极品基老伴（2013）

很高兴你在游艇上玩得开心 妈妈
Oh, I'm so glad you enjoyed your cruise, Mother.
是的 你跟我说过岛民的事了
Yes, you told me all about the islanders.
请别这么称呼他们
Please stop calling them that.
因为我们已经不用这个词了
Because we don't use that word any more.
我也很想去看你 可我感冒了
I'd love to come and see you, but I've got a cold.
阿嚏 听到没
Atchoo! See?
其实我该卧床休息的
Yea... actually, I should lie down.
我真得去躺会儿了 病得厉害
Really, I must be going, I'm very ill.
挂了哦 娘亲 别说了
I'm hanging up, dear. Stop talking.
苍天啊 是你妈打来的吗
Good lord, was that your mother?
别跟我说她又活着回来了
Don't tell me she managed to make it back alive again?
下次应该把她送到真正的异国番邦去
Next time, you should send her somewhere really exotic,
直接用枕头闷死
smother her with a pillow.
你怎么敢这样说她
How dare you talk about her like that?
得了吧
Oh, please!
在她身上花了那么多钱 她给我们最好的回报
All that money and the nicest present she ever gave us
就是在去年圣诞节弄折了自己的腿
was breaking her leg last Christmas.
我可没这么恶毒地说过你妈
Well, I never spoke poorly of your mother.
因为她老人家端庄得体
Well, that's because my mother had the decency
懂得把握时机 寿终正寝
to know the appropriate time to die.
可惜你没能继承这个优点
A characteristic you both don't share, unfortunately,
不过照你今早这副样子
although the way you look this morning,
要是能撑到下午茶就不错了
I'll be surprised if you make it to teatime.
该死的 我要展现完美形象
Bugger. I've got to look my best.
有个粉丝俱乐部
I've got this fan club
这周要放我演的那集《神秘博士》
screening of my Doctor Who episode, this week.
怎样才能不显老呢
What can I do to look younger?
别去呗
Not go?
你巴不得吧
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
你啊 无时无刻不在嫉妒我的成功
You've always been jealous of my success.
可悲啊
It is sad.
真替你感到悲哀
I feel sad for you.
你个卑微 悲凉 备受忽视的小老头
You're a poor, sad, invisible, little man.
你刚刚掉了一颗牙
I think one of your teeth just fell out.
我去开门
I'll get it.
一从你身边走开
Any time I'm walking away from you,
立马血液回流 畅快无比
I can feel the blood start returning to my veins.
你好啊 艾什
Hello, Ash.
是艾什
It's Ash.
-我们的新邻居 -希望我没有来得太早
- Our new neighbour. - I hope it's not too early.
当然没有
Of course not.
弗雷迪 离小艾远点儿
Freddie, don't stand so close to the boy.
不用在意那股难闻的气息 艾什
His breath is nothing to be alarmed about, Ash,
那只是他内脏腐烂的味道
it's just his insides decaying.
要喝杯茶吗
Would you like a cup of tea?
好啊 谢谢
That'd be great, thanks.
我遇到些问题
I've got a bit of a problem.
也没有别人可以倾诉
And... I don't have anyone else to talk to.
还记得我说过 我在老家有个女朋友吧
You remember that girl from back home I told you I was seeing?
-特雷西 -是她呀
- Tracey? - Eurgh! Her!
蠢名字
Stupid name.
是的 当然记得 要我们帮什么忙吗
Yes, of course we remember. How can we help?
她说想跟我分手
She says she doesn't want to see me any more,
可我真的很喜欢她 不知道该怎么办
but I really like her and I don't know what to do.
她简直就是个白♥痴♥
She sounds like a complete idiot.
要我说 眼不见 心不烦
Good riddance, I say.
女孩的心思我总也搞不懂
I never seem to know what girls want.
女人希望能有人带给她们特别的感觉
Women just want somebody to make them feel special.
一点点温情能让她们感动好久
A little kindness goes a long way.
老天啊 维奥莱特
Oh, for Christ's sake, Violet!
就不能打个招呼再来吗
Why don't you ever call first?
艾什 还记得我们的朋友维奥莱特吧
Er, Ash, you remember our friend, Violet?
真高兴又和你见面了 艾什
So nice to see you again, Ash.
