阿尔玛不是一般人

Aldi's own.
我早上睡醒就想吃了
Do you know, I wake up craving it.
它从厨房♥橱柜上呼唤我的名字
It calls my name from the kitchen cupboard,
"琼 琼"
"Joan, Joan..."
看看我这个鬼样子
Oh, God, look at the state of me.
越长越像尼古拉斯·凯奇了
Starting to look like Nicolas Cage.
不
No.
就是这里有一点下垂
Just a bit droopy here.
滚蛋吧
Sod off.
你的其他部位皮肤都很鲜嫩
The rest of your skin's dead fresh.
是啊 我知道
Yeah, I know.
我看到一篇文章说汗蒸房♥对皮肤很好
I read an article about the benefits of steam rooms on your skin,
所以每天早上我都把头埋进水壶汗蒸
so every morning I've started sticking me head in the kettle.
那好像不是一回事 外婆
I don't think that's the same, Grandma.
我眼周都年轻了好几岁 看
I've lost years round me eyes, look!
好吧
Right.
我今天要去见我妈
I'm going to see Mum today.
你可以跟我一起去的
You can always come with me.
别提这茬
Don't start.
她现在很不好过 外婆
She's really struggling, Grandma.
我觉得她需要我们
I think she really needs us.
真会说 那我的需要呢
Yeah, and what about what I need?
-没人关心 不是吗 -冷静点
- Nobody cares about that, do they? - All right, chill out.
不 你母亲偷走了我人生中最好的岁月
No, she stole the best years of my life, your mother.
她道过歉吗 道个屁的歉
Has she ever apologised? Has she fuck!
我不想谈这件事
I don't want to talk about it.
-她耳朵怎么样了 -什么
- How's her ears? - What?
她的耳朵一定很冷吧
Well, they get very cold, don't they?
因为太大太招风了 这就是原因
They stick out too much, that's why.
好吧 我觉得她的耳朵没事 外婆
Oh, yeah. I think they're fine, Grandma.
很好
Good.
那就这样吧
Well, let's leave it at that, then.
-我能蹭根烟抽吗 -80便士
- Can I pinch a fag? - 80p.
我没有80便士 我没钱了
I don't have 80p, I'm skint!
你也该找份正经工作了
It's about time you got a proper job.
我一辈子都在工作
I've worked all my life,
一直站着劳作
always on me feet.
我脚上的囊肿跟我拳头一样大
I've got bunions the size of me fist.
我现在不想讨论你的囊肿
I don't want to go into your bunions right now.
做白日梦是不会让你有一番作为的
Well, dreaming's not going to get you anywhere.
做梦可不会让午餐肉从天而降 不是吗
That's not going to put Spam on the table, is it?
敖德萨咖啡
敖德萨咖啡
外卖♥♥通道
这是我最好的朋友 莉安
This is my best mate, Leanne.
她来博尔顿是为了一段网络情缘
She came to Bolton for a fling she met online
但却留在了这 因为这里的人对她欲罢不能
but ended up staying because the locals can't get enough of her.
他们觉得我的口音很有异域风情
They find my accent exotic.
她的举止跟卡车司机有的一拼
She has the mannerisms of a truck driver
叛逆性感又如同黛比·哈利
and the rock and roll sex appeal of Debbie Harry.
真的很了不起
It's quite something.
她从来不缺炮♥友♥
She's never without a shag.
比尔 我去抽根烟
Bill, I'm going for a fag.
继续砸 伙计 我的胳膊酸死了
Crack on with the mallet, mate, my arm's ragging.
你已经休息过了
You've already had your break.
别犯浑 我一会儿就回来
Don't be a dick. Be back in a minute.
我是你的老板 记得吗
I'm YOUR boss, remember?
妈的
Fuck's sake.
好啊
All right.
那是什么
What is that?
我能放在这吗 在我车上总是往下掉
Can I leave it here? It keeps falling off me bike.
你需要注意花销了
You need to watch your spending, you.
-你有问题 -不 我没有
- You got a problem. - No, I don't!
你为什么不放在你的蹦床旁边
Why don't you leave it next to your trampoline?
