杰洛向前冲（2015）

《杰诺向前冲》 是在观众面前
The Carmichael Show is taped
现场录制的
in front of a live studio audience.
生日快乐
Happy Birthday.
噢 谢谢 非常感谢
Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.
- 嗯 - 亲一个
- Mm. - Mwah!
所以 你拆了我送给你的礼物了吗
So you already opened the gift I got you.
是啊
Yeah.
我不希望你在一旁看我拆礼物 怕你有压力
I didn't want you to have the pressure of watching me open it,
万一我不喜欢礼物的话
in case I didn't like it.
好吧 那你喜欢吗
All right, how do you like it?
你犹豫了
You gift-paused.
噢 不 不 不 不 不
Oh, no. No, no, no. No.
不 呃呃
No. Uh, uh,
玛克辛 我认为你是个美丽
Maxine, I think you're a very beautiful,
体贴的女朋友 真的 但
thoughtful girlfriend, really... but...
拜托 香蕉共和国 玛克辛
come on... Banana Republic, Maxine?
我看起来像
I mean, do I look like a guy
名叫亚当的会计吗
that works in Accounting, named Adam, to you?
我想他们的目标客群
Okay, I think their demographic
可能会再广一点
is slightly larger than that.
或者是名叫克里斯的年轻爸爸
Or a young dad named Chris?
你现在只是随便给
Now you're just naming people you know
穿香蕉共和国衣服的人冠名字而已
who wear Banana Republic.
我可不是某学校的副校长
I'm not an assistant principal
名字也不叫马♥凯♥尔 玛克辛
named Markel, Maxine.
你到底哪里听来这些名字的
Where are you even getting these names from?
好吧 听着 既然是你的生日
Okay, look, since it's your birthday,
我想我们可以做些有趣的事
I thought we could do something fun today
像是去试试那家新开的意大利餐车
like check out that new Italian food cart.
你要我在街边吃东西
You want me to eat on the streets?
- 在我生日这一天吗 - 好吧
- For my birthday? - Okay,
但那餐车老板
but the guy who opened it
差点就赢了《波士顿顶尖大厨》
almost made it onto Top Chef Boston.
那不算
That doesn't count.
没人去波士顿是为了吃的
Nobody goes to Boston for the food.
那里只有狂热的种族歧视
You go for there for the enthusiastic racism.
是吗 听着 听着 坐下 坐下
All right? Look, look, sit down... sit down.
- 好的 - 好吧 所以
- Okay. - All right, so...
首先 我们 谢谢你
First, we are... thank you...
是时候一边看《来到美国》
going to watch Coming to America
一边喝热巧克力了
while we sip hot chocolate.
呜 我听说那蛮好笑的
Ooh, I heard that's pretty funny.
什么意思 什么叫你听说那蛮好笑的
What do you mean, you heard it's pretty funny?
是啊 听说那蛮好笑的
Yeah, I heard it's funny.
不 不 不...你只会听说古根海姆博物馆有很棒的展览
No, no, no... you hear the Guggenheim has great exhibits.
你也只会听说人类乳♥头♥瘤病毒比你想像中危险
You hear HPV is more dangerous than you thought.
你 观赏
You... see
《来到美国》
Coming to America.
好吧 我们还要做些什么
Okay. And then what else are we gonna do?
然后
And then,
我们去我父母家参加我的惊喜派对
we go to my parents' house for my surprise party.
好吧 如果你都知道有这个派对 那还有什么惊喜
Okay, how is it a surprise, if you already know about it?
噢 不 我总得知道是什么样的惊喜 对吧
Oh, no, I need to know about my surprises, all right?
不然的话太吓人了
Otherwise they're just too startling.
但之后 我们 呃 吃点蛋糕
But then we, uh, we eat some cake
然后我爸妈会给我唱生日快乐歌♥
and then my parents sing to me.
噢 我可以唱给你听
Oh, well, I can sing you the birthday song.
# 生日快乐 #
Happy birthday
# 卡迈克尔先生 #
Mr. Carmichael...
你在做什么
What are you doing?
# 生 # 我在唱呀
Ha... I'm singing.
你知道她是死于用药过量 对吧
You know she died from a pill overdose, right?
- 生日快乐 花♥花♥公♥子♥ - 噢 谢谢
- Happy birthday, playboy. - Oh, thank you.
你们听说发生什么事了吗
Did y'all hear what happened?
警♥察♥在市中心对一个手无寸铁的青少年开枪
The cops shot a unarmed teenager downtown.
