未来总统日记

刚才说好的嘛 所以…
That was the deal, so...
-我…我没同意 -是的 没有
-No, I-- I didn't agree to that. -Yeah, no.
-回到那些可怕的女人身边吧 -太残忍♥了吧
-Back out with the scary women, you go. -That's cruel.
（禁止擅闯 不得入内）
妈咪 你得敲门
¡Mami! You have to knock.
这是我家 我什么都不用做
This is my house! I don't have to do anything!
抱歉 不过外婆说你给她打过电♥话♥
I'm sorry. But Ñeñe said you called her.
你为什么要这么做
Why did you do that exactly?
我想她
I missed her.
有段时间没见她了 而且她厨艺比你好
It had been a while, and she's a better cook than you.
也比山姆好 别见怪
Or Sam. No offense.
我才不信呢
I'm not buying that.
你喜欢夜宵蛋 你肯定有什么事
You love night eggs. Something's going on with you.
我以为你见到你妈妈会很高兴
Thought you'd be happy to see your mom.
是你说的 母女感情最深厚
You said, "Nothing like a bond between mother and daughter."
我是很高兴见到她
I am happy to see her.
我爱我妈妈 我什么都告诉她
I love my mother. I tell her everything.
好吧 我对你也是
Okay. Same.
艾琳妮塔 撤下床单 我要换洗家里所有的床单
Elenita, strip your bed. I'm doing all the sheets in the house.
我上周才换洗过
I just did them last week.
上周吗
Last week?
好在我来了
Thank God I'm here.
妈咪 能拜托你离开吗
Mami, can you please leave?
我确定你俩有话要说
I'm sure you two have stuff to talk about.
-你指什么 -刚才
-What was what? -That.
-没什么 -加布里埃拉
-Nothing. -Gabriela,
这出戏就是在上演搬救兵啊
this whole thing is one big cry for help.
哪出戏
What whole thing?
艾琳妮塔叫我来这里
Elenita calling me here.
显然你俩关系遇到了挫折
Clearly, the two of you are on rocky ground.
我和女儿关系很好
My relationship with my daughter is fine.
这很正常
It's natural.
所有女儿都会跟妈妈吵
Every daughter fights with her mother.
让我来帮忙
Let me help.
妈咪 我不需要你的帮助
Mami, I don't need your help.
我告诉过你 艾琳妮塔和我很好
I already told you, Elenita and I are great.
其他我没什么可说的了
And that's the end of it.
-但你为何如此… -我说了没什么可说的了
-Pero que touchy-- -I said that's the end of it.
我想让艾琳娜帮我 不过她无能为力
I tried to get Elena to help me, but she's out of commission.
我想让山姆在缺课条上签字
I tried to get Sam to sign my absence slip,
他却开始感叹自己在家中的角色
but he got all existential.
也许事情不会像我们想的那么糟
Maybe it won't be as bad as we think it'll be?
听说去年毕业生代表 在做新生历史演讲时
I heard last year's valedictorian broke a pencil
折断了一支铅笔
during her freshman History speech,
接下来的高中生活里 大家都叫她“铅笔头子”
and everybody called her Stubby for the rest of high school.
-就这样而已 -我看过这个视频
-That's all it took? -I've seen the video.
校长直截了当地说
The principal literally said,
“欢迎你们的毕业生代表 铅笔头子·菲利普斯”
"Please welcome your valedictorian, Stubby Phillips."
老天 我们要摆脱这个局面
Oh, God. We have to get out of this.
我们能不能 在上课前假装心脏病发作
Could we, like, fake a heart attack before class starts?
那大家会不会叫你心脏病男孩
Won't people just call you Heart Attack Boy?
该死的
Dang it.
没办法避免了…对吗
There's no way out... is there?
-嘿 妈咪 -嘿
-Hey, Mami. -Hey.
你好吗
How's it going?
你在拆我的信吗
Are you opening my mail?
我是你妈妈 你的信就是我的
I'm your mother. Your mail is my mail.
你这月电费好高
Oof! Your electric bill was high this month.
我可怜的闺女很怕黑啊
Pobrecita's afraid of the dark.
你是帮着出钱还是让她付所有的钱
So do you chip in at all for this, or do you let her pay for the whole thing?
我们还没商量过呢
Uh... we haven't discussed it yet.
-山姆 -嗯
-Sam? -Yes?
你为什么不阻止她拆我的信
Why didn't you stop her from opening my mail?
我不知道我可以
I didn't know I could.
