英文系主任（2021）

搞什么鬼
What the fuck?
她来了
There she is.
-风云女子 -早上好
Woman of the hour. - Morning.
请节哀
Condolences.
-谢谢 乔恩去哪儿了 -我不知道
Thank you. Where's Joan? - I don't know.
欢迎大家返校
Welcome back, everyone.
这些赠品是拉尔森院长给的
Here's a little swag from Dean Larson.
-我们的第一位女士主任 -女性主任
Our first lady chair. - Woman chair.
你不坐上座吗
Aren't you gonna sit at the head of the table?
主任应该坐在上座
Chair sits at the head of the table.
谢谢你 艾略特
Thank you, Elliot.
那我就不客气了
Don't mind if I do.
这是绿色还是棕色的
Is this green or brown?
重来一次吧 见到大家可真好啊
Let's try this again. It's lovely to see you all.
再过几分钟就知道到底好不好了
In a couple of minutes, we'll know if that was right.
好了 第一件事…
Okay, first order of business--
比尔没来
Bill's not here.
考虑到他的情况 也许我们可以对他网开一面
Maybe we could cut him some slack, given his situation.
比尔的女儿要到外地上大学 他去送她了 随时会到
Bill is sending his daughter off to college. He'll be here any minute.
振作起来吧
Get your shit together.
我现在要走了 你余生得自己过了
I'm gone now, and that's the way it's gonna be for the rest of your life.
你没走啊
You're not… gone.
我就是走了
Yes, I am.
木已成舟了
And what happened, happened.
有人把做好的砂锅菜和别的东西 送来家里的日子
The time when people were, like,
已经一去不复返了
leaving casseroles and whatever at the house, it's over.
行吧 你说完了吗
Okay. Are you finished?
-完了 -好
Yes, I'm done. - Okay.
我不会想你的 我只是会想念这个人和这个人
I'm not gonna miss you. I'm just gonna miss this guy and this guy.
-住手 -我要跟你和你说再见了
Stop. - Goodbye to you and you.
好了
Okay.
去吧 快走
Go. Get outta here.
-记得降落后发短♥信♥给我 -行了 跟踪狂
Text me when you land. - Okay, stalker.
我没打算粉饰太平 我们陷入了可怕的危机
I'm not gonna sugarcoat this. We are in dire crisis.
参与课程的人数下降了超过30％
Enrollments are down more than 30%.
我们的预算被大幅削减
Our budget is being gutted.
感觉像是大海
It feels like the sea
正把我们脚下的土地冲刷走
is washing the ground out from under our feet.
但面对这种前所未有的情况时
But in these unprecedented times,
我们得证明我们在课上教的内容 是有用的...
we have to prove that what we do in the classroom…
...塑造批判性思维
…modeling critical thinking,
强调同理心的价值
stressing the value of empathy,
这比以往任何时候都重要
is more important than ever,
也有利于公众利益
and has value to the public good.
没错 我们没法教学生编程或工程
It's true, we can't teach our students coding or engineering.
我们所教授的内容是无法被量化的
What we teach them cannot be quantified
也没有办法当作技能写到履历上
or put down on a résumé as a skill.
但让我们心怀自豪
But let us have pride
为我们能为年轻人们提供的资源 感到自豪
in what we can offer future generations.
我们要提醒这些年轻人
We need to remind these young people
知识不是从电子表格或维♥基♥百♥科♥条目 就能轻易获取
that knowledge doesn't just come from spreadsheets or… or Wiki entries.
对了 我今早在想 这被科技弄得昏头昏脑的文化
I was thinking this morning about our tech-addled culture,
我们的学生全天24小时 都与线上世界过度连接
and… and how our students are hyperconnected 24 hours a day,
我想到了文学评论家 哈罗德·布鲁姆写的话
and I was reminded of something, Harold Bloom wrote.
他说
He said,
"我们能获取的信息无穷无尽
"Information is endlessly available to us.
但智慧该去哪儿找呢"
Where shall wisdom be found?"
他们把我的办公室 搬到了体育馆下面的地下室
They moved my office to the basement under the gym.
什么
What?
我的书 东西 抽屉都被扔到了 敞开的拖车里面
All my books, my… my stuff, my drawers, dumped into these open carts
这会儿拖车就停在地下室里
that are sitting on the floor of the basement over there right now.
他们为什么要那么做
Why would they do that?
我听到了传闻
I heard a rumor.
他们要强迫所有55岁以上的人 提前退休
They're forcing everybody over 55 to take early retirement.
这为我们的末日拉开了序幕
This is the beginning of the end.
好了 各位 我们先别慌
Okay, people. People, let's try not to panic.
你真是站着说话不腰疼 你才51岁
Well, it's easy for you to say. You're 51.
我才46岁
I'm 46.
你开玩笑呢
You're kidding.
我要向你们承诺
I want to make you this promise.
我不会允许别人洗劫本系
I will not allow this department to be ransacked.
