上班族妈妈

Uh, I love Korean Rice Bowls,
擅于发现人们的优点
and seeing the good in everyone.
我非常激动能有你们加入
I'm really excited to have you all aboard.
请
Please.
我是布鲁迪
Uh, I'm Brody.
事实上 身为一名房♥产经纪人
Uh, I've actually had a lot of trouble finding work
我一直没找到工作
as a real estate agent.
我也不知道原因 因为我超级擅长做这个
But I'm not sure why, because I'm fuckin' awesome at it!
对我来说至关重要的是能帮助他人
It would just mean so much to me if I could help people
找到他们的梦中家园
find their dream home.
走起 宝贝
Let's go, baby!
非常棒 好的 欢迎你
Amazing, okay, welcome.
非常好
Excellent.
我是沙琳
Um, I'm Charlene.
我不知道自己为什么要费这个事来应聘
Uh, it, I'm not sure why I even bothered to answer the ad.
-我真是自不量力 -什么 不不不
- Really, I'm so stupid. - What? No, no, no, no!
等等 等等 我聘用你了
Wait, wait, I hired you!
你说的对 你说的对
You're right. You're right.
那么说真傻
That was a stupid thing to say.
把我说过的都忘了吧
Forget what I say before I even say it.
好吧 我们可能需要
Okay, well, we might need to
加把劲唤回你的自信心 沙琳
work on the old confidence there, Charlene.
-我是拉迪斯拉夫 -你好 拉迪斯拉夫
- I am Ladislav. - Hello, Ladislav.
我从没真正卖♥♥出过一套房♥
I never really sell a house properly.
我觉得是因为嘎吱声
I think on account of creak.
抱歉 什么嘎吱声
I'm sorry, uh, creak?
是的 我骨头里有个嘎吱声
Yes, I have a... creak in my bones.
我猜可能是鬼魂
I think maybe ghost.
真吓人
Spooky.
克里斯汀怎么能中途退缩呢
How could Kristen bail like that?!
别哪壶不开提哪壶了
Oh, don't even get me started.
她还说她的创意都是梦里得来的呢
Says her ideas come to her in her dreams.
幸好我们为她打了掩护 好让她拖到下次打盹
Well, I'm happy we covered for her until her next nap.
于我而言 克里斯汀可以一睡不醒
Well, Kristen can take a forever nap for all I care,
我只是很庆幸能有你在
I'm just glad that I had you.
我都不知道怎么谢谢你才好了
I don't know how I can possibly thank you.
你能答应见见我朋友安妮
Oh, hey, agreeing to meet my friend Anne
已经是再好不过了
is more than enough.
-哦对 《开动自己的火车》 -对
- "Running your own train." Right. - Yeah.
那本书其实很不错
The book was actually very good.
- 真的吗 -我很愿意签下它
- Yeah? - I'm happy to do it.
不过 跟我说实话 她靠谱吗
But just level with me, is she solid?
要是再来一个克里斯汀 我可受不了
Because I can't take another Kristen.
这点你不用担心安妮
Oh, you got nothing to worry about with Anne.
没有比安妮更靠谱的了
There's nobody cooler.
很高兴我们终于可以坐下来谈谈
So glad we're finally sitting down.
安妮 这位是斯隆 斯隆 这位是安妮
Anne, this is Sloane. Sloane, this is Anne.
斯隆
Uh, Sloane?
-你的书我看过了 -真的吗
- So, I read the book. - Really?
你喜欢吗 没事的 要是不喜欢就算了
Did you like it? It's okay if you didn't, you can pass.
跟我说一声就行
You can just, just tell me right away,
-告诉我就好 -放松
- Just lay it on me. - Breathe.
我们打算签下它
We wanna buy it.
你们真的打算买♥♥我的书吗 我卖♥♥出去书了
You wanna buy my book? You want, I'm a book seller?
我卖♥♥出去书了 我的天啊
I'm selling my book! Oh my gosh!
抱歉 我从没想过会有这一天
I'm sorry, I just never thought this was gonna happen!
我卖♥♥出去书了 天啊 我勒个大操
I'm a book seller! Oh my god, fucking shit on my balls!
安妮
Anne!
这本书挺好的 内容颇有见地
The book works. It's insightful.
很实用
It is practical.
里面包含的争议度也恰到好处
It's the right amount of controversial.
谢谢
Thank you.
等等 什么争议度
Wait, what? Controversial?
就是告诉家长他们可以对孩子应付了事
Yeah, you know, telling parents they can phone it in.
这本书是教家长怎么通过建立信任来做出明智决定的
The book is about promoting smart decision-making through trust,
才不是什么"应付了事"
not through "phoning it in."
