憨豆警局（1995）

你好,亲爱的。
Hello, darling.
-我希望没吵醒你。-一点也不。
- I hope I didn't wake you. - Not at all.
这是你今年第一次把我的床头板弄得嘎嘎作响。
It's the first time you've made my headboard rattle this year.
我可不想错过这个机会。
I wouldn't have wanted to miss that.
-你去哪儿了?-你知道我去过哪里，我的花瓣。
- Where've you been? - You know where I've been, my petal.
在我的酒吧问答之夜。
At my pub quiz night.
酒吧11点关门。
The pubs close at 11:00.
是的，那是真的。
Yes, that's true.
但我一直在给你买♥♥礼物。
But I've been buying you a present.
——什么?-烤肉串。
- What? - A kebab.
我不想要你那讨厌的烤肉串。
I don't want your horrid kebab.
——哦。——雷蒙德,
- Oh. - Raymond,
你衣领上的是口红吗?
Is that lipstick on your collar?
不，是番茄酱。
Uh, no, it's ketchup.
——好。-我想起来了，
- Good. - I remember now,
哈比布警官正在吃番茄酱薯条
Constable Habib was eating ketchupy chips
当我吻她的时候。
When I kissed her.
你吻了哈比卜警官?
You kissed constable Habib?
我们晋级地方决赛了，帕特丽夏。
We're through to the local final, Patricia.
我们离奖杯还有一场比赛。
We're one game away from the trophy.
所以你吻了麦琪·哈比卜?
So you kissed Maggie Habib?
是的。我差点还亲了克雷警官。
Yes. I very nearly kissed constable Kray as well.
尽管他是个令人讨厌的人，
Loathsome man as he is,
他知道中场比分
He does know the halftime scores
自1918年以来的每届杯赛决赛。
Of every cup final since 1918.
¶又一个人摔了……¶
¶ another one bites the dust... ¶
¶和另一个咬，另一个咬¶
¶ and another one bites, another one bites ¶
又一个人摔了个粉碎!¶
¶ another one bites the dust! ¶
哦,上帝。
Oh, god.
你知道测验奖杯对我有多重要。
You know how much the quiz trophy means to me.
这是我唯一梦寐以求的闪亮奖品。
It's the only glittering prize I've ever truly coveted.
所以你吻了麦琪·哈比卜。
So you kissed Maggie Habib.
是的。
Yes.
我无法形容她有多棒。
I can't tell you how wonderful she was.
嗯,没有。
Well, don't.
一切都取决于最后一个问题，明白吗?
It was all down to the last question, you see?
我被校长的名字难住了
I'd been stumped on the name of the chancellor
在以色列的第二届政♥府♥中。
In the Israeli's second administration.
你相信吗?西基先生还是什么?
Would you believe it? Mr. Thickey or what?
那个笨蛋克瑞已经完全崩溃了
That oaf Kray had gone completely to pieces
击败1932年的苏联铁饼队。
Over the 1932 soviet discus team.
坦率地说，当时情况看起来相当暗淡……
Frankly, things were looking pretty bleak...
直到哈比卜，亲爱的，美丽的，
Until Habib, dear, beautiful,
聪明的哈比卜警官
Clever little constable Habib
取得了惊人的成功
Pulled off a stunning coup
通过知道大猩猩所有椎骨的名字。
By knowing the names of all a gorilla's vertebrae.
真是个女人。
What a woman.
真是个女人!
What a woman!
亲爱的,什么?
Darling, what?
-怎么了?——什么都没有。真的，没什么。
- What's the matter? - Nothing. Really, it's nothing.
哦，那就好了。
Oh, that's all right then.
我以为你不高兴了。
I thought you were upset or something.
我要去刷牙。
I'm going to brush my teeth.
我都不记得上次你说
I can't remember the last time you said
我是一个多么了不起的女人。
What a wonderful woman I was.
拜托，亲爱的。
Oh, come on, darling.
你不知道大猩猩家族的骨骼组成。
You don't know the skeletal composition of the gorilla family.
是十分严重的。
Be serious.
——早上。-早上好。
- Morning. - Good morning.
早上好,每个人。早上好。
Morning, everyone. Good morning.
你不是生我的气吧，中士?
Um, you're not annoyed with me, are you, sergeant?
不，一点也不。
No, not at all.
只是吃早餐的时候我忍♥不住注意到了
It's just that at breakfast I couldn't help noticing
你嚼碎了玉米片
That you crunched your cornflakes
以一种相当激进的方式。
In rather an aggressive manner.
我了吗?
did I?
而且你确实用冷水给我泡茶……
And you did make my tea with cold water...
