老娘还没死（2023）

我真不敢相信我在和甜品姥姥一起
I cannot believe that I am eating Nana Sugar's cookies
吃甜品姥姥做的饼干
with Nana Sugar.
我妈妈和我曾经试过还原你的配方
My mom and I used to try to re- create your recipe,
但我们一直都不知道你的秘密原料是什么
but we could never figure out your secret ingredient.
亲爱的 没人知道
Oh, honey, nobody ever could.
酷 太棒了 谢丽尔
TJ: Cool! That's awesome, Cheryl.
那家伙是谁
So who's the fella?
他就是我跟你说过的那个体育记者
He's that sportswriter I was telling you about.
那你为什么坐在这里跟我闹聊
Well, why are you sitting here gabbing with me?
只是 他超级贴心的
It's just, he's the sweetest guy,
对每个人都很好
and he's nice to everyone.
不过我一般不喜欢好人
And nice is typically not my type.
让我告诉你 亲爱的
Let me tell you something, honey. Mm- hmm.
女人总是认为她们需要一些前卫的东西
Women always think they need something edgy,
但没有什么比得上经典的巧克力饼干
but nothing beats a classic chocolate chip cookie.
所以你觉得我可以和巧克力饼干在一起吗
So you think I could be with a chocolate chip cookie?
就像牛奶配饼干一样的天作之合
Like a glass of milk.
谢谢 甜品姥姥 你真是个好人
Thanks, Nana Sugar. You're a real one.
准备好让我发你的讣告了吗
Are you ready for me to send off your obituary?
－准备好了 -好
I am. Okay.
对了 内尔 秘密配方是
Oh, and, Nell, the secret ingredient?
是单饱和谷氨酸盐
It's mono- saturated glutamate.
我不知道这里有人呢
I didn't know someone was in here.
又是我 那个每天偷新♥闻♥办♥公室
It's me again, the guy who's been stealing
咖啡的家伙
the news floor's coffee every day.
总有一天
You know, at some point,
我会开始收你钱的
I'm gonna have to start charging you.
嘿 我明天要给
Hey, so I am coaching
办公室的垒球比赛当指导教练 打KQUT新闻
the office softball game tomorrow against KQUT.
我们队有卡尔 梅森 谢丽尔
We got Carl, Mason, Cheryl.
胜算看起来挺高 -很酷 听起来很棒
It's looking really good. Cool, sounds awesome.
是啊 垒球很有趣 我过去经常打垒球
Yeah, softball's really fun. I used to play a lot.
嘿 是吗
Hey. Yeah?
你明天想来打球吗
Do you want to play tomorrow?
绝对不想
Absolutely not.
好吧
Okay.
好吧 -好吧
Okay. Okay.
好吧
Alright.
好吧 再见
Well...goodbye.
嘿 怎么
Hey. What?
你干什么 你为什么不答应
What is wrong with you? Why didn't you say yes?
－我以为你喜欢他呢－我高中的时候也打过
I thought you liked him. I used to play in high school,
不过后来 我的好胜心有一点太强了
and I could get just- I get a little bit competitive.
但那都是20年前的事了
But that was like 20 years ago,
所以我敢肯定你已经没那么厉害了
so I'm sure you're not even that good anymore.
－你刚刚跟我说什么 -好吧
What'd you just say to me? ! Okay!
你好好看看我这腿脚 你知道我能跑多快吗
Have you seen these feet? Do you know how fast I can run?
再看看我这手臂
Have you seen these arms?
好吧 我明白你的意思了
Alright. I see your point. Mm- hmm.
但是 内尔 他刚约你出去啊
But, Nell, he just asked you out.
如果你没有在他关注你的五分钟内
And if you do not give a guy attention
给予他关注
within five minutes of him giving you attention,
他就会生理上转移注意力
he biologically moves on.
设太筷了 -我知道 我在抖音上看到的
That's fast. I know. I saw it on TikTok.
你还在复习现代年轻人是怎么约会的吗
You still brushing up on how the youth dates these days?
是的 所以我来做你的恋情教练好吗
Yes. Which is why I will be your Crush Coach, okay?
我要帮你阻止垒球怪物
I'm gonna help you keep the softball monster at bay.
所以当务之急是 我们得让你重回赛场
So first things first, we got to get you back in the game.
你是对的 -嗯
You're right. Yes.
我要告诉他我也要加入
I'm going to tell him I'm in.
对没错 加一点你自己的魅力进去 -你说啥
Yes! Put some rizz on it. Come again?
我真的不该上这么多网
I need to step away from social media for a while.
体育板块办公室的咖啡更棒
Dennis: The coffee on the sports floor is next level.
我们新♥闻♥办♥公室的咖啡太难喝了
Our coffee on the news floor is so nasty it is undrankable.
是啊 我不会喝的
Yeah, I'm not gonna drink it.
嘿 你明天有什么安排吗
Hey, what are you doing tomorrow?
