贱精姐弟（2014）

Sis, check this out.
姐 快来看这个
Sorry, Dan, got to dash.
丹 抱歉 我赶时间
Mum's got a doctor's appointment,
姐姐我预约了医生
I've got to pick up some test results.
要去拿检查结果
OK, well, good luck.
好吧 祝好运咯
Nah, I'll be fine.
没事 我好得很
The only reason I got the medical in the first place
我愿意去做体♥检♥完全是因为
is cos my company are paying for it.
那是公♥司♥出钱
It's great - you get the day off
很赞的 可以休息一天
and a free Pap smear.
以及免费的子♥宫♥颈抹片检查
Oh, actually, speaking of work shit,
其实 说起工作
could you maybe do me a favour and drop this off at my office?
你能帮我个忙吗 把这个送去我办公室
The coffee machine?
咖啡机吗
I borrowed it three months ago
我三个月前借来的
and now people are starting to ask questions.
现在大家开始有疑问了
Mainly, "What happened to that brand-new coffee machine?"
基本都问 "那台崭新的咖啡机哪儿去了"
Could you maybe do me a favour in return?
那作为回报 你能帮我个忙吗
I'm listening.
说吧
Could I have 500 pounds for a scooter?
能给我500镑买♥♥辆踏板车吗
Absolutely not.
毫无可能
It's not just any scooter. It's the X-Whizz 550.
那不是一般的踏板车 那可是"疾风550"啊
Crazy idea, but have you thought about getting a job
真是疯了 你有想过找份工作
and then paying for it yourself?
自己出钱买♥♥吗
Yeah, but jobs are so boring.
想过啊 但工作实在太无聊了
Plus, doing all this scooter research
而且 专心研究踏板车
is kind of a full-time job anyway.
也可以说是全职工作嘛
No, it's not. And let's be honest,
并不是 而且老实说
anyone who rides a scooter past the age of five is an idiot.
任何一个5岁以上还玩踏板车的人 都是白♥痴♥
Would you say that to Jeremy Van Blitz -
你敢对杰里米·范·布里兹说这话吗t
co-editor of Scooter Weekly?
他可是《踏板车周刊》的主编
Because I'm on a forum with him right now
我现在就跟他在论♥坛♥上聊天呢
and he seems pretty switched on.
他貌似是个机灵鬼呢
OK.
好吧
You're not allowed to use my laptop any more.
不准你再用我的笔记本了
第二季第一集
贱精姐弟
Hi, Hannah. I'm Dr Jacobi.
汉娜 你好 我是雅克比医生
Hey, doc. I hope you don't mind.
医生好 别介意啊
A new barbecue place opened up around the corner,
我家街角开了家新烧烤店
so I got myself a pulled pork sandwich.
我就给自己买♥♥了个手抓猪肉三明治
I didn't want it to get cold.
我想趁热吃
Do you want a bite?
你要来一口吗
Er, no, thank you.
不用了 谢谢
And you probably shouldn't have any more either.
你也不该再吃这种东西了
I'll be blunt, Hannah, you are shockingly unhealthy.
汉娜 我就直说了 你的不健康程度令人震惊
What do you mean?
什么意思
High blood pressure, high cholesterol,
高血压 高胆固醇
high sodium levels.
高钠水平
You have the bone density of a 90-year-old refugee.
你的骨质密度就跟90岁的难民一样
Come on, Doc.
得了吧 医生
It's got to be some sort of mistake.
肯定是搞错了
I mean, look at me. I'm a solid nine... 9.5.
看看我 我比女神还女神
I'm in great shape.
我身体好得很
Do you exercise at all? Not really.
你锻炼吗 不怎么锻炼
I do have this recurring dream
我老是做这么个梦
where Hugh Grant is chasing me with a machete
梦到休·格兰特扛着把大砍刀在追我
and I wake up sweating.
然后我满身大汗地醒来
Does that count?
那能算锻炼吗
I would um, suggest, Hannah,
汉娜 我还是建议你
that maybe you need to make some adjustments
对自己全部的生活方式
to your entire lifestyle,
都做些调整
before you end up 35 and getting chest pains
不然到你35岁的时候 每次弯腰系鞋带
every time you bend over to tie up your shoelaces.
都会觉得胸口疼
I can't believe I'm getting told how to live my life
我真不敢相信 竟然要你个蠢医生
by some stupid doctor.
来嘱咐我怎么过日子
What's going on?
发生什么了
It's Jasper's birthday so management's got him a cake.
今天是贾斯珀的生日 管理层给他送了个蛋糕
Really? Yeah.
真的吗 真的
So they just buy you guys cake on your birthday?
