男追女（2015）

机器人♥大♥战 一触即发
机器人♥大♥战 一触即发
但是我真的很在意 伙计
but I totally care, man.
那... 这么说 你还喜欢她咯?
Oh, so, so you... you still like her?
我不是喜欢她 伙计 我是爱她
I don't like her, dude, I love her.
把它扔掉 咱们要动身了
Get rid of it. We got... we got to move.
我是说 我为她疯狂... 近乎痴迷
Yeah, no, I'm, like, crazy about her... like, obsessed, heh.
总而言之 帮我看好她吧 兄弟
Anyway, keep an eye on her for me, buddy.
- 这个 呃... - 爱你哟 就这么说定了
- Well, uh... - Love you, okay.
你怎么把那个扔了?
Why'd you dump that out?
让我们来假定一个有趣的场景
So let me pose a interesting hypothetical situation.
比如说有个男的 很普通的男人 他看上了一个妹纸...
Let's say there's a guy, normal guy who likes a girl...
你不能和罗莎约会
You can't go out with Rosa.
- 她喜欢我 - 才不是
- She's into me. - Nope.
她一直疯狂地跟我调情
She's been flirting with me like crazy and, like,
我们要出去喝一杯
we're going out for drinks, so.
乔♥石♥ 这会毁了你和迈克之间的友谊的
Josh, this would destroy your relationship with Mike.
太难办了
It is a tricky one.
一点都不难办!
It's not a tricky one!
你... 你不该这么做 这个想法糟透了
This is... you should not do this. It's a horrible idea.
有好多要考虑的因素
Lot of... lot of moving parts to consider.
你真是... 你根本没听我讲话 是不是?
You're really... you're not gonna listen to me, are you?
至少先听听万能的先知特伊西亚怎么说
At least listen to the infallible prophet, Tiresias.
乔♥石♥ 你必须放弃这种想法!
Josh, you must abandon this quest!
天呐 特伊西亚听着
My God, Tiresias, you know, just because
就算你是一个远古的盲人先知 也不意味着
you're an ancient blind prophet doesn't mean you have be
你要一直泼别人冷水啊
such a downer all the time.
我的预言是刻在石头上的!
My prophecy is written in stone!
你是不是在做那个... 说我瞎逼逼的手势
Are you doing that thing, the... the blabbing hand?
我看不见 但我能感觉到 听着
I can't see it, but I can feel it, you know.
我们不是想伤害你
We're not trying to hurt you.
我是说 你们就好像
I mean, it's just coming from a bit of, like,
比我知道更多"我应该怎么对待自己生活"一样
"You guys know better than I do about my own life" Place.
- 我们没有 - 不是这样的
- We weren't. - No, that's not it.
- 我们只是不想让你受伤 - 没错
- We don't want you to get hurt. - Yeah.
因为你受伤的时候 我们也很受伤
You know, 'cause when you get hurt, we're hurt.
- 就是这个意思 - 说得对
- Yeah, that's right. - That's fair.
我们能感觉到 所以我不想经历那种痛彻心扉
You know, we feel it, and I don't want to go through that.
伙计们 谢谢你们了
Thanks, guys.
我很想说"去追罗莎吧"
Look, I would love to say, "Go for Rosa,"
但是我不能 因为上帝非常清楚
but I can't because the gods have been super clear
这么做的结果注定失败
that this will end in doom.
相信你 你不想要失败
Believe me, you don't want doom.
我们也不想让你失败
And we don't want doom for you.
我们都不想 所以 孩子啊!
Neither of us do, so come on, kiddo!
这就是泰哥给你的建议
This is some straight talk from the Ti-ster.
你必须放弃这种做法
You got to abandon this quest.
- 说的不错 - 多谢夸奖
- Well said. - Yeah, thank you.
- 敬好朋友 - 嗯
- To good friends... - Mm-hmm.
以及好的决定
and good decisions.
- 这份祝酒词太沉重了 - 好的吧
That's a very loaded toast. - Well.
你能听进去么?
So you gonna listen?
- 是的 或许你们是对的 - 这才对
- Yeah, maybe you're right. - Mm.
或许你们是对的
Maybe you're right.
谢谢
Thank you.
酸的 酸苹果
Tart. Sour apples.
- 再来点玛格丽特酒? - 好的呀
- More margaritas? - Ay-ya.
好耶!
Ay-ya!
好耶!
Ay-ya!
抱歉 抱歉
Sorry, sorry.
罗莎 不不不 在你说话之前...
Rosa, oh, no, no, no, before you say anything...
