猫胆虫威（2020）

好了 各位准备好度过愉快的一晚了吗
All right, who's ready to have a good time, huh?
没错 这个反应我很满意
That's right. That's what I like to hear.
举手示意一下
Show of hands,
有多少人之前参与过电视节目的录制
how many people have, been to a taping of a TV show before?
谢谢
Thank you.
好了
Okay.
记住
Just remember:
"电影很好笑 大家快买♥♥票"
"The movie's hilarious. Everyone buy tickets."
-我问你个问题 -你说
- Let me ask you a question. - Yeah.
你觉得我在片中演得好吗
Do you think I'm good in the movie?
拜托 凯文 我是你的经纪人
Come on, Kev. I'm your agent.
我当然觉得你演得很好
Of course I think you're good in the movie.
你知道还有谁觉得你演得好吗
You know who else thinks you're good in the movie?
制片方
The studio.
现在出击吧 用你的笑容满面换观众的哄堂大笑
Now go knock 'em dead. Big smiles, big laughs.
你就是美国小活宝
America's funny man.
我们将度过愉快的一晚
And, we're gonna have a great time, all right?
"美国小活宝"
"America's funny man."
莉亚和
麦奇脱口秀
凯文 大家都在热议你的新电影
Oh, now, Kev, people are just raving about this new movie of yours.
天哪 都在热议哦
Oh, my God, they're raving.
你这次是和巨石强森合作
You are working with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson,
再次出演他的搞笑副手
playing his comedy sidekick again.
你是第六次出演此类角色了是吗
What is this, the sixth time now?
第六次了
Number six.
你是如何保持住新鲜感的
How do you keep it so fresh?
强森和我是...
I mean, look, Dwayne and I are...
我们是朋友
You know, we're friends.
-话题"羡慕嫉妒恨" -"幸运"
- #Jealous. - Lucky.
他也很幸运 他也很幸运
He's lucky, too. He's lucky, too.
但我的意思是 当朋友之间合作的时候
But I mean, look, when you are friends,
那种关系是相辅相成的
you feed off of each other.
那种能量当然会转移 但是
That energy, of course, transfers, but,
我更倾向于认为
I don't know, I would like to think of my,
我的角色也是英雄
my characters as, as heroes, as well.
我不知道有什么好笑的
I-I don't know what the...
我不懂他们为什么会笑
I don't know why they laugh.
我很认真的
I'm very serious.
其实我... 我也在...
You know, I've-I've actually... I've been...
我也在尝试做主角
I've been trying to become a leading man, you know?
做更多动作明星会做的事
Do more of an action star thing.
但是 我似乎被定型了
But I've been... I've been somewhat typecast.
出于某种原因 人们只把我当谐星看
For some reason, people only see me as the funny guy.
你能逗笑我
You make me laugh.
-不 -是的
- No. - Yeah.
谢谢 很高兴我能... 多谢夸奖
Thank you. Glad... Glad, you know, appreciate it.
我可是个很难搞的观众
I'm not an easy audience.
嗯 但是... 我的能力不止于此
Yeah, you know, but it's just... It's... I can do more
我不止可以上台搞笑或者跳舞 我...
than show up and do the funny or do the dance. I'm...
-不过你愿意跳吗 -你愿意跳一段那舞吗
- Would you, though? - Would you do that dance?
-来吧 -来吧
- Come on. - Come on.
大家想不想看凯文跳舞
Who wants to see Kevin dance?
我们可以放《玛卡丽娜》 有人想看吗
We'll get the Macarena going. Anybody?
不行
No.
我拒绝
No.
我不要 我不要跳舞
I'm not... I'm not gonna dance.
那就下次 下次一定
Next time. Next time, then, for sure.
再说回电影
But getting back to the movie,
跟我们说说这部电影有多棒
t-tell-tell us just how great this movie is.
这片子就是垃圾
The, the movie's garbage.
你说什么
Sorry.
嗯 这就是个垃圾片子
Yeah. The movie's garbage.
就该把这电影拿起来 团成团
Take the movie, ball it up,
扔进垃圾桶
throw it in the trash can.
你们想看多少遍
How many times do you need to see me
我和巨石强森在一辆车里
in a car with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson,
我当那个搞笑副手 而他则在救人
and I'm the comedy sidekick, and he's saving lives,
我还得说那句经典台词 "天哪 不要啊"
and I got a catchphrase: "Oh, hell no!"?
我们特别喜欢听你说这句台词
We love it when you say that.
