瑞奇·热维斯：世界末日（2023）

瑞奇·热维斯：世界末日
大家好
Hello.
谢谢
Thank you.
非常感谢
Thank you. Thank you very much.
谢谢 谢谢大家
Cheers. Thank you. - Whoo!
不 嘘…那…你们…
No. Shh. That's... You've...
谢谢
Thank you.
不 你们知道现在该怎么做
No, you know the score.
都他妈的给我闭嘴
Shut the fuck up.
谢谢大家
Thank you.
欢迎来看我的新节目
Welcome to my new show.
全新的 还在完善的那种
So new, in fact, it's still evolving.
我今晚会说一些 之前没说过的内容 好吧？
I've got bits tonight I haven't done before, right?
如果我即兴来了一段 那我会说些未经思考的东西
If I ad-lib, I haven't even thought it before.
而我的有些想法非常可怕
And I have some terrible fucking thoughts.
但我也很无奈 脑子里要想什么 由不得我来选
But you can't help that, can you? You can't choose your thoughts.
等它们冒出来 就已经太迟了
They just appear. It's too late.
一个念头冒出来 它说：“我是一个想法”
You have a thought, and it goes, "I'm a thought."
你心想 “见鬼 我居然想到了那玩意”
And you go, "Oh fuck, I thought that."
然后 有时那个想法♥会♥说 “把我大声说出来吧”
And then, sometimes, the thought will go, "Now say it."
于是我就说了…
And I say it, and…
Netflix！
Netflix.
我的上一♥期♥节目《超自然》 去年在Netflix上线了
My last show, SuperNature, dropped on Netflix last year.
遭到了强烈抵♥制♥ 是吧？
Um, big backlash, wasn't there?
强烈 噢…那反对声可太强烈了 人们说：“你不能说那种话”
Big... Oh, big backlash. People going, "You can't say that."
你可以的 真的可以
You can. You can.
我就说了
I did. Um…
对 正是那无可避免的反对声
Yeah, the inevitable backlash,
让它成为了 年度观看次数最多的特别节目 所以…
which made it the most-watched special of the year, so…
我吸取了教训
I've learned my lesson. Um…
不 我真的悟了
No, I have learned my lesson,
所以从现在起 我觉醒了
and that's why I'm going to be woke from now on.
是时候了 抱歉
It's about time. Well, I'm sorry.
我觉醒了
Well, I am woke.
既然觉醒了 那我要做的第一件事 就是修改我推特的个人简介
And now I'm woke, the first thing I've gotta do is change my Twitter bio.
因为它目前只是一份清单 上面列着我创作的所有节目
'Cause at the moment, it's, like, a list of the shows I've created.
但现在我觉醒了 我得把“反法♥西♥斯♥”这个词加进去
But now I'm woke, I've gotta pop in the word "anti-fascist"…
免得别人以为我是个法♥西♥斯♥主义者
…so people know I'm not a fascist,
因为这是我正面临的一个大问题
'cause that is a big problem at the moment. Um…
会有人跑来问我：“瑞奇 你一直在把记者送进监狱吗？”
People come up to you and go, "Rick, have you been imprisoning journalists?"
我说：“没有” 他们就像这样：“有意思”
I go, "No." They go, "Oh, interesting."
他们问：“你一直在用毒气 残害犹太人吗？” 我说：“没有”
They go, "Have you been gassing Jews?" I go, "No."
“那就在你个人简介里说清楚 蠢货”
They go, "Pop it in your bio then, you silly cunt."
所以 对 我不是法♥西♥斯♥主义者
So, yeah, I'm not a fascist.
特意声明你不是法♥西♥斯♥主义者 这多奇怪呀？
It's an odd thing to declare, isn't it, that you're not a fascist?
我们通常都假定你不是
We assume, don't we?
你不会在大街上走到别人面前说
You wouldn't go up to someone in the street and do that, would you?
“对了 我不是法♥西♥斯♥主义者”
"Oh, by the way, I'm not a fascist." You know?
简直此地无银三百两嘛
It's like they protest too much.
就好像你跑去一所学校说 “我不是恋童癖”
It's like going into a school and going, "I'm not a pedo."
“所以 当我没提过这事吧”
"So just forget I even mentioned it."
“这些孩子在我身边乱跑 很安全的”
"These kids are safe running around me. Don't worry."
“他们在我面前裸奔都无所谓”
"They can run around naked for all I care."
“反正我不是恋童癖 所以…”
"I'm not a pedo, so…"
“法♥西♥斯♥主义者”这个词 已经变味了 它的传统释义
Of course, the word "fascist" has changed. Traditionally, the word "fascist"
是指一个极右♥派♥独♥裁♥政♥权♥的成员
meant a member of a far-right authoritarian regime
使用军国主义手段和暴♥力♥ 去压♥迫♥个体的人♥权♥
that uses militarism and violence to suppress individual rights.
而现在 “法♥西♥斯♥主义者”可能指的是 “给乔·罗根的推文点过赞的人”
Now the word "fascist" can mean "liked a Joe Rogan tweet."
所以…
So…
词语的意思会不断演变 对吧？
…words change, yeah?
这也是我会觉醒的部分原因
And that's part of the reason I'm gonna become woke.
词语会与时俱进 而我不想落后于这个时代
Words change, and I don't wanna be left behind, you know.
我不想到头来 变得像70年代的我爷爷一样
I don't wanna end up like my granddad in the '70s. Oh.
他当时满嘴都是 这个“有色人种”、那个“同性恋”
He was all like, "coloreds" this and "queers" that.