我要跟着去游街抗♥议♥了
And I'm going down there to protest.
噢 老天 太可怕了
Oh, my God, that's terrible.
可不是 这可能是我开始新工作能遇到
I know. Look, this is the worst possible day
最糟的状况了
I could start my new job.
我不知道 我也很悲痛 老兄
I don't know... I'm torn, too, man.
我不知道我会不会也去那街上
I don't know if I'd go down there, take the streets
参与抗争 因为我也是个黑人青年
and fight because I'm a black youth...
或者是我会帮警♥察♥那一边
or do I defend the force, you know?
因为 你知道 我现在也是个警♥察♥了
Because, you know, I'm a officer now.
好吧
Okay.
你是个32岁的成年人 而且在电器行
You're a 32-year-old man who works security part-time
做兼♥职♥保安
at an electronics store.
你不是个年轻人 也不是警♥察♥
You're not a youth, you're not an officer,
而且两边都不会有人要你帮忙的
and neither side wants you, man.
好吧 算了吧 好吗
Okay, forget you, okay?
问一下 那是你的毛衣吗
Matter of fact, is that your sweater?
丑死了
This sweater's ugly.
怎样 你是名字叫皮特的建筑师吗
What, you're a architect named Pete?
好吧 哈哈
Okay. Ha-ha.
听着 我觉得我们也该去抗♥议♥
Listen, I think that weshould go down and protest.
因为 你知道吗 我试着参加“占领华尔街”运动
'Cause, you know, I tried to go to Occupy Wall Street
但我下飞机时活动就结束了
but my flight landed when the protest ended,
所以我看了两遍《摩门之书》后就回家了
so I just saw Book of Mormon twice and went home.
这真是我听过最悲伤的故事
That's the saddest story I've ever heard before.
但 不 我不会
But no, I'm not
参加抗♥议♥ 没人该去抗♥议♥
gonna go protest. Nobody should go protest...
那根本没有用
it doesn't do anything.
你知道那些 像是
You know those people that, like, stand outside
- 站在白宫外拿着抗♥议♥牌子的人吗 - 嗯嗯
- the White House with picket signs? - Mm-hmm.
完全是在浪费时间
Just completely wasting their time.
他们才没有浪费时间
They are not wasting their time.
有人为同性恋婚姻
People protested for gay marriage
在白宫外抗♥议♥ 还不是成功了
in front of the White House and that worked out.
你认为是因为那些抗♥议♥活动吗
You really gonna credit that to protests?
完全是因为尼尔·帕特里克·哈里斯才会成功
That was more Neil Patrick Harris than anything.
听着 我就是要去
Look, I'm going down there.
来吧 鲍比 我载你去上班
Come on Bobby, I'm gonna give you a ride halfway to work
但你得中途下车用走的
and you can walk the rest of the way.
可不能被看见带着猪上街阿
'Cause I can't be seen with no pig.
我认为我们该去抗♥议♥
I feel like we should be at the protest.
好吧 听着 来打个商量
Okay, look. I'm willing to negotiate.
我们先进去 等我吹完蜡烛
We'll go in here now and after I blow out the candles
我会许个愿 希望近期不要再有黑人
I'll make a little wish that black people not get shot
被警♥察♥射杀 可以吗
by the police nearly as often, okay?
好吧 如果你不介意的话
All right, if you'll excuse me,
我们还有个惊喜派对要参加
we have a surprise party to attend.
- 惊喜! - 噢
- Surprise! - Oh!
噢 噢
Oh! Oh!
噢 我的老天
Oh, my God.
噢 今年我真是被你们惊喜到了
Oh, you got me good this year.
玛克辛 这一切你都知情吗
Maxine, did you know about this?
# 祝你生日快乐 #
Happy birthday to ya
耶
Yeah!
# 生日快乐 #
Happy birthday!
啊 “黑人的命也是命”?
Ah. "Black lives matter"?
这是怎么回事
What's that about?
因为我们居然活在
We live in a time where
一个警♥察♥能任意
the police can indiscriminately...
我知道是什么意思 玛克辛
I know what it means, Maxine.
但为什么要在我宝贝儿子的生日这天穿呀
But why are you wearing that on my baby's birthday?
有警♥察♥在西夏洛特射杀了一名青年
Well, the police shot an unarmed man in West Charlotte
人们正在市中心抗♥议♥呢
and people are protesting downtown.
噢 真令人兴奋
Oh... It's so exciting
可以看到这么多志同道合的人
to see all our people down there.
大家说出心声 改变正在发生