开荒岛民（2016）

这样是不是很疯狂 如果这架飞机...
Wouldn't it be crazy if this plane just...
"开荒岛民" 前情提要...
Last season on "Wrecked"...
我们是海盗 混...
We're pirates, mother...
-他们会杀了我们的 -所以我们得马上把他们全部干掉
- They're gonna kill us! - So we'll take 'em out all at once.
我和我的朋友们要回家了
My friends and I are going home.
这帮海盗居然是开游轮来的
The pirates came here on a cruise ship?
-我和托德... -我们要结婚啦
- Me and Todd... - We're getting married!
我喜欢上你了
I have feelings for you!
我也喜欢上你了
I have feelings for you, too!
-卢瑟 -你是哪位
- Luther? - Yes?
快弃船
Abandon ship!
我以为我要死在这里面了
I thought I was gonna die in here,
但相反 我遇到了你 我最好的朋友
but instead, I met you, my new best friend.
我们看到陆地了
We got land!
我们活下来了
We're alive!
卢瑟 他踩到地雷了
Luther!! He stood on a land mine!
什么鬼
What the hell?
别这样嘛
Come on!
抓住他了
Got him!
怎么样 连续三年了
What's that, three years in a row?
我怎么做到的
How did I do it?
我穿错靴子了
I wore the wrong boots.
太紧了 我没法穿着跑步 好吗
They're too tight. I can't run in 'em, okay?!
该死的
God damn it!
好吧 埃罗尔 你呢
Well, Errol, how about you?
那个夜视镜怎么样
How's the night-vision thing?
有很大帮助吗
Was that a big help?
你知道吗 哥们
You know what, dude?
你真是个恶霸 好吗
You're being a real bully, okay?
-我哪有 -是啊 你就是
- Come on. - Yeah, you are. You are.
我们都在这里玩得很开心
We're all here having a good time,
像朋友一样一起在丛林里奔跑
we all running through the jungle like friends,
然后突然间你就表现得像个混♥蛋♥
and then all of a sudden you're acting like a jerk.
-混♥蛋♥吗 -是啊
- A jerk? - Yeah.
-我现在是个混♥蛋♥吗 -是啊 你现在就是个真正的混♥蛋♥
-Is that what I'm being? -Yeah, you're being a real jerk.
真的吗 你觉得这么说公平吗
Really? You think that's fair?
你以为你的笑话很好笑
You think that your jokes are funny.
-其实一点都不好笑 -我不是...我只是...
- They're not funny. - I'm not... I'm just...
-我找到了 -等等 等等
- I found it! - Hold on. H-Hold on.
这个人好像想说点什么
This guy's trying to say something.
-你想说什么 -去死吧
- What is it? - Go to hell.
好吧 看看 这就是为什么我们叫你"咕哝"
Okay, see, this is exactly why we call you "Mumbles."
你得吐字清晰才行啊
You have to enunciate.
恶心
Gross!
这真恶心 有点风度吧
That is gross. Have some class.
有一天 会有人登上这个岛
One day someone's gonna land on this island
而且他们不会玩你们的游戏
and they're not gonna play your games.
不
No.
他们会机智又勇敢
They'll be smart and brave,
他们会杀了你们
and they'll kill you.
是吗
Oh, yeah?
那会是谁呢
And who might that be?
真的吗 我们就不能歇一下吗
Seriously?! Can we not catch one break?!
所以 怎么办 这里有可能到处都是地雷吗
So, what? There could be land mines anywhere?
这个我们不知道 可能只有一个...
We don't know that. It could've been just one...
只有一个不安分的地雷被冲上海岸...
just one rogue land mine washed up on the shore...
可能只有这两个
Maybe it was just the two.
好吧 大家都站在原地
Okay! Everybody, stay where you are!
我们需要想出一个离开海滩的计划
We need to come up with a plan to get off this beach.
好吧 我没有计划 我只是...
Well, I don't have one. I was just...
好吧 只是听起来好像你有计划一样
Okay, well, it just sounded like you had a plan.
是啊 我以为你现在已经有一个很牛的计划了
Yeah, I just thought you'd have some blowhard plan by now.
我有些想法了 我只是...