这里有一份名单
This is a list of names.
你们系的这些人拿着最高的工资 课程人数却是最少的
These folks have the highest salaries and lowest enrollments in your department.
不好意思 开学第一周就对你搞突袭
I'm sorry to spring this on you your first week.
-这些人都很重要 -说什么呢 就这些老古董
There's no one here who's dispensable. - Come on. These old-timers?
他们每门课平均只有五个学生
They're averaging five students a course.
我并没有否认他们对美国文学 有着深远的贡献 但…
I mean, I'm not denying their profound contribution to American letters, but…
我来捡
I got it!
…我们提供非常慷慨的退休待遇包 而且…
…we've been offering very generous retirement packages, and--
趁我没让人吃罚酒之前
So, before I bring out the stick,
也许你可以利用一下 作为系主任的说服力
maybe you could use your persuasive powers as chair.
我对如何增加参与课程的人数 有一些想法
I've got some ideas on how to increase enrollments.
亚斯敏·麦凯今年要争取获得终身教职
Now, Yasmin McKay is up for tenure this year.
我想跟你谈谈授予她杰出讲师的头衔
I wanted to talk to you about giving her the Distinguished Lectureship.
我们不能讨论打开新渠道 或是杰出讲师的头衔
We can't talk about opening any lines, or the Distinguished Lectureship.
参与课程的人数本来下降了 现在可以说是坠入了谷底
Student enrollment was down before. Now it's catastrophic.
所以你才把乔恩 赶到健康中心的地下室吗
Is that why you put Joan in the basement of the wellness center?
那是怎么回事 让我找黛比聊聊
How'd that happen? Let me talk to Deb.
听好了 我知道你…
Now, listen.xa0I know you, …
我知道你为今年做了重大计划
I know you had big plans for this year.
我知道这个地方过时了 是个行动迟缓的老古董
I know this place is antiquated. A lumbering dinosaur.
但你记得我给你打电♥话♥ 说你拿到了终身教职的时候吗
But you remember when I… when I called you, told you you had tenure?
记得我说什么了吗
Remember what I said?
如果有人能把彭布罗克领入21世纪 那一定是你
If anyone can bring Pembroke into the 21st century, it is you.
是这样的…
Well…
我只需要三个名字
I just need three names.
这是"性♥爱♥和小说"课吗
Is this Sex and the Novel?
不 这是"1850至1918年 美国文学概述"课
No, this is Survey of American Letters 1850 to 1918!
我的办公时间 为每周二和周四一点到两点
My office hours are Tuesdays and Thursdays from 1:00 to 2:00,
但事实上 你们随时都可以来 因为我几乎把这儿当家了
but you can really come anytime because I basically live here.
如果有谁在候补名单上 发封邮件告诉我
If any of you are on the wait list, shoot me an email.
你好啊 非常感谢你同意 主持审核我的终身教职
Thank you so much for agreeing to chair my tenure case.
-智允刚刚把消息告诉我了 -不客气
Ji-Yoon just gave me the news. - Sure.
你没事吧
Are… Are you okay?
她为什么要把两门美国文学课程 安排在同一时间
Why'd she schedule two American Lit courses at the same time?
我不知道
I don't know.
也许她觉得我们教的内容 已经够不一样了
Maybe she thought that our content was different enough.
性♥爱♥与小说 这是你给课程安的名字
Sex and the Novel? That's what you're calling this?
对
Yeah.
其实我有一份外部审核人员的名单
You know, actually, I have a list of external reviewers.
在哪儿呢完蛋 我是不是…
Where is it? Shoot, did I…
悄悄告诉你吧 他在名单上
Between you and me, he's on the list.
什么名单
What list?
把你们的课程合并起来怎么样
What if we combined your sections?
你想让我和终身教职委员会的主持 共同教课
You want me to co-teach with the chair of my tenure committee?
我想让他看到你在课堂上的表现
I want him to see you in action in the classroom.
他会把我当成助教的
He's gonna think I'm his TA.
要是让他看到你有多出色
There's no way he's gonna be able to dismiss you
他就没理由不让你通过
when he sees how fuckin' brilliant you are!
我已经把教学大纲定好了 所以…
I already set my syllabus, so…
听着 当比尔还是本科生时
Listen, when Bill was an undergrad,
是艾略特的课堂被挤爆
Elliot was the one who packed the halls here.
要是没有获得特许 就压根无法进入他的课堂 除非…
You couldn't even get into his lectures without special permission unless you--
对啊 他的课程 有30年都没更新过了吧
Yeah, and he hasn't updated those lectures in likexa030 years.
尽管如此
Still.
他掌握着你事业的成败
He makes or breaks careers.
小亚
Yaz,
我明白 我刚入行的时候会心想
I get it. When I started, it was like,
"为什么要让亚裔女老师 教艾米丽·迪金森的作品"
"Why's some Asian lady teaching Emily Dickinson?"
但我们这儿有个真正的机遇
But we have a real opening here.