不过“同性恋”这个词 现在又没有贬义了 所以…
Although the word "queer" is all right again now, so…
只要你等得够久 一切都会绕个圈回到原点
If you wait long enough, it just goes full circle.
所以就…
Just…
就耐心点 这是我的建议
Just be patient is my ad...
现在你可以用“同性恋”这个词了
So, yeah, you can… you can use the word "queer" now.
但不能拿它当名词用 只能当形容词来用
You still can't use it as a noun, only as an adjective.
你不能跑去跟某人说 “你是个同性恋”
You can't go up to someone and go, "You're a queer,"
但你可以说 “听说过达伦吗？他现在是同性恋了”
but you can go, "Hear about Darren? He's queer now."
前提是如果达伦确实是弯的
If Darren is definitely bent.
你不能肆无忌惮地到处去诋毁达伦
You can't go around just slagging off Darren willy-nilly.
懂我的意思吗？
Do you know what I mean? You can...
在这个国家 说一个直男是同性恋 是有可能被起诉的
You can get sued in this country for saying someone's gay if they're not,
连法律都歧视同性恋
you know, which is a homophobic law,
因为反过来你就不会被起诉
'cause you can't be sued the other way around.
说一个同性恋是直男就不会被起诉
You can't be sued for saying someone's not gay if they are,
听起来不太公平啊 不是吗？
which seems unfair, doesn't it?
我可以去找英国 最有名的同性恋 跟他说
Like, I could go up to Britain's biggest gay and go,
“好呀 艾尔顿” 对吧？
"All right, Elton." All right?
而且…
And...
他肯定高兴 他会超级开心
He'd love that. He'd fucking love that.
既然当了同性恋 就要当 最有名的那个 差不多是这意思
If that's your game, you wanna be top of the pile, so to speak.
对吧？
Right?
我说：“艾尔顿” 他答：“是我” 然后我说
I'd go, "All right, Elton?" He'd go, "Yeah." I'd go,
“哈哈哈哈哈
♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ♪
哈哈 你不是同性恋”
♪ Ha-ha You're not a gay ♪
他会说：“我是！”
He'd go, "I bloody am." All right?
然后说：“我要告你！”
He'd go, "I'm gonna sue you."
我说：“你告不了我”
I'd go, "You can't. You can't."
他会说：“但我真的是同性恋” “我不信”
He'd go, "But know that I am gay." I go, "I don't believe you are."
他会说：“不信的话 来我家看看我♥干♥的那些事呀”
He'd go, "Come home with me and see the shit I do if you don't believe me."
当然 “同性恋”这个词的意思也变了
Of course, the word "queer" has changed.
传统意义上的同性恋指的是
Again, traditionally, the word "queer" used to mean
会被自己的同性所吸引的人
uh, someone who was attracted to the same sex as themselves.
比如一个男同性恋
A gay man, all right?
现在的“同性恋”也可能是 一个想博关注的直男
Now, the word "queer" can mean a straight man who wants some attention.
“我是同性恋”
"I'm all queer. I'm all queer now."
“真的假的？”
"Are you?"
“对 我其实是同性恋 真的”
"Yeah, I'm ri... I'm..." "I'm right queer now, I am."
“是吗？” “是啊” “那你女朋友怎么办？”
"Are you?" "Yeah." "What about your girlfriend?"
“她啊 她也是同性恋 我们只是…
"Yeah, she's queer and all. We're just…"
我们只是两个同性恋在相互打掩护”
"We're just two queers queering each other up."
“吹个箫给我看” “不要”
"Suck a cock." "Nah."
“我想也是”
"No, didn't think so."
“我不是那种同性恋”
"I'm not that sort of queer."
“那你是哪种？”
"What sort of a queer are you?"
“我把头发染成了蓝色”
"Dyed my hair blue."
“我奶奶也染了 她超爱男人的阴♥茎♥”
"So did my grandmother and she fucking loved cock."
“所以… 你到底想说什么？”
"So, what... What are we saying?"
我没有任何证据
I have no evidence for that.
我们从来没有过那样的对话
We… We never had that conversation.
我想说的是 词语的意思是会变的
So words change is my point.
比如“残障人士”这个词
Like the word "handicapped." All right?
传统意义上 这是个政♥治♥正确的术语
Again, traditionally, that was the politically correct term,
宽泛地指代所有 跛子之类的残障者 对吧？
the all-inclusive term for cripples and shit, right?
但后来 他们说：“我们想做残疾人”
But then, they went, "No, we wanna be disabled."
他们不想做残疾人 他们的意思是…
They didn't wanna be disabled. They said...
他们的意思是…
They said... They said...
他们说：“我们想被称为残疾人
They said, "We wanna be referred to as 'disabled.'"
我们现在 不喜欢‘残障人士’这个词了
"We don't like the term 'handicapped' anymore."
别再用那个词 改用‘残疾人’” 我们点头同意 皆大欢喜
"Stop using it. Say 'disabled.'" We went, "Fine." And that's great.
告诉我使用规则就好 我这人很守规则的
Just tell me the rules and I'll... In fact, I'm a stickler for the rules.
如果我在海滩上 有个女人跑过来跟我说
Like, if I was on a beach and a woman came running and went,
“救命！我的残障小孩溺水了！”
"Help! Help! My handicapped toddler's drowning!"
我会说：“不好意思 你的什么？”
I'd go, "Sorry your what, love? What?"
“我的残障小孩溺水了 他不会游泳”
"My handicapped toddler's drowning, and he can't swim."
“慢着 你的意思是 你的残疾小孩溺水了？”
"Whoa. Do you mean your disabled toddler is drowning?"
“对” 然后我会说 “好 那我们快…” 人已经挂了