贱精姐弟（2014）

贱精姐弟 第一集
所以他们三个闯进银行
So the three of them go in the bank.
他们看上去就跟普通人一样
They just look like normal guys,
戴着眼镜 穿着双排扣外套
you know, glasses, trench coats.
然后那个女孩把包往地上一扔 突然间就...
Then the girl drops her bag and suddenly it is like...
等等 等等 这是什么时候的事来着
Wait, wait, hold on - when did this happen?
1999吧 后来他们又拍了"重装上阵"
1999, I think? Then they did Reloaded.
再就是"矩阵革命"
And then Revolutions.
你刚刚是跟我描述了20分钟《黑客帝国》的剧情吗
Have you just been describing The Matrix to me for 20 minutes?
你明明说这是个真实故事啊
You said it was a real story!
我是说可能是 整个电影的主旨就是这个
I said it could be, that's sort of the point of the film.
管他呢 我最好赶去工作吧
Whatever. Ooh, I'd better get to work,
已经10点半了 也不能太迟
it's 10.30, can't be too late.
别啊 老姐 待在家里啊
Come on, sis, stay.
你说你上司根本不在乎你什么时候去的啊
You said your boss doesn't care when you turn up.
我说的是 他根本不记得我什么时候去的
I said he doesn't remember when I turn up.
部门主管是酒鬼 就是有这样的好处
One of the perks of having a department run by an alcoholic.
以及他把饮水机里都装满了乌佐酒
That and the time he had the water dispenser filled with Ouzo.
天啊
Oh, my God.
不过说真的 虽然用了好几年时间
Seriously though, it's taken ages
但我终于琢磨出
but I've finally figured out
不做任何事还能保住工作的高招了
how to do zero work but still keep my job.
诀窍就是
The trick is
在安迪喝完晨间波旁酒6分钟后到达公♥司♥
to get in six minutes after Andy's had his mid-morning bourbon
那个时候他的脑子是晕乎乎的
that way his head's still a bit fuzzy.
好吧 行吧 你去工作了
OK, fine but while you're at work,
我该做什么呢 我这周真是无聊死了
what am I supposed to do? I have been so bored this week.
昨天 我把所有的插座都给拆了
Yesterday, I took apart all the plug sockets.
前天 我洗澡的时候吃了份酸奶 今天该做什么
Day before that I had a yogurt in the bath. What now?
丹 你没有朋友一起玩可不是我的错
Dan, it's not my fault you don't have anyone to hang out with.
好吧 我如果因为想试试嘴里能塞进多少把叉子
Fine, but if I choke to death trying to see how many forks
而被噎死 我会怪罪你的
I can fit in my mouth, I'm going to blame you.
抱歉我迟到了 老大 我给你买♥♥了杯咖啡
Sorry I'm late, boss. I brought you a coffee.
里面加了点百利甜酒 正是你喜欢的味道
It's got a shot of Bailey's in it, just the way you like it.
谢谢你 汉娜 我要走了 永久性的
Aw, thank you, Hannah. I'm actually on my way out... for good!
你要走人了吗
You're leaving?
领导层已经表态了 汉娜 他们说
The powers that be have spoken, Hannah, and they have said,
"你有酗酒问题 你简直要把公♥司♥搞倒闭了"
"You've got a problem and you're running this place into the ground."
现在该怎么办
Well, what happens now?
他们说让我去戒酒什么的
Well, they said something about rehab but...
不 我是说我 你还会回来吗
No, for me. I mean, are you coming back?
不会 不过他们肯定已经找好接替我的人了
No, but I'm sure they've got a replacement lined up.
接替你的人
A replacement?
一个脑子更清醒的人 而不是一个彻头彻尾的废物
Someone a bit more "switched on" and less "frighteningly incompetent".
不 安迪 我们得反抗啊
No! Come on, Andy, we've got to fight this.
你是我遇到过的最好的上司
You are the best boss I've ever had.
-真的吗 -是啊
- Really? - Yes!
没错 你是经常喝醉
I mean, OK, so you got drunk
并且在几次会议上尿了裤子
and pissed yourself in a couple of meetings.
那又怎样 谁没有过啊
So what, who hasn't?!
哪个上司会让我休一周假
What other boss would let me take a week off just
就为了敲定我的"夏日形象"啊
to finally nail down my "summer look".
你这话对我意义重大 汉娜
Ah, that means a lot, Hannah.
你总是坚定地站在我这边
You've always stuck by me.
即使你都发现我在会议室里打飞机的事了
Even after you caught me spanking it in the conference room.
什么 不 那不是我
What? No, that... That wasn't me.
瞧吧 我就是脑子不够清醒
See, I am just not switched on.
好爽啊
Oh, that feels good.
我可以坐在这里吗
Is it all right if I sit here?
你在写什么呢
What are you working on?
就是个 剧本
It's er... a screenplay.