- 我的天啊! - 在你说话之前...
- Oh, my God! - Before you say anything...
不不不不
No, no, no, no.
你来这干嘛啊?
What are you doing here?
我在朋友圈上看见你在这个酒吧
I saw on Instagram that you're at this bar,
我... 我太想你了 所以我...
and I... I missed you so much, I just...
你不该来的
You really shouldn't have.
等等 你是不是 跟别人一起来的?
Wait a second, are you, like, with somebody?
乔♥石♥?
Josh?
你... 你来啦
Um, hey... hey.
- 你... 你♥他♥妈♥在逗我么? - 小点声!
- Wha... are you kidding me? - Shh!
昨天晚上我跟你倾诉衷肠的时候
Last night when I was baring my soul to you,
你一直都在觊觎着罗莎?
that whole time you were skeezing and feeling up on Rosa?
有很多不确定因素...
There's a lot of moving parts...
- 我简直不敢相信 伙计! - 真的有很多不确定因素
- Unbelievable, man! - There's a lot of moving parts.
好的吧 呃...
Right, okay, uh...
我们告诉他让他放弃了
We told him to abandon this quest.
宝贝 如果我有眼睛的话 直接一个白眼
Honey, if I had eyes, I'd roll them.
迈克! 等等 你听我解释
Mike! Wait, just let me explain.
没什么好解释的!
Look, there's nothing to explain!
我... 我告诉你我爱她 而你却背叛了我
I... I told you I loved her, and you betrayed me.
等等 又不是说
Wait a second, it's not like you had
她就是你的所有物了
some special claim on her.
你... 你本来有机会的!
You... you had your chance!
而你做什么了? 你搞砸了
And what happened? You blew it.
天呐 就是现在了 伙计 开始吧!
Oh, my God, that is it, man. Let's go!
- 你想现在开始? - 对
- You want to go? - Yeah.
来就来 谁怕谁
All right, let's go.
召唤终极迈克 !
I summon Ultra Mike!
召唤终极乔♥石♥!
I summon Ultra Josh!
红石已激活
Red stone activation.
旋律确认
Melody recognized.
我滴个神啊
Sweet mama.
奥特曼来了!
Fighting robots!
不!
No!
我要消灭你 终极乔♥石♥
I will destroy you, Ultra Josh.
你才是要被消灭的那一个
You are the one who will become destroyed.
这两个敌人随时都可能爆发暴♥力♥冲突
At any moment, these two enemies will unleash a barrage
这将毁灭的不只是他们自己 还有我们的城市
of violence that will destroy them and the city.
她再也不是你的你的女朋友了
She wasn't your girlfriend anymore, man.
你依然是个大叛徒!
Still a huge betrayal!
你说我是叛徒是吧?
You want to talk about betrayal?
我和罗莎相处一直都很好
I was on track with Rosa
直到你出现 整了一套
until you showed up and did your whole
"酷帅迈克"的表演
"Cool guy Mike" Routine
使我黯然失色 你一直都是这么做的
to overshadow me like you always do.
等等 你在说什么?
Wait, what are you talking about?
暴♥力♥冲突要来了
Here comes the violence.
破坏!
Destruction!
一直都是这样 一直都是
It's always been that way, man; it's always been
"出色领袖"迈克和
"Awesome leader" Mike and
永远追不到女孩的
"Kid brother" Josh
"小萝卜头"乔♥石♥
who never gets the girl.
伙计 我不知道你竟然感觉这么痛苦
Dude, I had no idea you were feeling all this pain.
为什么你不能放松心态 把一切都告诉我呢?
Why didn't you just unburden yourself and tell me?
因为你是我最好的朋友 终极迈克
Because you're my best friend, Ultra Mike.
我想这就是我把这一切都藏在心底的原因
And I guess that's why I bottled it all up,
因为我害怕失去你
because I'm scared to death of losing you.
发射激光炮啊!
Shoot your lasers!
快点打呀!
Let's go!
我也是这么想的 终极乔♥石♥
I feel the same way about you, Ultra Josh.
你知道么?
You know what?
我们不能因为罗莎的事就产生隔阂
We can't let this thing with Rosa get between us.
兄弟如手足 女人如衣服
Our friendship's more important.
说得对 兄弟
You're right, man.
所以我猜只有一个解决的办法
So I guess there's only one solution.
那就是让她自己决定
We let her decide.
不是你就是我
One shall stand. One shall fall.
罗莎 所以你选谁?
Rosa, who is it going to be?
你们两个山炮我一个都不想选
I don't want to date either of you morons!
你们为了我吵了一天了