星期五晚餐（美版）（2024）

什么 -一小时就行
What? - Just for an hour.
最多一小时我会给你 100块
Tops. I will give you, say, a hundred bucks.
你是想跟我上♥床♥吗
Is this, like, a sex thing?
不不不 不是 我只是需要你假装喜欢我
Oh, no, no, no. No, I just need you to pretend you're attracted to me.
200吧
Make it 200.
好贵
Ouch.
格雷格 不行 你把那条蛇放起来
Gregg, no, put that snake away.
所有人 好好表现
Everybody, behave.
可不能把大卫这事给搅黄了
You cannot screw this up for David.
克莉丝汀来自于一个非常讲究的家庭
Kristen comes from a very sophisticated family
而我只希望她能觉得 -妈
and I just want her to feel at...Motherl
干嘛呀 -能别抽烟了吗
What? - Can you not smoke?
不是抽烟 这是电子烟
Not smoking. Vaping
还有你穿那身是啥
And what is this outfit?
你这身豹子斑马的
You got leopards, you got zebras.
我感觉你的胸部都要去咬你的屁♥股♥了
I feel like your boobies are gonna attack your tuchus.
亲爱的
Ugh. Honey,
别担心了 她会爱上我们的
don't worry about it. She is gonna love us.
她一走进门我就会让她开怀大笑
I'm gonna have her cracking up the second she walks in the door.
真的 格雷格 你给我计时
Seriously. Gregg, I want you to time me.
看多久我能让她第一次笑出来
See how long it takes to get my first laugh.
我要以传奇的阿尔·帕西诺模式来欢迎她
I'm gonna greet her as the legendary Al Pacino.
别这样 哈维
No! Harvey.
我们都定好了 我们会念首诗啊
We settled this. We're doing a poem.
好吗 因为我们很聪明
Ugh. - Okay? Because we are smart,
我们很讲究
we are sophisticated,
我们 妈
we are...Mother.
好玩不
Good one, yes?
好吧 我觉得我准备好了 -好
Okay. I think I'm ready. - Good.
等会 我是叫克莉丝汀还是克丝汀来着
Wait. Am I Kristen or Kirsten?
克莉 丝汀 -克莉丝汀 克莉丝汀
Kri- sten. - Kristen. Kristen.
对 好了 我们还是再来一遍吧
Yeah. Okay. All right. Better run this one more time.
好了 那么我叫 -大卫
Uh, okay, so my name is- David.
对 我的生日是- 5月27
Yes. And my birthday is- May 27th?
对 我的工作 -是数学魔术师
Yes. And I work as a...- A mathemagician.
数学家 天
Ticion. Jesus.
嘿 兄嘚 -我天
Yo, dude! - Oh, my God.
好了 把披萨扔了 我弟来了
Okay, lose the pizza. My brother's coming.
我说 你怎么这么长
Yo, what's taking you so.
格雷格 我要给你介绍一下我女友
Gregg. I would love for you to meet my girlfriend.
嗨 格雷格 我是克莉丝汀
Hi, Gregg. I'm Kristen.
矮油 看来你需要点时间消化一下哈 兄嘚
Well, looks like you need a minute to process this, buddy.
没事的
That is okay.
那么 等你准备好再进来吧
So, uh, yeah. Just join us inside when you're ready.
好
Uh- uh. - Okay.
嘿 妈和爸
Oh. Hey, Mom and Dad,
我想让你见一下
I would love for you to meet.
树林里有两条路
”Two road diverged in a wood
我选择了人迹罕至的那条
and I, I took the one less traveled by. "
这让一切都不同聊
"And that has made all the difference. "
罗伯特·弗罗斯特
Robert Frost.
嘿 弗罗斯特先生
Hey, Mr. Frost.
什么 -那是 她开玩笑呢
What? - Oh, that's, she's joking.
典型的克莉丝汀
Classic Kristen.
我们去客厅吧
Wowee. - Let's go into the dining room.
她挺逗 -她挺逗的 她 她挺可爱的哈
She's fun. - She is fun. She...She's cute, huh?
嘿 克莉丝汀·我发现你的牙齿和牙龈都很健康
Hey, Kristen, I notice you have some very healthy teeth and gums.
谢谢 -牙医
－ Thank you. Dentist.
谢谢你 丹尼斯
Thank you, Dennis.
不是 我老公是个牙医
No, my husband's a dentist.
是 当然 我知道的
Yes, of course. As I knew.
对 不过这是我的副业
Yeah, it's just my side hustle, though.
我最擅长的是音乐
My real deal is music.
我跟几个同事 都是酷哥们
You know, I got a great little cover band with a couple of cool dudes
成立了一个翻唱乐队
from my practice, you know.