这是违反联邦法的 知道吗
This is a federal offense, you know?
我只是想帮忙
I'm just trying to help.
帮你分担一点负担
Take some things off your plate
你就能搞清楚艾琳娜怎么回事
so you can figure out what's going on with Elena.
艾琳娜没怎么啊
Nothing is going on with Elena.
-当妈的能看出来 -我就是她妈妈
-A mother knows. -I'm her mother.
我也是你妈
And I'm yours.
都是我创造的
I created all of this!
这种状况不能这么下去
This situation is untenable.
我能做什么
What can I do?
我能…
I can...
我能告诉她家里有霉菌
I can tell her we have mold.
我可以告诉她 我会叫柴德·比灵斯来处理这事
I can tell her everyone needs to leave
所有人都得离开
while I call Chad Billings in to take care of it.
柴德·比灵斯
Chad Billings?
他就像是专除霉菌的捉鬼敢死队
He's like the Ghostbusters of mold.
问题解决了
Problem solved.
叫我“解决问题达人山姆”
Just call me Sam the Solver
就好
of Problems.
没用的
That'll never work.
能让我妈妈不烦我的唯一方法 是让她知道艾琳娜没事
The only way I'm gonna get my mother off my back is if she knows Elena's okay.
既然艾琳娜不会自己跟我说
And since Elena won't talk to me herself,
我得亲自查清楚这件事
I'm gonna have to get to the bottom of this on my own.
我能帮什么忙
How can I help?
我觉得这是我和艾琳娜之间的事
I think this has to be between me and Elena.
不过还是谢谢你
But thank you.
你在干什么
What are you doing?
你在看我的日记吗
Were you reading my diary?
-我什么都没看到 我保证 -你怎么能干出这种事
-I didn't see anything, I promise. -How could you?
我担心你嘛
I'm worried about you.
我知道你退选学生代表了
I know you quit Student Rep.
我以为你什么也没看呢
I thought you didn't read anything.
我的确没看到 我只是看到了学校的报名表
I didn't. I saw the list at school.
这么大的事你怎么不告诉我
Why didn't you tell me about something so big?
我生活中的每个细节 你为什么都要过问
Why do you need to know every little detail about my life?
如果你告诉我你男友会搬进来
You know, if you'd told me your boyfriend moved in,
给他洗内♥裤♥之前 我会先做好心理准备
I could have mentally prepared to wash his unmentionables.
等等 你没告诉外婆山姆要搬进来吧
Wait a second. Did you not tell Ñeñe about Sam moving in?
艾琳娜
Elena.
因为我感觉你什么都没有告诉你妈妈
Because it seems to me like you don't tell your mom anything!
-那不一样 -怎么说
-That's different. -How?
因为你还是个孩子
Because you're still a kid!
有时你知道什么才是最好的 其实你不知道 而我知道
Sometimes you think you know what's best for you, and you don't. I do.
所以当我是你完美女儿的时候
So when I'm being the perfect daughter,
我是你的小总统和缩小版
I'm your little presidenta and your mini-me.
当我自己有点小秘密的时候 我就成了小孩子
But when I keep one thing to myself, I'm just a kid?
我不是这个意思 我们好好谈谈吧…
That's not what I'm saying. Let's just talk about it--
你真是个伪善人
You're such a hypocrite.
你能从我的房♥间出去吗
Can you get out of my room?
我是你妈妈
I am your mother.
你的房♥间也是我的房♥间
Your room is my room.
这根本就是强词夺理
That doesn't make any sense.
你就像个穿着T恤的沮丧鬼
You look like hell in a T-shirt.
好像没有这种比喻
I don't think that's an expression.
你突然就成了比喻大♥师♥了
So you're Señor Expression all of a sudden?
我是说 你看起来很颓的样子
I mean, you look sad.
我明天要在课堂上演讲
I have to give a speech in class tomorrow.
我不知道自己能否做到
I don't know if I can do it.
为什么不能
Why not?
这种事情我不擅长
I'm not good at stuff like that.
我不敢在众人面前讲话
I can't talk in front of people.
即使能做到 不管我说什么 大家都会对我评头论足
Even if I could, no matter what I say, everyone's gonna judge me.
我不想让他们贴任何标签
I don't want whatever label they come up with
在我以后的生活中定义我
to define me for the rest of my life.
是的 鲍比
Oye, Bobby.
你知道我第一次来到这个国家时
Do you know that I was terrified to speak English
害怕说英语吗