你们过生日 他们就给你们买♥♥蛋糕吗
On top of your salary?
而且是除了工资之外的
Yes.
是的
And they do that for everyone?
人人都有这待遇吗
And how many people work here?
有多少人在这儿上班
Oh, I don't know. Maybe 30, 40?
我也不清楚 大概三四十人吧
That's like a free slice of cake every eight days!
那相当于每8天就能免费吃一块蛋糕
I like those odds.
我觉得这几率挺高的
I don't know why my sister's always badmouthing this place.
搞不懂我老姐为啥总说这公♥司♥的坏话
Last week, she said it was
上周 她说在这破地方
where happiness comes to get fucked in the arse.
幸福根本就不存在 因为已被♥干♥死
This is yours, by the way.
对了 这是你们的
Is that our coffee machine? Yeah.
那是我们的咖啡机吗 是啊
Sorry, who are you?
不好意思 你是...
So rude of me. I'm Dan.
真失礼 我是丹
Can you take this, actually, cos I'm...
你能拿着这个吗 因为我...
I'm going to wish Jasper happy birthday.
我要去祝贾斯珀生日快乐
See if I can score another slice of this sweet cake!
看看我能不能再搞到一块美味的蛋糕
Jasper!
贾斯珀
Sis. How was your checkup?
老姐 体♥检♥咋样
Not great.
不怎么样
Turns out I've got the cholesterol levels
发现我的胆固醇
of a competitive hot dog eater.
跟"吃热狗大赛"选手的一样高
Is that not good?
那不好吗
Well, apparently, I'm at risk of obesity, heart disease
显而易见 我面临患肥胖症 心脏病
and something called gravy lung.
以及什么"肺化脓"的危险
Shit. Sounds serious.
妈的 挺严重啊
I've got to start exercising, drinking water
我得开始锻炼 喝水
and eating better, which is bullshit.
健康饮食 但这些都是扯淡
I mean, this is a can of chopped tomatoes.
我想说 这罐碎番茄
It is literally the closest thing to vegetables
真的就是我们公♥寓♥里最贴近
we had in the whole flat.
蔬菜的东西
Well, some good news for you.
告诉你个好消息
I got a job in your office. What?
我在你们公♥司♥找了份工作 什么
I dropped off that coffee maker like you asked.
我听你的话 把咖啡机送过去
Loved the atmos, asked if they had any jobs going.
我喜欢那儿的氛围 就问他们有没有职位空缺
What job could you possibly get at an insurance firm?
你能在家保险公♥司♥找到个什么工作
You have zero qualifications and a criminal record.
你完全没能力 还有犯罪记录
That's why I got the job of caretaker.
所以我才去做管♥理♥员♥啊
Technically I'm a cleaner,
严格来讲 我是保洁员
but I prefer the title caretaker.
但我更喜欢管♥理♥员♥的头衔
Taking care of business. Mostly cleaning related.
管些事 主要是清洁方面的事
This morning, you said all jobs are boring
今天早上你才说过工作都很无聊
and now you want to be a cleaner?
现在你就想做保洁员了吗
Try and be happy for me, Hannah.
替我开心一下嘛 汉娜
Yesterday, I didn't have a job. Today, I'm a caretaker.
昨日 我属无业游民 今日 我乃管♥理♥员♥
By next week, I'll be head of NASA.
下周 哥就是美国航♥天♥局的头儿了
Or at least, one paycheque closer to owning a cool scooter.
至少哥的薪水也差不多买♥♥得起一台屌♥屌♥的踏板车
What the hell?
搞什么
Everything all right?
你还好吗
That guy just drenched this machine with his gross sweat
那家伙用他的臭汗抹湿了这台器械
and he didn't even wipe it down.
他都不擦掉
I'm trying to get fit, not catch hepatitis, you fucking animal!
我是来健身的 不是来得肝炎的 你个畜生
Ooh, yeah! That guy's a real twat!
说得好 他就是个十足的傻♥逼♥
I heard a rumour that he got banned from the steam room
我听说他因为想捏另一个人的蛋蛋
for trying to squeeze another guy's nut sack.
而被禁止进入蒸汽房♥
Seriously? Yeah.
真的吗 真的
But to be fair, I also started the rumour,
但说句公道话 那谣言就是我挑起来的
so it might not be true.
所以不一定是真的
Hey, I'm Lucy.
你好 我是露西
Hannah.
我是汉娜
Not seen you around the gym before.
以前没看见你来过健身房♥啊
Well, I'm only here cos my doctor said I had to get healthy,
我来这儿 只是因为我的医生说我得变健康