阿尔玛不是一般人

阿尔玛不是一般人
第一季第一集
瞧瞧她的样子
Look at the state of her.
-你看上去像个蠢逼 -谢了啊
- You look like a twat. - Ta very much.
职业介绍所
快告诉我哪扇门 亲
Just tell me which door, lovey,
我的「人生重启」面试快迟到了
cos I'm late now for my restart interview,
-随时都可能开始 -你背后那扇门
- it's any second. - That door behind you.
天呐 这里简直像《水晶迷宫》节目一样
Oh, my God, it's like The Crystal Maze round here.
可以了 很好
That's fine. Great.
气氛突然变了
Different vibe.
太热
Too hot.
是我自己的错 竟然穿着皮毛大衣骑车
It's my own fault for cycling in fur.
假皮草
Fake fur.
我可没杀火烈鸟
I didn't kill a flamingo.
我之前疯狂赶时间
I was panicking about the time,
还穿着皮毛大衣 搞得慌慌张张
I had the fur on, I just got very flustered.
但是
But...
你来这里干什么 找工作吗
What are you in for? Are you...looking for a job?
好吧
Yeah.
怎么没杯子
Ah, there's no cups.
阿尔玛·纳托尔
Alma Nuthall.
是我 马上来
Yes, just one second.
我得跟你说实话 卡罗
I've got to be honest, Carol,
我没有学历或工作经验
I've got no qualifications or job experience,
但我有干劲 有人格魅力
but I've got pizzazz, I've got charisma,
我的思维可以打破常规
and I think outside the box.
当然我也可以墨守成规
I'm also capable of being in the box at the same time.
我都可以做到
I can do both.
-你懂我的意思吧 -不太懂
- If you know what I mean. - Not really, no.
你为什么没有学历
Why don't you have any qualifications?
事实上 我生命的头七年
The truth is, for the first seven years of my life
我都没去上学
I didn't even go to school.
我五岁时就有家里钥匙了
I had my own key by the age of five.
自己做饭 自己穿衣
Fed myself, clothed myself,
按自己的计划生活
ran my own schedule.
就像留着鲻鱼头的森林之子毛克利
Think Mowgli with a mullet.
谢了 皮特
Ta, Pete.
或《猜火车》里的那个宝宝
Think the baby from Trainspotting.
玉米片
前提是她活下来了的话
If she'd lived.
我从来都不怎么喜欢学习
I was just never much of an academic.
那你有什么工作经验
So what job experience have you got?
其实我想当演员
Well, I actually want to be an actress.
你有什么工作经验
What job experience have you got?
我男友自己做生意 我以前帮他的忙
My boyfriend had his own business and I used to help him out.
但他最近甩了我 卡罗
But he recently left me, Carol.
为了一个更年轻的女人 但并没有更性感
For a younger - not hotter, thank you -
就只是一个更年轻的女人
but younger woman.
-你遇上过这种事吗 -没有
- Has that ever happened to you? - No, it hasn't.
你知道吗 那真是糟心透了 卡罗
Do you know what, I can tell you, it's absolutely shit, Carol.
你知道吗 他离开我时就明明知道
Do you know, he left me knowing full well
我交不起这个月的房♥租了
that I wouldn't be able to cover my rent this month.
-好吧 我们说正事吧 -好
- Right, let's get back on track, eh? - Yes.
你男人看着不错
Your one looks nice.
有安全感
Safe.
肉墩墩的
Meaty.
瞧吧 你也有自己的古怪之处
You see, you've got your own weird shit going on,
显然如此 但你找到了喜欢这种古怪的人
clearly, and you've found someone who digs it.
我也需要这样
That's what I need.
一个能接受我的古怪的人
Somebody who actually embraces my quirks.
我很遗憾你经历了生活的磨难
I'm sorry that you've had a difficult time.
我们的目标是让你重回正轨
Our plan here is to get you back on track.
太好了 我也想这样
Yes! And that's what I want.
我想投身于事业
I just want to throw myself into a career.
忘记男人
Forget men,
如今我是个事业女性了
I'm a career woman now.
好了
Here we go.
-找到一个跟你匹配的工作 -好极了
- I have a job match for you. - Fabulous.
三明治外带餐厅的三明治艺术家
Sandwich artist at Sub and Go.
三明治艺术家
Sandwich artist?
我要干什么 在三明治上作画吗
What am I doing, painting the sandwiches?
