娃娃奇缘

早上好
Good morning.
我饿死了
Oh, I'm starving.
今天早上吃什么 贱♥人♥
What's for breakfast, bitch?
你早上看起来真是糟透了
Ooh, you look rough in the morning.
娃娃情缘
宝贝 我做了一个很奇怪的梦
Babe, I had the weirdest dream.
我...
Yeah, I was, like...
宝贝
Hey, babe?
你今天要做什么
Hmm? What you up to today?
没什么
Nothing.
要一起去我的收音吗
Want to come to my ADR session?
好了 结束了
All right. That's a wrap.
全部好了 听起来很棒 杰森
I think we're all set here. Sounds good, Jason.
我来把母带
I'll get the stems uploaded
上载到FTP 然后送到编辑部
to the FTP and ship 'em off to Editorial.
说到《瑞克和蒙蒂》 那就是我的擅长领域了
Rick and Morty is literally my religion.
我第一季就想去配音
I wanted to do a voice since season one,
但是我的经纪人都说"但是我们给你
and my agents were all like, "Oh, but we got you
搞到了一个性感女孩的角色 她不知道多好"
this part as this hot girl, and she doesn't know it."
谁要啊
Who needs that?
我想告诉你 你的那个
Oh, and I have to say, that apology you gave
在工作地点谈恋爱界限的道歉
about crossing romantic boundaries in the workplace?
-太美了 -谢谢
- So beautiful. - Thank you.
我其实在我的播客上提到了
Um, I actually talked about it on my podcast.
我还有一则播客提到了扮装世界中
I, uh, have a podcast about, uh, Jungian archetypes
荣格的原型
in the world of cosplay.
能给我拿一杯柠檬温水吗
Oh, uh, could I grab a hot water with some lemon?
最后一幕让我尖叫太多次了
You made me scream so loud on that last take.
不 这是我的女朋友 科迪
Oh, no, this is my girlfriend Cody.
你好
Hi.
天啊 你好 见到你真高兴
Oh, my God. Hi! Hi. So nice to meet you.
-好尴尬 -一点也不 没关系
- Oh, I'm so embarrassed. - No, not at all. It's fine.
-我可以 -忘了我说的话
- I can... - Forget I said anything.
科迪也是一名作家
Cody's a writer, too.
-不 和丹不一样 -携手的一对传奇
- No, not like Dan. - Oh, two legends at work?
-是这样吗 -不 我可以给你拿水
- Is that what that is? - No. No. Um, I can get you the water, um...
-不 拜托 -我很乐意
- No, no, no. Please. - I'm happy to do it.
你干什么
What are you doing?
-没事的 让她别去 不 -我可以...
- It's totally fine. Tell her to stop. No. - I can get the...
宝贝
Bean?
你没事吧 怎么了
You okay? What happened?
你消失了十多分钟
You've been gone for, like, ten minutes.
该死 我马上给她送来
Oh, shit. Yeah, I'll just bring it to her right now.
不 她已经走了
Oh, no, she left already.
-你是不是很难过不能帮她洗车 -闭嘴啦
- You bummed you couldn't valet her car? - Shut up.
她肯定还有几件衣服在干洗店
I bet you she has some dry-cleaning
-需要你帮她取 -别闹了
- she'd like you to pick up. - Don't.
别说了 我只是想和气点
Stop. I was just trying to be nice.
你没事吧
Are you okay?
嗯 我觉得
Yeah, um, you know, I think
我好像把我电脑的充电器拉在你家了
I left my, um, computer charger at your house.
我能去拿一下吗
Is it cool if I go grab it?
嗯 我...
Oh, yeah. I, um...
我有一把备用钥匙
I have a spare key.
好 我马上...
Okay, cool. I'll just...
-吓 -搞什么
- Psych! - Oh, what the fuck?!
该死 该死
Fuck, man! Shit!
我就知道你会回来 你会想
I knew you were gonna come back here, being like,
"那是一个梦吗 还是因为药"
"Was that a dream? Was that drugs?"
我就想"我要闹闹这个贱♥人♥"
I was like, "I'm gonna prank this bitch."
你看到我刚刚的样子了吗 我...
Did you see me? I was like...
停下 停下 别吓唬我了
Stop. Stop! That freaks me out!
天啊 你的脸好蠢
Oh, my God. Your face is so stupid.
