贱精姐弟（2014）

我想上天自有它行事的方式
I guess the universe has a way of working these things out.
就像我的灵气师♥父♥桑德尔一直说的
It's like my Reiki master Zander always says...
我真不敢相信我刚和亚当·派珀上♥床♥了
I can't believe I just had sex with Adam Piper.
这不正是你想要的吗
I thought that's what you wanted?
那是我发现他不是亲我的人之前的事
That was before I found out he wasn't the one who kissed me.
他不是我失去已久的爱人
He wasn't my long lost love,
他只是满口共鸣的笨蛋
he's just some twat talking about vibrations.
那么你不会再色♥诱♥谁了吧
So you're done seducing people?
不可能 豁出去这么多怎能放弃
No way, I've come too far to quit.
这房♥里有一个离我而去的人
Someone in this room is The One Who Got Away
我今天会找出来
and I'm going to find out who it was, today,
否则巴尔科姆先生就白死了
otherwise Mr Balcombe died for nothing.
你怎么啦
What's wrong with you?
我身体的左边有些
My left side's just a bit, uh,
麻
numb.
我 杰克和谢里夫找到一些
Me, Jack and Sheriff found a bunch of
巴尔科姆先生的药 我们吃了一些
Mr Balcombe's medication and we all took some.
我吃药 他们看 但是
Well, I took some and they watched, but...
我们很开心
we all loved it.
我的天
Oh, my God.
你还好吗
Are you all right?
没事 别担心我 我没事 真的
Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't worry about me, I'm fine. Seriously.
嘿 汉娜 还好吗
Oh, hey, Hannah. How's it going?
打扰下 你还记得12岁时亲我吗
Excuse me, hi. Do you remember kissing me when we were 12?
演小飞侠时的舞台旁边
It was in the wings during Peter Pan.
别说不 好好想想
Don't just say no, think about it.
你 我 小飞侠
You, me, Peter Pan.
不太可能 但是...
This is a long shot, but...
汉娜 好消息 我把航♥班♥推迟了
Hannah, great news! I pushed back my flight home!
你说什么呢
What are you talking about?
我想也许我能在你家住几周
I was thinking maybe I could crash at your place for a few weeks?
-绝对不行 -但我以为我们...
- No, absolutely not. - But I thought we...
你说过 我们有特别的关系
Like you said. We have a special connection.
我们没有 绝对没有
No, we don't, we definitely don't.
我以为我们很久以前有 但结果我们没有
I mean, I thought we did for, like, ages. But it turns out we don't.
我刚花了两千英镑买♥♥机票
I just spent £2,000 on a new plane ticket.
我甚至没有住的地方
I don't even have anywhere to stay.
亚当 我现在有点忙
Adam, I'm kind of busy right now, OK?
再次见到你真的很好
It was really great seeing you again.
我觉得灵气什么的根本就是扯蛋
I think the Reiki stuff sounds like a crock of shit,
不过 祝你好运
but, you know, good luck with it.
我不知道 也许是这场合感染了我
I don't know, maybe it's just the whole occasion getting to me.
或是我刚吃的两打药片
Or it's the two-dozen pills I just took,
或是喷鼻剂
or the nasal spray,
或是栓塞
or that one suppository,
但我觉得也许
but I just feel like maybe...
我准备好死了
I'm ready to die.
不是现在 但总有一天
Not now, but one day.
被我爱的人环绕
Surrounded by the people I love.
也许还有只猴子
And maybe a monkey as well.
说得太对了 我从来没这样想过
That's is such a great point, I've never thought about it like that.
说得对
Exactly.
对不起 汉娜 也许我们亲过
I'm sorry, Hannah, I mean, maybe we kissed.
但我说过了 我几乎不记得演出了
But, like I say, I can barely remember the show.
也许如果我们现在接吻 能让你想起来
Well, maybe if we kissed now, that would jog your memory.
如果这是非常美好的记忆 被你的大脑压抑了呢
What if it was such a good memory, your brain repressed it.
我不太确定这样能行
I'm not sure that's how it works.
相信我吧
Look, just trust me.
不 汉娜 我有女友
No, no, Hannah - I've got a girlfriend.
那又怎样 这又不关性的事
So what? This isn't a sex thing.
就像农夫牵马出去卖♥♥东西给别的农夫
It's like when a farmer tosses off a horse to sell that
并不代表他喜欢这样做 他只是必须做
stuff to other farmers - he's not into it, he just has to do it.
我必须这样做
I have to do this.
老天爷
Oh, my God!
这里出什么事了
What is going on here?
她要亲我 而且不准我拒绝
She's trying to kiss me and won't take no for an answer.
汉娜 请你离开吧
Hannah, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
你要把我从葬礼上赶走吗
You're kicking me out of the funeral?
是的 请离开
Yes. Now, please leave.
你不能这样做 这就像把人从洗礼上赶走
You can't do that! That's like kicking someone out of a baptism.
