夜间法庭（2023）

* So give me more beer*
快回答
Just answer the question.
你有收到一个小女孩的信吗
Did you get a letter from a little girl?
收到了呀 但跟你有什么关系
Yeah, I got a letter. But why would it help you?
你是那个认定我有罪的人
You're the lady who found me guilty.
我要律师 -我就是你的律师
I want my lawyer. - I am your lawyer.
要是我们把这个给你呢 -嘿 我去 俩李子呢
What if we gave you this? - Holy crap. Two plums.
嘿 那是我的李子
Hey, those are my plums.
行吧 彩票换那封信
AII right, fine. The ticket for the letter.
给你 拿着吧
Here, take it.
知道吗 这其实不重要
You know what? It really doesn't matter.
如果真的中奖 我还是能分走一半
If it's a winner, I still get half.
这个设计太完美了
It's a perfect system.
等等 这不是一个小女孩写的信
Wait. This isn't a letter from a little girl.
这是一个叫“小女孩“的脱衣舞俱乐部的关门令
It's a cease and desist from a strip club called "Litty Girls. "
倒霉 精灵鞋
Ah! Elf shoe? l
我真谢谢你了
Thanks for nothing!
不听话 不听话 -嘿
Naughty. Naughty. Hey, hey, hey!
愿你被堵在烟囱里
I hope you get stuck in a chimney!
行吧 这条线索断了
AII right, well, so much for that.
丹
Dan? - Huh?
我觉得我有办法
I think I figured out a way
拿到弗吉妮娅的圣诞愿望清单了
that we can get Virginia's Christmas list.
真棒 虽然我很乐意帮你
Oh, great. You know what? I'd love to help you,
但今天是平安夜
but it is Christmas Eve,
我跟我空荡荡的公♥寓♥有约了
and I have a date with my empty apartment.
我不知还要把卡里姆·阿卜杜尔·贾巴尔藏到哪儿去
I'm running out of places to hide Kareem Abdul- Jabbar.
他见不到丹·菲尔丁是不会走的
He's not gonna leave until he meets Dan Fielding,
所以你得来扮演丹·菲尔丁
so I need you to be Dan Fielding.
没问题 我了解丹
No problem. I know Dan.
他的每个举止 和面部表情
Every mannerism, every facial tick.
我可以扮成丹·菲尔丁
I will become Dan Fielding.
丹不在里面 我问过所有人了
Dan wasn't in there. I asked everyone.
贾巴尔先生 我想给你介绍一个人
Um, Mr. Abdul- Jabbar, there's someone I'd like you to meet.
我是默里·弗洛伯特
I'm Murray Flobert.
你觉得我现在学篮球会不会太晚
Do you think it's too late for me to learn basketball?
等等 我不该自爆名字的
Wait. I wasn't supposed to say my name.
行吧 祝你好运 老葛
Oh, well. Good luck with your play, Gurgs.
你帮我打开了思路
You're making me rethink everything.
也许是我太依赖
Maybe I do rely too much on
《过去和未来的圣诞幽灵》了
the Ghosts of Christmas Past and Future.
我是不是个大坏人
Am I the worst one? !
抱歉我无法回到过去
Sorry I don't travel back in time.
抱歉我没法把一个老人放进自己的坟墓
Sorry I can't throw an old man in his own grave!
失陪下
Excuse me.
我先离开一会儿
I'm just gonna escape for a second.
你今晚过得怎么样 老葛 呃 问我吗
How's your night going, Gurgs? Oh, mine?
我戳穿了一个幽灵 说她没有魔力
Oh, I've thrown a ghost into an existential crisis
她现在陷入了生存危机
by pointing out that she is not magic.
哦 我知道那种感觉
Hey, I know what that's like.
我有时候觉得自己在球场上干啥都行
Sometimes it felt like it didn't matter what I did
人人都爱魔术师
on the court, everybody loved Magic.
看来我们有很多共同点喽 贾巴尔
I guess we have a lot in common, Kareem Abdul- Jabbar.
叮叮当 叮叮当
Jingle bell, jingle bell...
鱿鱼
squid.
这些图案都是谁选的
Who chooses these images?
丹 快看我
Hey, Dan, check me out.
这会助我拿到弗吉妮娅的圣诞清单
This is how I'm gonna get Virginia's Christmas list.
嗨 有人要精神科诊断吗
Hi, someone call for a psych consult?
不需要诊断了
The consult is no longer necessary.
你可以直接把她带走
You can just take her away.
行吧 所以你这身中了邪的打扮
So, how is this cry for help
怎么就能找到那个女孩的圣诞清单呢
going to get you the girl's Christmas list?
弗吉尼亚已经把我当精灵了 所以
Virginia already thinks I'm an elf, so
因为你爱吃饼干 还喜欢拿个小锤子
Because you love cookies and use a tiny hammer
坐在台上工作吗
and work on a bench?
