幕后危机（2005）

你们难道没有数据备份吗 我自己电脑都会备份
Do you not back up, you people?
I back up!
虽然我不知道备份是啥意思
I don't even know
what backing up means.
我以为今天我们开始回击了
I really thought that today we were
going to start the fight back, you know?
没想到这个回击的开始是我们先把自己打倒
And it looks as though we've started
the fight back by beating ourselves up
用我们自己的牙齿戳瞎双眼 神呐
and poking out our eyeballs
with our own fucking teeth. Jesus!
好吧 我该去骂谁
Right. Who, primarily,
should I be shouting at?
格伦
(ALL MUMBLING) Glenn.
真 谢谢你们
Oh, thank you very much!
我这里有些记录...
I have here the minutes
which are a record and...
不不不你不会重写记录的
No, no, no. You can't just
over-write minutes.
你连PDF文件都打不开
You specifically can't do it,
cause you can't unlock a pdf file.
有人刚在我的办公桌上拉屎 我需要擦干净
Somebody has just done a huge poo
on my desk and I want it cleared up.
不是我拉的 我的屁♥股♥干净得像一个哨子
My bum is clean,
it's clean as a whistle.
我告诉你一个有趣的事
And I'm going to tell you
something interesting.
除非你用锤子把硬盘砸碎了
Unless you take the hard drive,
smash it up with a hammer
或者扔到酸里溶解了 数据是可以取回的
or you drop it in acid, that data
is still going to be retrievable
这是BBC网站写的
and that...
It says so on the BBC website.
我需要对此负责的人的名单
I need a shortlist of people
who are responsible.
格伦 你能给我一个名单吗
Glenn, will you bring me a shortlist
-你自己的名字也在上面 -好
- with your own name on it?
- Right.
马尔科姆来了
Malcolm's on his way over.
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
他知道这件事吗
Does he know?
我觉得他不知道 你们要我去问他吗
I don't think so,
do you want me to go and ask?
-不不 不要问他 -天啊
- No, don't ask him!
- Jesus fucking Christ.
我们得把中午跟卫报的午餐取消
Right, we need to cancel
the Guardian lunch.
-不行 不行 -那就有意思了
- ALL: No, no, no.
- No. That would be a ridiculous
会传递出一个错误的信♥号♥♥
- signal to do.
- Wrong message.
这就像一只要死的鲸鱼发出的信♥号♥♥一样 不是吗
That's the kind of signal
that a dying whale sends out, isn't it?
嗷
(IMITATING WHALE) "Noooo!
我们丢失了移♥民♥数据 这类的信♥号♥♥
"We lost the immigration figures!"
Sort of a signal.
能请你们全都滚出我的办公室吗
Would you all please
just fuck out of my office?
-短时间内不要进来 -好的
- For a long time.
- TERRl: Very good.
给你带了牛角面包
Got you a croissant.
早 书桌驾驶员 忧郁奶奶（木乃伊）在吗
Morning, desk jockeys.
Is glumy mummy in?
她好像在打电♥话♥
OLLY: I think she's on the phone?
哦好 我为啥不在这晾一下我的鞋跟呢
Oh, right-o.
Why don't I just cool my heels here?
-早 马尔科姆 -早
- Good morning, Malcolm.
- Good morning.
你知道了吗 马尔科姆
Do you know, Malcolm?
呃 清除打印机卡纸的最好方法？
Uh, the best way to clear a paper jam?
我不知道
I don't know.
杀死一个小孩 一个小时后等到卡纸自然出来
Kill a kid an hour
until it sorts itself out?
很好 嗨 马尔科姆
Excellent. Hi, Malcolm.
好极了 所以你能为我处理好布袋跑的事情
Great. So if you can just sort out
the sack race situation for me,
那将是最好不过了
that would be terrific.
您需要我做什么吗
Yeah, yeah, what would you
like me to do on that?
我最想要一个时间机器
Ideally, build a time machine
我们就可以穿越回过去然后不要邀请
那些记者报道那次比赛
so that we can go back and not invite
photographers to the sports day.
如果我造不出时间机器呢
If I fail to build a time machine?
那就压制新闻 不要再流传了
Just sit on it, really, Terri.