的确发生过一次
I mean, that did happen to me once,
但那是那个宝宝的错
but it was totally the baby's fault.
弗兰克 山姆 麻烦你们
Frank, Sam, could you please just...
不 两位 我只想找到离我而去的人
No, guys, guys! I'm just trying to find The One Who Got Away!
这对你们来说没有任何意义吗
Ow! Does that mean nothing to you people!?
丹尼小子
Danny Boy!
怎么样 伙计
How's it going, mate?
我没事 我吃完了药片
I'm OK. I finished the pills.
妈的 药片 我完全忘了 做得好
Oh, shit, the pills. I totally forgot about that. Good job.
谢谢
Thanks.
我看到东西上全有紫色斑点
Everything I look at is covered in purple spots,
但我喜欢紫色 所以没事
but I like the colour purple, so it's OK.
这样想就对了 伙计
That's the spirit, mate.
过几天 我耳朵不再嗡嗡响了
In a couple of days, when my ears stop ringing,
你们一定要来我家
you guys should definitely come round to my place.
就像以前一样
It'll be just like the old days.
我们可以叫披萨 报♥警♥假装我们被绑♥架♥了
We could order pizza, call 999 and pretend we've been kidnapped.
恐怕不行 我得带老婆去威尼斯过生日
No can do, I'm afraid. Taking the missus to Venice for her birthday.
十天吃意大利调味饭 在贡多拉船上给她指交
Ten days of eating risotto and fingering her on a gondola.
地♥产♥代理相当兴奋啊
Things are getting pretty hectic down at the estate agent.
-德行 -今晚呢
- Gay. - What about tonight?
抱歉 事情一完我们就得开奥迪走了
Sorry, mate, we're jumping in the Audi as soon as this thing's over.
现实生活啊 丹尼小子 是不会停下的
Real life, Danny Boy, it don't stop.
就像责任的乱♥交♥
It's like a gangbang of responsibilities,
从来不停下
they just keep coming and coming.
不过你知道怎么做会很奇怪吗
Do you know what'd be weird, though?
拜托了 别再让我做什么奇怪的事
Please, don't make me do any more weird stuff.
我不要喝打火机油
I don't want to drink lighter fluid,
或把切鱼刀塞进菊花里
or stick a fish knife up my arse.
不 我是想说如果你下个月
Nah, I was going to say it'd be weird
和我们一起去柴郡会很奇怪
if you came to Cheshire with us next month.
我爸做疝气手术 我们要过去
My dad's having a hernia op, we're going to swing by.
我们雇了艘驳船
We're hiring a barge.
我喜欢在船上拉屎 让我觉得好屌♥
I love going for a poo on a boat, it makes me feel dead flashy.
我想拥抱你们 但我俩胳膊已经动不了了
I would hug you guys, but both of my arms have gone completely dead.
我们给你拿喝的 让你舒服下
Let's get you a couple drinks, that'll sort you out.
丹 丹
Dan! Dan!
告诉他们我没疯 我有任务
Tell them I'm not crazy! I'm just on a mission!
-丹 -汉娜 我们要去坐驳船了
- Dan! - Hannah, we're going on a barge.
接下来 黛比要发言
Next, Debbie, who wants to say a few words.
谢谢
Thank you.
我看到有不少戏剧社的熟人
I see a lot of faces here from drama club
我知道我说巴尔科姆先生能激励众人
and I know you'll all agree when I say Mr Balcombe
你们都会同意的
was a true inspiration.
因为他我才成为演员 所以
It's because of him that I became an actress, which is why
我要借此机会表演我独角戏中的
I'd like to take this opportunity to perform a brief extract from
精华片段 戏名为《佩内洛普·福赛思可耻的磨难》
my one-woman show - The Scandalous Tribulations of Penelope Forsythe.
汉娜 怎么回事 我叫你走的 弗兰克 山姆
Hannah?! What is this? I told you get out! Frank, Sam!
不
No!
如果你们再赶我出去
If you guys throw me out again,
我对天发誓 我会踢中你们的子孙根
I swear to God I will drop-kick both of you in the dick.
我走了11户人家 你的邻居
I had to go 11 houses down before one of your neighbours
才相信我是花♥园♥检查员 放我进来
believed me when I said I was the garden inspector and let me in.
我翻过一些篱笆 爬过一道荆棘灌木丛
I've climbed several fences, crawled through a bramble bush,
丢了只鞋 踩不上许多不同品种的动物屎
lost a shoe and stepped in a lot of different types of animal shit.
所以我想我有权利说几句
So I think I've earned the right to say a few words.
那是12年前
It was 12 years ago.
小飞侠演出的最后一晚
It was the last night of Peter Pan.
我在舞台旁边准备上台
I was in the wings waiting to go on.
有人过来一把扯住我 吻我后离开
Somebody whipped me around, kissed me and walked off.