那不是蹦床
It's not a trampoline,
是健身弹跳专业版
it's a Fit Bounce Pro.
对保持健康很有效果
Very good for getting fit.
运动员都用
Athletes use them.
听着 我需要...
So listen, I need to, erm...
我确实得多用用它 是吧
I do need to use it more, though, don't I?
多用用 你就用过一次
Use it more? You used it once.
我每次来都应该用用
I should just use it when I pop round.
类似一个健身闲聊环节
A sort of tone up and a chat session.
你这是怎么了
What's going on with you?
你正处于你那种疯癫情绪中
You're in one of your manic moods.
我没处于疯癫情绪中 不 这是沉思的情绪
I'm not in a manic mood. No, I'm in a thoughtful mood.
我在思考 "我没工作
I'm thinking, "Oh, I've got no job,
没男友 房♥租也付不起
No boyfriend, a flat I can't afford,
有一个蹦床我还不用
A trampoline I don't bounce on
以及一个我不需要的手提音响"
And a boom box I don't need."
但我没事 我绝对...
But I'm fine. I am absolutely...
我绝对没事
I'm absolutely fine.
我觉得是我的试镜结果通知
I think it's my audition.
好的
Right, OK.
你好
Hello?
是的 我就是
Yes, this is I.
好的 好的...
Right, yes. Yeah, for the...
好的
Yeah.
好的
Yeah.
很好
Great!
非常感谢
Thank you very much.
再见
Goodbye!
我没拿到那个角色
Didn't get it.
那太糟糕了 我很遗憾 宝贝
That's proper shit, I'm sorry, babe.
我注定要过脚上长囊肿的生活了 莉安
I'm destined for a life of bunions, Leanne.
我他妈还穷的叮当响
And I'm fucking skint as well.
天呐 阿尔玛
Fuck's sake, Alma.
你得去安东尼那里要点钱 帮你渡过难关
You need to get some money off Anthony to tide you over.
-他就那么把你甩了 他欠你的 -没错
- He owes you after running off like that. - Yeah.
是啊
Yeah.
说实话 其实你说得对
Yeah, to be honest, you're right, actually.
-是啊 -是啊
- I am. - Yeah.
我说得对
I am!
-他欠我的 是不是 -是
- He does, doesn't he, though? - Yes!
-是啊 -他就是个混♥蛋♥
- Yeah! - He's a fucking prick.
-他的确是个混♥蛋♥ -对
- He is a prick! - Yes!
要我说 去他妈的
Do you know what, fuck him.
-去他妈的 -去他妈的
- Fuck him! - Fuck him!
现在跟我一起说
Say it with me now.
-别操蛋 -别操蛋
- No more bullshit! - No more bullshit!
少他妈搞操蛋的那一套
No-more-fucking-bull-shit!
把钱给我然后滚蛋
Give me some fucking money and fuck off!
这和原计划不一样啊 是吧
Well, that didn't go according to plan, did it?
我觉得我的鸡♥巴♥变大了
I think my knob's getting bigger.
你觉得大了吗
Do you think it is?
我想说...
I mean...
你是修剪了阴毛吗
Have you trimmed your pubes?
是的 但是... 与那无关 感觉就是更...
Yeah, but...it's not that, it's like it's just got more...
梅兰妮:
我在路上了 待会儿见
你马上就得走了
You're going to have to go in a minute.
我需要钱 安东尼
I need some money, Anthony.
给你
There.
500镑给你付房♥租 现在你该走了
500 quid for your rent. Now you need to go.
阿尔玛 亲爱的 我给你准备了喝的
Alma, love, made you a brew down here.
谢了 薇芙
Ta, Viv.
她怎么知道是我
How does she know it was me?
你叫♥床♥很大声 不是吗
Well, you're loud, aren't you?
天呐
God.
告诉我 保罗
So tell me, Paul,
在家中的观众们需要了解哪些关于面包的知识
what do the viewers at home need to know about bread?
苏 每个家庭的生活质量都会因自♥制♥面包而提高
Well, Sue, every home is improved by home-made bread.
在自家的厨房♥做面包给人的满足感远远大于...
You know, making bread in your own kitchen is much more satisfying...