好棒 我也一直想着要写剧本呢
That is so cool. I've been meaning to get on that stuff.
我有个好的电影创意 故事背景都是太空
I had an idea for a film set entirely in space.
你已经写了多久了
How long you been working on that?
大约18个月吧
About 18 months.
抱歉 我得集中精神写
Sorry, I really need to focus.
当然了 就当我不存在吧
Oh, sure. Pretend I'm not here.
老兄 你是个电影咖
Dude, you're a film buff
你是如何看待这样一种观点的
what's your take on the theory going around
就是基努·里维斯的每一部电影
that every Keanu Reeves film
其实都是发生在《黑客帝国》的空间里的
is actually set within the Matrix.
所以他的所有角色演出来才都是一个样
That's why he plays all the characters the same way.
嘿 老兄
Hey, mate...
别 别这样
Please, don't...
我开个玩笑 开个玩笑
I'm joking, I'm joking.
你是有备份的 对吧
You backed up, right?
你该时刻记得备份
You should always back up.
嘿 小心点
Oh, hey, careful!
抱歉
Sorry.
我真是累坏了
I am exhausted.
我一整天都在找人跟我一起玩耍
I've spent the whole day looking for people to hang out with.
我去了各种地方 电影院 保龄球场 医院
I've been everywhere - the cinema, bowling alley, hospital.
医院
Hospital?
是啊 但简直是太挫败了
Yeah, but it was a total flop.
不过 我顺手拿了些
Although, I did manage to swipe a bunch of the stuff
用来给腿部打石膏的东西
they use to make leg casts.
你这都是什么玩意儿
What's all this?
我就是想调查一下我的新部门主管
Oh, I'm just stalking my new head of department.
那个酒鬼安迪怎么了 他的肝爆了吗
Wait, what happened to boozy Andy? Did his liver explode?
比那更糟糕 他被炒了
Even worse, he got fired!
真不公平 他是个能正常做事的酒鬼
It's so unfair, he was a functioning alcoholic.
那是最好的一类人了
They're the best kind!
他们很有趣 而且能把烂事都做了
They're fun and they get shit done.
现在我又得跟新来的女人搞好关系了
Now I've got to start again with this new woman,
叫安妮特·沃克
Annette Walker.
你在找什么啊
So what are you looking for?
任何有助于我拉近关系的信息
Just anything I can use to schmooze.
尽早讨好她 就像我对安迪那样
Get on her good side early like I did with Andy.
问题是 领英网上[商务社交网站]
The problem is there are loads of
有太多叫安妮特·沃克的人了
different Annette Walkers on LinkedIn.
这个上的是赫尔大学
This one went to the University of Hull.
而这个来自哥斯达黎加
This one's from Costa Rica.
我得掌握所有这些信息
I'm going to have to learn all of this.
我需要记住东西的时候 就会把拳头捏得很紧
When I need to remember something, I just squeeze my fists real tight.
我的天啊
Oh, my God?!
对了 这是小饼干
Oh, yeah, this is Biscuits.
我是在公园里认识他的 我们一起玩了下
I met him in the park, we hung out a bit.
然后他就 跟着我回家了
He sort of... followed me home.
丹 请立刻把他赶出去
Dan, please get rid of him now.
别啊 小饼干可好了
Nah, come on, Biscuits is fine.
昨天我看到一只老鼠杀死了自己的所有家人
Yesterday I saw a mouse kill his whole family.
你们喜欢芝麻吗
Do you guys like sesame?
好吧 我吃完晚饭就把他赶出去
Yeah, all right, I'll get rid of him after dinner.
你好 安妮特 我想自我介绍一下
Hi, Annette, I just wanted to introduce myself.
我叫汉娜 是运营团队的助理
I'm Hannah, the Executive Team Assistant.
我给你带了一杯咖啡
I brought you a nice cup of Joe.
真是太好了 谢谢你 汉娜
Oh, well that's great, thank you, Hannah.
没事 咖啡豆都是从哥斯达黎加运来的哦
Yeah, the beans come all the way from Costa Rica.
那里可真美 你觉得呢
Beautiful part of the world, don't you think?
我从没去过那儿
I've never been.
好吧 好吧
Cool, cool.
不过 赫尔大学的哥斯达黎加学生可不多
Still, not many Costa Ricans at the University Of Hull.
那真是一所出色的大学...
A fantastic institution...
又是该死的领英网邀请链接
Another bloody LinkedIn invite.
我那个表妹
My cousin,
她不过是用蜡烛做些迷你小人偶
just cos she's started making miniature figurines out of candle wax,
就自以为是个商务人士了
thinks she's a businesswoman.
所以你没注册领英网吗
So you're not on LinkedIn, then?
抱歉 汉娜 你找我是有什么事吗
Sorry, Hannah, is there something I can help you with, or...?
不 我只是想进来做个自我介绍
No, I just wanted to come to introduce myself
然后看看你刚来适应的怎么样