忙碌
黛布拉
三连
第一集
欢迎来到
柠檬凝乳镇
欢迎来到柠檬凝乳镇
Welcome to Lemoncurd,
迷人的小镇 住着迷人的居民
a charming town full of charming people
过着迷人的生活 吃着迷人的食物
leading charming lives and eating charming food.
大道路
停
在这个镇上 住着三位非常忙碌的女性
In this town live three very busy women
她们都叫黛布拉
who are all named debra.
还不仅如此
And that's not all.
等等 我说完了
Oh, wait! Yes, it is!
黛布拉 你搞笑的故事让我想起
Debra, your hilarious story reminded me
我有个更棒的故事
that I have a better one.
非常有趣 而且超级长
It's so funny, and it's so long!
有天我丈夫去看医生
So, my husband went to the doctor
结果发现他的胆固醇过高
and found out that we have a cholesterol problem.
结果 我们开始吃燕麦片
As a result, we started eating oatmeal!
黛布拉 这太有趣了
Debra, that is so funny!
你得赶紧闭嘴
You have to stop.
我刚想起来 我们来这里时发生的一件事
I just remembered something that happened on the way here.
我之前忘了 因为我着急进屋
I forgot because I was so busy walking inside.
话说 事情是这样的...
So, what happened is that...
我们杀了你的泳池清洁员
We killed your pool boy!
他立即死亡
He died instantly.
你们是否起码把烂摊子清理干净了
Did you at least clean up the mess?
没有 我想着泳池清洁员可以清理
No. I figured the pool boy would clean it up.
他没清理吗
He didn't?
他绝对被开了
Oh, he is so fired.
谢天谢地车子没事 但是黛布拉们
Thank god the cars are fine, but, Debras,
我真不敢相信你们这么不小心
I can't believe you could be so careless.
瞧瞧 瞧瞧 瞧瞧
Oh, oh, oh, well, well, well,
看起来这是个不小的烂摊子啊
looks like we got quite a little mess here, huh?
你知道我们怎么对待在公共场合惹烂摊子的女人吗
You know what we do with women who make a mess in public?
睁一只眼闭一只眼
We turn a blind eye?
我们把她们的输卵管结扎 这是法律
We tie their tubes! It's the law.
但是黛布拉必须随时可以受孕
But a Debra must be able to conceive at a moment's notice.
那你们之前就该想到这点
You should have thought of that earlier!
一旦我向英勇的执法部门举报你们
Once I report you to our heroic Law Enforcement,
用不了多久
it's only a matter of time
镇上的输卵管结扎员就会上门了
until the town tube-tier comes a-knocking.
祝你们愉快
Have a blessed day.
谢谢
Thank you!
他人真好
He's so nice!
我喜欢他对我们说话的方式
I love the way he talks to us.
严肃点 黛布拉
Get serious, Debra!
这是很严肃的事
This is serious.
我们的传承岌岌可危
Our legacy is on the line.
我们只有几小时来摆平这事
We only have a couple hours to make this go away.
当然 我来摆平警♥察♥
Of course. I'll take care of the cops.
我以前见过一个
I met one once.
我很荣幸来处理尸体
It would be my privilege to dispose of the body.
我超爱垃圾
I love garbage.
而我会立即雇一个新的泳池清洁员
And I'll honor the pool boy's memory
以此纪念他
by replacing him immediately.
黛布拉 如果我们被抓怎么办
Debra, what happens if we get caught?
这是我的房♥子 我的早午餐
It's my house. It's my brunch.
是我害大家陷入这种境地的
I'm the reason we're all here in this position today,
所以如果有人要为此承担责任 让输卵管被结扎
so if someone needs to take the fall and get her tubes tied,
我觉得这锅应该你来背
I think it should be you.
我也这么觉得
Me too.
我的人生中没什么值得拯救的
There's nothing in my life worth saving.
是啊
Yeah.
随便吧
Whatever.
我叫黛布拉
I'm Debra.
很高兴认识你
Nice to meet you.
警♥察♥局
你好 今天有什么需要警♥察♥帮忙的
Hello! How may the police help you today?
我想动动嘴皮子 让自己逃脱罪责
I would love to talk my way out of trouble.
当然可以
Of course!
填好这张表
Fill out this form.
保护与凝乳
现在放开 好吗
Now let off of this, okay?
你没干什么
我太想要了 几乎都能尝到了
I want it so bad, I can taste it!
给
Here you go.
公共烂摊子
黛布拉
请务必好好处理这事
Make sure you take care of this.
是时候靠自己动手了
Time to take matters into my own hands.
我才不在乎你干什么
I don't care what you do.
储物间
我从没抛过这么帅气之人的尸体
I've never disposed of someone so handsome before.
别评判我
Don't judge me.
这里平时没这么乱
It's not usually this messy in here.
你认识我丈夫吗
Do you know my husband?
他也死了
He's also dead.
以色列人还是巴基斯坦人
Israel or Palestine?
没有错的答案
No wrong answers.
你疯了
You're crazy.
我希望自己没有太强势
I hope I'm not coming on too strong,
但我已经很久没和别人有过这样的默契了
but I haven't connected with someone like this in a really long time.
看来我们需要一个更大的包
Looks like we're gonna need a bigger purse.
泳池清洁员 面试
好了 男人们
Okay, men!
只有最强壮之人 才能成为我的下任泳池清洁员
Only the strongest will prevail to become my next pool boy.
能被提名 我已经很荣幸了
It's an honor just to be nominated.
我能抬起一辆车
I can lift a car!
但你这老汉能推我这辆车吗
But can you fuck me like a car?
没错 我在给我丈夫戴绿帽子
That's right. I'm cheating on my husband,
这在我的世界完全没问题
and that's okay in my world.
好戏开始吧
Let the games begin!
小心 小子 别爱上我了
Careful, kid. Don't fall in love with me.
我们跳舞吧
Let's dance.
抱歉 老甜心
Sorry, sweetheart.
我对你来说太老了
I'm too old for you.
滚吧
Get out of here.
你身上有某种我喜欢的特质
There's something I like about you.
谢谢 我真的很需要这份工作
Thanks! I really needed this!
我哥哥今天死了
My brother died today.
完美 我要了
It's perfect. I'll take it.
鲍勃包包专卖♥♥店
你确定吗
Are you sure?
这包真的很贵
It's really expensive.
我知道很贵
I know it's expensive.
不然我为什么来专卖♥♥店
Why else do you think I came to an emporium?
金额正好 不错
Exact change, nice touch.
你想让我们把包送货上门吗
Would you like this bag delivered to your house?
当然
Of course!
鲍勃
Bob!
好样的 男孩们 小伙子们 男人们
Good work, boys, guys, men.
大家一心都扑在犯罪事件上
Everybody is looking at crimes.
我是个警♥察♥
I'm a cop.
我有个案子需要这个 你懂的 警务工作
I need this for a case, you know, cop stuff.
我当然知道警务工作
Of course I know cop stuff.
全员出动
All hands on deck!
大道路上出现一二三四五六七八级
We got a 1, 2, 3, 4 and a 5, 6, 7, 8 --
大型女性烂摊子
big female mess on Boulevard Lane.
这一天真是活久见啊
I never thought I'd see the day!
我在警局的这些年都值了
All my years on the force.
抱歉 抱歉 抱歉 抱歉
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
等着我
Wait for me.
赶紧的 我们得在警♥察♥来之前
Hurry up! We got to clean up this mess
收拾好这烂摊子
before the law arrives!
那条人行道最好像克莱斯勒大楼的顶端那样闪闪发光
That pavement better shine like the top of the Chrysler building!