假亦真（2014）

瞧瞧这些丑八怪
Look at all these bowwows.
他说了快滚
The man said shoo.
我敢肯定在哪里
I'm sure somewhere
举办着一场你们错过的年轻共和党人短袜舞会
there's a young Republican sock hop where you're missed.
搞笑的是你 我今天没穿袜子
Joke's on you. I'm not wearing any socks today.
我练习时脚上长水泡了 教练让我的脚透透气
I got a blister at practice, and coach told me to let it breathe.
求你别说你脚的事了
Please stop talking about your feet.
我们才不走
And we're not leaving.
我们是返校节国王王后的热门竞选人
We're the front-runners for homecoming king and queen.
人们指望我们出席
People expect us to make an appearance.
这里没人在乎那个过时的父系传统
No one here cares about that outdated patriarchal tradition.
他们当然在乎 他们只是假装不在乎
Sure they do. They're just pretending not to.
高中有自然秩序
You see, there is a natural order to high school,
这一切都违反自然
and all of this is against nature.
但我现在来了 我要纠正这些错误
But I'm here now, and I'm gonna set things straight.
弯弯的错误
Pun intended.
汤米 我们走吧
Tommy, let's go.
还有充气城♥堡♥吧 不会吧
There's a bouncy castle? No way.
她不能那样做 对吧
She can't do that, can she?
她有妄想症 别让她影响你
She's delusional. Don't let her get to you.
谢谢
Thanks.
真心抱歉
I am so sorry.
-我知道 -太疯狂了
- I know. - It was crazy.
你来了
Hey, you made it.
派对真棒 真好玩
Hey. Great party. So much fun.
谢谢
Thanks.
我朋友去拿啤酒了 她很快回来
My friend's getting us beers. She'll be right back.
她比我更擅长聊天
And she's much better at small talk.
你的朋友 对哦 眨眨眼 推推你
Your friend, right. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge.
告诉我 是谁先隐瞒的
Just tell me who went under the covers first.
你说什么
Excuse me?
我不会大嘴巴的 以基佬童子军的荣誉发誓
I won't blab. Gay scout's honor.
我只是很想和你们交朋友
I just really want us to be friends.
我这辈子一直渴望拉拉能量
I've been craving lesbian energy in my life.
谢谢你古怪的奉承 但我不是拉拉
Look, I'm oddly flattered, but I'm not gay.
我就打开"柜"里的灯一秒钟
I'm just gonna flip on this closet light for a sec,
好让我们谈谈 好吗
so we can talk, okay?
你是拉拉
You're gay.
这没关系 没什么好羞愧的
And it's okay. There's no shame.
我保证 我完全不羞愧
I promise, not ashamed of anything.
我以前和你一样
I was you once,
很害怕遭到抛弃 我很久以后才出柜
so terrified of rejection, it took me forever to come out.
但一旦我出柜后 四年级就棒多了 信任我
But once I did, fourth grade got so much better. Trust me.
再次感谢你举办的派对 我得离开了
Thanks again for the party. I need to not be here anymore.
我觉得自己是个混♥蛋♥
I feel like such an ass.
又不是你吐了一地板
You're not the one who puked all over the floor.
不是 但是我往你身上泼了两杯啤酒
No, but I am the one who dumped two beers on you
现在你的上衣都是透明的了
and now your top is see-through.
你能装作没看见吗
Could you just pretend like you didn't see those?
是啊 如果你坚持
Yeah, if you insist.
但那不容易
But it's not gonna be easy.
你去哪儿了 小熊维尼
Where have you been, Pooh Bear?
-这贱♥人♥是谁 -布兰迪 你喝醉了
- Who's this bitch? - Whoa, Brandi, you're drunk.
他是我家男人 所以收好你的咪♥咪♥头
He's mine, so keep those nipples to yourself.
我向你保证 一开始我就想如此
That was my goal from the beginning, I promise.
我不是你男朋友
Look, I am not your boyfriend.
我们只是好朋友 偶尔打个炮
We're just good friends who occasionally have sex,
但如果你搞不清状况 那我们就必须停止
but if that's too confusing for you, then we have to stop.
好吧
Fine.
小心
Hey, watch it!
我会留着窗户的
I'll leave my window unlocked.
怎么了
What?
没什么
Nothing.
我不是个混♥蛋♥ 好吗
Look, I'm not a douche bag, all right?
我总是会说清楚基本规则
I'm always clear about my ground rules.
姑娘们总是同意 然后她们就...
And girls, they always agree to them, and then they get...
粘人吗
Clingy?