好吧 也许我确实有不少精灵特质
Yeah, I guess I do have a lot of elf qualities.
更别提你的身高了
Not to mention your height.
我的身高是平均水平好吧
My height is completely average.
我可以给你看看相关研究 从19世世纪开始的
I can show you studies...from the 1800s.
听着 我知道机会渺茫 但有了运气
Look, I know it's a long shot, but with a little bit of luck
和魔法的加持
and a little bit of magic.
嗬 嗬 嗬
Ho, ho, ho!
你干什么啊
What are you doing?
我只是 -丹 丹 再做一次
Uh, I was just Dan, Dan, do that again.
再做什么
Do what again?
你是对的 我不需要扮成小精灵
You're right. I- I don't need to be an elf
去套她的愿望单 因为你就是圣诞老人
to get her list because you're Santa.
你跟弗吉尼亚的妈妈
Virginia was with you
在餐厅见面时 她当时也在场
when you met with her mom in the cafeteria.
如果一个小孩递给我一封信 我会不记得吗
You don't think I'd remember a small child giving me a letter?
要是她不敢当面跟你说话
Not if the kid was nervous to give it to the big man himself,
塞进了你的包里呢 -包
so she put it in his sack. - Sack?
那可是科林斯皮革
That is Corinthian leather.
弗吉尼亚的信
Virginia's letter.
丹·菲尔丁 你拯救了圣诞节
Dan Fielding, you saved Christmas.
打脸了吧 啦啦啦
In your fa- - *La, la, la, la*
弗吉尼亚来了
*Virginia's here*
你就是个精灵
You are an elf!
否则你怎么能跟圣诞老人做好朋友
How else would you be best friends with Santa? !
你以为圣诞老人和精灵是朋友吗
Oh, you think Santa and the elves are friends?
圣诞老人 这位客人很特别
Santa, we have a special guest.
我们千万不能毁掉她
We wouldn't want to spoil anything for her
一年里最美好的一夜
on the most magical night of the year.
没错 我正跟我的精灵朋友纳吉说起
Yes, I was just telling my little elf friend here, Naggy,
你今年的表现有多棒
what a good girl you've been.
纳吉 你给我们展示一下
Naggy, why don't you show us
你最拿手的精灵舞吧
that elf dance you're so famous for?
我可以跳 但是没有音乐啊
Well, I would love to, but I can't dance without music.
不如你来给大家唱一首你最爱的圣诞歌♥吧
So, Santa, why don't you sing us your favorite Christmas song?
嗬 嗬
A ho, ho.
PRY 这首歌♥的旋律跟
Well, it's gonna sound a lot like
冠军乐队的《龙舌兰》很像
the song"Tequila”by The Champs.
5 6 7 8
5, 6, 7, 8.
圣诞节 -圣诞节
*Christmas! **Christmas! *
妈妈 这是最棒的圣诞节
Mom, this is the best Christmas ever!
我见到了圣诞老人 还见到了一个19次的NBA全明星
I met Santa and a 19- time NBA All- Star!
你♥爸♥的新女友骑着水上摩托翻车了
And your dad's new girlfriend got flipped on a Jet Ski!
真是圣诞大快乐
Merry Christmas, everyonel
你找到我的鬼鬼了吗
Did you find my ghost?
没 你找到我的卡里姆·阿卜杜尔·贾巴尔了吗
No, did you find my Kareem Abdul- Jabbar?
没
No.
打扰下 摩尔小姐
Uh, excuse me, Miss Moore?
我是来评估你拘留的证人的
I'm here to evaluate the witness you have in custody.
天啊 这下要填一堆文件了
Oh, this is gonna be so much paperwork.
早知道我就该看那孩子了
I should have just watched the kid.
孩子也没那么糟
Kids aren't so bad.
顿悟
Epiphany!
你在这后面干什么
What are you doing back there?
我的火鸡腿掉了 我再说一遍 顿悟
I dropped my turkey leg, and I repeat, epiphany.
哦 对对 幽灵
Oh, yes, Spirit.
你 你改变了我的生活
You You have changed my ways.
全凭我一己之力改变的 我看其他鬼还有什么好说的
And I did it all by myself! Screw you, other ghosts.
来吧 医生 我法力无边
Come on, Doc. I'm on a roll.
准备好惊爆眼球吧
Get ready to hear about some stuff that is happening
抱歉 我刚在教弗洛伯特怎么运球
Sorry. I was teaching Flobert how to dribble.
卡里姆 你是全世界最有趣的人
Uh, Kareem, you are the most interesting person alive,
我应该把真♥相♥告诉你
and you deserve to know the truth.
我永远也不会跟丹·菲尔丁见面
I'm never going to meet Dan Fielding.
这我知道 可你是怎么知道的
I know that. How do you know that?
不 我是说我拒绝见那个人