名字叫 这个你肯定喜欢
It's called the...You're gonna love this.
旋转牙医
The Spin Dentists.
根据旋转医生起的
Like The Spin Doctors?
什么
What?
那么 克莉丝汀 我知道你父亲是大学校监
So, Kristen, I understand that your father is a university chancellor?
他是一直都想做校监来着吗
Has he always wanted to chancel?
还是 -对
Or. - Yeah.
我以前也是一名教育工作者
I'm a former educator myself.
她是个艺术老师
She was an art teacher,
所以她做手工火鸡的
so she, she did hand turkeys.
我们 也有别的
We...Among other things.
但 但 但你看这个
Oh, but, but, but look.
这是我另一个女儿
This is my other daughter.
艾米·库兹曼
Amy Kurtzmann.
我天
Oh, my God!
性感妹妹 -对啊
"The Hot Sister"? - Yeah.
我超迷她的哎
I'm, like, obsessed with her.
我刚在《观点》上看过她的访谈
I just saw her on The View.
她和乔伊·贝哈尔老好了
She is like this with Joy Behar.
所以你就是性感妹妹的
Wow, so you're the hot sister's
姐姐 没错
Other sister, uh- huh.
我可真是开眼了
I'm, like, seriously impressed.
嘿 克莉丝汀 你能帮我把冰桶续上冰吗
Hey, Kristen, could you help me refill this ice bucket real quick?
格雷格 那活一个人就能干吧
Oh, Gregg, that's a one- person job, don't you think?
不是冰的事 你个傻子
It's not about the ice, you silly goose.
是克莉丝和我找机会
It's about Krissy and I getting a chance to dish
说说你有多英俊 多可爱 多特别
about how special, cute, and handsome you are.
走不 -好
Shall we? - Sure.
哈维 你听见她说的了吗
Harvey, did you hear her?
哦 我的艾米可腻害了
Oh, my Amy, she is so wonderful.
我超爱她的 远胜过我另一个女儿 珍
I love her so much more than my other daughter, Jane.
嘿 给我单留出点来哈
Leave mine plain, would you?
我不吃辣 你知道的
I don't do spicy. You know that.
我可不想重蹈凯莉和比尔的覆辙
I don't want a repeat of Kerry and Bill's pool.
那我就想问你了 妈 爸过世后是谁接你过来一起住的
Let me ask you this, Mom, Who took you in when Dad died, huh?
是艾米吗
Was it Amy?
好像不是吧
I don't think so.
谁给你买♥♥了让你赞不绝口的枕头和床垫
Who got you that pillow top mattress that you wouldn't shut up about?
还有那个又大又蠢的按♥摩♥椅
Or that big, stupid clunker of a massage chair
我们不得不从窗户抬进来
that we had to crane in through a window?
那东西每次坏了都要花我50块修理费
Costs 500 bucks every time that thing breaks down.
讲真 哈维
I mean, seriously, Harvey.
她怎么能 哈维 哈维
Like, how could she just...Harvey. Harvey!
听我说话啊 -我想 但我做不到
Pay attention! - Want to. Can't.
没时间也没心情
Don't have the bandwidth, honey
我的整个世界都坍塌了
My entire worldview just collapsed.
克莉丝汀不觉得我幽默
Kristen doesn't think I'm funny.
我知道
Yeah. I know, right?
什么鬼 我多幽默啊
What the shit? I'm hilarious.
天 我真想听到她笑一次 一次就好
Jeez, I just wanna hear her laugh once. Just once.
我应该坚持我的立场 用帕西诺开场就对了 我就知道
I should've stuck to my guns. I should've opened with Pacino. I knew it.
哈维 今晚上你又不是主角
Ugh, Harvey, this night isn't about you.
这话什么意思
What does that even mean?
当你是你的时候 每晚都是主角
When you're you, every night is about you.
抱歉 克莉丝汀 我一点都不信你
Sorry, "Kristen, "I don't believe you at all.
别再搪塞我了
Quit stonewalling me.
你到底是怎么想的 想耍什么花招 有什么阴谋
What's your angle? What's the grift? What's the scam?
我不知道你 -拜托 拜托
I don't know what you're...- Please. Please.
你是同类我一眼就能认出来
Player recognize player.
你不可能喜欢大卫
There is no way you are into David.
所以赶紧说吧
So spill it.
像你这种人不可能看上大卫的
Someone like you would never be into David.
那就像一只美丽的瞪羚羊跟
That would be like a beautiful gazelle mating with
大卫约会
David.
所以你一定是看上他的钱了吧 但是大卫没钱啊
So you must be after his money. But David ain't got money.