猫胆虫威（2020）

我给你带了点早餐 就当是谢罪礼了
I brought you some breakfast as a peace offering.
这里没什么可吃的
Food here is a little tricky.
只有一柜子牛肉干
It's just a closet full of beef jerky.
很明显 "铁血猛汉"兰迪·沙瓦吉是这里的校友
Apparently, Macho Man Randy Savage was an alum here,
美国已故职业摔角选手
曾代言过瘦吉姆牛肉干
并且他在遗嘱里把他全部的食物库存都留给了罗恩
and he left his entire food supply to Ron in his will, so,
来一根瘦吉姆牛肉干吧
snap into a Slim Jim?
该品牌经典广♥告♥词
你愿意和我共进早餐吗
Care to join me for breakfast?
当然
Of course.
要两份牛肉干
Jerky for two.
我想说声对不起
Look, I wanted to apologize.
-我不是故意要... -捅我吗
- You know, I didn't mean to... - Stab me?
我本来不想这么形容的
Well, I wasn't gonna use those words.
罗恩 罗恩就是个疯子
Look, Ron-Ron is crazy.
我说真的 他就是个神经病
I'm serious. He's-he's nuts.
他脑子肯定有毛病
Sick-in-the-head crazy.
而且我相信 肯定是他杀了罗德里戈
And I'm convinced that that motherfucker killed a dude named Rodrigo.
而且那混账还想杀了我
And the motherfucker tried to kill me
就因为我试图靠近他的办公室
just for being around his office.
还有你手臂上的伤 我知道你肯定觉得我在说谎
And as far as your arm goes, I know you think I'm lying...
但我听到的确实是"伸缩刀"
I heard "retractable."
我之前跟你这样的人约过会
You know, I've dated guys like you before.
你们遇事总觉得是别人的错
It's always someone else's fault.
不是这样的
That's not true.
完全不是 当我错了的时候 我...
That's not true at all. When I'm wrong, I...
我不该这么说的 因为我从不出错
I shouldn't say that 'cause I'm never wrong.
如果 如果我错了
If... if I'm wrong,
我一定会勇于承认错误
I have no problem admitting that I'm wrong.
但这件事上 我没错 他说的就是"伸缩刀"
But in this case, I'm not. He said "retractable."
其实你捅了我 我还挺开心的
Part of me is glad you stabbed me.
这就像个荣誉勋章
It's a badge of honor.
我听说杰森·斯坦森来这里的时候
I heard when Jason Statham came through here,
他直接被一刀捅进了心脏
he got stabbed directly in the heart.
他活下来了吗
Did he survive that?
一周之后他就去拍了《玩命快递》
He shot Transporter, like, a week later.
真的假的
What the fuck?
真捅进心脏了吗 他们真的一刀捅进他心脏了吗
In the heart? They stabbed him in the heart?
-是啊 一刀直中心脏 -也太强了吧
- Yep, right through it. - Goddamn it.
也许我在朝错误的方向努力
Maybe I'm just doing the wrong fucking thing here. I mean...
或许这行真的不适合我 你懂吗
maybe this just isn't for me, you know?
那你直接离开好了
So, just leave.
回家去
Go home.
我相信肯定有某个真英雄正缺一个傻副手
I'm sure there's a real hero somewhere in need of a goofy sidekick.
好吧 适得其反
Okay, that backfired.
我还以为你会说点好听的
I thought that you would go the opposite direction
告诉我 不 我该留下
and tell me that, no, I should stay,
这事确实适合我
and that this is for me.
我以为 你会说这些
That's what I... thought...
你想让我说什么
Well, what do you want me to say?
如果你连主演克劳德·范德维尔德的电影
If you need extra motivation to be the star
都需要别人来帮你加油打气
of a Claude Van De Velde movie...
那你肯定入错行了
you're in the wrong business.
这可能是我跻身一流动作明星的唯一机会 所以
This is probably my only shot to be a big action star, so
我绝对不会放弃
I'm not gonna blow it.
赴汤蹈火也在所不辞
I'll do anything it takes.
你说得没错
You're right.
你说得一点都没错
You are absolutely right.
我不该再叽叽歪歪地抱怨了
I need to stop all the bitching and moaning,
我要勇敢地面对一切
and I need to cowboy the fuck up.
这才对嘛
There you go.
猫胆虫威
第一季 第四集
当我刚开始干这行
When I first started in the business,
训练动作明星时
training action stars,
每一个特技场景都是实打实的
every stunt scene was practical.