如果我说你这洋溢的胸肌
Does it make you uncomfortable if I tell you
让我想起了儿时的一位表弟
the musculature of your chest
你会觉得不舒服吗
reminds me of a cousin from my youth?
非常不舒服
I-It makes me feel very uncomfortable.
我真是爱死你的幽默了
I love how playful you are.
艾什正和我们说
Ash was just telling us about
他被一个吸毒成瘾的婆娘伤透了心
this drug-addicted slag who's broken his heart.
她其实是个护士
She's actually a nurse.
那你应该找个成熟点的女人约会
Well, maybe you should try dating someone a bit older.
维奥莱特 别摇头晃脑地调戏人家了
Violet, stop turning your head to flirt.
你脖子老是嘎吱作响
Your neck keeps cracking.
艾什是来寻求女性方面的建议的
Ash was asking for advice about women.
那他怎么会到这来
Then, why did he come here?
这种玩笑我们可不喜欢
We don't like those kinds of jokes.
艾什 如果你喜欢这姑娘
Look, Ash, if this is a girl that you like,
就该把你对她的感觉告诉她
you should just tell her how you feel.
-这样有用吗 -当然了
- Does that really work? - Of course.
你得直截了当
You need to be direct.
女人可不像男人那么主动
Women are less forthcoming than men.
这是纯棉的吗
Is that cotton?
你来这干吗 维奥莱特
Why are you here, Violet?
我是觉得 我们几个今天可以一起过
I suppose I thought we could all spend the day together.
不行 今天我们要去商场
We can't. We're shopping today.
弗雷迪要买♥♥件新外套
Freddie needs a new coat
好出席他的《神秘博士》放映会
for his Doctor Who screening.
我被观众票选为
Apparently, I have been voted
史上第十位最受欢迎的反派角色
the tenth most popular villain of all time.
你们说这种东西有意义吗
Does something like that even mean anything?
不知道
I dunno.
当然有意义了
Of course it means something!
我不用买♥♥新外套
And I don't need a new coat.
原来那件就很好
The one I've got is perfectly fine.
哪里好了 都已经穿了几十年了
It's not perfectly fine, you've had it for ages.
行了 别乱喷唾沫
All right, stop spitting.
那你演的是哪个反派人物
So which villain did you play?
我现在没心情说这个了 各回各家吧都
I don't want to talk about it any more. Everybody go home!
怎么都这么花哨
Why is it all so bright and garish?
就像进了艾尔顿·约翰的更衣室一样
It's like walking into Elton John's dressing room.
[英国摇滚明星]
我不喜欢这里 咱们走吧
I don't like it here. Let's go.
说什么呢 要给你买♥♥新外套
Nonsense, we're getting you a new coat.
为什么要给我买♥♥新外套
Well, why do I need a new coat?
我去年才买♥♥的这件
I just got this, last year.
这可不是去年买♥♥的了
You did not get that last year.
反正是最近买♥♥的
Well, recently.
这还有张票根呢
Look, here's a ticket stub for...
《阿♥拉♥伯的劳伦斯》
Lawrence Of Arabia.
[经典英国电影 上映于1962年]
好吧 咱们走
Mm, all right, let's go.
不准走
No. We're not leaving.
看来这衣服是比我印象中来得久远些
Well, maybe it was a little longer than I remembered.
这件怎么样
Ah, now, what about this one?
我喜欢 太适合出席放映会了
Oh, I like that. Oh, that would be perfect for the screening.
到时有头有脸的人物都会去
Everybody who's anybody's going to be there.
-都有谁 -是《神秘博士》
- Who exactly? - Doctor Who.
[Doctor Who的万年老梗]
你现在还开始失忆了 是不是
Oh, God, has your memory gone now, too?
怎么能这样
Oh, look, that can't be right.
不好意思 请问一下
Excuse me. Excuse me!
臭小子
Arsehole.
这些年轻人真让我紧张
They make me nervous,
像老鼠似的跑来跑去
all these young people skittering about like mice,
迫不及待地想奔回去上网
desperate to get back onto the Internet.
咱们直接付了钱走吧
Let's just pay for it and go.
不 事实上
No. Actually,
说不定别的店里有更好的
I think we can probably find something better elsewhere.
不 我们走吧
No, let's go.
别说 这也行
Actually, that works.
我们拍那集《神秘博士》时