你到底看了书没有
Did you read the book?
你说什么
Excuse me?
等等 先停一下
Okay, ah, let's just take a beat for a second.
关键时刻 大家情绪都有点高涨哈
Exciting moment, emotions are running high,
而且我觉得 她最近在吃消炎药
plus I think she might be on antibiotics,
别忘了考虑这一点
just keep that in consideration.
你要是连这种程度的随口吐槽都受不了
If you can't handle my little throwaway comment,
我又怎么能相信你可以在公众面前保持冷静呢
how can I trust you're gonna keep it together when facing the public?
谁要去面对公众
Who's facing the public?
我才不要出面宣传 好书自会有人喜欢
I'm not facing any public, the book speaks for itself.
"带娃专家"可不是什么官方学位
Well, "parenting expert" is not an accredited degree.
这一类名号♥尤其需要在公众面前宣传
These kinds of titles specifically require public appearances.
唯一能证明你在这方面是个专家的方法
The only way you can prove that you're a leader in the field
就是搞巡回媒体发布会
is through a press tour.
你到哪我都会陪着你的
Yeah, I'd be with you every step of the way.
不好意思 这种事我还是第一次听说
Sorry, this is just news to me.
合同里规定了你要出面
Well, the appearances are part of the deal,
如你所见 这份合同相当不错
and as you can see, it's a pretty good deal.
第八页
Page eight.
怎样
Yeah?
我勒个大操
Fuckin' shit on my balls!
-最近怎么样 -糟透了
- Hey, how you doin'? - Bad!
算了 我走了 拜拜
Whoa, never mind. Bye!
我现在心里乱糟糟的
I'm just dealing with a lot right now.
我还有东西在微波炉里热着 所以...
I just, I got something in the microwave, so--
好吧 我告诉你好了
Okay, fine, I'll tell you!
我刚把某人甩了 因为他其实...
I just had to dump someone, because it turns out...
是个基佬
he's gay.
-他亲口跟你说的吗 -差不多吧
- He told you that? - Basically.
他怎么说的 说自己对女人没兴趣吗
Well, like, what'd he say? That he's not into girls?
不 他有兴趣 他男女通吃
No, he is. He likes both.
他说他的性取向是流动的 还让我冷静
He started talking about fluid, like, get a grip, dude.
所以你跟他分手了
So you broke up with him?
-对的 -有点恐同啊 不是吗
- Well, yes! - Kinda homophobic, no?
你说什么
Excuse me?
他要是还对你有意思 估计就是双性恋
Well, if he's still into you it sounds like he's bi,
或者泛性恋吧 不是纯基佬
or pansexual, not gay.
我需要了解这些词都是什么意思吗
Am I supposed to know what that is?
你要是想在20年代和人约会
Well, you're supposed to be open to learning about it
就得抱着开放的心态了解这些东西
if you wanna date in the 20's.
那我...
So I'm...
算恐同吗
a homophobe?
我希望你们都很享受我的照顾
I hope you've enjoyed your time in my care.
既然你俩都已经成年了 就吃点蛋糕
And you're both of legal age now, so have a little cake,
然后离开这个家吧
and then get out of my house.
-当然 -妈
- Totally. - Mom!
-你在干嘛 -我听取了安妮的建议
- What are you doing? - Taking Anne's advice.
也就是遵从我自己的想法
Which was to take my own advice.
我要放他们自♥由♥
I'm setting them free.
我是认真的 儿子们 是时候独♥立♥了
I mean it, boys. Time to go.
-我们能去哪里 -除了这里哪里都行
- Go where? - Anywhere but here.
我已经帮你们打包好行李放在门口了
I've packed your suitcases, and they're by the door.
亲爱的 是不是有点操之过急了
Honey, maybe this is a little rushed.
长痛不如短痛 将来他们会感谢我的
I'm ripping off a band-aid, they'll thank me for it.
-我们要从哪搞钱啊 -你们可以去上班
- Where will we get money? - You'll get jobs.
为什么现在赶我们走 天都快黑了
Why right now, though? It's almost nighttime.
对啊 而且你为什么穿着真丝睡袍
Yeah, and why are you in a silk robe?
因为你们走了之后
Because after you leave,
梅尔和我为庆祝你们的离开
Mel and I are going to celebrate your departure
要搞遍家里的每个角落
on every surface of this house.
你们都是大人了 告诉你们也无妨
And I can tell you that because you're adults now.
这也太恶心了
That's so fucking gross!
那我们吃什么呢 妈
What are we supposed to eat, mom?!
快点 兄弟 赶紧填饱肚子 赶紧填饱肚子
Quick, dude, fill your belly! Fill your belly!
你说啥