-是啊 你能再说一遍吗 -是啊
- Oh, yeah. Can you do it again? - Yeah.
我只想问 为什么我不能当动作明星
Here's my question: why can't I be an action star?
我在网上看到过一些传言
I read something online
-有人说你怕林地动物 -没错
- a-about, you being afraid of woodland creatures. - Oh, yes.
-说我什么 -是海狸吗
- About me what? - A beaver?
-是松鼠 松鼠 -松鼠 是松鼠
- It was a s-squirrel. A squirrel. - A squirrel. It was a squirrel.
没错 网上说你怕松鼠
Yes, that you have a fear of squirrels.
谁会怕松鼠
And who's afraid of a squirrel?
我他妈才不怕松鼠
I'm not fucking afraid of a squirrel!
-好吧 -我什么都不怕
- Okay. - I'm not afraid of shit.
好了 你已经表达出你的观点了
Okay, you've said it. You've made your point there.
-我什么都不怕 -嗯
- I'm not afraid of shit. - Yeah.
我也不只是个谐星
And I'm more than just the guy that does comedy.
我他妈是个动作明星 好吗
I'm a fucking action star, all right?
所以你们把我当回事好吗
So why don't you start taking me a little serious?
对着我的身份指指点点
Tell me what I am and what I'm not.
要是我没点真本事 我做得出这招吗
If I didn't have what the fuck it takes, would I show this?
还有这招
Or that?
-退后 -得嘞
- Back up! - Yup.
凯文 凯文 凯文 凯文 慢着
Whoa, Kev, Kev, Kev. Kev, hey.
你得回到台上去 说你只是在开玩笑
You got to go back out there, say it was a joke.
你还要我开玩笑吗 你不懂
Talking about "it was a joke"? You don't get it, man.
我希望其他人能正经对待我
All right? I'm trying to be taken seriously.
我这辈子都梦想着成为动作明星
My whole life, I've dreamed of becoming an action hero.
也许比起做白日梦
Well, you know, maybe instead of dreaming,
你更应该规规矩矩过日子
you should just stay in your own lane.
你♥他♥妈♥说什么
What the fuck did you just say?
你想干什么
What are you doing?
这是排练 我俩在排练
It was a bit. We were doing a bit.
猫胆虫威
第一季 第一集
我什么都不怕
I'm not afraid of shit.
好了 你已经表达出你的观点了
Okay, you've said it. You've made your point there.
-我什么都不怕 -嗯
- I'm not afraid of shit. - Yeah.
我也不只是个谐星
And I'm more than just the guy that does comedy.
我他妈是个动作明星 好吗
I'm a action star, all right?
所以你们把我当回事好吗
So why don't you start taking me a little serious?
刚刚登台的就是我们的嘉宾凯文·哈特
That was our star Kevin Hart,
很明显 他最近 不太顺心
and apparently he's... going through something.
凯文·哈特关于
"动作明星"的
崩溃一幕
不过至少 你不会看见汤姆·克鲁斯
To say the least. You don't see Tom Cruise...
丹尼
我知道你要说什么
I already know what you're gonna say.
你要让我道歉 然后如果我...
You're gonna say, "Apologize," and then after that if I go...
不不不 凯文 现在道歉已经来不及了
No, no, no. Kev, it's too late to apologize.
制片方已经把你从公告牌上移除了
The studio already removed you from the fucking billboard.
所以我完了吗 我就这么完了吗
So I'm done? Just like that, I'm done?
不一定
Maybe not.
克劳德·范德维尔德想见你
Claude Van De Velde wants to meet with you.
克劳德·范德维尔德
Claude Van De Velde?
你是说那个导演吗
You're talking about the director?
没错 克劳德·范德维尔德
Yes. Claude Van De Velde,
影史六大动作片有四部都出自他之手
director of four of the six biggest action movies of all time,
他看见了采访 并且想见你
saw the interview and wants to meet.
为什么 他怎么会...
Why? What-what...?
不管了 不重要
You know what? It don't matter.
原因什么的根本不重要 我愿意见他 好吗
It d... It doesn't even fucking matter. I'm there, okay?
我愿意去
I'm there.
天哪
Oh, shit.
我看过你演的所有电影
I have seen all your films.
我喜欢你所有的电影 但你 凯文
I like all your films, but you, Kevin--
-你不喜欢你演的电影 -这你都能看出来
- you don't like your films. - Wow, you can tell, huh?