-你烂透了 姐们 -你烂
- You suck, dude. - You suck.
-你烂 -你烂
- You suck. - You suck.
你准备好了吗
You ready to do this?
什么
What?
我的逼 下面凝结了
My pussy. I've got, like, years' worth of
一年份的丹的精♥液♥
Dan's pole milk congealed up in there.
好吧 好吧
Okay. Okay.
好吧
Okay.
这不是真的
This isn't real.
你不是真的
You're not real.
我是真的
I'm real.
但是...
But...
我可能会得的真菌感染是真的
the yeast infection I could get is real,
所以我还是要...动手
so I'm just gonna... do this.
我喜欢泡澡
Oh, I love baths!
我喜欢一开始 感觉特别烫
I love how at first, it feels like they're so hot,
你就会想"我要死了
and you're like, "I'm gonna fucking die.
我的皮肤都要剥落了"
It's like my skin's gonna crawl off."
然后慢慢凉下来 就是天堂了
And then it gets kind of cold and it's just heaven.
因为你看到了我完美的身体吧
Oh, it's 'cause you saw my perfect body, huh?
什么
What?
你怎么心情这么差
Why you're in such a bad mood.
不 不
No. No.
是因为你害怕丹跟那个
Is it because you're scared Dan's gonna cheat on you
长得很像我的呆瓜播客女演员
with the redheaded actress from that nerdy podcast
搞外遇吗
who's like a way less hot version of me?
不 芭芭拉 我心情不好
No. Barbara, I'm in a bad mood,
是因为我他妈的精神崩溃了
because I'm having a fucking nervous breakdown.
我男朋友的充气娃娃在和我说话
My boyfriend's sex doll is talking to me.
好吧 我不知道你是不是在
Okay. I don't know if you're trying
通过叫我是充气娃娃而贬低我的价值
to diminish my self-worth by calling me a sex doll,
但我有一个坏消息 宝贝
but I have news for you, babe.
在我们颠覆父权之前 我们都是充气娃娃
We're all sex dolls until we topple the patriarchy.
太好了 太好了 你还是个女权充气娃娃
Great. That's great. You're a feminist sex doll.
是的 没错
Yeah. I am. Yeah.
我看过《女性的奥秘》 所以没错
I've read The Feminine Mystique, so, yeah.
不 你没有
No, see, no, you haven't.
你就是我
You're just me.
你没有你的人格
You're not your own person.
我没有看过《女性的奥秘》
And I haven't read The Feminine Mystique.
我只是会在交流中
I just pretend that I've read it
假装我看过
when it comes up in conversation.
-所以你不可能看过 -我看过
- So you can't have read it. - I have read it.
和我说说里面的一件事 一件事
Tell me one thing about it. Tell me one thing.
你知道吗 科迪 我不会在
You know what, Cody? I'm not gonna sit here
泡在浴缸的平静时光里
in a bath in my peaceful time for me
向一个疯子辩白我自己
and justify myself to a crazy person, okay?
你头上有一朵乌云
I mean, you've got a dark cloud energy.
-天啊 是丹吗 -不 是我的经纪人
- Oh, my God, is it Dan? - No, it's my agent.
是房♥产经纪人吗
He's, like, a real estate agent?
你好 科迪
Hello. Hi, Cody.
-我给你安排了杰森·列维 -谁
- I have Jason Levy for you. - Who?
科迪 我是杰森 我是你的新经纪人
Hey, Cody, I'm Jason. I'm your new agent.
好吧 你...
Okay. What are you...?
不知道你有没有听说
Yeah, I don't know if you heard or not,
但是 布莱恩·陈卷进"我也是"了
but, uh, Bryan Chang got MeToo'd.
他已经被公♥司♥开除了
He's no longer with the company.
天啊
Oh, my God.
所以他的作者都给我了 所有作者
So I've taken over his roster, the whole roster,
你好像还欠我们
and, uh, it looks like you owe us
一集新的试播集
a new spec pilot for staffing season?
是的 我...我还在写...
Oh, yeah. I'm... I'm... working on...
我写到一半...
I'm kind of halfway through...
应该已经一半多了
more than halfway through this thing.
剧情是
It's, like, you know,
一个牙仙 但她也是一个脱衣舞娘
the-the tooth fairy, but she's also a stripper.
因为两份工作什么的...
You know, because both jobs, like...
因为要付账单