不 制♥作♥三明治 收款 与顾客打交道
No, making the sandwiches, using a till, dealing with customers.
我不想做这个
That's not what I want to do.
你的选择不多 亲爱的
You don't have many options, love.
其实 这点即将改变 卡罗
Well, actually, that's about to change, Carol.
我刚参加完一个试镜
I've just had an audition
感觉很有希望 我会告诉你结果的
and it felt very promising, I'll have you know.
你想要求职津贴 就必须努力找工作
To stay on JSA, you need to be actively seeking work,
纳托尔小姐
Miss Nuthall.
你能先填写一下意向工作吗
Shall I put in an expression of interest?
见鬼
Shit!
姐们儿 一切都好吗
Mate, is everything OK?
别跟我说话 阿德南 我不在这
Don't talk to me, Adnan, I'm not here.
-什么 -不在这
- What? - NOT here!
那你还想要...
So do you still want the..?
不好意思 老兄 你们有木板吗
Excuse me, mate. Have you got any decks?
-有 在右边 窗户旁边 -不错
- Yeah, just to the right, by the window. - Nice one.
-阿尔玛 -妈的
- Alma. - Oh, shit!
这就是甩了我的那个混球
This is the prick who left me.
我15岁时在公车站认识了他
I met him at a bus stop when I was 15,
以为他能为我上九天揽月
thought he'd bring me the moon.
结果他只会拼这个词
Turned out he could only just spell it.
你♥他♥妈♥在这干什么
What the fuck are you doing?
我在 我在看这些
I was just, erm, looking at these.
-音频电线 -是啊
- Jack leads? - Yeah!
用于我的...
For my, erm...
-用于我的... -音响
- For my, erm... - Amp.
音响 没错 我有音响了
Amp, yeah. I've got an amp now.
-你真是太古怪了 -滚蛋吧
- You're fucking weird, you, you know. - Oh, piss off!
再说了 该躲起来的人是你
Anyway, you're the one who should be hiding.
-这么说你确实在躲我 -你欠我钱
- So you were hiding. - You owe me money.
滚你♥妈♥的♥
Fuck off.
你只是嫉妒我终于找到幸福了
You're just jealous cos I'm finally happy.
是啊 如果幸福就是操一个少女
Oh, yeah. If happiness is shagging a teenager
并搬回你妈家住 那你幸福去吧
and moving back in with your mum, then you're very welcome to it.
别担心 阿尔玛
Don't worry, Alma, love.
如果你真饥渴了 我可以操你
I'll shag you if you're desperate.
滚吧 你个胖逼
Fuck off, you fat fuck!
我这个月要怎么付房♥租
How am I supposed to pay my rent this month?
那不再是我的问题了
It's not my problem any more.
真好
Lovely.
你们店有退换货服务吗 阿德南
Do you do store credit, Adnan?
快点 进来
Quick, get in!
这位是我的外婆琼
This is Grandma Joan,
一个喜欢抽烟 喝伏特加
a Silk Cut-smoking, vodka-drinking,
热爱动物印花的活力老太
animal print-loving whirlwind.
在儿童福利院住了段时间后 我开始跟琼一起生活
I went to live with Joan after a stint in foster care.
她那时刚离婚 又被熨衣店赶出来
She'd just got divorced and chucked out the iron.
她那年上了大学 了解到女权主义
She went to uni that year and discovered feminism.
我所说的"女权主义" 是90年代的那种
I say "Feminism" - I mean that in a very '90s way.
性的快乐
她常把"鸡♥巴♥"和"男权"这种词挂在嘴边
She said the words "Cock" And "Patriarchy" A lot.
我到她家时 她说的第一句话是...
The first thing she said to me when I arrived was...
别浪费你的生命给男人熨衣服 阿尔玛
Don't waste your life ironing a man's clothes, Alma.
他的褶皱会消失 但你的皱纹不会
His creases'll drop out but your wrinkles won't.
我那年才8岁
I was eight.
炸午餐肉快好了
Fried Spam on the go.
我刚碰到安东尼了
Just seen Anthony.
他在商店就跟我大声嚷嚷 你能信吗
Shouting at me in the middle of a shop, can you believe that?
我信 他是个混♥蛋♥
Yes, I can, he's a fuck.
这午餐肉太棒了
Oh, this Spam is fabulous.
阿尔迪超♥市♥自营的