You know, stop it growing.
-像杀死癌症那样 -好的 谢谢
- ROBYN: Zap it like a tumour.
- Thank you, yes.
马尔科姆
So, Malcolm...
哦哦手♥机♥响了 抱歉
Oh, oh, oh. Incoming body parts.
Excuse me.
听着 如果这件事再扩大
Look, if this has got any bigger,
你们就会他妈的被鱼叉破胸而入
you're gonna feel the thump
of a fucking harpoon in your thorax.
他知道了吗？快跟着他
Does he know? Well, follow him.
希望你们喜欢拉屎拉出指甲
MALCOLM: I hope that you
like shitting toenails,
那就是你们接下来这一周需要做的
because that's what you're gonna be
doing all of next week.
还有 不用担心 我会把你们的指甲染成黄色的
And don't worry,
I've painted them yellow
这样拉出来的时候看上去就像拉出玉米粒了
so they'll look like fucking sweet corn.
这个人就他妈是个累赘！
The guy's a fucking liability!
天哪 听着 我想要...
(SOFTLY) Jesus Christ.
Listen, I want...
我完全听不到他说什么 他走路太快了
Look, I couldn't hear everything,
he takes very long strides...
你♥他♥妈♥是一只企鹅吗？不会跑吗？
What, are you a fucking penguin?
Just run.
我是一个公务员 我他妈不是奥♥运♥会运动员
Look, I'm a civil servant,
not a fucking Olympic athlete!
好了发生什么了 赫尔曼戈林（德国战犯）
Right. What's occurring,
Hermann Goering?
又怎么了
What?
你他喵的在逗我
You're fucking kidding me.
抱歉
Excuse me.
两分钟后回来
Two minutes and I will be back.
我现在准备好骂人了 伙计
I'm fucking okay for bollocks, mate.
他肯定知道了
That's it. He knows.
-还要我继续跟着他吗？ -去去 不要
- Do you want me to follow him again?
- Yes. Yes, no. Yes.
我是部长
去 照我说的做
I'm Secretary of State. Yes! Yes!
Do what I say.
那个名单怎么样了 格伦 我们在名单上吗？名单上都有谁？
How's that list going? Are we covered,
Glenn? Who's on the list?
-不是一个很长的名单
-那就去弄一个名单啊
- It's not a big list.
- Well, get going on the bloody list!
嗨 罗宾 听着
Hi, Robyn! Hey, look.
你认识菲尔戴维斯吗？是戴维斯还是达维斯
Um... You know Phil Davis?
Is he a Davies or a Davis?
我知道你不喜欢我 格伦 但你不能解雇我
I know you don't like me, Glenn,
but you're not sacking me.
什么
What?
(BOTH LAUGHING FALSELY)
我在保护你
I'm protecting you.
我跟往常一样支持你
Okay, well, you know,
I've got your back as well.
即使我知道你是一个过河拆桥卸磨杀驴的家伙
Even though I know you are the guy who
authorised the wiping of the back-up.
-那不是真的 -就是真的
- Well, that may or may not be true.
- Well, it is true.
-那不是真的 -就是真的
- Well, it may or it may not be true.
- Well, that is true.
(FALSE LAUGHTER)
短期策略就是
Benefit of a short-term strategy is
让你有时间制定一个长♥期♥策略
it allows you to develop
a long-term strategy...
-跟他们说说吧 -我们刚在讨论
- Explain it to them.
- We've just been discussing
关于数据丢失事件
the data loss incident and...
不要说成事件 事件听上去像有毒物质泄露那种事情
Can we not call it the incident?
It just sounds like a toxic spillage.
那说成混乱吗
Kerfuffle?
你的时间机器造的怎么样了 泰瑞
How's the time machine coming along,
Terri?
找到什么电容器了吗
Have you managed
to find a flux capacitor yet?
我刚想用格伦来做
Well, I had to come fetch Glenn...
这是个玩笑 不要当真
It was a joke, it doesn't matter.
我在想 一个可行的策略 那就是不要告诉其他人
I was thinking that one possible
strategy might be not to tell anybody.
什么？是要我们保密吗
What, we keep it a secret?
打断一下 马尔科姆回来了