杰洛向前冲（2015）

杰罗德向前冲 是在观众面前
The Carmichael Show is taped
现场录制的
in front of a live studio audience.
# 一切只是幻梦 #
It was all a dream
# 我过去爱读拼写杂♥志♥ #
I used to read Word Up magazine
# 和Salt-N-Pepa还有Heavy D坐在豪华轿车里 #
Salt-N-Pepa and Heavy D up in the limousine
# 图片挂在我墙上 #
Hanging pictures on my wall
# 每周六的伙伴有Rap Attack, Mr. Magic, Marley Marl #
Every Saturday, Rap Attack, Mr. Magic, Marley Marl
# 磁带轰炸直到 #
I let my tape rock till my tape...
你在干什 你不能对着大亨的歌♥这样跳舞
What are you... You can't dance like that to Biggie.
嘿 我喜欢这首歌♥ 是新歌♥吗
Hey, I like that song. Is it new?
什么 你怎么能不知道这首歌♥呢
What... How the hell do you not know that song?
这首歌♥很有地位的
It's so important.
我老家还有人跟这首歌♥结婚了呢
People get married to that song where I'm from.
自从人家来了之后 这间房♥子就活力无限啊
This place has really come to life since it's been Maxine'd.
你就带来了一个靠垫
You added pillows.
你搬进来 就带来了卫生棉和靠垫
You came in, you added tampons and pillows.
真的吗 你才和一个女人同居五分钟
Really? Live with a woman for five minutes,
你就开始拿卫生棉开玩笑了吗
already gonna make a tampon joke?
呃 总有人得勇敢地开起玩笑啊 马克辛
Yeah, well, someone's got to be brave enough to do it, Maxine.
嘿 这是我们住在一起的第一个邮件
Hey, it's our first mail together.
是啊 是啊
Yeah, yeah.
上面写着"居民"
And it says "Resident."
呃 就是我们 我们就是居民啊
Well, that's us. We're Resident.
你告诉你父母了吗
So how have you told your parents yet?
哦 告诉他们什么
Ooh. About what?
告诉他们我们同居了啊
About us living together?
哦 这件事啊 没告诉呢 一点没说呢
Oh, that. No, no, not at all.
什么 不是吧 你说过你会告诉他们的
What... Come on, you said you were going to.
已经过去 大概 四个星期了
It's been, like, four weeks.
我知道 我想过这个问题 我的想法是
I know, and then I thought about it and I was like,
"嘿 我们还是永远别告诉他们好了"
"Hey, let's just never do that."
这个"注册的最后机会"是什么
What's this "last chance to register" thing?
哦 这个啊 他们想让我去投票
Oh, this? They trying to get me to vote.
这事儿我来处理就好
Let me take care of this for you.
什么 你不投票吗
What? You don't vote?
我 听着 2008年
I... Look, in 2008, right,
我看到了一个从一位穷苦的美国黑人
I saw this man rise from being poor and black in America
晋升成为了美国最高级政♥府♥的办公人员
to the greatest office in the United States.
实际上 是世界最高级政♥府♥的办公人员
Actually... the greatest office in the world.
我感到很自豪 你知道吗 我感到倍受鼓舞
And I felt pride, you know? I felt inspired.
他启发了我 还有很多其他人
He inspired me and so many other people.
我想 有那么多人呢
I mean, so many other people, I figured,
天啊 他根本不需要我 比如 我觉得
hell, he doesn't need me. Like, I think he...
他获得了诺♥贝♥尔♥和♥平♥奖♥
he won the Nobel Peace Prize,
我都不知道他干了些啥
and I don't even know what he did.
好了 还是别谈政♥治♥了
All right, you know what, enough politics.
别试着回避话题
Don't try and shy away from the topic.
我们经常遇到你父母
We see your parents all the time.
待会儿我们还要去他们家吃晚饭
I mean, we're going to their house for dinner later.
- 他们有权知道这事儿 - 知道吗
- They should know. - You know what,
你说得对 马克辛 我们不该谈政♥治♥来着
you're right, Maxine. We shouldn't talk about politics.
何必费心呢 反正你的票都不算数
And why bother, anyway? 'Cause your vote doesn't count
民♥主♥已死
and democracy is dead.
你为什么会这么说
Now, why would you say that...
不行 不 不 不 别再试着
No. No, no, no, no. Stop trying to deflect
转移话题了
from the real subject.
- 女权啊 - 不是
- Women's rights. - No.
为什么我们不能告诉他们 你的父母又不咬人
Why can't we tell them? Your parents are harmless.
是啊 现在不咬你 那是因为他们不知道
Yeah, they're harmless now, because they don't know
我们的恋情有多正经 好吗 一旦他们知道
how serious we are, all right? But once they find out
我们同居了 一切都会改变的
we moved in together, it's gonna change everything.
比如说 我妈妈会从圣经里找出一百万个同居是罪
Like, my mom's gonna give a million reasons from the Bible
的理由 然后我爸爸就会开始
why that's wrong. Then my dad's gonna start...
