我们的前妻（2016）

对希拉里保持低调的愿望 但现在
while we were dating, but now...
我们订婚了
we're engaged.
我们即将成为一家人
You know, we're going to be a family.
你的孩子就是我的孩子
Your kids are my kids.
你的前妻...
Your ex-wife...
- 就是我的前妻 - 很好
- is my ex-wife. - Brilliant.
明天你前妻的赡养费要给了
Your ex-wife has a maintenance payment
别迟了
due tomorrow. Don't be late.
爸 您能帮我
Dad, would you mind
送孩子去他们妈妈那吗
dropping the kids off with their mother?
乐意帮忙
With pleasure.
但不要言语攻击
But no insults,
不要问候全家 不要投掷石头
name-calling or stone-throwing.
那没啥好乐意的了
There goes the pleasure.
你想想
I mean,
如果希拉里和我
how did you think life was going to work
从来无法坐在同一间屋子里
if Hillary and I
生活要怎么继续啊
could never be in the same room?
毕业典礼呢 婚礼呢
I mean, what about graduations or weddings?
你有好好思考过这些吗
Didn't you think any of this through?
我看起来像是个好好思考的人吗
Do I look like a man who thinks things through?
听着...
Look...
别误会 但是...
Please don't take this the wrong way, but...
希拉里绝对会恨你入骨
Hillary's going to hate your guts.
她不会的 这话听起来可能有点狂妄 但是...
No, she won't. This might sound conceited, but...
- 人人都爱我 - 人人
- Everyone loves me. - Everyone?
- 真的吗 - 没错 朋友 陌生人 我的病人
- Really? - Yeah. Friends, strangers, my patients.
你是个兽医
You're a vet.
你的病人喜欢
Your patients love
咬鞋子和在公共场所撒尿
chewing shoes and urinating in public.
- 他们对人不挑的 - 我是认真的
- They're not picky. - I'm serious.
我有生以来从没结过仇敌
I have never had an enemy in my life.
不 我收回这句话
Oh, no, I take that back.
中学时有个女孩
There was a girl in middle school
有次毫无道理地
who just punched me
往我肚子上打了一拳
in the stomach once for no reason,
但我用称赞她的上肢力量
but I won her over
赢得了她的好感
by complimenting her upper body strength,
而我们直到今天还是好朋友
and we are friends to this day.
为什么
Why?
我不知道
I don't know.
所有我爱的 希拉里都会恨
Hillary hates everything I love.
最好的处理方式就是不牵涉
The best thing just to steer clear.
这套机制
We have this system
在过去五年中运行良好
that's worked perfectly for five years
我不想把它搞砸
and I don't want to mess it up.
我们从不去对方家里
We never go to each other's houses,
转账已收到
我们找个公共场所见面
we meet in a public place
我转账
where I transfer the money...
她放人
... she releases the kids.
她管我叫下♥贱♥混♥蛋♥
She calls me a cheap bastard,
我让她下地狱去死
I tell her to rot in Hell,
我们挥手再见 然后分道扬镳
we wave goodbye and then we go our separate ways.
没必要那样的
It doesn't have to be that way.
很多人都和平离婚
A lot of people have amicable divorces.
那不正常 我这种才正常
That's not normal. I'm normal.
标准的离婚
A proper divorce
建立在坚实的仇恨基础上
is built on a solid foundation of hate.
- 仇恨 - 它正是
- Hate? - The reason people
指结婚誓言
人们离婚的首要原因
get divorced in the first place.
因为它人们才花钱雇律师
The reason why they've paid lawyers
来解除他们在上帝面前发下的誓言
to break their promise to God.
仇恨
Hate.
但你一定意识到了
But you must realise it's
我们相处愉快
in the best interest of the children
- 才是对孩子们最好的 - 不 我意识不到
- if we all get along. - No. I mustn't.
而且我怎么办 什么才是对我最好的
And what about me? What about my best interests?
这样吧
I tell you what,
你去给希拉里打个电♥话♥
you call Hillary
约个时间让我们俩见一面
and arrange a time for us to meet,
我来做些对你最好的事
and I'll do something in your best interest.
- 这个提议很有趣 - 我是说 口♥活♥
- Interesting proposal. - I mean a blowjob.
你约见面时间了吗
So, did you do it yet?
没 我本来准备去
No.I was on my way to
当面告诉希拉里 但我转念一想
tell Hillary in person, but then I thought,
"我非得一大早第一件事
"Do I really want to look
就是看一只狒狒的屁♥股♥吗"
at a baboon's backside first thing in the morning?"
我准备给她打个电♥话♥
I'm going to call her instead.
别打
Don't do it.
希拉里吓跑了
Hillary's scared off
你的每一个约会对象
everyone you've been out with.
我知道你打算正直公平行事
I know you want to do what's right and fair,
但你最好克制住这种本能
but you've got to fight that instinct.
猜猜谁打来的
Guess who?
嗨 亲爱的
Hey, darling.
嗨 和希拉里谈得怎么样 我们什么时候见面
Hi. How'd it go with Hillary? When are we meeting?
我们该约在酒吧吗 算了 太随便了
Should we do it in a pub? No, it's too casual.
约下午茶 天啊 我以为我是谁 英国女王吗
Tea? God, who am I, the Queen?
听着 我很抱歉 但...
Look, I feel awful for saying this, but...
她不想见你
she doesn't want to meet you.
为什么
Why not?
因为她是个无趣的贱♥人♥
Because she's a joyless bitch.
非常抱歉
I'm really sorry.
没事 又不是你的错 你尽力了
It's OK. It's not your fault, you did your best.
我刚刚骗了世界上最可爱
I've just lied to the sweetest,
最信人不疑的女人
most trusting woman in the world.
干得好 她们这种最好骗了
Good man. They're the easiest ones to lie to.
希拉里吗
Hillary?
是的
Yeah.
我知道你不想见我
I know you didn't want to meet me,
我也很抱歉冒昧前来
and I'm so sorry for being forward,
但
but...
我只是想
I just thought
我该过来 主动打破坚冰
I would come over and break the ice
这样你就会发现 我是个很好的人...
so you could see that I am a nice person...
... 也绝不是什么威胁之类的
... and definitely not a threat of any kind.
不好意思 您是
I'm sorry, and you are?
莎拉
Oh, Sarah.
莎拉·韦斯顿
Sarah Weston?
杰克的未婚妻
Jack's fiancee?
杰克订婚了
Jack's engaged?
我们已经恋爱两年了
We've been dating for two years.
你不知道吗
You didn't know?
嗨 马克斯
Oh, hi, Max.
嗨 艾娃
Hi, Ava.
我们会把这堵墙装上滑轮
And we'll put this wall on gliders
这样你就可以移♥动♥它
so you can move it,
将你们的就餐面♥积♥扩大一倍
which will double your dining space.
真巧妙 我非常喜欢
Oh, how clever. I love it.
我们也很高兴为您建造餐馆
And we'd love to build your restaurant for you.
泰勒定制建筑公♥司♥闻名于
Taylor Custom Build is known
我们的诚实可靠
for our dependability and integrity.
你这个满口谎话的不要脸的混♥蛋♥
You lying, twat-faced prick!
工作上的诚实可靠 不是私人方面的
Professional integrity, not personal.
你居然订婚了却没告诉我
You got engaged without telling me!
订婚 你从哪听说的
Engaged, where did you hear that?
你居然没和希拉里说过我们的事
You didn't tell Hillary about us?
需要我把那门关上吗
You want me to lock that door?
它放进了一波愤怒的女人
A lot of angry women coming in.