或者 用凯文的话来说 "可伸缩的"
Or, as Kevin might say, "retractable."
你这笑话不错 真不错
Oh, that's really good. That's great.
-一点都不好笑 -但行业规则已经改变了
- It's not funny. - But the industry has changed.
如果你不会在绿幕前表演
You can't even be an action star without,
你就没法当动作明星
well, knowing how to work green.
绿幕我很熟
I'm very familiar with the green screen.
我参演的15部电影里
I mean, I've done about 15 movies
都用到了绿幕
where we've had a green screen.
这里面哪部你是主角来着
In which of those 15 movies were you the leading man?
随便哪个傻缺都能跳到绿幕前
Any idiot can jump on a green screen
假装被一条特效龙吃掉
and pretend to be eaten by a CG dragon.
即便是小凯文都能做到
Hell, even Little Kevin can do that.
天哪 不要啊
Oh, hell no!
好吧 是谁抽空把他打扮成我这样子的
Okay, who's finding the time to dress him like me?
-这真的很... -好了 提问时间到
- It's really... - Okay, question.
在绿幕前 男主角或者女主角
What does a leading woman or a leading man
可以做什么配角没法做的事情
get to do on-screen that sidekicks don't?
-打赢架 -杀掉坏人
- Win fights. - Murder bad guys.
做♥爱♥
Make love.
今天的课程是做♥爱♥
Today's lesson is in lovemaking.
太好了
Yes!
在绿幕前吗
On the green screen?
我们要在绿幕前亲热吗
Are we doing it on the green screen?
-没错 -真好
- Bingo. - Nice.
往床上和墙上加特效 没问题的
Adding effects to the bed, to the wall, just cracking 'em.
好了 我就直说吧
Okay, I'm gonna be candid.
我不想和他演床戏
I-I don't want to do a sex scene with him.
没事 因为我也不想和她演床戏
That's fine, 'cause I don't want to do a sex scene with her.
-有什么好笑的 -好吧 你先看看你自己
- What's so funny? - Okay, well, look at you,
再看看她
and then look at her.
然后再看看你自己 再看看她
And look at you, then her.
-再看看你自己 再看看她 -好吧
- Then you, then her. - Okay.
我不懂笑点在哪里 我是哪里没领会到
I don't get the joke. What is...? What-what am I missing?
好吧 我换个说法吧
All right, let me put it another way.
先看看你自己 再看看她
Look at you, and then look at her.
然后再看看你自己 再看看她
Then look at you, and then her.
咱能直接略过这茬不提吗
Can we just get this shit over with, please?
好了 让我们来讨论一下角色动机
Okay, let's discuss motivation.
好的 现在...
All right, now...
在差点杀掉彼此之后
after almost killing each other,
哈特探员和金探员
Agent Hart and Agent King
发现他们俩是同一边的
discover that they're on the same team.
当他们在摩天大楼的楼顶
After diffusing a bomb,
拆掉一个炸♥弹♥后
at the top of a skyscraper,
这时候 这时候还在地震
in-in the middle of an earthquake,
他们发现彼此之间是干柴烈火 激♥情♥四射
they discover this overwhelming passion for each other.
等等 我们在大楼顶上
Wait, wait, wait. We-We're at the top of a skyscraper
而且这时候还在地震
in the middle of an earthquake?
没错 没错 榆木脑袋
Yes! Yes! Goddamn it!
你是我带过最蠢的一个演员
You are the dumbest actor that I've ever worked with!
来吧 开始
Go! Action!
剪红线... 还是蓝线
Red wire... or blue wire?
-肯定是红线 -你确定吗
- It's got to be the red. - Are you sure?
哈特探员 你确定吗
Agent Hart, are you sure?
我不确定
I don't know.
地震了 地震啦
Earthquake. Earthquake!
大楼开始坍塌了
The building's falling apart!
-好吧... -好吧
- Oh, okay... - Oh, okay.
好 很好
Good, great.
该死
Oh, shit!
等一下 等等
Hold on! Wait!
-你在哪里 等等 -凯文
- Where you at? Wait, wait, wait, wait.- Kevin.
等一下 让我缓缓 该死
Hold on, wait, give me a second! Shit!
-好的 -好了 来吧
- Okay. - Okay, all right. Come on,
现在正在地震 现在正在地震
it's an earthquake. It's an earthquake.
-来吧 -好