还有昨天的茶包
And yesterday's teabag
在我的自行车头盔里。
In my bicycle helmet.
倒不是说它不可爱。
Not that it wasn't lovely.
-非常清爽。——雷蒙德,
- Most refreshing. - Raymond,
我一点也不生气。
I am not in the slightest bit angry.
好,好。
Good, good.
所以我的碎小麦里的钢丝垫是个错误吗?
So the brillo pad in my shredded wheat was a mistake?
早上好,所有。
Morning, all.
克雷，昨晚刚大获全胜。
Ah, Kray, fresh from last night's triumph.
你在吃什么?
What are you eating?
早餐，不是吗?牛肉洋葱派。你想要一点吗?
Breakfast, isn't it? Beef and onion pie. Do you want a bit?
牛肉洋葱派?快说出来，伙计!
Beef and onion pie? Spit it out, man!
你没听说过疯牛病吗?
Haven't you heard of mad cow disease?
得了吧，先生，没人再担心了。
Come on, sir, no one worries about that anymore.
没有人再担心板球运动员嚼口香糖和吐痰了，
Nobody worries about cricketers chewing gum and spitting anymore,
但这并不意味着它不再是国家的耻辱。
But that doesn't mean it has ceased to be a national disgrace.
我不能没有牛肉。
I can't go without my beef.
就我个人而言，我不相信所有这些故事。
Personally, I don't believe all those stories anyway.
在我看来，你可以从一头英国奶牛那里得到更多的道理
As far as I'm concerned you could get more sense out of a british cow
比你从一包德国香肠中得到的还要多。
Than you will out of a packet of german sausages.
很有可能，但是离酒吧智力竞赛的决赛只有一周了。
Very possibly, but the final of the pub quiz is only a week away.
我们不能冒险。
We can take no chances.
从现在开始，我建议你只吃鱼，
From now on, I suggest you eat only fish,
最好是生的。海鲜是健脑食品。
Preferably raw. Seafood is brain food.
是的，先生。
That's true, sir.
住在我隔壁的Murgatroyd，
Murgatroyd, who lives next door to me,
只吃鱼。
Eats nothing but fish.
她还能舔自己的屁♥股♥，我觉得这很聪明。
And she can lick her own backside, which I think is very clever.
我假设Murgatroyd是只猫对吗?
Would I be right in assuming that Murgatroyd is a cat?
不，先生，她是个柔术演员。
No, sir, she's a contortionist.
我的工作很艰难，我需要你的合作。
I've got a tough job on, and I need your cooperation.
现在很紧急，
Now it's pretty urgent,
所以我就不讲女贞了。
So I won't beat about the proverbial privet.
坦白说，我太忙了，没时间唧唧喳喳
Frankly, I'm too busy a man to be cluck-clucking away
就像一只被砍掉羽毛的家禽，
Like a decapitated feathered fowl,
那我就开门见山了。
So I'll get straight to the point.
听你这么说我很高兴。
I'm delighted to hear it.
俗话说:“时不我待。”
"time waits for no man," as the proverb goes.
我想说的是，在鉴证科，
What I say is, in C.I.D.,
犯罪不等人。
Crime waits for no man.
所以考虑到这一点，我要把牛的粪便都剪掉。
So with that in mind, I shall cut the bovine feces altogether.
——好。-这里是鉴证科，雷蒙德
- Good. - This is C.I.D. Work, Raymond.
在鉴证科，我们不讲究细节。
In C.I.D. We dispense with niceties.
我们避免无关紧要，我们忽视鲱鱼
We avoid irrelevance, we disregard herrings-
红色或其他颜色
Red or otherwise-
最重要的是，我们不四处闲逛。
And above all we do not fanny about.
-格里姆警探?——什么?
- Inspector Grim? - What?
你有什么想跟我说的吗?
Was there something you wanted to discuss?
噢,是的。
Oh yes.
坦白说，雷蒙德
To be blunt, Raymond,
我需要一个女人，我需要你的帮助。
I need a woman and I want your help.
正确的。
Right.
德里克，我很高兴你能来找我。
Derek, I'm glad you felt able to come to me about this.
这些冲动有多强烈，你有多长时间了?
How strong are these urges, and how long have you had them?
女警♥察♥，你个白♥痴♥。
A policewoman, you idiot.
几个月来我们一直在追查当地的大反派，
We've been on to a major local villain for months,
但他很狡猾，
But he's slippery,
像猫头鹰一样。
Like an owl.
然而，他确实有一个弱点。
He does, however, have a weakness.
这个弱点很明显。
And that weakness is totty.
喝醉的吗?
Totty?
鸟，紧身裤，任何穿裙子的东西
Birds, bints, anything in a skirt-
除了一个苏格兰人。