假亦真（2014）

瞧瞧什么东西从布兰森小镇寄来了
Look what just arrived today from Branson.
啦啦 我想象的正是这样
Lala, that's exactly what I pictured!
你好像能读我的心一样
It's like you read my mind!
我们稍作休息时
While we're taking this brief siesta,
我想我们可以过一遍我的对舞蹈编排的意见
I thought we could go over my notes on the choreography.
舞蹈编排完美无缺
The choreography is flawless.
我一直都站在你身后
All I do is stand behind you.
相信我 我很受大家喜欢的
Trust me, I'm a crowd pleaser.
在舞厅 男人支持女人
In ballroom, the man supports the woman.
你是来让我闪光的
You're here to make me shine.
-我穿什么 -这个
- And what do I wear? - This.
非彩色 简单 经典
Neutral, simple, classic,
最重要的是 有阳刚之气
and, most importantly, masculine.
肖恩 你在哪里 我吓坏了
Shane, where are you? I'm freaking.
卡玛发送着混合信♥号♥♥
Karma's sending all these mixed signals,
我需要你来告诉我那是什么意思
and I need you to tell me what they mean.
回我电♥话♥
Call me back.
这些风衣能完美展示我们
These trenches make for the perfect reveal.
你妈妈不会发现丢了吗
Your mom won't miss them?
她是气象学家 有几百件呢
She's a meteorologist. She's got hundreds.
太棒了
Perfect.
我们也许该彩排一下前戏了
So we should probably get into choreographing the foreplay.
这次是"3P前戏"
Or "Threeplay" in this case.
对哦
Right.
我在想 你站在这里
So I'm thinking you'll be over there.
我在这里
I'll be here.
利亚姆在这边
Liam will be over here-ish.
这还真是不错的3P风水啊
That has good three-way feng shui.
别傻笑了
No giggling.
我们得令人信服
We need to be convincing.
好吧 首先我诱惑地解开你的外套
Okay, so, first, I'll undo your coat all sexy-like.
这看起来很可信啊
This seemed authentic.
随便啦
Whatever.
现在你解开我的
Now you do mine.
你闻起来很香
You smell yummy.
是吗
I do?
中国菜吗
Chinese food?
我午餐吃的是木须肉
I had moo shu pork for lunch.
我想没别的事好做了 只有...
I guess there's nothing left to do but to--
接吻吗
Kiss?
真难以置信我要破处了
I can't believe I'm gonna lose my "V" Card.
我好紧张
I'm so nervous.
我都有些希望你会在场了
I almost wish you could be there.
我不会吗
Won't I be?
一开始会拉
Well, yeah, at first,
当然 然后你就找个借口
but then you'll make up some excuse
离开那里啊
and get the hell out of there, of course.
-借口 -是啊 比如
- An excuse? - Yeah, like...
对利亚姆的香水过敏或者...
An allergic reaction to Liam's cologne or...
等等
Wait.
艾米 你不会真以为我要你...
Amy, you didn't actually think I was asking--
不 当然不是
No! No-no.
我刚想到 我可以
I was just thinking I could suddenly...
装作是吃了剩菜木须肉食物中毒了
get food poisoning from leftover moo shu--
更可信
More believable.
好主意
Good thinking!
我们也许该再来一次
We should probably go through this again.
听到哔声后请留言
Leave your drama at the beep.
肖恩 你在哪儿
Shane, where are you?
你说服我加入3P
You talked me into this threesome,
告诉我寻找迹象
told me to look for the signs.
卡玛给了我一个大大的停车标志
Well, Karma gave me a big old stop sign.
我敢肯定如果你在这里
And I'm sure if you were here,
就会告诉我开车碾过去
you'd tell me to run right through it,
因为这是最后一个观察
because this is my last chance to see if she and I
我和她能否越过闺蜜界限的机会了
will ever be more than best friends.
我会翻个白眼 然后意识到
And I'd roll my eyes and realize...
