3个月之前被车撞的吗
Didn't you get hit by a car like three months ago?
是的 的确
Yes, I did. It just, um...
感觉好像过了一辈子了
I guess it just feels like forever, you know?
还有别的喜欢的吗
Anything else you like?
没了
No.
好了 我们做到了
All right, well, we did it!
*我们的身体 超爱他们 太疯狂了*
*Our bodies, we love them It's crazy*
感觉好点了吗
Do you feel better?
没有
No.
算了还是忘了吧
Well, get the fuck over it.
穿上泳裤 我们出去了
Now, put on your swim trunks and let's go.
我要成为焦点
I need to be seen.
卡路里 2000
营养含量
脂肪 500克 250％
纳 200毫克 100％
碳水 585克 200％
糖 1750克 400％
蛋白质 0克