我还真不知道他会做什么 他不太按常理出牌
I really don't know what he's gonna do. He's a wild card.
不过他大概会做点疯狂的事情 然后给我点建议
But he's probably gonna do something crazy and give advice.
但是现在一切都还好 生活平静又安详
But right now it's cool, it's peaceful, you know?
因为你对他们来说一点意义都没有 我是说 完全没有意义
Because you mean nothing to them. I mean, nothing.
但是 这是件好事
But, like, in a good way, you know?
等等
Wait a minute.
我哥哥来了
My brother's here.
回他短♥信♥说你不在家
Text him back and tell him you're not home.
我不能对我哥哥说谎啊 我根本不能说谎啊
I can't lie to my brother. I can't even tell a lie.
我就像乔治·华盛顿似的
I'm like George Washington.
那你也不会给他投票
Bet you wouldn't have voted for him, either.
这大多数的原因在于 你知道的
That's more because of the, you know...
奴隶制
slavery.
你离婚多久之后 你的前妻兼室友
How long after you've been divorced is your
才应该开始和别人滚床单
ex-wife/roommate allowed to sleep with somebody else?
马上 你们都离婚了
Immediately. You're divorced.
听着 兄弟 我回家之后 看到一个光屁♥股♥的男人
Look, man, I came home, and there was a butt-naked dude
坐在我的沙发上 看着我的电视 空气里
sitting on my couch watching my TV, and there...
空气里那股性耐的味道挥之不去啊
and there was sex musk still in the air.
就好像 一团性耐的气味在飘啊
Like, a bunch of sex musk.
不好意 不好意思 那是
I'm sor... I'm sorry, wha...
那是什么 什么是
What's that? What was...
性耐的气味
Sex-sex musk.
我完全不知道他在说什么
I have no idea what he's saying.
性耐的气味啊 懂吗
Sex musk, okay?
就是你滚完床单空气里的那股味道啊
It's the musk in the air after you have sex.
哦 性♥爱♥的气味啊
Oh, sex musk.
哦 性♥爱♥的气味啊 哦 好的 这确实挺绕口的
Oh, sex musk. Oh, okay. That is hard to say.
真有意思 性♥爱♥的气味
That's pretty interesting. Sex musk.
听着 鲍比 严格地讲她是你的前妻
Look, Bobby, technically she's your ex-wife,
所以她做什么都是她的事
so she's free to do whatever she wants.
你知道吗 听着 你实在太
You know something? Look, you are so neg...
不会长久的 好吗 一切都会过去的
Not for long, okay? It's all gonna be over.
我很快就会搬出去的 因为我的生意
I'm gonna be out of there soon, because my business
- 马上就要飞黄腾达了 杰罗德 - 别 别 别
- is about to take off, Jerrod. - Nope, nope, nope.
别再把那叫做你的生意了
Stop calling it your business
你明知道那是非法传销
when you know it's a pyramid scheme.
我知道 我懂 你去了商业学院
I know, I get it... you went to business school.
但是我去的是困苦学院？
But I'm from the school of hard knocks.
恩 那不是真的学校 大哥
Mm. Not a real school, bro.
你说什么 听着 我可是03年的毕业致词者
Say what? Look... '03, valedictorian.
别说了 别说了
Stop it. Stop it.
鲍勃
Bob.
下次门把手上有袜子
The next time there is a sock on the door...
那信息传达得太模糊了
That was unclear.
门口还有一个写着"正在性♥交♥"的牌子的时候
...and a sign that says "sexual intercourse in progress,"
别进来
do not enter.
你知道你让拉蒙特有多尴尬吗
Do you know how uncomfortable you made Lamont?
你都不愿和他一起看比赛
You wouldn't watch the game with him.
他是在试着和你做朋友
He's trying to make friends with you.
你伤害到他了 你得给他道歉
You hurt his feelings. You need to go apologize to him.
我才不管那个傻叉拉蒙特呢
I don't give a damn about no Lamont!
嘿 嘿 嘿
Hey, hey, hey.
回你们自己的公♥寓♥撕好吗
You guys maybe want to finish this in your own apartment?
哦 我愿意在哪撕我就在哪 好呀 妹子
Oh, I'm gonna have a argument wherever I damn... Hey, girl!
我刚刚在骂你的男人而已
I was just about to cuss your man out.
随便骂
Please do.
哦 你们在吵架吗
Oh... Are you all having a fight?
- 不是 - 对 呃
- No. - Yup. Y...
她生我气因为我不去注册投票
She's mad at me 'cause I'm not registered to vote.
恩 我倒希望我们的问题也是这个呢
Mm, I wish we had them problems.
不是 不 不是
No. N-no...
不是这个问题 我只是想告诉你的父母
That's not it. I just want to tell your parents
我们同居了
that we've moved in together.
不行
No!
你疯了吗
You crazy?
兄弟 你千万不能让爸妈