I have a couple of seeds. I'm just kind of...
它们不是真正的...我还在想 我还在想
They're not really... I'm thinking. I'm thinking.
好了 我觉得需要怎么做是相当明显的事
All right, I think it's pretty obvious what needs to happen.
得有人走出海滩
Someone needs to walk off the beach.
如果 吉人天相 那个人活着走出去了
And if, knock on wood, that person makes it out alive,
我们就踩着他们的脚印逃出去
we use their footprints to escape.
但谁去呢
But who goes?
听着 只剩我们九个了
Listen, there are only nine of us left.
应该由最没用的人去
The person with the least value should go.
现在 杰丝 你很会鼓舞士气
Now, Jess, you're great for morale.
我觉得你绝对讨人喜欢
I think you're an absolute delight.
凯伦
Karen.
但从体格上来说 你是个该死的负担
But physically, you're a goddamn liability.
你上半身几乎没有力量
You have virtually no upper-body strength.
-什么 -真狠
- What? - That's rough.
没人能让我妻子走过一堆地雷
No one makes my wife walk through a bunch of land mines.
-谢谢 宝贝 -没问题 宝贝
- Thanks, babe. - You got it, babe.
现在 如果我们要选
Now, if we're gonna choose,
我们就公平人道地选
we're gonna choose fairly and humanely.
摸鼻子
Nose goes.
是史蒂夫
It's Steve!
史蒂夫得去
Steve's got to go.
公平就是公平
Fair is fair.
你们谁告诉史蒂夫 他得走出海滩
Someone tell Steve he's got to walk off the beach,
可能会被炸飞
probably blow up.
弗洛伦斯
Florence?
什么
What?
史蒂夫
Steve?
史蒂夫
Steve!
你在那拿了什么 哥们儿
Whattya got there, bud?
卢瑟的手
Luther's hand!
不要啊
Oh, no.
我觉得如果...如果我们能收集足够多他的躯体
I figured if... if I can collect enough of him,
我们就可以治好他
we can fix him.
现在科技能做的事很多
There's a lot they can do these days.
他们克隆了一只羊 所以应该行得通
They cloned that sheep. So that'll probably work.
或者像那部乔纳森·德普的电影里[约翰尼·德普电影"超验骇客
Or there's that Jonathan Depp movie
他们把他的大脑上传到麦金托什电脑
where they uploaded his brain into a Macintosh.
我的天 各位 他...他不能去
Oh, my God. You guys, he c-- he can't go.
看他多伤心啊
Look how sad he is.
喂 老伙计史蒂夫
Hey! Old man Steve!
我们玩了摸鼻子 我们都赢了 你输了
We all played Nose goes and we won and you lost!
你必须挪着你的屁♥股♥走出海滩
You got to walk your ass off the beach
我们才能看看你有没有被炸掉 好吗
so we can see if you blow up, okay?!
-什么 -是的
- What?! - Yeah.
-不 -你玩游戏输了
-No! -You lost the game, though.
-你必须去 -我们玩了摸鼻子
-You kind of have to. -We played Nose goes.
好了 我有个计划
Okay, I have a plan.
-我们什么都不做 -什么
- We do nothing. - What?
有人埋了这些地雷 对吗
Somebody buried these land mines, right?
有人在这里
Someone is here.
这说明有人听到了
And that means that somebody heard
那个谁爆♥炸♥的声音
whoever that guy was explode,
这意味着他们会来找我们
and that means that they will come to us.
但如果没有人来呢
But if no one comes, huh?
我们应该在这儿做什么 饿死吗
What are we supposed to do here, just starve?
我虽然看起来娇小玲珑
It may not look like much, but this body
但肚子里能吞象呢
takes some serious cals to maintain,
老子已经很饿了
and Daddy's already pretty hungry.
那 这位老子是宁可饿着肚子
Well, would Daddy rather be pretty hungry,
还是想看着别人
or would Daddy like to see someone else
炸个灰飞烟灭呢
blown into a fine mist?
哪一个
Huh? Which one?
那还是饿着吧
A hungry daddy.
好的
Okay.
那么我们就等着
So then we wait.
我们等
We wait.
-我抓到你了 -啊啊啊