你说得对
You're right.
我该自己掌控自己的命运
It's time I take my destiny into my own hands.
如果卡玛想让我离开
If Karma expects me to leave,
那我就得让她想让我留下来
then I have to get her to want me to stay.
肖恩 谢谢
Shane, thank you...
不管你在哪里
Wherever you are.
帕教练
Hey, coach P.
女巫库伊拉
Cruella.
看看竞争对手吧
Checking out the competish?
你穿的是什么
What are you wearing?
干嘛 这符合主题啊
What? It's in theme.
你怎么觉得 罗罗
What do you think, Lolo?
他看起来的确很像斗牛士
He does look matador-able.
我就知道我不能信任你 忘了这事吧
I knew I couldn't trust you. Just forget it.
说到夸张表演
Talk about chewing the scenery.
我还以为我们基佬才夸张呢
I thought we were the gay guys.
这次去奥斯丁对她来说很重要
This move to Austin's y en really hard on her.
这是她拥有的一切了
This is kind of all she has.
我要去阻止她离开
I'm gonna try and stop her from leaving.
韦斯特 我性感的播放列表排好了吗
Okay, West, is my sexy playlist queued up?
搞定
Check.
暖身润滑油 给她的 还有她的
Okay, warming lube, ribbed-for-her--and her--
愉悦避孕套
Pleasure condoms,
还有床头柜的功能饮料
and energy shots by the nightstand?
全部搞定了
Check, checkity-check-check.
我们万事俱备
We are locked and loaded.
宝贝
Baby, uh!
两位 谢谢你们的帮助
Guys, guys, thanks for your help,
但你们不觉得这里有些庸俗吗
but don't you think this place is a bit sleazy?
我希望更浪漫一点
I was hoping something a little more romantic.
哥们 这是3P 不是泰勒·斯威夫特视频
Bro, it's a three-way, not a Taylor Swift video.
庸俗点也行
It's okay if it's a little sleazy.
计划都想好了吗
Now, you got your game plan all worked out?
这是不搞砸3P的三条F开头的注意事项
These are the three "F"s of not up a three-way.
首先 健康
Number one-- fitness.
你是不是有点激动 外表整洁
Are you properly pumped and manscaped?
如果你需要 我们有修剪工具
We got clippers if you need 'em.
我觉得我这方面没问题
Think I'm good in that department.
谢谢
Thanks.
其次 公平
Number two--fairness.
给两位姑娘一样多的时间 这样她俩都有参与感
Give each girl equal time so both feel included.
一开始要吻那个你不大感兴趣的姑娘
Always kiss the girl you're less into first.
有道理
Makes sense.
这就说到第三点了 不屈不挠
which brings us to number three-- fortitude.
你准备一晚上金枪不倒 满足两位姑娘吗
Are you ready to go all night and please both ladies?
因为你最不想的
Because the last thing you want to be
就是碰上可怕的第四个"F"
is the dreaded fourth "F."
软了
Flaccid.
劳伦 深呼吸
Lauren, breathe.
冷静点
Just calm down.
我们为此很努力
We've worked so hard for this.
别抛弃一切
Please don't throw it all away.
罗罗 你能让我们单独谈谈吗
Hey, Lolo, can you give us a sec?
对不起 好吗
I'm sorry, okay?
我会按彩排那样跳舞
I'll do the routine as rehearsed.
我也愿意穿无聊沉闷的衣服
I'll even wear the boring un-bedazzled outfit.
你当然会啦
Sure you will.
这对你来说不过是另一个羞辱我的机会
This was just another chance for you to humiliate me.
不是
No, it wasn't.
我只是觉得这件衣服能帮我们获胜
I just thought this outfit would help us win.
拜托
Oh, please.
你穿上这件衣服是为了惹我生气 还有吸引帕布罗的主意
You put that on to piss me off and catch Pablo's eye.
他对亮片毫无抵抗力
He's such a sucker for sequins.