女人天生就想寻找配偶 组建家庭
Women are genetically wired to mate and start a family.
实际上 如果我们不这样
In fact, if we weren't,
整个人类就灭绝了 所以尊重点吧
our entire species would've died out, so have some respect.
身边有个拉拉向我解释这些事
It's handy having a lesbian around here
-还挺好的 -什么
- to explain these things to me. - Uh, what?
卡玛 我们要走了
Karma, we're leaving.
有人喜欢霸道的对象哦
Someone likes 'em bossy.
-利亚姆觉得我是拉拉 -谁在乎
- Liam thinks I'm a lesbian. - Who cares?
我们回家去 穿上睡衣 看《购♥房♥♥人》去吧
Let's just go home, put on PJs, and watch House Hunters.
大家能听我说吗
May I have your attention?
我们的两位朋友今晚很恐慌
Two friends of ours are scared tonight.
她们躲在小小的
They're hiding in this teeny, tiny,
黑暗的衣柜的 不敢出柜
dark, little closet, afraid to come out,
害怕我们会拒绝她们
afraid we'll reject them.
在赫斯特高中 我们行事方法不同
Here at Hester High, we do things differently.
我们接受所有人 能说句阿门吗 布兰达
We accept everyone. Can I get an "Amen," Brenda?
阿门
Amen.
但我们如何向她们证明
But how do we prove to them
我们不是典型的高中呢
that we're not your typical high school...
我们会接受她们 她们很安全
that we accept them, that they're safe?
我只能想到一种办法
There's only one way I can think of.
我们选她们为返校节王后吧
Let's elect them homecoming queens!
王后万岁
All hail the queens!
王后万岁 王后万岁
All hail the queens! All hail the queens!
王后万岁
All hail the queens!
我告诉过你 我们不该来
I told you we shouldn't have come.
王后万岁 王后万岁
All hail the queens! All hail the queens!
我们就进去 告诉他们我们不是拉拉
We'll just walk in and tell them we're not gay.
谢天谢地投票年龄是18岁 青少年简直是蠢货
Thank God the voting age is 18. Teenagers are idiots.
我说不好 也许我们该看看发展如何
I don't know. Maybe we should see how this plays out.
你在开玩笑 对吧
You're kidding, right?
她们觉得我们是拉拉 太荒唐了
They think we're lesbians. It's ridiculous.
我都不乐意看自己的小妹妹
I don't even like looking at my own vagina.
艾米 我们被邀请参加了年度最棒派对
Amy, we were invited to the hottest party of the year.
我们被提名为返校节王后
We've been nominated for homecoming queen.
你得承认 这对我们很有用
You have to admit this is working for us.
有个小问题 我们不是拉拉
Small problem, we're not gay.
大家在大学里总有同性恋阶段
Everyone has a lesbian phase in college.
我们只是提前度过了
We're just moving ours up.
那利亚姆呢 他觉得我们是一对
What about Liam? He thinks we're a couple.
直男超爱拉拉 瞧瞧任何一部黄♥片♥吧
Straight guys love lesbians. Just watch any porno.
昨晚 他肯定跟我调情了
And last night, I swear he flirted with me.
好吧 我们回学校时
Okay, when we get to school,
要直接去护士办公室
we're going straight to the nurse's office.
我觉得你受了脑外伤
I think you might have head trauma.
为什么那么难以置信
Why is that so hard to believe?
因为利亚姆·布克能泡到学校里的任何一个女生
Because Liam Booker can have any girl in school.
他为什么想找我 谢了
Why would he want me? Thanks.
卡玛 我都说了几万次了 对不起
Karma, for the millionth time, I'm sorry.
我不该那样说的
I shouldn't have said that.
我只是不想让你受伤
I just don't want you to get hurt.
当你觉得你的溜溜球花式
When you thought that your yo-yo routine
能让你上《美国达人》时 我阻止过你吗
could get you on America's Got Talent, did I try and stop you?
没有 你让我在全国性电视节目上丢人现眼
No, you let me make a fool of myself on national television.
我妈妈和我为你们烤了这些
My moms and I baked these for you two.
是无麸质的
They're gluten-free.
我会投你们的票
You got my vote.
也许我就想受伤
Maybe I want to get hurt.
也许我不想觉得那么无聊
Maybe I want to feel something other than boredom.
如果你和我共度时光算无聊 那我真是抱歉了
Well, I'm sorry if spending time with me is so boring.
你俩今天下午有事吗
Hey, are you two free this afternoon?
要在艺术院拍照片 登上学校的微博客
Photo shoot in the art quad for the school's Tumblr.
别那样做
Don't do that!