垒球比赛还需要一个选手
We need one more player for the softball game,
我希望某人能接受邀请
and I was hoping someone was gonna take it,
但她没有 -中场表演的是谁
but she didn't. Who's the halftime performer?
如果是碧昂丝 我就来 如果是凯蒂·派里 那就算了
If it's Beyonce, I'm in. If it's Katy Perry, I'm out.
不 这只是和KQUT新闻的一场休闲比赛
No, it's just a casual game against KQUT News.
你是说KQUT新闻啊
Did you say KQUT?
对 怎么了
Um, yes?
我以前就在KQUT新闻工作
I used to work for KQUT.
是的 差点就在那里当上了空中播报员
Yeah. Almost had an on- air career there.
酷噢 嗯 应该会很酷的
Oh, cool. Yes, it would've been cool.
本来会很酷的 直到我的办公室恋情翻车
Would've been very cool, until my office romance soured
我的前女友在我们分手后在我背后捅我刀子
and my ex- girlfriend stabbed me in the back after our breakup
毁了我在直升机上直播交通实况的
and ruined all of my dreams of reporting traffic
梦想
live from the chopper.
幸运的是 一切都解决了
Well, luckily, it all worked out.
你现在有了丈夫和孩子
You have a husband and kids.
他们尽力做到最好了
And they do their best.
但我一直梦想着能偶遇她
But I always dreamed of running into her
当面斥责她
and telling her off to her face,
这是个绝佳的机会
and this is the perfect opportunity.
好 好 我加入
Yes. Yes, I am in.
我需要一只连指手套 -一只手套
I'll need a mitten. A glove.
好吧
Yeah, okay.
嗨 你找我吗
Hey, so, uh, you wanted to see me?
我有个大新闻要宣布
I have very big news.
爱德华和我明天晚上就要进行第一次约会了
Edward and I will be having our first date tomorrow night,
我终于感受到第一次约会的紧张感了
and I officially have first- date jitters.
哇 今天对本恋情教练来说是很忙的一天
Wow. This is a very busy day for the Crush Coach.
好吧 这个很简单
Okay, well, this one is a no- brainer.
假装你已经和爱德华睡了好几个星期了
Just pretend that you have been sleeping with Edward for weeks.
因为你已经和爱德华睡了几个星期了
Because you've been sleeping with Edward for weeks.
是的 但约会要亲密得多
Yes, but a date is so much more intimate.
萨姆 我们得隔着桌子看着对方呢
Sam, we have to look at each other from across a table.
从菜单上点餐 分吃一块沙拉
Order from a menu. Split an iceberg wedge.
分吃一块沙拉比那什么还亲密吗
Is an iceberg wedge more intimate than...?
萨姆 我打算花一整天准备
Oh, Sam, I plan on spending the entire day prepping,
吹发 化妆 美白牙齿
mm- hmm ...a blowout, makeup, teeth whitening.
亚莱克西斯 你知道报社明天要
Alexis, did you know that the newspaper is playing KQUT
和KQUT新闻打垒球吗
in a softball game tomorrow?
我不知道 我马上去取消比赛
I did not. I'll have it canceled immediately.
取消 不不不
C- Canceled? No.
你看 我和电台的老板
You see, I've had a longstanding rivalry
莎伦·达林森之间有着长♥期♥竞争
with the station's owner, Sharon Darynson.
在鲁伯特默多克的白色派对上
At Rupert Murdoch's White Party,
她从我眼皮底下偷走了自助餐上的
she stole that last shrimp on the buffet
最后一只虾 当时我都已经宣告了那只虾的主♥权♥了
right out from under me. I had already called it.
我知道你有多讨厌甲壳类归属权游戏
I know how much you hate shellfish power games.
所以我想让她看到我明天和我女儿一起去出现在比赛现场
So I want her to see me at the game tomorrow with my daughter.
为什么 -因为她的孩子们很讨厌她
Why? Because her children hate her.
我今天的约会准备就到此为止了
Well, so much for my day of date prep,
都是因为我和我父亲关系很好
all because of my warm relationship with my father.
嗯
Yeah.
好吧 我一直在思考
Alright. I've been thinking about it,
我改变主意了
and I changed my mind.
我真的很想参加比赛
I definitely do want to be in the game.
哦 哦 该死 -怎么啦
Oh. UhOh, damn. What?
我刚把最后一个名额给了丹尼斯
I just gave the last spot to Dennis.
什么 -但你不介意
What? But you wouldn't mind
把你的位置给内尔吧
giving Nell your spot, would you?
介意 我要走上球场
No. I am going to go out onto that court,
单凭一己之力赢得比赛
single- handedly win the game,
让珀尔尝尝我的厉害
and give Pearl a piece of my mind.
内尔 我们明天会想你的
Nell, we'll miss you tomorrow.
好吧 -丹尼斯
Okay. Dennis, I'm going to