非常病患

Okay, everyone,
都听好了 准备嫉妒金吧
pay attention and get jealous of Kim.
她的故事阅读量总是最大的 为什么
Her posts always have the most traffic. And why?xa0
因为我是个有才华的坏女人
Oh, because I'm a talented, badass bitch
正在改变人们谈论女性身材的方式
who's changing the way we talk about women's bodies.
别忘了 亲爱的
And don't you forget it, hun.
继续工作
Back to work.
你好 新来的姑娘
Hey, new girl.
需要帮忙吗
You need some help?
不用 谢谢
Oh, I'm fine. Thank you.
好吧 我们休息一下 去吃个午饭怎么样
Okay, well, how about we take a break and go to lunch, huh?
一起吗
Like, together?
我想你可以跟在我身后五步远
I mean, I guess you could walk five paces behind me
如果你不想被办公室的人议论的话
if you don't want the office to talk.
我是金
I'm Kim.
你好
Hi.
我是莱恩
I'm Ryan.
我喜欢你的衬衫
I like that shirt.
非常有野餐风
It's very picnic chic. xa0
谢谢
Thank you.
走吧
Let's go.
我很困惑
I'm just so confused.
我不知道我的工作要建立在向网上的马龙·兰多们
I mean, I had no idea that my job depended on exposing my life
揭露自己的私生活上
to thesexa0Marlon Randos on the internet.
我并不十分讨厌这种新型编辑氛围
Well, I haven't totally hated the new editorial vibe.
这很恶心
I mean, it's gross
而且奥莉维亚完全是在剥削我们提高浏览量
and Olivia is definitely exploiting us for pageviews.
谢谢
Thanks.
你已经结账了吗 我可以买♥♥单的
Oh, did you already pay? 'Cause I can put money down.
拜托
Please.
你是实习生
You're an intern.
薪酬微薄
You get paid in yogurt.
谢谢
Thank you.
听着
Listen,
我知道写私人的东西很可怕
I know writing personal shit is scary,
但它实际上也可以是一种治疗
but it can actually be kind of healing.
就像一旦你拥有了一切
It's like once you just own everything,
没人可以把它们从你手中夺走
no one can take anything away from you.
我不知道
Yeah, well, I don't know.
我租♥房♥♥子 所以...
I lease, so...
另外 我的生活...
Besides, my life is...
非常非常无聊 好吗
really, really boring. Okay?
我不知道我该写什么
I mean, i don't know what I'd write about.
有东西写 总会有东西可以写
Oh, there's things, there's always things.
我被车撞了
Oh! I was hit by a car.
我的天啊
Oh, my God.
那就说得通了
That makes sense.
你还好吗
So, are you okay?
发生了什么事
Well, what happened?
只是手肘擦伤
Oh, it just grazed my elbow.
然后我幸存下来了
And then I survived.
没有然后了
And then it was the end.
你看 连这都很无聊
See? Even that's boring.
我们能走了吗 我不想让奥莉维亚对我发火
Should we go? I don't want Olivia to be mad at me.
-当然 -好
- Sure. - Okay.
不好意思
Do you mind?
没事
Oh, it's okay.
抱歉
I'm sorry.
好了 回去工作
Okay, off to work.
蛋蛋觉醒
事实上 这里曾经是肉工厂
Yeah, this actually used to be a meat factory
现在是我们的办公室
and now it's our office.
是剪刀手爱德华拆了我的信吗 你怎么回事
Did Edward Scissorhands open my mail? What is wrong with you?
对不起 奥莉维亚 我保证我知道怎么拆信
I'm sorry, Olivia.xa0I promise you I know how to open mail.
只是 我有...
It's just, I have a...
灵活方面的问题
dexterity issue.
你是在家上学的吗
Were you homeschooled?
别让她影响你
Don't let her get to you.
她的心是咬了一半的能量棒
There's a half-eaten Luna Bar where her heart should be.
我没事 会好起来的
I'm not.xa0It's gonna be fine.
好的
Okay.
小莱
Hey, Ry.xa0
你为什么不休息一下
Ry, why don't you take a break?
因为你不一定要学会怎么做
Because you don't really need to learn how to do that.
我要学
Yes, I do.
我老板已经觉得我有问题了
My boss already thinks something's wrong with me
因为我不会做基本的事 比如拆...
because I don't know how to do basic shit like open...
信
mail.
你为什么不告诉她你脑瘫的事
Why don't you tell her about your CP?
我敢肯定她会放你一马
I'm sure she'll give you a break
并让你专注写文章
and then you can focus on pitching articles.
我不觉得写一篇关于
I don't think writing a confessional essay
我逃学和我妈一起玩迷你高尔夫的坦白文
about the time I ditched school to play mini golf with my mom
能变成网红
will set the internet on fire.
那次很有趣
That was fun!
我知道
I know.
他们卖♥♥的那些玉米热狗
Those fucking corn dogs they sell there.
比我想象的美味多了
Better than they need to be.
我有个主意
I have an idea.
不如你写一篇关于你残疾的文章
Why don't you write an article about your disability?
不
No.
写脑瘫的文章
Write about CP?
妈 你不明白
Mom, you don't get it.
我的整个人生 脑瘫就像主菜一样
My whole life, CP has been like the main course,
但其实它只需要当个开胃口就够了
when really, it just needs to be like an appetizer.
或最好 直接不要出现在菜单上
Or, better yet, just taken off the menu altogether.
你的残疾是你的一部分
Your disability is part of you.
这让你变得...
It's what makes you...
很特殊
Special.
我知道 而且我该接受这一切
I know. And I should embrace it.
我知道
I know.
蛋蛋觉醒
这工作叫"前台" 不叫"骗台"
It's called a "Receptionist," not a "Deceptionist."
别再骗我了
Stop fucking lying to me.
奥莉维亚
Hey, Olivia.
衣服很好看
Um... Nice outfit.
我知道 所以我才穿来了
I know. That's why I wore it.
听着 我在思考
Listen, I've been thinking
关于我应该在这写点什么
about what it is that I can write about here
然后我有主意了
and, um, I have something.
这非常私人 但对我很难...
It's very personal, but it's hard for me to--
先等等
Hold on a sec.
我欠你一个道歉
I owe you such a big apology
因为昨天的我就是个十足的婊♥子♥
for acting like a heinous bitch yesterday.
没关系
Oh. That's fine.
不
No.
金告诉我你被车撞了
Kim told me about you getting hit by a car,
而作为患难之交 我同情你
and as a fellow victim, I'd like to offer my condolences.
老天 你也出过车祸
God, you were hit by a car, too?
天哪 没有
God, no.
但我可能 我们都可能
But I could be. We all could be.
尤其是萨曼莎
Especially Samantha.
她完全没有空间感
She has zero spatial awareness.
总之 现在一切都明朗了
Anyway, it all makes so much sense now.
你无法拆信 可怜的瘸腿
Your inability to open mail, your sad limp.
我的瘸腿其实是...
Oh, my limp is actually kind of--
你会好起来吗
Are you ever gonna get better?
还是说 永远都这样了
Or is this just, like, it for you?
是的
Yeah.
我永远都这样了
This is it for me.
都是因为我出过车祸
All from the getting hit by a car.
大伙 快过来抱抱莱恩